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1. Understanding InterpersonalUnderstanding Interpersonal
RelationshipsRelationships

2. What makes communicationWhat makes communication
“Interpersonal”?“Interpersonal”?
• Context:Context:
– all two-person (dyadic) interaction is interpersonalall two-person (dyadic) interaction is interpersonal
• Quality not Quantity is what countsQuality not Quantity is what counts
• Qualitative:Qualitative:
– When two people treat each other as uniqueWhen two people treat each other as unique
individuals regardless of the contextindividuals regardless of the context
– Interpersonal relationship:Interpersonal relationship:
• When two people meet one another’s social needsWhen two people meet one another’s social needs

3. Content vs. RelationalContent vs. Relational
MessagesMessages
• Every verbal msg. contains two kinds of msgs.Every verbal msg. contains two kinds of msgs.
• Content:Content:
– Focuses on a subject being discussedFocuses on a subject being discussed
– Clean your room, Put gas in the car, Pay the rent $Clean your room, Put gas in the car, Pay the rent $
• Relational:Relational:
– Shows how the parties feel about each otherShows how the parties feel about each other
– Deal with 1 or more social needsDeal with 1 or more social needs
• InclusionInclusion
• ControlControl
• AffectionAffection

4. Relational Messages cont’d.Relational Messages cont’d.
– Relational messages are often conveyedRelational messages are often conveyed
nonverballynonverbally
– Remember than nonverbal communicationRemember than nonverbal communication
can be difficult to interpret (ambiguous)can be difficult to interpret (ambiguous)
– Use Perception checking to clarify meaningUse Perception checking to clarify meaning

5. MetacommunicationMetacommunication
– Metacommunication:Metacommunication:
• Communication about communicationCommunication about communication
• Discussing our relationship is metacommunicationDiscussing our relationship is metacommunication
• Uses for metacommunicationUses for metacommunication
– It is essential in successful relationshipsIt is essential in successful relationships
– Method of solving conflicts constructivelyMethod of solving conflicts constructively
– Shift discussion from content to relational questionsShift discussion from content to relational questions
– Relational issues are usually where problems are foundRelational issues are usually where problems are found
– It sounds like you’re angry with meIt sounds like you’re angry with me
– I appreciate your honesty with meI appreciate your honesty with me

6. IntimacyIntimacy
• Intimacy usually refers to closeness.Intimacy usually refers to closeness.
• Can appear on different levels:Can appear on different levels:
– Physical: athletic events, emergenciesPhysical: athletic events, emergencies
– Intellectual: exchange of important ideasIntellectual: exchange of important ideas
– Emotional: exchange of important feelingsEmotional: exchange of important feelings
– Shared activitiesShared activities

7. Intimacy and GenderIntimacy and Gender
• Women value emotional expression as aWomen value emotional expression as a
path to intimacy. Men value doing things,path to intimacy. Men value doing things,
such as activities, other than talking.such as activities, other than talking.

8. Intimacy and CultureIntimacy and Culture
• Differences in culture can lead toDifferences in culture can lead to
problems in intimacy in terms of both theproblems in intimacy in terms of both the
need for it and how to reach it. Differentneed for it and how to reach it. Different
disclosure rates can impact this variable.disclosure rates can impact this variable.

9. Relational DevelopmentRelational Development
• Knapp’s Developmental Model: A tenKnapp’s Developmental Model: A ten
stage model, separated into comingstage model, separated into coming
together and coming apart sections, thattogether and coming apart sections, that
explains relational development.explains relational development.

10. Ten Stages of RelationalTen Stages of Relational
DevelopmentDevelopment
1.1. Initiating: Making contact with another personInitiating: Making contact with another person
2.2. Experimenting: emergence of “small-talk”Experimenting: emergence of “small-talk”
3.3. Intensifying: expression of feelings; spendingIntensifying: expression of feelings; spending
more time togethermore time together
4.4. Integrating: Identity as one social unit isIntegrating: Identity as one social unit is
createdcreated
5.5. Bonding: symbolic public gestures to showBonding: symbolic public gestures to show
commitmentcommitment

11. Ten Stages of RelationalTen Stages of Relational
Development, cont.Development, cont.
6. Differentiating: re-establish individual6. Differentiating: re-establish individual
identityidentity
7. Circumscribing: shrinking interest and7. Circumscribing: shrinking interest and
commitmentcommitment
8. Stagnation: boredom8. Stagnation: boredom
9. Avoiding: when stagnation becomes9. Avoiding: when stagnation becomes
unpleasantunpleasant
10. Termination: ending10. Termination: ending

12. Characteristics of RelationalCharacteristics of Relational
Development & MaintenanceDevelopment & Maintenance
• Relationships are constantly changingRelationships are constantly changing
• Movement is always to a new placeMovement is always to a new place

13. Self-DisclosureSelf-Disclosure
• Definition: deliberately revealingDefinition: deliberately revealing
information about oneself that isinformation about oneself that is
signification and that would not normallysignification and that would not normally
be known to othersbe known to others
– Deliberate: purposefulDeliberate: purposeful
– Significant: revealing important informationSignificant: revealing important information
– Not known to othersNot known to others

14. Self-disclosureSelf-disclosure
• Reciprocation and development of aReciprocation and development of a
relationship are the most common reasonsrelationship are the most common reasons
for self-disclosurefor self-disclosure

15. Social Penetration ModelSocial Penetration Model
(Altman & Taylor)(Altman & Taylor)
• Concerned with two factors that determineConcerned with two factors that determine
the intimacy of interpersonal relationshipsthe intimacy of interpersonal relationships
– Breadth: range of subjects being discussedBreadth: range of subjects being discussed
– Depth: shift from nonrevealing messages toDepth: shift from nonrevealing messages to
more personal onesmore personal ones

16. Johari WindowJohari Window
(Luft & Ingham)(Luft & Ingham)
• Four components that make up what oneFour components that make up what one
knows about him/herself and what othersknows about him/herself and what others
know about him or herknow about him or her
– Open: both you and the other are aware ofOpen: both you and the other are aware of
– Blind: you are unaware, but the other is notBlind: you are unaware, but the other is not
– Hidden: you are aware, but aren’t willing toHidden: you are aware, but aren’t willing to
share with othersshare with others
– Unknown: both you and the other are notUnknown: both you and the other are not
unawareunaware

17. Characteristics of EffectiveCharacteristics of Effective
Self-disclosureSelf-disclosure
• Influenced by cultureInfluenced by culture
• Usually occurs in dyadsUsually occurs in dyads
• Usually symmetricalUsually symmetrical
• Occurs incrementallyOccurs incrementally
• Large amounts of self-disclosure areLarge amounts of self-disclosure are
usually unnecessaryusually unnecessary
• Self-disclosure is usually scarceSelf-disclosure is usually scarce

18. Guidelines for AppropriateGuidelines for Appropriate
Self-disclosureSelf-disclosure
• Is the other important?Is the other important?
• Is the risk of disclosing reasonable?Is the risk of disclosing reasonable?
• Are the amount and type of disclosureAre the amount and type of disclosure
appropriate?appropriate?
• Is the disclosure relevant to the situation atIs the disclosure relevant to the situation at
hand?hand?
• Is the disclosure reciprocated?Is the disclosure reciprocated?
• Will the effect be constructive?Will the effect be constructive?
• Is the self-disclosure clear and understandable?Is the self-disclosure clear and understandable?

19. Alternatives to self-disclosureAlternatives to self-disclosure
• LiesLies
– White lies: harmless or even helpfulWhite lies: harmless or even helpful
• EquivocationEquivocation
– Intentionally vagueIntentionally vague
– Two or more equally plausible meaningsTwo or more equally plausible meanings
• HintingHinting
– More direct that equivocal statementsMore direct that equivocal statements
– Get a desired response from othersGet a desired response from others