Fortunately self-esteem is not static but a living, breathing entity -- at times amazing similar to a coral reef. These beautiful structures are formed by minute coral cell secretions (events) that across time take the shape that we are familiar with -- some to wither and die, or conversely, grow to a point where they alter the very currents that make up seas and oceans. Our reef -- self-portrait -- emerges in response to myriads of events , continues to evolve and respond to the environment to give shape and definition to that which we are. And like the Great Barrier Reef self-esteem is sensitive to the fierce storms, disasters, and toxic elements yet is resilient enough that somehow most of us manage. This video is a short introduction to the topic with some suggestions and thoughts...

1. When a Truck Backs
over your Self Esteem
By James Spruell
A
Series on
Self Esteem

2. C. Kay Allen, a family counselor and former Bishop,
summarized ‘self-esteem’ with a simple observation, “Every
day, including most Sundays, I see people who want to be
loved and to love themselves but who really aren’t doing very
much to merit love.”
“And they feel terrible—lonely, cynical, or helpless.”
C. Kay Allen, (1979) "Where Self-Esteem
Starts", Ensign, Feb. 1979, 60

3. The University of Texas CHMC has put together a pretty
good list the elements that contribute to a child’s self-
esteem. Those that contribute to a positive self-esteem
include such items as:
Receiving affection and attention from a care-giver;
Positive affirmations that acknowledge and reward
success;
Being listened to and spoken to with respect;
Conversely, events that contribute to low self-
esteem:
Physical and emotional abuse;
Harsh criticism, ridiculed or teased;
Language that conveys that losing a game, a poor
performance, etc. doesn’t reflect the event but the
person;
Self-Esteem (2013). University of
Texas Center for Counseling and
Mental Health Center. Retrieved
August 16, 2013 from
http://cmhc.utexas.edu/selfestee
m.html

4. Possible !
But change is
External events, e.g.,
harsh childhood
criticism
Internal events, e.g.,
an internal voice
that says “I can’t”
Empathy and Love that
replaces love missed as
a child

5. Can love fix
What the doctors couldn’t?
Fortunately, the brain can un-learn the messages of a harsh
childhood or poor start to life. In a Harvard study -- the Grant
Study -- researchers followed the lives of 267 individuals across 75
years to determine what made the difference in those who lived
successful, happy lives. The overwhelming finding is that lives
can change and love is a key ingredient Vailant, (2013)
In a 2013 article George Vailant uses the life of Godfrey Camille, a
study participant, to illustrate their findings. Barely 10 years into
the research Godfrey was described as “intractable and unhappy
hypochondriac” that on a scale of A to E on future personality
stability …scored an E. Vailant, (2013))
From: Creating an Extraordinary Life: Breaking Through the Abyss

6. Can love fix
What the doctors couldn’t?
His childhood revealed a ‘bleak’ history – bottom rung of the ladder.
And although Godfrey might have appeared to be a prime candidate
for total disaster he endured a defining moment – really a defining year
– that changed his life forever. At age 35 he spent 14 months in a
hospital with pulmonary tuberculosis, and discovered that somebody,
several somebodies, cared about him. Vailant, (2013)
From: Creating an Extraordinary Life: Breaking Through the Abyss
Godfrey Camille demonstrated that learning to love others, and in
turn be loved, could re-wire the harsh messages of his youth. The
interpretive style and signature response of “intractable and unhappy
hypochondriac” was transformed to productive and active adult who
passed away at age 82 while mountain climbing in the Alps. Vailant, (2013)

7. Can love fix
What the doctors couldn’t?
Vaillant notes that Godfrey’s experience is similar to many others in the Grant
study – warm intimate relationships trumped all other factors in determining
who had happy lives. IQ, family histories of alcohol and depression, socio-
economic status were …irrelevant. Relevant was empathy, warm caring family
relationships, mothers who cared, etc. Vailant, (2013)
From: Creating an Extraordinary Life: Breaking Through the Abyss
George E. Vailant, (2013) What are the Secrets to a Happy
Life? Greatergood.berkeley.edu Retrieved August 13, 2013 from
http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_are_secre
ts_to_happy_life

8. Can love fix
What the doctors couldn’t?
From: Creating an Extraordinary Life: Breaking Through the Abyss
Godfrey Camille illustrates that the cycle of despair experienced by many can
be broken! For example:
 Empathy and love can replace harsh messages learned as a child to
preventing or replace internal voices that say ‘I’m not good enough’;
 Life skills can be learned that rewire signature responses from ineffective
to successful approaches;
 With a and b in place, history of experience can be built that says ‘Yes, I
can do this’.

9. From: Creating an Extraordinary Life: Breaking Through the Abyss
Change is possible! For example:
 Personal competence
 Love therapy –Growing our empathy bucket through
service to family, church, and others;
 Everything else
 Challenge the inner voice that says “I can’t”
and realign internal guidance;
 Resolve to break the cycle and forgive all;
 Use all the resources available including complimentary assets.
Self-esteem

10. Amazon.com
Learn more about self-esteem
in Creating an Extraordinary Life:
Breaking Through the Abyss
www.JSpruell.com
Available on