Annotation of a strong SAT Essay paragraph based on the assignment, "What is your view on the idea that it takes failure to achieve success?"

1. Quick Review of Strong
Body Paragraphs
Based on the 14.2 SAT Essay Prompt
By Ms. C, VPS Verbal SAT Prep Teacher

2. Varied Types of
Examples
Major Supporting Example Types
All must be CONCRETE (based on real people, places, events, things, or ideas)
• Readings/Literature- The Great Gatsby, Harry Potter, an article
from a newspaper or magazine, The Help
• History- Early American Colonies/Lost Colony, Pearl Harbor, Civil
Rights Movement, Women’s Vote
• Current Events- The Great Recession, Katrina Disaster, Off shore
drilling, European Dept Crisis, Arab Spring
• Popular Culture- Charlie Sheen, TV Show “Walking Dead,” NCAA
Winner, Sandusky/Sex Abuse Scandal, “Sister Wives,” Reality TV
• Major Leaders- Obama, FDR, Hitler, Stalin, Pelosi, Lincoln, Clinton
• Science/Technology/Innovation- Thalidomide, Cell Phones, Social
Networking, Race for the Cure, Mental Health Care Changes
• Personal Experience/Observation- Playing softball for thee years,
My parent’s convenience store, Surviving the car accident

3. 14.2 SAT Assignment
What is your view on the idea that it takes
failure to achieve success? Plan and
write an essay in which you develop your
point of view on this issue. Support your
position with reasoning and examples
taken from your reading, studies,
experience, or observations.

4. Keys to a Strong POV Body
Paragraph
• Strong topic sentence- reflects the thesis, serves as a mini-
thesis for the paragraph, often includes transitional elements
• Strong Major Supporting Topic/Example- hopefully a
varied type; can be Personal Experience/Observation, Historical,
Literary, Tech/Science based, Current Events based, Key Leaders
based, or from Popular Culture; must lend itself to both specifics
and good general discussion
• Specific/Show-me Details- Often the who's, what's, why's,
when's, and how's of the major example; descriptions include
specific nouns, verbs, adverbs, and adjectives
• Discussion- includes specific discussion of the actual example
then extends to a general discussion supporting the over-arching
idea of both the topic sentence and the thesis
• Conclusion/Wrap-up sentence- reflects the topic sentence
and/or provides a "look ahead" to the forthcoming paragraph; a
mini-conclusion for the entire paragraph

5. Student’s Thesis Statement
While learning from failures often results,
failure itself does not necessarily end
in success.
• The thesis is REFLECTED in each Topic
Sentence, not repeated
• The thesis is REFLECTED somewhere in the
Conclusion Paragraph, too, but not directly
repeated
Below is the actual FULL thesis statement from the essay’s
introductory paragraph. The thesis is the unifying statement for the
entire essay, including for each body paragraph.

6. Student Sample Body Paragraph
The thesis says that failure does not necessarily end in success.
Everyone knows of the saying, “One man’s trash is another man’s
treasure.” Well if failure does in fact lead to success, then two people
or elements must be involved, and one will not be successful. The loss
of one is the victory of another, which is shown in many historical and
current events. An obvious example of this is John McCain, the
Republican United States Senator of Arizona. He has been a person of
great success: he survived a POW camp during the Vietnam War, he is
a decorated war veteran, he became wealthy, and he’s had a much
heralded state and national political career. Yet when he announced
his candidacy for President in 2000, George W. Bush was chosen over
him. In 2008, McCain ran again for the Presidency. While he was
nominated as the official Republican candidate, he lost to Barack
Obama and the Democratic Party. McCain’s past failings will not
guarantee his future spot in the White House. In fact, these failings
have not led him to either the Presidency or the Vice Presidency. He
might learn something about turning people’s opinions against his
enemies, but his failure still might never lead to success.

7. Strong topic sentence- reflects the
thesis, serves as a mini-thesis for the paragraph,
often includes transitional elements
Everyone knows of the saying, “One man’s
trash is another man’s treasure.” Well if failure
does in fact lead to success, then two people or
elements must be involved, and one will not
be successful.
Notice the topic sentence is SECOND. This writer chose to
complete a separate transition sentence first. No matter
what, the topic sentence is always at or near the very
beginning of the paragraph.

8. Pertinent, Concrete Major Supporting
Topic/Example-Must be CONCRETE (based on a real
“who” or “what”); choose from Personal Experience/Observation,
Historical, Literary, Tech/Science based, Current Events based,
Key Leaders based, or from Popular Culture types; must lend
itself to both specifics and good general discussion
An obvious example of this is John McCain,
the Republican United States Senator of
Arizona.
This major supporting example is clearly a Current Events/Historical Type
Major Supporting Example. “John McCain” is a concrete “who.”

9. Specific/Show-me Details- Often the whos,
whats, whys, whens, hows, and effects of the major example;
descriptions include specific nouns, verbs, adverbs, and
adjectives . This is the “show me” portion.
He has been a person of great success: he survived
a POW camp during the Vietnam War, he is a
decorated war veteran, he became wealthy, and
he’s had a much heralded state and national
political career. Yet when he announced his
candidacy for President in 2000, George W. Bush
was chosen over him. In 2008, McCain ran again
for the Presidency. While he was nominated as the
official Republican candidate, he lost to Barack
Obama and the Democratic Party.

10. Discussion- includes specific discussion of the
actual example then extends to a general discussion
supporting the over-arching idea of both the topic sentence
and the thesis; this is the “tell me” portion
Everyone knows of the saying, “One man’s trash
is another man’s treasure.” …. The loss of one
is the victory of another, which is shown in
many historical and current events…. McCain’s
past failings will not guarantee his future spot
in the White House. In fact, these failings have
not led him to either the Presidency or the Vice
Presidency. He might learn something about
turning people’s opinions against his
enemies…

11. Conclusion/Wrap-up sentence-
reflects the topic sentence and/or provides a "look ahead" to the
forthcoming paragraph; a mini-conclusion for the entire paragraph
He might learn something about turning
people’s opinions against his enemies,
but his failure still might never lead to
success.
The writer not only reflects the thesis in this last sentence, he also
ends the entire paragraph with something for the reader to
really ponder… Will McCain ever get a place at the White
House?