2. What is my responsibility?; My boundary is flexible but firm, and I don’t have to take on others’ jobs. Much of the time we take responsibility for things that aren’t really ours while ignoring those things that are. When you ask, "Who is responsible for what?" you may see if this time-saving device can help you decide where to place your time and energy. A wise song writer once said, “ain’tmy dog,” meaning one should decide what is what one should worry about, and what one shouldn’t.
3. Move worry to concern to action and if you can’t -let ‘em go. Worry is an emotional time waster. Move worry to a different frame of mind, which is renaming it a concern, you are in a better frame of mind to take action. If you cannot do so, or if you cannot change the situation, leave it alone and put your energies somewhere else. The old saw about worry being like a rocking chair is true- it gives you something to do but it gets you nowhere. Better to use your energies on something productive.
4. Slow down and enjoy the scenery. We tend to be human doings rather than human beings. While there is nothing wrong to have goals, be busy, or plan our time wisely, sometimes we spend a lot of energy running about without a plan. Take a deep breath, slow down, enjoy the day, and don’t worry if you still have some things on the “to-do” list. They will wait until tomorrow…
5. No pain, all gain Emotional pain is energy trying to tell you something. If you are in emotional pain, something is wrong. Be brave, face, and change the situation to see if your life improves.
6. Sometimes mom was right… Mom was fond of saying “honesty is the best policy.” She was right. All too often we avoid the truth through gossip, avoidance, and sugar-coating. As a result, we do not let others know what is our truth. Practice speaking kind truth: is it fair, is it necessary, and is it kind. If speaking what your truth meets these 3 rules, you are on the right track.
7. The Short, sweet, and to the point route When was the last time you did something the hard way, then looked back and thought to your self that you could’ve done it in an easier way? It helps to learn from those who went before us; when making decisions, look at the situation from various angles, see if there are multiple solutions, and choose a way to solve the problem that is effective and easy.
8. Take time to know yourself Are you aware of your skills, likes, dislikes, experiences, and triggers? The more you are self-aware, the more you will feel in control of yourself and your environment. You will feel more secure in your decisions and your own intuition. Engage in activities that heighten your self-awareness, through meditation, yoga, or others on a daily basis.
9. Know the difference between feeling contrite and guilt/shame Feeling contrition about doing something that offended another is a normal reaction to a situation. Feeling guilt or shame stems from a lowered sense of self-worth, typically fostered from external forces. Shame and guilt diminish your sense of self both in the present and future. Remember that we all make mistakes; apologize and if necessary make amends. Otherwise, let yourself off the hook for the behavior. Beating yourself up for it is futile.
10. Kindness is contagious When you are good to yourself, you can be good to others. This can be accomplished through self-knowledge (as discussed) self-care, self-respect, and self-responsibility. Eat right, adequate sleep, meditation, friendships, self-fulfilling work, etc. are all ways to take care of yourself. Through healthy living, you can help others through volunteerism. Find ways to help others; it feels good to give to others.
11. HALT Do you find yourself feeling Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired? These could be signals that things are not balanced for you. It is important that you determine what is triggering any of these, slow down, and move towards fixing it. For example, if you are feeling lonely, are you taking the time to connect with others? If you are feeling tired, are you trying to take on too many responsibilities or are those things in life no longer energizing you? Take the time to examine the pieces of your life to see what is and is not working.
12. Stop living with the illusion of perfection Perfection doesn’t exist; do you spend time chasing it? Instead, focus on doing as well as you can and put forth your best effort. This allows you to keep your eye on the task rather than on a very narrow standard of performance. Try each day to do as well as you can. Remember, there are too many variables out of your control in your environment.
13. Find opportunities to play. Play. We are never too old or too busy to play. It is a way to connect with others, release tension, laugh, and balance life in a here-and-now state. You need fun activities at least several times a week. Mix solitary with social, inside with outside, physical with passive, and sport with hobby or craft. Make time for healthy play.
14. Love, Love, Love Love others as well as yourself. We are social beings, and c0nnecting with others deeply is essential. So, do it.
