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EFFECTIVE LISTENING
INTRODUCTION
Communication - Theory
• Communication – between speaker and
  listener.
• Speaker communicates thoughts, feelings,
  opinions to listener – using various media –
  can be verbal or non verbal messages.
• Effective communication – receiver interprets
  and understands sender’s message as
  intended by the sender.
Sources of difficulty by Speaker.
• Voice volume too low
• Message complex – too
  many unnecessary
  details.
• Forgetting point/
  purpose of interaction.
• Non verbal elements
  contradicting with
  verbal message.
Con’t
• Paying too much
  attention to how the
  person might react .
• Using unique code or
  unconventional method
  to deliver.
Sources of difficulty by Listener
• Being preoccupied and
  not listening.
• So interested in what
  you have to say – listen
  to find opening to get
  the floor.
• Formulating and
  listening to your own
  rebuttal to what the
  speaker is saying.
• Listening to your own
  personal beliefs about
  what is being said.
• Evaluating and making
  judgements about the
  speaker or the message.
• Not asking for
  clarification when do
  not understand.
Basic Listening Modes
a) Competitive or Combative listening.
 More interested in promoting our own point
   of view.
 Listen for openings to take floor, for flaws to
   attack.
 Pretend to pay attention – waiting for
   opening or internally formulating rebuttal.
Con’t
b) Passive or attentive listening.
Genuinely interested in hearing and
  understanding the other’s point of view.
We are attentive and passively listen.
We assume that we heard and understand
  correctly but stay passive and do not verify.
Con’t
c) Active or Reflective Listening.
Most useful and important listening skill.
Genuinely interested in understanding what the
   other person is thinking and also active in
   checking our understanding
Restate or rephrase understanding of their
   message and reflect it back to sender for
   verification.
Verification process – distinguishes active
   listening.
Benefits of Active Listening
1.Forces people to
  attentively listen to
  others.
2. It avoids
   misunderstandings, as
   people have to confirm
   that they do really
   understand what
   another person has
   said.
3. It tends to open people
   up, to get them to say
   more. Once they feel
   like someone is really
   listening to them, they
   are more willing to
   share their true
   feelings.
4. When you listen
   actively, you are
   honoring the other
   person. This builds trust
   with them.
5. We can fully
   understand the other
   person's point of view.
   Just knowing what a
   person is really thinking
   and where the ideas are
   coming from helps to
   better understand
   them.
LISTENING TIPS
1. Usually it is important to paraphrase and use
  your own words in verbalizing your
  understanding of the message
2. Depending on the purpose of the interaction
  and your understanding of what is relevant,
  you could reflect back the other persons:
• Account of the facts.
• Thoughts and beliefs.
• Feelings and emotions.
• Wants, needs or motivation.
• Hopes and expectations.
3. Don’t respond to just the meaning of the
  words, look for the feelings or intent beyond
  the words.
4. Inhibit your impulse to immediately answer
  questions. The code may be in the form of a
  question. Sometimes people ask questions
  when they really want to express themselves
  and are not open to hearing an answer.
5. Know when to quit using active listening.
  Once you accurately understand the sender’s
  message, it may be appropriate to respond
  with your own message. Don’t use active
  listening to hide and avoid revealing your own
  position.
6. If you are confused and know you do not
  understand, either tell the person you don’t
  understand and ask him/her to say it another
  way, or use your best guess.
7. Active listening is a very effective first
  response when the other person is angry, hurt
  or expressing difficult feelings toward you,
  especially in relationships that are important
  to you.
8. Use eye contact and listening body language.
  Avoid looking at your watch or at other
  people or activities around the room. Face
  and lean toward the speaker and nod your
  head, as it is appropriate. Be careful about
  crossing your arms and appearing closed or
  critical.
9. Be empathic and nonjudgmental. You can be
  accepting and respectful of the person and
  their feelings and beliefs without invalidating
  or giving up your own position, or without
  agreeing with the accuracy and validity of
  their view.

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Effective listening

  • 3. Communication - Theory • Communication – between speaker and listener. • Speaker communicates thoughts, feelings, opinions to listener – using various media – can be verbal or non verbal messages. • Effective communication – receiver interprets and understands sender’s message as intended by the sender.
  • 4. Sources of difficulty by Speaker. • Voice volume too low • Message complex – too many unnecessary details. • Forgetting point/ purpose of interaction. • Non verbal elements contradicting with verbal message.
  • 5. Con’t • Paying too much attention to how the person might react . • Using unique code or unconventional method to deliver.
  • 6. Sources of difficulty by Listener • Being preoccupied and not listening. • So interested in what you have to say – listen to find opening to get the floor. • Formulating and listening to your own rebuttal to what the speaker is saying.
  • 7. • Listening to your own personal beliefs about what is being said. • Evaluating and making judgements about the speaker or the message. • Not asking for clarification when do not understand.
  • 8. Basic Listening Modes a) Competitive or Combative listening.  More interested in promoting our own point of view.  Listen for openings to take floor, for flaws to attack.  Pretend to pay attention – waiting for opening or internally formulating rebuttal.
  • 9. Con’t b) Passive or attentive listening. Genuinely interested in hearing and understanding the other’s point of view. We are attentive and passively listen. We assume that we heard and understand correctly but stay passive and do not verify.
  • 10. Con’t c) Active or Reflective Listening. Most useful and important listening skill. Genuinely interested in understanding what the other person is thinking and also active in checking our understanding Restate or rephrase understanding of their message and reflect it back to sender for verification. Verification process – distinguishes active listening.
  • 11. Benefits of Active Listening 1.Forces people to attentively listen to others.
  • 12. 2. It avoids misunderstandings, as people have to confirm that they do really understand what another person has said.
  • 13. 3. It tends to open people up, to get them to say more. Once they feel like someone is really listening to them, they are more willing to share their true feelings.
  • 14. 4. When you listen actively, you are honoring the other person. This builds trust with them.
  • 15. 5. We can fully understand the other person's point of view. Just knowing what a person is really thinking and where the ideas are coming from helps to better understand them.
  • 16. LISTENING TIPS 1. Usually it is important to paraphrase and use your own words in verbalizing your understanding of the message
  • 17. 2. Depending on the purpose of the interaction and your understanding of what is relevant, you could reflect back the other persons: • Account of the facts. • Thoughts and beliefs. • Feelings and emotions. • Wants, needs or motivation. • Hopes and expectations.
  • 18. 3. Don’t respond to just the meaning of the words, look for the feelings or intent beyond the words.
  • 19. 4. Inhibit your impulse to immediately answer questions. The code may be in the form of a question. Sometimes people ask questions when they really want to express themselves and are not open to hearing an answer.
  • 20. 5. Know when to quit using active listening. Once you accurately understand the sender’s message, it may be appropriate to respond with your own message. Don’t use active listening to hide and avoid revealing your own position.
  • 21. 6. If you are confused and know you do not understand, either tell the person you don’t understand and ask him/her to say it another way, or use your best guess.
  • 22. 7. Active listening is a very effective first response when the other person is angry, hurt or expressing difficult feelings toward you, especially in relationships that are important to you.
  • 23. 8. Use eye contact and listening body language. Avoid looking at your watch or at other people or activities around the room. Face and lean toward the speaker and nod your head, as it is appropriate. Be careful about crossing your arms and appearing closed or critical.
  • 24. 9. Be empathic and nonjudgmental. You can be accepting and respectful of the person and their feelings and beliefs without invalidating or giving up your own position, or without agreeing with the accuracy and validity of their view.