PARENTING IS CHALLENGING

DR.IMTIYAZ KONDKARI
BUMS,CGO,CCH,CFP,SFA(USA),
TRAINS THE TRAINER FOR CPR, FIRST-AIDER,NURSING

I TREAT THE RARELY TREATED DISEASES :
 PREVENTION AND REVERSAL OF HEART DISEASES
 BENIGN HYPERTROPHY OF PROSTATE
 MANAGEMENT OF DIABETES
 MANAGEMENT OF BLOOD PRESSURE / STRESS / DRUG
ABUSE
 WEIGHT MANAGEMENT
 ARREST OF HAIR FALL / PIMPLES / DARK CIRCLE / SKIN
CARE
 ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION IN MALES
 AZOSPERMEA IN MALE
 SEXPERT
 TREAT PILES WITHOUT OPERATION

PA R E N T I N G
W H AT I S
PA R E N T I N G ?

PA R E N T I N G
IS
CHALLENGING………

WE ARE GOING TO
SEE…….
 WHAT DO WE NEED FOR
PARENTING..
 HOW TO COMMUNICATE WITH
OUR CHILDREN….
 HOW TO DEAL WITH OUR
CHILDREN….

 COMMUNICATE WITH FEELING
 DEAL WITH FEELING

IT IS IMPORTANT TO LEARN
PARENTING…
TO LEARN, TO HELP CHILDREN,,
1) DEAL WITH THEIR FEELINGS
 AS CHILD,
 REACT THE WAY HE FEELS
 If he feels good, reacts good, and
behaves good.
 Yes we are worried for his behaviour.
 That is what, we want them to behave
good in all situation. How ? Simple but
tricky..

i) Children need to be Accepted and
Respected
a) Listen to them quietly and
attentively.
b) Mere lip service will discourage
them.
c) Parents doesn’t have to say
anything.
d) It is much easier to tell your
trouble to your parents, who is

ii) Children need to be
Acknowledged
Instead of
a) Asking question
b) Blamming
c) Advising
Acknowledge their feeling.
Which makes a child to think
clearly, and constructively
Acknowledge their feeling with
Oh! Hunm! I see..!

iii) Children need to learn Give their feeling a
name

 Instead of denying the feelings
give his feeling a name.
 The child who is learning
words
will experience deeply
comforted.

iv) Children need their wishes to be fulfilled
give them their wishes in fantasy
Instead of explanation and logic
give child his wishes in fantasy
If child is asking for car / scooter / motorbike get toy
Sometime just someone understanding
how much you want something
makes reality easier to bear.
Reality horse – rocking horse
Story of kings daughter – golden wish
Story of moon in mirror

2) Engrave child cooperation
i) Describe the problem, what you see it ?

a) It is very hard to do, any task when people are
telling you, what is wrong?
e.g. child and broken car,
person fall In water doesn’t know swimming
and everybody giving him instruction.
b) Easier to concentrate when someone just
describes it to you.
c) When grownup describe the problem, it gives
children, a chance to tell themselves, what to do ?

….2)Engrave child cooperation
Give information….
 When children are given information.
 They can usually figure out for themselves
what needs to be done.
 Information is lot easier to take them
accusation.

 E.g. A child visit toilet without slipper….

 T. V. adv. Of a child wants to go to play

……..Say it with a word

 Children dislike
 Hearing
Lectures
Seminars
Long explanation
The shorter the reminder,
It is better Tip.

……..Describe your feelings

 It is possible to cooperate with someone who is
expressing Irritation, Anger, …. ..
as long as you are not being attack

 Start with
I……
I feel … …
I imagine … ….

…….Talk about your feelings

 Make no comments about your child character

Children are entitled to hear …
…..to their Parents HONEST
FEELINGS

BE GUININE WITHOUT BEING HURTFUL

……. Write a note

Some time nothing we say
is
as effective as a written
word
Archie's card

............*MIND YOU*…

 It is important to be authentic about your
feelings
 Words : The attitude behind the word is as
important as the word themselves
 Words have the way of lingering long and
poisonously.
 Choose your word carefully.
 Just because u don’t get through the 1st time doesn’t mean…
you should revert to old ways
 Sahabis’ e.g. removing scorpion from water………

3 ) Seek alternative to punishment

What do we do as a parents
to solve the problem of a child..
We punish them,
We also spank them..
This is not right.

We should lookout for
alternative to punishment

3)Seek alternative to punishment
Point out a way to be helpful

 Try repair the toy
 Show child how to make amend
(correct-change).
 Express your feelings of disapproval
Strongly
without attacking child's character

 You do always losses
 You trouble me
 You destroy things


 State your expectation,

I thought of you helping me, today.
I imagine you will score good in
Exams
I expect your success.


i) Take Action
Problem solving
ii) Talk about the child feelings and needs.
iii)Talk about your feelings and needs.
Don’t say any wrong of any feelings
Instead give the child his choice.
iv)Put your head together to find a mutually
agreeable solution

4) Encourage child's autonomy
i)Let children make choices

 Allow children to make choices.
 It gives valuable practise of making
decisions.

 (even for adults, being force into taking
decision is not welcome

 Colouring an apple (orange colour to apple).
 Bride/bridegroom selection in Adult

ii) Show respect for child's
struggle

 When the child's struggle is respected, he
gathers courage, to see job through
himself

Climbing the bed
Selecting the course
Taking a job

iii) Don’t ask too many
questions.
 Too many question means –
invasion of ones personal
life.

Children will talk about
What they wants to talk
When they want to talk

iv) Don’t rush to answer
question

 When children ask question, they deserve
to explore the answer for himself.

 E.g day and night

v)Encourage children to use
sources outside their home

Our children should know that, they are not
completely depend on us
External sources can be called upon to
help them with their problem
Postman, Fireman
Police man
Teacher
Neighbour

vi) Don’t take away the hopes

 By trying to protect them from
disappointment, we protect them from
 HOPING
 STRIVING
 DREAMING
 ACHIEVING FROM THEIR DREAM

 FALLING FROM THE HEIGHT

5) Provide positive praise and
encourage growth of self esteem
Remember
 Praise can make you doubt the praiser.
 Praise may lead to immediate denial.
 Praise may sometime force you tofocus on
your weakness.
 Praise may create anxiety and interfere with
activity.
 Praise may also be experience as
manipulation.
 Ensure your praise is appropriate to your

5) Provide positive praise and
encourage growth of self esteem
Avoid:
A kind of praise that hints at past
weakness or past failure.
Caution about praise:
i)Be aware that excessive
enthusiasm can interfere with a
Childs to accomplish.
ii)Be prepared for lot of repetition
of the same activity.
iii)When you describe when a child
is doing appreciately.

5) Provide positive praise
i)Avoid too many ‘NO’s
 Give information and leave out NO
Can I go to Sameer's place
We are having Lunch right now

 Accept the feelings instead of saying NO
I don't want to go home now, cant we stay…
I can see if it were up to you, you would have stayed for long.
It is hard to leave the place you enjoy so much.

 When possible substitute YES for NO
Can we go to PDP (priya darshani park)
Yes certainly, after lunch, right at 4.00 p.m.

 Describe the problem
Can take me for some shopping now
I would like to help you out, the problem is,
Plumber is going to come in next half an hour.

what are the obstacles to good
cooperation
 Blaming and accusation
 Name calling
 Threats
 Lecturing and moralising
 Comparisons
 Propecy
 Physical abuse
 Sarcasm

conclusio
nseen these are the
Thus I have
FEW ways of HELPING our CHILDREN
Whereas / But
There is NO single
FOOL PROOF
solution to any problem.
The essence or beauty is to keep on trying
and not to give up
After all Parenting is challenging

PARENTING IS CHALLENGING

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