1. This Is What Happens When
You Leave Me Home Alone
Another PowerPoint
Presentation From:
FlyoverJoel

2. "Mommy, what's a butterfly?"
"When a girl loves many boys in a short time during college, she
gets a tattoo reminder for her future husband."

3. Importance of commas:
Hush puppies are delicious.
Hush, puppies are delicious.

4. With my wife out of town, I’m
going to put a beer in every
room of my house and hold a
pub crawl of loneliness.

5. Religion gave women
a rib, evolution gave
them boobs.
Your move religion.

6. “I don’t often chuck
wood, but when I
would chuck wood, the
wood I would chuck is
Dos Equis.” – The
Most Interesting
Woodchuck in the
World

7. Civil War reenactments are a lot like
meetings. You do the same thing over and
over again while waiting for your turn to die.

8. Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a fish
some math and welcome our new dolphin overlords.

9. Nobody puts Baby in the corner at our house because
that's where we keep the dingos.

10. Tell me once, shame
on you. Tell me twice,
shame on me. Tell me
three or more times,
we must be married.

11. I mix my drinks like I mix my metaphors:
Strong and until I stop making sense.

12. Measure twice, cut once, swear three times, drink four
beers, and hire someone else to do it.

13. When someone says “let’s go get a cold one,” I always drive to
the zoo because I know that’s code for “steal a penguin.”

14. Entering a password accurately on the third try is as
close as most of us will ever get to defusing a bomb
when the timer hits 1 second.

15. Woke up three hours ago.
Pretty much ready to eat dinner
and call it a night.

16. Nothing in the world is
more serious than the
deep breath a drunk
takes right before they
attempt to say something
sounding sober.

17. Thanks for Reading!
If you’d like more, you can always follow me on
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