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Holiness in and
Of Marriage
Melanie & Seth Bilazarian
Men’s Breakfast
Free Christian Church, January 2013

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Genesis 2:18 The Lord God said, “It
is not good for the man to be alone. I
will make a helper suitable for him.”
The word “helper” in the Bible, "azer"
— in many instances refers to help from
Jehovah
Biblical Headship
Timothy Keller

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The True Meaning of Helper
• A helper can only help out of strength.
• The helper helps because he or she has
qualities that are needed by the
person who doesn’t have those
qualities.
• Not an “assistant” – a helper helps out
of complementary strengths that the
husband doesn’t have.

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Biblical “Headship”
• Biblical headship involves servant-hood.
1 Corinthians 11:3; “The head of
every man is Christ. The head of the
woman is man. And the head of
Christ is God.”

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Headship & Sacrifice
• First Christ’s headship over man is clearly
one of authority; and yet, his authority
expressed itself by His sacrificial death in
order to meet our needs.

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Head Does Not Equal “Boss”
• A head’s job is to use their authority to please,
meet needs, and serve.
• A head does not get all the perks, all the
privileges (have the remote control—pick the
color of the car you buy, etc.)

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Volunteering to Submit
• Biblical headship involves voluntary &
respectful submission between equals.
• Submission is something that a wife gives. It’s
not something that a husband can demand.
Christ didn’t grasp equality with God. It was
a voluntary submission.
• The Son is not inferior to the Father at all.
Headship does not imply superiority nor does
submission imply inferiority.

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Giver and Receiver are Equals
• Headship is something given by one person to
another. The giver is equal to the receiver; and the
receiver has a real and final authority, but uses it
only to serve, and please, and build up the giver.
Christ stripped himself and washed
His disciple’s feet and said,
“Look I’m the Master. I’m giving
you an example,” I’m redefining
what leadership, what authority
means. It means serving.”

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Lifting Up
• In marriage, heads may never use authority to
please themselves.
• A head sacrifices his wants and his needs to
please and build up his partner.

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Headship sometimes involves
tie-breaking authority.
• In a marriage, you only have two votes; so the
occasions will arise when you have, in effect, an
impasse.
• Impasses can only be broken if one party has
the authority to overrule; but there can’t be a
misuse of that to get one’s own way-it’s meant
to facilitate God’s way through you.

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Holy Authority
• The only time that a husband can use his
authority to overrule is with knowing he has
the responsibility and the accountability to God
to only be doing it in order to serve and to take
care of his wife and his family.
• Jesus revolutionizes the role of headship,
which can also be called serving through
leadership.

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Holy Submission
• Lastly, the biblical pattern calls both parties to
submit to their roles. Many godly couples
have come to realize that the biblical pattern
is equally difficult for both parties.

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• Many Christian men would gladly give up their
tie-breaking headship authority. It’s difficult,
and a lot of men would be just as happy to
back away from it and not assume
headship. It’s hard to be a good head in your
family. The man has to submit to his role, just
as much as the woman has to submit to her
role.
The Headship Challenge

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Sources &
Reading
•Keller | Meaning Of Marriage
•Feldhann | For Men Only
•Feldhann | For Women Only
•Thomas | Sacred Marriage
•Eggerichs | Love and Respect
•Farrell | Men Are Like Waffles
•John M. Gottman, Ph.D. | The Seven
Principles For Making Marriage Work

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