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Kate Lewis
Professor Lubic
Writing 150 17
13 March 2014
Effects of Divorce on Future Relationships of Children
The divorce rate in the United States is at an all-time high: 50 percent, and rising.
In fact, statistics show that in the United states, one divorce occurs every 36 seconds
(Mckinley). Too often, marriage today is being treated like a disposable high school
relationship that will end over an immature fight. Divorce has become more accessible
and affordable for couples, making divorce a viable option when they believe that there
is no other option than to end a salvageable relationship. Times have changed, divorces
have become a normality that is widely accepted, whereas a couple of decades ago,
divorce made people temporary social pariahs and was extremely frowned upon. Now
that it is more common, couples who would have stuck it out during hard times are
throwing in the towel at the first sign of hardship, claiming they deserve better of that
“love shouldn’t be this difficult.” Nobody would argue that divorce has negative effects
on everyone involved. Although that is true, some may underestimate the effects that
divorce has on the teenagers and children involved and their ability to have a healthy
relationship in the future. Personally, I have seen and been through the effects of
parents getting a divorce. Couples have time to think about how the situation will affect
them emotionally, physically, and financially, and most think about the effects it will have
on children short term. However, few couples take the time to think about how their
children and teenagers will be affected in the long run.
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As an awkward eighth grader, middle school was already traumatizing enough.
During that time I came home from a sleepover to find that my dad and a majority of his
things had disappeared from the house. That was the day I learned my parents were
getting a divorce. The news came as a total shock to me since I had never seen my
parents fight or even knew they were having troubles in their marriage. Through my
personal experience of my parents going through a divorce, I know the effects it can
have on everyone involved. Specifically, I know the effects it can have on relationships a
child with divorced parents will have in the future. In my experience, the divorce
between my parents made me have difficulties trusting. Because I did not see the
divorce coming, I always second guessed the relationships I had with people and if they
thought of the relationship differently than I did. I could never feel fully comfortable with
any of my relationships whether it was with my friends or a boyfriend. Although my
parents divorce has negatively affected my relationships, there is a bright side to it. With
the divorce rate in the U.S being over 50%, most people get married thinking ‘If it
doesn’t work out, I’ll just get a divorce’, but after seeing how much destruction a divorce
can do to a family I know that I never want that to happen again in my life, and plan to
do everything in my power to prevent that happening to myself and my future marriage.
It is safe to say that a crumbling marriage has a direct effect on children
involved. In an article by Shannon Philpot titled The Effect of Divorced Parents on a
Child’s Future Relationships, she states, “Studies indicate that daughters of divorced
parents have a 60-percent higher divorce rate in marriages than children of non-
divorced parents, and sons have a 35-percent higher divorce rate” (Philpot). In the
same article, it explains that children who witness a divorce first hand may come to
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have pessimistic views on their future relationships. From firsthand experience, this
statement is not far fetched. It is hard to see people who were supposed to love each
other for their whole lives come to not love each other and perhaps even despise one
another. Seeing this makes one question, “If my parents cannot work it out then how will
I ever be able to?”. It basically sets an example that says divorce is acceptable because
their parents did it. As I said previously, trust is another major aspect that affects a
relationship that can be deteriorated with divorced parents.
Warren Bowles III emphasizes the concern that should be had in this country for
divorce and the effects of divorce. He states in his article titled Effects of Parental
Divorce on Adult Relationships:
Children who grow up in divorced homes typically have less contact with
the non-custodial parent and as time goes on the parent child-relationship
seems to further deteriorate. This leaves a gap in the parental model that
serves as the “relationship template” for all future relationships in life. As
these children of divorce reach adulthood they have been shown to have
problems with psychological well-being and relationships (Bowles).
Though most statistics show it is more likely for you to divorce if your parents
have, that is not always the case. Other factors play into a successful marriage and
relationship. Mckinley Irvin shares some shocking statistics titled 32 Shocking Divorce
Statistics. These statistics contradict the belief that if your parents get divorced, you are
far more likely to get divorced. Your risk of divorce lowers by 13% if you attend college.
Also, if one waits till they are older than 25, their risk of divorce goes down by about
24%. The main concern is children’s future relationships being affected by their parents
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divorce, but a statistic tells us that couples who have children are less likely to get a
divorce than couples without children, 40% lower to be exact (Irvin).
Parents who are going through divorce should take into account the feelings of
their children and although there are some parents who can get along for the child’s
sake, there are many who are cold and harsh to each other. The parents who cannot
get along with each other should find a way to at least put on a front in the presence of
the child or children. This includes not talking badly about the other parent to the child,
being civil when being around each other is necessary and making sure that the child
knows it is not their fault. In an online journal article, Michael Jellinek states, “In
contrast, children who observe their parents working together with a sense of harmony
and cooperation to make the custody, visitation, financial, and other arrangements
successful are much less likely to blame themselves for the divorce. They also are
much less likely to feel guilty when they connect more to one parent or the other at
different points in their development.” (Jellinek).
Although all these things are true, there are many different factors that can
change the outcomes of divorces. Whether the parents are civil or hostile can make
much of a difference in affecting how a child views their future relationships. From
personal experience, my parents harsh divorce had a worse impact on me than it would
have if they had been more civil towards each other during it. Some parents can force
themselves to get along in front of the child and that reduces the negative impact on a
child. According to a journal article titled “Children of Divorce”, since divorce is very
common in todays culture in the United State, newer studies have show that the effects
of divorce on a child are more mild than they used to be. In fact, there are some good
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qualities that children can develop due to witnessing a divorce between their parents.
Those traits include showing less stereotypical gender behavior along with greater
maturity and being more independent. Another interesting factor that can come into play
is which parent the child lives with. “Children of Divorce” says that if a child lives
primarily with the parent of the same sex they are less likely to have problems than if
they lived with the parent of the opposite sex. The problems would include hostility,
antisocial behaviors and lower academic achievement (“Children of Divorce”).
The negative effects still outweigh the positives and divorce has a direct effect on
the ability for a child to have a successful and happy future relationship. Parents should
be rethinking if divorce is the right answer for them, and also rethinking if marrying each
other is right in the first place to avoid failed marriages. All marriages are not the same,
as with divorces. No one goes into a marriage thinking it will end in divorce but it is
important for people to be making wise decisions regarding marriage to prevent divorce
as an “easy solution”.
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Works Cited
Philpott, Shannon. “The Effect of Divorced Parents on a Child’s Future Relationship.”
Mom.me. Web. 18 March 2014.
Irvin, Mckinley. “32 Shocking Divorce Statistics.” Mckliney Irvin. 30 October 2012. Web.
18 March 2014
Jellinek, Michael S. "Recognize effects of divorce on children." Family Practice News 1
Nov. 2010: 19. Health Reference Center Academic. Web. 1 Apr. 2014.
Bowles, Warren. “Effects of Parental Divorce on Adult Relationships”. Mckendree. Apr
2. 2014. Web.
“Children of Divorce.” J Am Board Fam Med. Mar 3. 2001. Medical Branch Clinic, Naval
Hospital, Jacksonville, Fla. We. Apr 16. 2014.
