This is a parent workshop. It's for parents wanting to help their children develop EF skills in the home.
Self-regulation and executive function
Who’s problem is it?
How to strengthen executive function skills in school and life
Parent goals and expectations
Activities to build EF skills
Foster emotional resilience
Consistency in schedules and routines
Organization skills
Personal accountability
Self-monitoring skills – agenda, routines, and grades
Working memory skills
Risk factors in tweens and teens
Lost in the iGeneration
Dr. David Murphy
www.effectiveeffortconsulting.com
2. David.Murphy@effectiveeffortconsulting.com
www.effectiveeffortconsulting.com
@DrDavidMurphy
Overview
Self-regulation and executive function
Who’s problem is it?
How to strengthen executive function skills in school and life
1. Parent goals and expectations
2. Activities to build EF skills
3. Foster emotional resilience
4. Consistency in schedules and routines
5. Organization skills
6. Personal accountability
7. Self-monitoring skills – agenda, routines, and grades
8. Working memory skills
Risk factors in tweens and teens
Lost in the iGeneration
7. David.Murphy@effectiveeffortconsulting.com
www.effectiveeffortconsulting.com
@DrDavidMurphy
Exercise
Child’s name
Future planning
Picture your child at 25. What kind of person would you like your child to develop
into? What are they doing? College? Career? Where do they live? Who are they
with? What about their future is an extension of the values you are trying to
instill?
Back to NOW
What are your child’s top 10 strengths?
What are the top 5 things that you nag about the most?
What do you fear as it relates to your child?
Age 25
18. David.Murphy@effectiveeffortconsulting.com
www.effectiveeffortconsulting.com
@DrDavidMurphy
THIRD. Say……….“What’s your plan?”
• “Let’s brainstorm possible options” - Plan A, B, and C
• ‘See’ a picture of what different options can ‘look’ and ‘feel’
like
• Reflect on the day and play out alternative decisions
• Use perspective taking
• Use nightly check-ins – reflect, problem solve, future plan.
• Tackle excuses – “I forgot” / “It’s not my fault” / “I can’t”
Problem Solving Skills
26. David.Murphy@effectiveeffortconsulting.com
www.effectiveeffortconsulting.com
@DrDavidMurphy
“In this family we practice hard work. In this family we practice doing what is necessary. In
this family we are honest and accountable for ourselves and each other. In this family we
give firm handshakes, make eye contact, and always say please and thank you. As children
of this family your job is that of a student. Our expectation of you, as a student, is that you
will study, do 100% of your HW, and maintain honor roll. We, as your parents, expect that
you will always do your best. In this family school comes first, extra curricular activities
come second. As a member of this family we all take an active role in supporting each
other – dishes, chores, breakfast, lunch, dinner. It is your responsibility to meet and
exceed these expectations and all other expectations in your life. If any of you struggle in
your efforts to meet and exceed these expectations, we as your parents are obligated to
provide support in order to help you. Exceeding these expectations will earn you various
privileges provided by us – such as playing a sport, owning a cell phone, use of the car,
socializing with friends and playing video games. These expectations will be typed up,
signed, and posted in the kitchen for all of you to reference if you forget at anytime what
we expect of you.”
Family Expectations
33. David.Murphy@effectiveeffortconsulting.com
www.effectiveeffortconsulting.com
@DrDavidMurphy
“We are all born with certain skills, but the mindsets we have
toward improving our skills and character ultimately
determine our success in life”
Recommendations
• Give permission to fail
• “In this family, we always find a way!”
• Engage in problem solving
Goodwin, B., & Miller, K.., “Research Says Grit Plus Talent Equals Student Success” Educational Leadership. 71.1
(September 2013)pp. 74-76 (subscription only)
http://7mindsets.com/growth-mindset/
Foster a Grit Mindset
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www.effectiveeffortconsulting.com
@DrDavidMurphy
Focus on their mirror traits – the positive sides of
the negative symptoms associated with deficits.
stubbornness = persistence
impulsiveness = creativity
intrusiveness = eagerness
By developing strengths and recognizing mirror
traits, you avoid the cycle of shame and fear.
Conative Strengths
Dr. Ned Hallowell, Super Parenting For ADD
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www.effectiveeffortconsulting.com
@DrDavidMurphy
Create a consistent start time
Check agenda – plan, prioritize, check off
Use proximity control – No work with bedroom
Remove distractions
Set parent controls on router or App.
Create music playlist
Organize binders everyday
Delayed gratification - “What do you want to do after?”
• Social time, screen-time, free time, sports
Consistent Study Time
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www.effectiveeffortconsulting.com
@DrDavidMurphy
1. Positive and active relationship with reading habits
2. Consistent completion of HW
3. Classroom notetaking skills
4. Classroom attentional skills
5. Classroom working memory skills
6. Metacognitive skills - “I don’t understand this
content”
7. Self-advocacy skills
8. Personal accountability to learn the required
material
Developmental Milestones of Study Skills
61. David.Murphy@effectiveeffortconsulting.com
www.effectiveeffortconsulting.com
@DrDavidMurphy
Risk Factors
Teens with ADHD
Teenagers with ADHD have 2 to 4 times as many traffic citations
as their peers without ADHD.
Teens with ADHD have 4 times as many car wrecks and are 7
times more likely to have a second accident.
Teenage drivers with ADHD are 6 to 8 times more likely to have
their license suspended or revoked for poor driving behavior.
Russell Barkley. https://www.additudemag.com/the-statistics-of-adhd/
62. David.Murphy@effectiveeffortconsulting.com
www.effectiveeffortconsulting.com
@DrDavidMurphy
Risk Factors
A Longitudinal Study of Childhood ADHD and Substance Dependence
Disorders in Early Adulthood found that compared with children without
ADHD, children with ADHD were at increased risk for:
Ever using nicotine
Alcohol use disorder
Ever using marijuana
Marijuana use disorder
Cocaine use disorder
General illicit drug use
*must factor in comorbid conditions of conduct disorder or ODD
Breyer, J. L., Lee, S., Winters, K. C., August, G. J., & Realmuto, G. M. (2014). A
longitudinal study of childhood ADHD and substance dependence disorders
in early adulthood. Psychology of addictive behaviors : journal of the Society
of Psychologists in Addictive Behaviors, 28(1), 238–246.
doi:10.1037/a0035664
Most of us come at this topic with a personal and professional perspective.
Who are we thinking about tonight?
Who are my parents with an elementary students?
Who are my parents with a middle school students?
Who are my parents with a HS students?
Who has a child that holds it all together at school and then fall apart at home?
Who are my parents with a child on a 504 plan
Who are my parents with a child on an IEP
How are my parents with a child who
Downtime
The most important thing you should know about me is that all my life experiences become secondary to the role I play as a husband and father. My daughter Allison my wife Leah and the newest member of my family John David. And my family would not be complete without my first child Molly the Coleen Murphy.
These are 8 behavioral categories of EF that the research will talk about. Each function is used to manage oneself in order to sustain action, attention, emotion, thoughts towards a specific goal or outcome.
The complexity of this interaction can not be underappreciated.
These are 8 behavioral categories of EF that the research will talk about. Each function is used to manage oneself in order to sustain action, attention, emotion, thoughts towards a specific goal or outcome.
The complexity of this interaction can not be underappreciated.
These are 8 behavioral categories of EF that the research will talk about. Each function is used to manage oneself in order to sustain action, attention, emotion, thoughts towards a specific goal or outcome.
The complexity of this interaction can not be underappreciated.
.
This is one of my clients from two years ago. Samamther is in the picture. HW was a huge battle every night.
Matt's awesome. He's now a college graduate, but he failed twice in college before we met.
He graduated from BC high with golf scholarship. He did not have the prerequisit skills for college. He got his HW done most nights, but he never learned how to study or manage life.
Feel free to watch this and a few others that Matt and I put together. He has a cool story to tell.
So, whats the problem. Is it grades? Or is it more than that? Who owns the problem?
Do you or your child? If you are nagging all the time then you own the problem and there may be some co-dependency and learned helplessness issues developing. How do you break the cycle and turn the page. How do you put your child in the driving seat and offer support from the passenger seat? How do you pull back without catastrophic consequences. Remember the question I asked about fear? What do you fear?
First step! "It's not my problem"
When the situation arises and all you want to do is jump in.... "It's not my problem". Sit and relax and breath.
Second....
Engage... "What's up?. I notice you are not doing what we agreed to. What's going on?"
"What's up? I notice you are struggling with. . ."
Non-judgement
Third. ..
"What's your plan?"
"By When"
"What if that plan does not work?" What's plan B"
When will you let me that this situation was resolved?"
We want children who engage in the world in a meaningful way.
Who are proactive in their interactions and walk with a sense of purpose.
What we don’t want is children who live a reactionary lifestyle – who always react to curcumstances whehter they are a victim of time or a victim of circumstance.
We want to raise children who know what it's like to work towards a goal and learn how to do what's necessary and not always what's easy for enjoyable. By setting expectations we are expanding our children's comfort zone, and helping them learn to work towards meaningful goals and meet the expectations of those around them.
Angela Duckworth - UPENN – GRIT
Carol Dweck – Stamford U. – Growth mindset and fixed mindset
“I'm sorry I'm sorry Christopher but our expectation stand. You can fight all you want but it will not change our mind. What your mom and I hope to see, is that you Will embrace this challenge as an opportunity. Your job is to come up with a plan to meet our expectations and once you've established a consistent pattern of meeting our expectations we will talk about the many privileges you have access to”
“Samantha, I know this is hard but in this family we do not back away from challenges. Because in this family we take challenges as an opportunity to grow and truly discover what we are capable of. Your mom and dad believing you and know that you are capable of not only meeting our expectations, but exceeding them, and defining a whole new level of expectations for yourself”
Use the language of Grit
Goal-directedness (knowing where to go and how to get there).
Motivation (having a strong will to achieve identified goals).
Self-control (avoiding distractions and focusing on the task at hand).
Positive mind-set (embracing challenge and viewing failure as a learning opportunity).
Nothing’s easy
Everything is Hard
Tap into belief system – In this family. . .
Provide support – Let’s do it together. You are in charge, but I will help
At the end of the day we all hope the same thing for our children. We want them to grow into happy. Healthy, and independent adults. We want them to find a path in life that they can be proud of. A path that they chose and not a path that was an only option. Many children and adults with ADHD or the Executive function deficits struggle with goal directed behavior, motivation to do what's necessary not easy, self-control, in a positive mindset to embrace challenges in see failure as an opportunity to grow and learn.
Angela Duckworth at a university of Pennsylvania has pioneered research in the field of positive psychology looking into this construct of grit and its relationship to long term success. What she found out when she compared variables like IQ, socioeconomic status, and levels of education, as well as others, she discovered that Grit what is by far the greatest determinant of long term success.
“Are are smart enough to get this done in no time, why wait”
“What’s your plan to complete the paper due Monday. I want to see you putting a lot of effort into it. It should be an A paper once you have your dad help you with edits”
“You really spent a long hours on that project. I know it was the last thing you wanted to do this weekend”
Carol Dweck, another researcher from Stanford University, discovered how important mindset is in determining achievement and success in life. A fixed mindset, as Dr. Dweck puts it, is a limited mindset based on fixed beliefs and ideas about who you are and what you're capable of. A growth mindset in contrast, is a mindset sees personal growth and potential as a progression and sees intelligence, and deficits, as not fixed but as characteristics that can be developed and Mastered.
As parents, we can support our child's progression towards developing grit and a growth mindset. We understand how valuable it is for our children to see their deficits as an opportunity to grow and learn, as an opportunity to experience the joy that comes from overcoming obstacles.
Stop the pacifying and the coddling the emotional justifications for decision making. Help your child frame challenge and stress as opportunities to be confronted and overcome.
Dr. Dan Siegel and Angela Duckworth
Dr. Ned Hallowell out of Sudbury references.
LD being the most prevalent but conduct disorder being the most impactful. children with a co-exesting condition are now at a greater risk
Greater risk of skipping school, droppping out, suspensions, and repeating a year.
Due to development delays and self regulation deficits, we can see the logical risk factors associated with automobiles.
Yes, drug use is also part of this story. The children at greatest risk of those with co-existing conditions, like conduct disorders. Now, from a generational perspective, we need to factor in that self regulation deficits are more pronounced now that 80% of all children 13 and older have a smartphone