Effective Conflict Resolution
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Conflict Resolution corporate training, workplace wellness or continuing education training that can be conducted in-person or over webinar.
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Effective Conflict Resolution
- 1. Managing Conflict in the Workplace Presented by Joyce Marter, LCPC Founder of Urban Balance, VP of Refresh Mental Health
- 2. Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude. – William James "Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” - William James
- 3. The Nature of Conflict Control Contrasting Beliefs Power Hurt feelings/bruised egos Fear Control Power Contrasting Beliefs Hurt feelings/bruised egos Fear Misunderstanding
- 4. Conflict Styles • Passive • Aggressive • Assertive • Passive Aggressive • Avoidant Passive Aggressive Assertive Passive Aggressive Avoidant
- 5. Use Assertive Communication • Neither passive, aggressive, nor passive-aggressive • “I” Statements • Honest, direct, clear, polite requests • No triangulation • Face-to-face best, then voice to voice, etc. No fighting via email or text
- 6. Goleman’s 5 Domains of EQ Knowing your emotions.1 Managing your own emotions.2 Motivating yourself.3 Recognizing and understanding other people’s emotions. 4 Managing relationships, i.e. managing the emotions of others. 5 Adapted from Daniel Goleman’s book “Emotional Intelligence”
- 7. EQ High EQ— • Displays low insecurity and high openness • Acts assertively Low EQ— • When emotionally triggered, thinking goes down • Acts aggressively, passively, passive- aggressively
- 8. Low EQ • Scapegoating • Blaming • Bullying • Gossip High EQ • Self aware • Inclusiveness • Respectful • Taking responsibility for actions
- 9. • One cannot be collegial (other-focused) if the brain is in a reactive, defensive mode (perceives a threat from others or the environment) • To be collegial one must be able to control emotions that interfere with decision making or interpretation of the situation
- 10. Steps toward collegial and civil communication: First seek to understand the other party1 Expect that you may not be understood2 Know early warning signs that your emotional brain has been activated (e.g. clenched teeth, feeling flushed, anger)3
- 11. Steps toward collegial and civil communication: Observe your process (are you raising your voice, being sarcastic, bossy, arrogant, talking too much…?) 4 Watch the other’s reaction to you as a way toward self-awareness5 Take a break and regroup6 Re-engage when you are not triggered7 Seek help when needed8
- 12. Difficult Personality Types • The know-it-all expert • The bully • The procrastinator • The chronic complainer or “whiner” • The unresponsive or “silent type”
- 13. The Know-it-All Experts • Be sure of your facts when dealing with these people. • Avoid confrontation over facts. • Gently steer the conversation where you want it to go. • Ask lots of questions to benefit from their expertise and win them over. • Listen. You may actually learn something.
- 14. The Bully • Maintain eye contact • Allow the bully to “run down” • Be professional • Ask questions such as “What can I do to help?” • Use phrases like “I feel” or “I believe” • Stand up for yourself/but don’t fight back • Relax
- 15. The Procrastinator • Communicate regularly about what needs to be done • Provide positive feedback on any progress – minimizing self criticism on the part of the procrastinator • Determine the real reason for the delay • Ask them for help in resolving issues with any delays. Push them to develop deadlines for themselves and to report progress as it occurs.
- 16. The Complainer/Whiner • Don’t let the complainer get you down • Ask questions such as “What is it you want?” • Avoid suggesting solutions • Neither agree or disagree • Use effective listening skills
- 17. The Unresponsive, Silent Type • Ask open ended questions • Avoid doing all the talking • Use a “friendly, silent stare” • Comment on the process and what you are feeling • Schedule another meeting
- 18. Practical Solutions: Avoid a Knee Jerk Reaction Avoid a fight, flight or freeze response Avoid engaging tug-of-war Don’t lock horns Unhook from the minutia “Zoom out” to gain perspective • See the big picture • Blip in time Practical Solutions: Avoid a Knee Jerk Reaction Avoid a fight, flight or freeze response Avoid engaging in a tug- of-war Don’t lock horns Unhook from the minutia “Zoom out” to gain perspective ! See the big picture ! Blip in time
- 19. Practical Solutions Become rooted in the present Let go of Defensiveness Take Responsibility Appreciate the Power of Empathy Practice flexibility, adaptability & compromise Become Rooted in the Present Let go of Defensiveness Take Responsibility Appreciate the Power of Empathy Practice Flexibility, Adaptability & Compromise
- 20. Avoid Behaviors that Add Fuel to the Fire • Criticism • Contempt • Stonewalling • Defensiveness
- 21. Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies. – Nelson Mandela Forgive Yourself & Others “Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies.” Forgive Yourself & Others