3. At the end of the info show, viewers will be
able to
Objectives:
• State a formula for “I” Statements
• Identify when behavior is assertive, passive,
aggressive or indirectly aggressive
• Identify 3 basic tools/techniques to use when
being assertive
• Develop a work plan to deal with a personality
behavior that is giving them difficulty.
Grande Prairie Volunteer Services Bureau
4. OVERVIEW
• People are complex
• Few can be neatly categorized into just one kind of
behavioral pattern or personality type.
• Many people have behavior that could fit into several
categories.
• Differ in terms of combinations, how much, across how
many situations a with what intensity
• Sometimes there is overt conflict –sometimes there isn’t
• What one person finds difficult someone else may not
• Will be given tools you can mix and match
5. "I" Statements Purpose
• “You” statements put the blame on the other
person
• They may become defensive or angry and
communication usually breaks down
• “I” statements useful when you are bothered
by what someone else is doing
• They are a way to tell the other person without
getting into an argument
• They most always begin with the word “I” but
not necessarily
6. Use “I” statements when:
• We need to confront others about
their behavior.
• We feel others are not treating us
right.
• We feel defensive or angry, and
• Others are angry with us.
“I” Statements State:
1. What you are thinking,
2. How you are feeling,
3. Why you feel that way, and
4. What you would need or like to see
happen
7. SUGGESTED
PROCESS
1. Actively listen
2. Use “I” not “You” statements
3. Refer to the behavior not to the person
4. State how the behavior affects you
5. State what you need to happen
8. Expressing Ideas &
Feelings
The Ins and Outs To express our feelings we need to:
1. Acknowledge our feelings,
2. Take responsibility for them,
3. Avoid blaming other people for how we feel, and
4. Choose how to react from our options.
9. Definitions
•You Tube:Passive, Aggressive and Assertive Communication
(Examples) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjOWXsDt87Y
• Bossy
• Intolerant
• Bullying
• Being overbearing
• Putting someone
down
• Threatening
• Shouting
Direct Aggression
• Being Sarcastic
• Making insinuations
• Trying to make the
other person feel guilty
• Manipulating
• Being deliberately
ambiguous
• Being deceitful or
dishonest
Indirect Aggression
• Being submissive
• Being apologetic when
it is not your fault
• Not standing up for
yourself
• Doing things you do
not want to do
• Moaning
Passive Behaviour
• Showing respect for
other people and their
values
• Standing up for
yourself
• Saying “No” when you
do not want to do
something
• Expressing your
feelings and needs
• Being direct and
honest
• Expressing your
opinion
Assertive Behaviour
10. GUIDELINES FOR
SAYING “NO”
1.Be clear, honest, open and direct. Do not make excuses or
blame other people
2.If you are not sure, ask for time to think about it or for more
information about what is involved
3.Ensure your body language matches what you are saying
4.Be firm – set the boundaries on what you are prepared to
do. If appropriate, offer an alternative
5.Accept that it is okay for the other person to be
disappointed, angry or upset you refused their request.
6. Change the subject, move away, do something else, finish
the discussion to avoid any awkward silences.
You Tube: Assertiveness – Tips For Being Assertive & Saying No
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZynhvBShqU
11. • Repeating your demands over and over again
• It’s very blunt
• May not always work but it is a good place to start
Broken Record
• Used when dealing with criticism or insult by simply agreeing with
whatever the other person is saying about you
• Can be difficult
• Use your opponent’s momentum against them and eventually tire
them out
• Can be a great way to frustrate someone who is being emotionally
abusive
• Can be a great way to receive criticism (even constructive feedback)
from a boss or a parent
Three strategies:
• Agree with the truth (Heh, I admit I made a mistake)
• Agree with the odds (That’s probably true or You’re probably right)
• Agree in principle (We all make mistakes from time to time)
Fogging
Techniques
12. Techniques
• 5 Tips to Make Assertive Communication Easier
and More Effective
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlwmfiCb-vc
• Similar to fogging but we take a more pro-active approach in that we
readily admit our error
• Signals to others that we recognize our own flaws and we’re okay
with the flaws we see in ourselves
Negative Assertion
• Asking the person who is making the criticism “What is bad about
what I did?” or “What is bad about me doing X?”
• Helps you to understand where they are coming from but also forces
them to examine their own beliefs about what they’re perceiving as
wrong.
• Great technique with family and friends because it naturally leads into
potential for discussing compromises
Negative Inquiry
• Fancy name for saying how you feel
• Important because it helps the other person understand your
perspective, helps them understand why you are doing what you are
doing and why you are saying what you are saying
• This technique is particularly important with friends and family
because with them you are not just trying to get your way, you are
trying to develop an on-going relationship
Self Disclosure
13. Characteristics:
• Always on the attack
• Abusive
• Intimidating
• Overpowering
• Always right
• Lack of caring and respect for
others.
Sherman Tank
Characteristics:
• Temper tantrum behavior
• Raging outbursts that are out of
control
• Shout, throw things and often say
regrettable things
• Behavior is the result of feeling
threatened and cannot cope with the
situation
The Exploder
Characteristics:
• Finds fault in everything
• Holds the idea that someone should
be doing something about their
problem
• Will not engage in productive
problem solving discussion
• Often feel powerless to change the
situations that they complain about
• Like to feel free from responsibility
with a problem
The Complainer
Common Difficult Personality
Types
14. Characteristics:
• Silent
• Just “yes” or “no” answers
• Hard to open up
• Maintains stance
• Easily masks fear and anger
• Refuses to cooperate
• Won’t effectively communicate
The Clam
Characteristics:
• Responds to everything with a quick
and negative response
• Has the “it won’t work”, “don’t bother”
attitude
• Feels as though everything is out of
their control
• Bitter about life
• Negative and critical
The Wet Blanket
Characteristics:
• “Expert” on all matters
• Feels others are stupid or
uninformed
• Often react to other’s knowledge with
anger, withdrawal or irritation
• Likes control of everything
The Know it All
Common Difficult Personality
Types
15. Characteristics:
• Indecisive
• Lacks follow through
• Leaves others to do the work
• Undependable
• Typical response is no response
• Cannot make up their minds
THE STALLER
Common Difficult Personality
Types
Westmire Academy Freshmen Orientation 2018
