When stakeholders hold progress hostage!

1. • http://www.yourepeat.com/watch/?v=GtARiQ
O8ljE&start_at=4&end_at=171

2. Hostage Negotiations
For the feint at heart
(or skills of Tactical Communication)

3. Why?
• “Many situations come about because the
person is looking for attention for himself or
for a cause. He takes a hostage, makes threats
and does a lot of screaming and makes
demands, many of them impossible. He
believes he is successful because of all the
police and media presence. He is on the
news!”
Frank A. Bolz Jr., a founder of the New York Police Department’s
hostage-negotiation team

4. Hostage Situation Types
• Criminal
• Domestic
• Cause related (terrorism)
Domestic is the most common form, and is the
most dangerous. (87%) The stakeholders know
each other, know their weaknesses and faults.
They are emotional.

5. hostage taker’s choices:
1. Gameover: kill hostages and commit suicide.
He who dies with the most toys wins
2. Lessen demands to achievable proportions
and continue negotiations.
3. Surrender. Change their behavior

6. FBI Training
• Behavioral Change Stairway Model
5 steps to getting someone else to see your point of
view & change what they’re doing

7. 1. Actively Listen
2. Display Empathy
3. Build Rapport
4. Use Your Influence to work out solution
5. Behavioral Change -they come out with their
hands up!

8. How everyone screws it up……..
Untrained negotiators skip steps 1-3 and jump to working
on a solution.
“Let’s work on this problem together I’m sure we kind find
away”
That never works
People assume that the other person is rational and
proceed by convincing the other person how to solve the
problem – but - People are not rational

9. “…Human beings are incapable of being rational… So
instead of pretending emotions don’t exist, hostage
negotiators have actually designed an approach that
take emotions fully into account and uses them to
influence situation outcomes….
Chris Voss, former head of FBI International hostage negotiation

10. But I don’t have time!
If you have to skip steps, just do step one
• Active Listening
“instead of making your argument, hear the other side
out, that’s the only way you can quiet the voice in the
other guy’s mind. But most people don’t do that. They
don’t walk into a discussion wanting to hear what the
other side has to say. They walk into a discussion
wanting to state their point. They don’t pay attention
to emotions and they don’t listen.”
Chris Voss, former head of FBI International hostage negotiation

11. Ok, how do I Actively Listen?
• Emotional labeling (Call a horse a horse)
• Minimal Encouragers (Keep them talking)
• Paraphrase (Repeat what’s said in your own words)
• Ask questions (shows you’ve been paying
attention and moves the discussion forward)
• Stop talking (it’s not about you)

12. Emotional Labeling
• Re-stating the emotions that you have heard
in the conversation thus far.
• Don’t disagree or evaluate
• You aren’t agreeing with their crazy behavior,
you are just showing them you understand the
English language. Plus add some justice.

13. Emotional Labeling Examples
• “You don’t need to feel that way. The entire
team just wants to help out and arguing about it
isn’t worth the energy.”
Bad Response - it is judgmental. It tells the subject how not
to feel. It minimizes the subject’s feelings, which are a major
part of who they are. It is Subtractive Empathy.
• “You sound pretty discouraged about the design
of the screen being changed. It doesn’t seem
fair.”
Good Response-it identifies the hurt that underlies the anger
and adds the idea of justice, an idea that can lead to other
ways of getting justice.

14. Minimal Encouragers
• I’m still listening, please keep talking…..
• Yes, ok, I see
• Reinforcing that you are paying attention and
interested
• Stay focused, if you check your email, watch
the clock or fool with your shoe you just lost
their confidence!

15. Paraphrasing
It isn’t about you or your understanding……….
1. try to discover what’s important to them
2. try to help them hear what they’re saying to find out if
what they are saying makes sense to them…or if it’s
insane.
*Use words that mean something to the other side, not your
side.
“I’m sick and tired of being pushed around,” to which the
negotiator can respond, “Feel pushed, huh?”
Gary Noesner, author of Stalling for Time: My Life as an FBI Hostage Negotiator

16. What Questions?
• Make sure questions are open-ended – not yes or no
• Don’t be judgmental, just get the facts
Do you have a gun?
Is a bad question. The focus is on the gun, not the
person.
Why are you here today?
Is a good question. It will end with the terrorist
telling you if they have a gun, among all the other
details.

17. The Power of the Pause
“Eventually, even the most emotionally overwrought
subjects will find it difficult to sustain a one-sided
argument, and they again will return to meaningful
dialogue with negotiators. Thus, by remaining silent
at the right times, negotiators actually can move
the overall negotiation process forward.”
Gary Noesner, author of Stalling for Time: My Life as an FBI Hostage Negotiator

18. GAME OVER!
they executed the hostage, now what?
“Terrorists like to say that they’re administers of justice
carrying out a sentence. They liken themselves to the
executioner in a trial. Terrorism is theater. That’s
essentially what it is on both sides. You need to get to the
neutral people, the audience, and win them over.
You can still win the battle.”
~Chris Voss
You do that by appearing to take the high road. Do it
quickly before the Stockholm syndrome sets in. Some
hostages come to display an emotional attachment
toward their captors.

19. Remember-Actively Listen!
• Emotional labeling (Call a horse a horse)
• Minimal Encouragers (Keep them talking)
• Paraphrase (Repeat what’s said in your own words)
• Ask questions (shows you’ve been paying
attention and moves the discussion forward)
• Stop talking (it’s not about you)

20. Want more?
• askthenegotiator.org blog
• black swan
• negotiating a used car
• Stalling for Time: My Life as an FBI Hostage
Negotiator
• Behaviorial Change Stairway Model
• Time Article: using hostage negotiation to get
what you want