All the concepts presented in the workshop on leadership, communication, and effective teams that InnerSpace held on May 21, 2015.

1. Founder Communication
Joe Greenstein & Semira Rahemtulla
May 21, 2015

2. Topics for Today
• What makes an effective leader?
• What makes an effective team?
Format: Learn together, not talk at you

3. One Big Idea

4. INTENT
Needs
Motives
Stories
Reality #1
BEHAVIOR
Verbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #2
Common
IMPACT
Assumptions
Feelings
Responses
Reality #3
The Net
3 Realities (The “Net” Model)

5. Feelings & Emotions – Why??
Everyone feels them;
we just pretend we
don’t.
Convey crucial
information; absence
of emotion leaves
out half the story.
Emotions indicate
importance. Most
powerful motivator?
They are
an early warning
system
Feelings & Emotions – Why??

6. Self-Disclosure
Will I be less
liked,
respected,
influential
(leader-like)?
Is it relevant?
Will it further the
discussion – the
relationship?
Will others
use this
information
against me?
How will
others
see/assess/
judge me?
“What in
my ‘bubble’
should I
share?”
We are constantly
making the choice of
letting our self be
more fully known
Self-Disclosure

7. Vulnerability
“I define vulnerability as
the expression of
uncertainty, risk, and
emotional exposure.”
Vulnerability

8. Authentic Leaders
“The single factor distinguishing top quartile
managers from bottom quartile managers was
strength of affection – both given & received –
with their team.”
--“Encouraging the Heart: A Leader’s Guide to Recognizing and Rewarding Others”, Kouzes & Barry
Authentic Leaders

9. Authentic Leaders
You prefer to look strong rather than “weak.”
Problem: Everyone knows that.
Result: Willingness to show (some)
“weakness” is perceived as sign of strength.
Paradox of Trust

10. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / Vulnerability
• Build connection, trust
• Repair distortions
• Avoid “progressive impoverishment”
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / Vulnerability

11. Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
Richard Francisco
In what ways do we communicate?
Increasing levels of difficulty, risk & learning
5 Levels of Communication

12. 1: Ritual
2: Extended Ritual
3: Content
4: Feelings About Content
5: Feelings About Each Other
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
5 Levels of Communication

13. 5: Feelings About Each Other
Hardest
Riskiest
Most powerful for feedback
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
5 Levels of Communication

14. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / Vulnerability
1. Disclosure & vulnerability are critical to
connection.
2. Effective leaders form strong connections.
Conclusion: Consider being more open.
The Bottom Line

15. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Team & Culture

16. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Effective Teams
1. Participation
2. Collaboration
3. Cooperation (Commitment)
Research: All of these are correlated to
Group EQ
“Building Emotional Intelligence”, Wolfe & Druskat, Harvard Business Review, 2004

17. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Inward
(my emotions)
Outward
(others’ emotions)
Emotional
Awareness
Emotional
Regulation
EQ (Individual)

18. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Inward
(Our Team)
Outward
(Other Teams)
Emotional
Awareness
Emotional
Regulation
EQ (Group)

19. High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group
Group norms
determine group EQ
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Group EQ

20. Photo by jm3 [link]
Our Norms

21. What norms do we have?
What norms do we need?
What can you do as leaders?
Photo by jm3 [link]
Our Norms

22. Feedback & Influence

23. Working AgreementsJohari Window
OPEN/
PUBLIC
PRIVATE UNKNOWN
I know I don’t know
You
know
You
don’t
know
Reactions/Feedback
D
i
s
c
l
o
s
u
r
e
BLIND

24. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityWhy is Feedback Important?
1. Personal Development
2. Team Effectiveness
3. Stronger Relationships
Bottom Line: Feedback is how we grow

25. Photo:RobbieGrubbs
Can I give you some feedback?

26. Photo by State Farm [link]
Social situations ≈ Physical threats
Threat Response

27. Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
David Rock
What social
situations trigger
a threat response?
Status
Certainty
Autonomy
Relatedness
Fairness
SCARF Model

28. So… how do we communicate feedback
while minimizing defensiveness?

29. INTENT
Needs
Motives
Stories
Reality #1
BEHAVIOR
Verbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #2
Common
IMPACT
Feelings
Reactions
Responses
Reality #3
The Net
The Net (again)
Feedback

30. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
1. Focus on specific, observable behavior
2. Describe the impact of that behavior on you
3. Do not address my motives or intentions
(Do listen actively if I choose to share them.)
Stay on your side of the net!

31. Old Mental Model
1. Tell others what is wrong with
them
2. Goal: get them to change
New Mental Model
1. Feedback is new information
about my internal reactions to
your behavior
2. New information increases our
shared reality
3. Goal: enter into joint problem
solving
Mental Models of Feedback
Feedback is a gift!

32. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityThe Simplest Feedback Model
When you do [x], I feel [y].

33. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLet’s try some examples…
1. Semira, you clearly don’t care about this presentation.
2. Semira, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. You
are clearly bored with this presentation.
3. Semira, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. I am
feeling anxious about whether I am doing a good job with
this presentation.

34. Photo by Ana Karenina [link]
1:1 Feedback

35. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Receiving Feedback
• Look for “Grains of Truth”
– Learning is better than being right
– Goal is understanding, not winning
• Listen and ask clarifying questions
• Acknowledge your feelings
• Gift mentality
– Say “Thank you!”

36. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Constructive Feedback
• Assume good intent; be curious
• Use a soft start
– Emphasize mutual goals & positive intent for the conversation
• Be aware of your own stress
• Goal is joint problem solving

37. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Complimentary Feedback
• Give more!!!
• Do not praise to buffer criticism
– Avoid “The Sandwich”
• Do not praise to overcome resistance
• Avoid platitudes. Be specific:
– Weak: “Joe, you’re a great cofounder.”
– Strong: “Joe, when you give me specific feedback, I feel
more comfortable in our working relationship.”

38. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLast Reminder
Stay on your side of the net
When you do [x], I feel [y].
Use the Vocabulary of Emotions.

39. Photo by Daniel Oines [link]
Challenge Yourself

40. Thanks, good-bye, and stay on
your side of the net 