1. Hidden Courage: Norbert’s Journey
By Heidi Foster MS, GC-C
Every once in a while you meet people who teach you lessons that will impact your life forever.
This is true in the case of Marian and Norbert. Theirs is a unique love story. They were not
married, nor living together in the ‘traditional’ sense, rather they were a support for each other in
life, always highlighting their individual strengths.
At the time they met, 35 years ago, Marian was a single mother of three young children working
as a RN and Norbert had just left his studies at a Catholic Monastery. Norbert had decided to
change his career path and also became a RN. When Marian told the story of how they started
their life together she always emphasized that it was divine intervention. She felt that the Lord
wanted her to love Norbert and in return Norbert would be a supportive friend and companion in
her life.
Marian became a patient of Gentiva on February 29, 2013 with a diagnosis of Pulmonary
Fibrosis and died July 25, 2014. A lesson I learned from Marian was to face challenges head on!
She accepted her terminal diagnosis and therefore wanted to focus on preparing her family. In
October 2013 I was called in to provide anticipatory support and education primarily for Norbert.
Marian was a leader and a pro organizer. As Norbert shared at her Memorial, “She knew she
would be terminal and she planned for her death. She sorted her belongings, bought her funeral
clothes, wrote her obituary, planned the mass, picked her favorite priest and prepared for the
eventual with dignity.” But this was not unusual for Marian, she showed attention to detail in
every area of her life and her families. For this reason the Gentiva staff began to voiced concern
for Norbert’s ability to handle the day to day aspects of life. Norbert shared these concerns.
When I first met Norbert he was quiet and voiced being ‘overwhelmed”. Not about caring for
Marian or even the decline because their faith gave them comfort. His main fear was how to
live day to day without her love and guidance. As the time came closer for Marian to leave this
world Norbert began carrying a notebook to write down everything he needed to know.
I am still inspired by the grief work Norbert has done in the last year! Originally I was concern
that he may isolate himself. He is a very social person but living in a small community can be
difficult when trying to find a new place to fit in. Doing our visits Norbert would get out his
notebook and share his thoughts, feelings and concerns. We would set a goal and he would give
it 100%. Shortly after Marian’s death he had to have a knee replaced which landed him in the
hospital due to complications. Though it was difficult and he was not a very good patient, as
I’ve heard most nurses aren’t, he did not let this new stressor distract him from his goals.

2. I entitled this tribute Hidden Courage because originally Norbert’s courage and strength was not
obvious. But what I have seen over the past year has been remarkable. He grew from
questioning his ability to live and thrive alone to a man who is truly making a difference. He
states that “I have learned a lot about myself, others and God’. Norbert has written articles
about grief and his faith for the Catholic Church publications, he has been asked to be part of a
newly organized support group for the church plus he participates in community support groups
to help others. But the most exciting news is that Norbert will be making a pilgrimage to Italy
this fall to focus on his faith and church history.
Norbert wrote a piece entitled My Other Oxygen Tank. In this letter he talks about the how
important oxygen tanks had become during Marian’s illness.
“I cannot thank Gentiva Hospice enough for their compassionate care. There was
extensive use of oxygen tanks, small ones, medium ones and the big M60”. It was quite
an ordeal to get the 02 provider to provide! To the rescue was my Hospice team. But
there is another 02 tank that ‘tanked me up”. Heidi, grievance counselor”…I lost my
dear sweet Marian to her terrible pulmonary disease but I need some Oxygen to keep
going. Heidi is my oxygen tanks!”
Such kind words but Norbert I want to thank you. Thank you for recharging me with a fresh
intake of ‘oxygen’ for this grief work. You have taught me the lesson of never letting fear stand
in your way. Even when overwhelmed I saw firsthand how you kept trying, kept learning and
always kept your faith.