Southern Pride: 6 Atlanta Members of the LGBTQ Community Reflect on Love's New Era — The Love List
1. EDITOR'S NOTE VIDEO PLAYLISTS MOOD BOARD
THE HEARTBEAT OF SOUTHERN STYLE + CULTURE // EST. 2006
SOUTHERN PRIDE: 6 ATLANTA MEMBERS OF THE LGBTQ
COMMUNITY REFLECT ON LOVE'S NEW ERA
November 5, 2015 · PEOPLE, OCT15
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THE LOVE LIST
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2. Words: Katherine MichalakWords: Katherine Michalak
On June 26, 2015, the Supreme Court of the United States ruled in favor of
marriage equality, finally legalizing same-gender unions. Millions of committed
partners could now enjoy all the rights and privileges they deserved. Here, the
reflections of prominent Southern members of the LGBTQ community on what
marriage, equality and commitment mean to them in a victorious new era for love
in all its many forms.
AS TRUE OF MOST AMERICAN TEENAGERS, MY INTRODUCTION
TO SHAKESPEARE BEGAN IN MIDDLE SCHOOL. JUST A SAMPLING
HERE AND THERE TO START … SOME FAMOUS QUOTATIONS,
MEMORABLE ACTS FROM THE MAJOR PLAYS, A SELECTION OF
SONNETS IN THE POETRY UNIT. NOTHING TOO AGGRESSIVE. IT WAS
DURING THIS OBLIGATORY COMMON CURRICULUM THAT I FIRST
READ SONNET 116.
I’m sure many classmates glazed over the poem, filing it away as an example
to be regurgitated onto a test paper when queried about quatrains,
couplets and iambic pentameter. But I devoured 116, struck by it’s tenderly
pragmatic tone amidst so many other flowery idyllic verses swirling
through the textbooks.
Those words stayed with me, lodged in my brain as a weighty balance to
the sappy song lyrics accompanying adolescent angst and college romances.
The lines murmured in my subconscious when friends began to marry and
wedding weekends dotted my agenda. I frequently offered up a Sonnet 116
recitation as a toast to happy couples, never failing to grow misty-eyed as I
uttered the familiar rhymes.
SONNET 116
LET ME NOT TO THE MARRIAGE OF TRUE MINDS
ADMIT IMPEDIMENTS. LOVE IS NOT LOVE
3. WHICH ALTERS WHEN IT ALTERATION FINDS,
OR BENDS WITH THE REMOVER TO REMOVE:
O, NO! IT IS AN EVER-FIXED MARK,
THAT LOOKS ON TEMPESTS AND IS NEVER SHAKEN;
IT IS THE STAR TO EVERY WANDERING BARK,
WHOSE WORTH'S UNKNOWN, ALTHOUGH HIS HEIGHT BE TAKEN.
LOVE'S NOT TIME'S FOOL, THOUGH ROSY LIPS AND CHEEKS
WITHIN HIS BENDING SICKLE'S COMPASS COME;
LOVE ALTERS NOT WITH HIS BRIEF HOURS AND WEEKS,
BUT BEARS IT OUT EVEN TO THE EDGE OF DOOM.
IF THIS BE ERROR AND UPON ME PROVED,
I NEVER WRIT, NOR NO MAN EVER LOVED.
I met my future husband at one such wedding weekend. At an intimate
gathering in rural Vermont, we were seated together at the reception of
mutual friends. I lived in Manhattan at the time and he, a Detroit native,
had recently been transferred to Atlanta. We connected instantly, started
dating long distance, and became engaged about 6 months later.
Our friends and family delighted in the union, remarking jovially that the
whirlwind courtship fit our personalities and celebrated our commitment.
Despite the brevity of our relationship and the vast differences in our
backgrounds, no one uttered a single voice of dissension. When we
married in 2000, we exchanged token gifts the night before the wedding —
he gave me elegant earrings and I presented to him a watch engraved on the
back with simply “Sonnet 116”. Even now, I reflect on 116 as a reminder of
the natural ebb and flow in every relationship and, at the times I most want
to mutiny, the words urge me to consider all the storms we’ve weathered.
Ultimately, Sonnet 116 echoes a timeless sentiment about marriage - that
we reach for a partner on this life journey, longing to connect with each
other fully, honoring differences, learning from strengths and weaknesses.
Once all the passions and idealism fades, that partner remains with us on
deck ready to enjoy the sea breezes or secure a life preserver. Sure,
sometimes we jump ship, dock the schooner or hurl ourselves overboard,
4. but generally speaking, at some time in our lives we’ll drop an anchor for
love.
ON JUNE 26, 2015, THE SUPREME COURT OF THE UNITED STATES
RULED IN FAVOR OF MARRIAGE EQUALITY, FINALLY LEGALIZING
A SAME-GENDER UNION FOR MILLIONS OF COMMITTED
PARTNERS. PARTNERS THAT HAD ‘LOOK[ED] ON TEMPESTS’ FOR
DECADES, CLINGING TO EACH OTHER TIGHTLY, COULD NOW ENJOY
ALL THE RIGHTS AND PRIVILEGES THEY DESERVED. I WEPT AS I VIEWED
THE NEWS COVERAGE, OVERCOME WITH PRIDE FOR OUR NATION
AND JOY FOR THOSE FREED BY THE LEGISLATION.
A mere 48 hours later, my husband and I attended Chef Art Smith’s 101
Gay Weddings celebration at the InterContinental Buckhead Atlanta, also
the location of Chef Art’s acclaimed Southern Art and Bourbon Bar. A
wedding extravaganza for 101 same-sex couples, this event bestowed a
sophisticated ceremony and luxurious reception to lucky social media
campaign winners -- and featured some of the top chefs in the South
bringing their best food and drink to toast the couples with a hearty
exclamation of “Love WINS!”
Once again, I found myself crying happy tears most of the day and, this
time, I caught my husband welling up at certain moments -- particularly as
the MLB’s Billy Bean officiated and we noted the jubilant kiss of a
decorated soldier exchanging rings. I nudged him at one point, offering a
tissue, and he took it, then grabbed my hand and whispered, “Do you feel
the energy here? This is truly incredible, isn’t it?” The entire venue
radiated love -- blissful, exuberant, fervent, dedicated L-O-V-E.
DRIVING HOME, I CONFESSED TO MY HUSBAND THAT I COULDN’T
SAY FOR SURE WHETHER OR NOT I’D FELT LIKE THAT ON OUR OWN
WEDDING DAY. HE LOOKED AT ME CONFUSED, UNTIL I CLARIFIED
THAT WE’D HAD ZERO OBSTACLES ON OUR WAY TO THE ALTAR. ALL
WE’D EVER HEARD ABOUT OUR OWN UNION WERE
COMMENDATIONS THAT WE’RE “PERFECTLY MATCHED” AND
“EQUALLY YOKED”. NO ONE HAD EVER PROTESTED MY RIGHT TO
CHOOSE HIM, AND I WONDERED ALOUD HYPOTHETICALLY HOW IT
5. WOULD HAVE IMPACTED OUR LIVES IF WE’D EXPERIENCED A
STRUGGLE TO UNITE IN MATRIMONY.
That question tingling in my heart, I decided to ask a few local friends and
colleagues to express their feelings about having the freedom to marry
whomever they want -- I asked them to try to tell me how it feels to have
that burden diminished.
TIFFANIE BARRIERE
TENDER OF THE BAR, ONE FLEW SOUTH RESTAURANT
"To Love is life. To know that love has been understood and respected
nation wide is an amazing thing. Marriage being respected on different
levels and granted with government eyes is like the Stevie Wonder song
“Ribbon in the Sky” and I'm blessed to be alive to witness nuptials and
ribbons in the sky for many.
6. I share the lyrics of Stevie Wonder’s 'Ribbon in the Sky' … one of my
favorites.
Oh so long for this night I prayed
That a star would guide you my way
To share with me this special day
Where a ribbon's in the sky for our love
If allowed may I touch your hand
And if pleased may I once again
So that you too will understand
There's a ribbon in the sky for our love
This is not a coincidence
And far more than a lucky chance
But what is that was always meant
Is our ribbon in the sky for our love, love
We can't lose with God on our side
We'll find strength in each tear we cry
From now on it will be you and I
And our ribbon in the sky
Ribbon in the sky
A ribbon in the sky for our love"
7. BRIAN CLOWDUS
FOUNDER EXECUTIVE/ARTISTIC DIRECTOR, SERENBE PLAYHOUSE
"In a few years people are going to look back and think how silly it was that
Marriage Equality was even a thing... the same way that it's hard to believe
there was a time when segregation existed and women couldn't vote. [The
SCOTUS decision] was cornerstone in American history and one that I
will remember forever. Although I haven't found time to actively look for a
husband with my career, it's something that as a hopeless romantic I one
day long for ... and how amazing that it's now something I can do anywhere
and have recognized nationally and not just in certain states! So, yes now I
can get married in the Redneck Riviera that is Panama City Beach (my
favorite place on earth AND nobody can say a damn thing about it!)
Reception to follow at the world famous Tiki Bar of course... I guess I
should start an application process for this hubby?"
8. KIRSTEN OTT
FOUNDER & EDITORIAL DIRECTOR OF EQUALLY WED
"I was on the SCOTUS blog following the case closely on June 26, 2015.
Every second that ticked by was a moment I let out another slow breath,
waiting. I report on marriage equality in my work — I run a wedding
magazine for LGBTQ couples called Equally Wed [equallywed.com], which
for the past six years has naturally been a political engine as well, covering
the ins and outs on marriage equality. And we still are, for there are still
court battles in this country as well as other countries.
I was stunned when the decision came through that we'd won. I paused for
only one full pregnant moment to enjoy … we were victorious, the tears
pushed out like fish bowls in my eyes, but didn't spill over. I had work to do
to get my story out. I even beat George Takei with my featured article on
Equally Wed's Facebook page (luckily I'd written it the night before,
preparing for the win).
Once I'd shared it in all the right places, I was busy chatting with my
friends on social media when my wife walked into my office. She clearly
had no idea. I'd forgotten to say anything to her in the midst of my busy-
ness to tell our community, and I felt so silly and wrong! I stood up and we
kissed. Then we decided to shut down our computers and head out to a
long lunch to celebrate. We ordered bubbly and told the server [the news
update] — he brought us an even nicer bottle of bubbly and told us about
his sister and her partner and how he was going to call to congratulate
them … and we were just on cloud nine. We were having a MOMENT.
Our online magazine is small in the grand scheme of media, but large in
that we're serving a small community; we have 70,000 monthly visitors. We
launched six years ago to give LGBTQ couples more visibility because, at
that time, traditional wedding magazines were not honoring our types of
couples … Now they are, and it is lovely to see. We've served our purpose
in helping people see how love is love and we deserve to be recognized
equally, as well as teaching wedding professionals the intrinsic nuances of
working with LGBTQ couples.
My partner and I have had two weddings — one in Georgia in 2009 and one
in New York, the state where we legally married in 2011 — and we have
9. twin sons. In Georgia, where we reside, my wife had to legally adopt our
own children. She had to pay a lot of money to do this. In Georgia, I had to
stand before a judge to take her last name (though I still use mine
professionally). Everywhere we travel, we have to carry thick paperwork to
make sure we aren't prevented from all going together into a hospital, to
make sure we can each make decisions for our children, to make tons of
other decisions that heterosexual married couples take for granted. Now
that our New York marriage is legally recognized in Georgia, my wife and I
can breathe a little easier. So we had most of our legal protections intact,
but we have had to pay through the nose for them.
What changes now for us is that society will hopefully now start looking at
us more as equals. I'm aware we've earned more allies in the last 20 years
than ever before. But now we have marriage equality on the books. I feel so
validated. Like our love and commitment is just as valued and respected as
that of a hetero couple."
CHEF ART SMITH
10. CELEBRITY CHEF, AWARD-WINNING COOKBOOK AUTHOR,
HUMANITARIAN & PHILANTHROPIST. EXECUTIVE CHEF AND CO-
OWNER OF SEVERAL AMERICAN RESTAURANTS, INCLUDING
ATLANTA’S SOUTHERN ART AND BOURBON BAR
Chef Smith responded directly to Sonnet 116:
“'Oh no! its an ever fixed mark …'
Love is the center of every great passion-filled moment whether personal,
vocational or cultural. To deny it is to not allow a person to breath… to
not experience life's great actions [which] sustain place and heart. To
define love is to limit its universal force to join others [and] to do good.
For a world without love is a world without soul.
Let's not define it, let's experience for ourselves and share."
11. JOE SUTTON
CNN NEWS EDITOR, GLAAD ATLANTA LEADERSHIP COUNCIL
MEMBER
"No longer a topic of concern in 'the land of the free and home of the
brave.' The free land is now just that. Not all issues have been cured but we
no longer have a select few promise lands (states) to determine the right to
say 'I DO.'
We the People were created equally. Now every state 'from sea to shining
sea' erases the pain and hardship from our hearts. It is a joyous feeling to
know I can now say marriage … goodbye ‘gay’ marriage. As a child, I always
dreamt of my wedding, oh that big white cake, the rings and the two
prince’s standing before whoever shall be present. But little did I know as
that child that was not an option. Now as an adult who fully understands
society and now the catalyst of change, courtesy of the courts in 2015, I can
be man and man in my home state of Georgia because it was always on my
mind. It doesn’t have to a midnight train to Georgia in fear. Our train can
ride the rails in the sunny blue skies, proudly, with the freedom bells
ringing."
12. DINO THOMPSON-SARMIENTO
CEO & FOUNDER, SPOTTED BLUE AGENCY
"The day marriage equality came to pass in the U.S. far more was gained
than the 1,138 rights and benefits attached [to the legislation]. This was a
rebirth of patriotism and gave us a sense of being welcomed into American
society as true citizens. We weren't fighting to justify our love, or even for a
church wedding … we fought for rights protecting us as a family.
Six years ago, we faced one of our biggest challenges as cancer threatened
Mark’s life. We were lucky our families and medical care team accepted our
union; we did not have to deal with the additional adversity so many other
couples have faced. I was able to be his advocate and make critical medical
and financial decisions on his behalf. Thankfully, we were able to battle the
cancer as a team and now he’s in full remission.
This summer, we decided to celebrate our union in a public forum at the
101 Gay Weddings in Atlanta because we felt our love story needed to be
shared— hopefully helping to change hearts and minds. We have fervently
fought for our rights by serving on various boards in honor of the many
soldiers, both men and women, who died seeking equality for themselves.
They died by the hand of bigots, or from suicide, or AIDS, or drug/alcohol
abuse — reasons symptomatic of a society living in fear. Hence, we felt a
responsibility attached to this great day to go as public as we could to help
celebrate not only the rights gained but also to celebrate the countless lives
lost.
Our hope as we look towards the future is that the focus shifts to the
authenticity of love and family and away from misguided perception about
what love and family should look like. A white picket fence and 2.5
children does not define all of America — this is a melting pot where
grandparents, aunts, uncles, neighbors and friends comprise 'family'. It
takes a village to nurture a healthy society and we are part of it."
