After Action

……Finding Middle Ground inFinding Middle Ground in
the Transition from Combatthe Transition from Combat
to Hometo Home
Copyright 2005 Chuck Dean

Inner Conflict – The ParadoxInner Conflict – The Paradox
Happy to be HomeHappy to be Home
(Looked forward to the return…Dreamland)(Looked forward to the return…Dreamland)
However…dissatisfaction and confusedHowever…dissatisfaction and confused
feelings may prevail…feel edgy, uptight,feelings may prevail…feel edgy, uptight,
and perhaps angry for no good reasonand perhaps angry for no good reason

Reality Sets In – Thoughts ofReality Sets In – Thoughts of
Returning to War-ZoneReturning to War-Zone
Home is not the same – FailedHome is not the same – Failed
expectations – Too complicated…combatexpectations – Too complicated…combat
zone is simplerzone is simpler
Left friends that your life depended on andLeft friends that your life depended on and
they depended on youthey depended on you
Job not finishedJob not finished
Trained to do a job that doesn’t translateTrained to do a job that doesn’t translate
to civilian life (shoot, move, communicate)to civilian life (shoot, move, communicate)

Transformers - Warriors in FluxTransformers - Warriors in Flux
Down Range to Home on the Range…Down Range to Home on the Range…
 Deployed mindset is: Inner resolve and strengthDeployed mindset is: Inner resolve and strength
to face fear, obstacles, and trials in combat withto face fear, obstacles, and trials in combat with
courage and coolness of character —courage and coolness of character —
Assault/retreat…No Middle GroundAssault/retreat…No Middle Ground
 Military training and acquired skills thatMilitary training and acquired skills that
sustained your survival in combat can besustained your survival in combat can be
negative and harmful at home. Combatnegative and harmful at home. Combat
Operational Stress (COS).Operational Stress (COS).

Good ReturnsGood Returns
Every individual has their own way ofEvery individual has their own way of
making the journey from war to peacemaking the journey from war to peace
A good return coping skill is to consciouslyA good return coping skill is to consciously
adapt combat skills to work for you on theadapt combat skills to work for you on the
home front. Be effective in the same wayshome front. Be effective in the same ways
Capitalize on what you know — YourCapitalize on what you know — Your
proven strengthsproven strengths

Your Deployed StrengthsYour Deployed Strengths
 Camaraderie — Unit cohesion and teamworkCamaraderie — Unit cohesion and teamwork
 Tactical alertness — vigilanceTactical alertness — vigilance
 Armed for combat – constant close proximity toArmed for combat – constant close proximity to
lethal weaponslethal weapons
 Emotional control under pressureEmotional control under pressure
 Aggressive (not defensive) driving skills (vehicleAggressive (not defensive) driving skills (vehicle
movement – convoys, patrols)movement – convoys, patrols)
 Discipline and commanding presenceDiscipline and commanding presence
(You cannot always behave and react the same at(You cannot always behave and react the same at
home like you did in the combat zone.)home like you did in the combat zone.)

Camaraderie – The BuddyCamaraderie – The Buddy
SystemSystem
 The Front = Your life was entrusted to yourThe Front = Your life was entrusted to your
buddies, and no else understands yourbuddies, and no else understands your
experience but those who were with you.experience but those who were with you.
 Home Front = You may long and prefer to beHome Front = You may long and prefer to be
with your war buddies rather than with lovedwith your war buddies rather than with loved
ones (Understanding and interests areones (Understanding and interests are
elsewhere…you avoid talking re: warelsewhere…you avoid talking re: war
experiences…appear to be “cold” to loved ones)experiences…appear to be “cold” to loved ones)

Recognize and RenewRecognize and Renew
The Front = Unit cohesion, strongThe Front = Unit cohesion, strong
friendships made in times of intensefriendships made in times of intense
survival, helping, trusting, etc.survival, helping, trusting, etc.
The Home Front = Recognize and utilizeThe Home Front = Recognize and utilize
your training skills to renew family ties.your training skills to renew family ties.
Spend individual time with loved ones…Spend individual time with loved ones…
accept and provide support.accept and provide support.

Realities of ControlRealities of Control
Maintaining control is aMaintaining control is a
basic survival instinct…basic survival instinct…
The Front = personal belongings,The Front = personal belongings,
weapons and combat gear are importantweapons and combat gear are important
and necessary to staying alive. Everythingand necessary to staying alive. Everything
in order…unexpected company.in order…unexpected company.
Readiness is paramount for survival.Readiness is paramount for survival.

Realities of Control – part 2Realities of Control – part 2
The Home Front = You can easily becomeThe Home Front = You can easily become
upset and go “overkill” when someoneupset and go “overkill” when someone
moves or messes with your stuff…nomoves or messes with your stuff…no
matter how significant or insignificant. Thematter how significant or insignificant. The
idea of someone “violating” your spaceidea of someone “violating” your space
sets you off. It seems that no one caressets you off. It seems that no one cares
about doing things right except you, andabout doing things right except you, and
they are not combat-ready!they are not combat-ready!

Inventory Survival – What isInventory Survival – What is
Important?Important?
The Front = Constantly keeping tabs onThe Front = Constantly keeping tabs on
personal possessions because you maypersonal possessions because you may
need them at any time. Good inventoryneed them at any time. Good inventory
keeps you combat readykeeps you combat ready
The Home Front = Distinguish betweenThe Home Front = Distinguish between
importance's. Giving up control at homeimportance's. Giving up control at home
does not place you at risk. Surrender isdoes not place you at risk. Surrender is
ok. Apologizing is NOT a sign ofok. Apologizing is NOT a sign of
weakness (especially to your significantweakness (especially to your significant
other)other)

Living with the “Wire”Living with the “Wire”
Combat Life Creates Invisible PerimeterCombat Life Creates Invisible Perimeter
Wires for Command and Control.Wires for Command and Control.
It is how we cope with pain & emotionalIt is how we cope with pain & emotional
overwhelm. (Vows are made…)overwhelm. (Vows are made…)
A perimeter wire at home can destroyA perimeter wire at home can destroy
relationships if ignored and not addressedrelationships if ignored and not addressed

Knowing the “Wire” DrillKnowing the “Wire” Drill
Explain the “wire” to those close to youExplain the “wire” to those close to you
(Encouraging loved ones not to take it(Encouraging loved ones not to take it
personal when you keep them at armspersonal when you keep them at arms
length.)length.)
Practice allowing those you love and trustPractice allowing those you love and trust
to come over to your side of the “wire” toto come over to your side of the “wire” to
visit and interact in yourvisit and interact in your reservedreserved space.space.
Get their agreement to return to their sideGet their agreement to return to their side
of the “wire” if you become stressed.of the “wire” if you become stressed.

Tactical AlertnessTactical Alertness
The Front = Survival depends on constantThe Front = Survival depends on constant
awareness of surroundings and reactingawareness of surroundings and reacting
to danger according to your trainingto danger according to your training
(sniper fire, mortar attacks, possible IEDs,(sniper fire, mortar attacks, possible IEDs,
etc.)etc.)
The Home Front = Hyper vigilance andThe Home Front = Hyper vigilance and
anxious in crowds and confined spaces.anxious in crowds and confined spaces.
Easily startled…difficultly with sleepEasily startled…difficultly with sleep
because you must be on guard.because you must be on guard.

Making Alertness Work at HomeMaking Alertness Work at Home
 Train yourself to recognize and determine (inTrain yourself to recognize and determine (in
advance) what is aadvance) what is a minorminor oror majormajor event or aevent or a
change involving your surroundings. Familiarizechange involving your surroundings. Familiarize
yourself with elements in your environment thatyourself with elements in your environment that
repeatedly sets off combat-induced triggers.repeatedly sets off combat-induced triggers.
 Implement an exercise program. Refrain fromImplement an exercise program. Refrain from
large amounts of alcohol or illegal drugs to helplarge amounts of alcohol or illegal drugs to help
with sleep.with sleep.

Lethal WeaponsLethal Weapons
The Front: Mandatory possession ofThe Front: Mandatory possession of
weapons. You had to carry your weaponweapons. You had to carry your weapon
and have it ready for action all the time. Itand have it ready for action all the time. It
meant life or death.meant life or death.
The Home Front: “Naked” without aThe Home Front: “Naked” without a
weapon in your possession. In the home,weapon in your possession. In the home,
in your car, and believing that loved onesin your car, and believing that loved ones
are not safe without them.are not safe without them.

Armed to Unarmed…Making the SwitchArmed to Unarmed…Making the Switch
Aligning Combat laws with Civilian LawsAligning Combat laws with Civilian Laws
 Combat law dictates – You have developed skillsCombat law dictates – You have developed skills
and know the strict rules for weapon safety.and know the strict rules for weapon safety.
Where and/or when to fire a weapon.Where and/or when to fire a weapon.
 Civilian law dictates – Safety precautions. NeverCivilian law dictates – Safety precautions. Never
drive with a loaded weapon, or use a weapon todrive with a loaded weapon, or use a weapon to
threaten or intimidate others (especially thosethreaten or intimidate others (especially those
close to you…loved ones). Do not demandclose to you…loved ones). Do not demand
anything from anyone by brandishing a weapon.anything from anyone by brandishing a weapon.

Confrontational CourageConfrontational Courage
 The Front = Soldiers make split secondThe Front = Soldiers make split second
decisions that are lethal. Kill or be killed.decisions that are lethal. Kill or be killed.
Appropriate responses to threats. Anger is usedAppropriate responses to threats. Anger is used
to motivate in combat.to motivate in combat.
 The Home Front = Same training skills result inThe Home Front = Same training skills result in
inappropriate hostility towards others, anger,inappropriate hostility towards others, anger,
assault, spousal abuse. Overreactions to minorassault, spousal abuse. Overreactions to minor
insults and hassles.insults and hassles.

Immediate Action/Correct ActionImmediate Action/Correct Action
The Front = Confrontational (aggressive)The Front = Confrontational (aggressive)
action in combat ensures safety fromaction in combat ensures safety from
actual threats of danger.actual threats of danger.
The Home Front = (Correct action) LearnThe Home Front = (Correct action) Learn
to quickly determine real threats to yourto quickly determine real threats to your
safety and think before you act. Walksafety and think before you act. Walk
away. Talk to someone while you cool off.away. Talk to someone while you cool off.

““It was Just a Bump in the Road:It was Just a Bump in the Road:
Keep Driving & Don’t Look Back.”Keep Driving & Don’t Look Back.”
Controlling emotions in combat vs. Shut down atControlling emotions in combat vs. Shut down at
home. (“It Don’t Mean Nothin”)home. (“It Don’t Mean Nothin”)
 The Front = It was critical to control (“freeze”)The Front = It was critical to control (“freeze”)
emotions for the sake of the mission. Able to doemotions for the sake of the mission. Able to do
the job while mastering strong feelings.the job while mastering strong feelings.
 The Home Front = Loved ones expect to seeThe Home Front = Loved ones expect to see
emotions. Failing to show them signals that youemotions. Failing to show them signals that you
don’t care…hurting relationships. You coulddon’t care…hurting relationships. You could
come across as unloving and detached.come across as unloving and detached.

Making Combat ControlMaking Combat Control
Work at HomeWork at Home
Capitalize on the strength of the emotionalCapitalize on the strength of the emotional
control you learned in the combat zone.control you learned in the combat zone.
(Performing tasks while mastering strong(Performing tasks while mastering strong
emotions)emotions)
Emotional control means holding inEmotional control means holding in
emotionsemotions as well asas well as expressing them.expressing them.
Showing emotions is good for healthyShowing emotions is good for healthy
relationships at home. It is not arelationships at home. It is not a
weakness.weakness.

Trouble on the Commo LinesTrouble on the Commo Lines
 The Front = You talked about your missions andThe Front = You talked about your missions and
experiences with those who needed to knowexperiences with those who needed to know
(usually only those other members of your unit(usually only those other members of your unit
who shared the experience and can relate).who shared the experience and can relate).
 The Home Front = Avoid talking to anyone aboutThe Home Front = Avoid talking to anyone about
deployment experiences…loved ones press youdeployment experiences…loved ones press you
to talk. Can’t relate…to talk. Can’t relate…
You do not let anyone know where you areYou do not let anyone know where you are
going or where you have been.going or where you have been.

Language OverloadLanguage Overload
We went to war and some of us came back.We went to war and some of us came back.
End of the story…End of the story…
I suffered. I was there. You were not.I suffered. I was there. You were not.
(Only those facts matter…Everything else(Only those facts matter…Everything else
is beyond words.)is beyond words.)
It don’t mean nothinIt don’t mean nothin’ really means: “It’ really means: “It
means everything, it means too much”means everything, it means too much”
Language overload, so forget hearingLanguage overload, so forget hearing
about it.about it.

The Road to Happiness BeginsThe Road to Happiness Begins
with Open Commo Lineswith Open Commo Lines
Accept the fact that your loved ones needAccept the fact that your loved ones need
to know something about yourto know something about your
deployment. Think about how you can telldeployment. Think about how you can tell
your story in a way that is acceptable toyour story in a way that is acceptable to
both them and yourself. Brief them thatboth them and yourself. Brief them that
you will not talk about certain things….SOyou will not talk about certain things….SO
DON’T ASK! (i.e. “Did you kill anyone?”).DON’T ASK! (i.e. “Did you kill anyone?”).
Tell them your story…Tell them your story…

Why Them and Not Me?Why Them and Not Me?
Frustrated and feeling guilty that you livedFrustrated and feeling guilty that you lived
to come home, and fear that others mayto come home, and fear that others may
not because you are not there to do yournot because you are not there to do your
part to keep them alive.part to keep them alive.
Vowed to never leave a buddy behind. AVowed to never leave a buddy behind. A
feeling of failure — that you are lettingfeeling of failure — that you are letting
those down who trusted and relied uponthose down who trusted and relied upon
your skills and “gun”.your skills and “gun”.

Dealing with Survivor’s GuiltDealing with Survivor’s Guilt
Realizing that there are circumstancesRealizing that there are circumstances
that are beyond your abilities and trainingthat are beyond your abilities and training
to prevent or change. Accept that…to prevent or change. Accept that…
Your buddy still in the war zone wants youYour buddy still in the war zone wants you
to drive on, succeed and be happy afterto drive on, succeed and be happy after
your tour of duty.your tour of duty.

Lines Are Drawn Down RangeLines Are Drawn Down Range
 On the Front giving and taking orders is cut andOn the Front giving and taking orders is cut and
dried. Disciplined to receive and carry outdried. Disciplined to receive and carry out
orders. Disciplined to give orders and see thatorders. Disciplined to give orders and see that
they are carried out unwaveringly. Black andthey are carried out unwaveringly. Black and
white thinking kept you and others safe and inwhite thinking kept you and others safe and in
control of situations.control of situations.
 On the Home Front inflexible mindset (givingOn the Home Front inflexible mindset (giving
orders and making demands) often leads toorders and making demands) often leads to
conflict with loved ones, friends, workplace, etc.conflict with loved ones, friends, workplace, etc.

Negotiating in Middle GroundNegotiating in Middle Ground
Realize:Realize:
#1 Your family is not your military unit.#1 Your family is not your military unit.
#2 Time has passed since you were with them and#2 Time has passed since you were with them and
new ways of doing things may havenew ways of doing things may have
developed… learn to relax, observe, anddeveloped… learn to relax, observe, and
appreciate this as growth.appreciate this as growth.
#3 Be prepared to negotiate: Negotiating for#3 Be prepared to negotiate: Negotiating for
resolutions requires that you stop, wait, listen…resolutions requires that you stop, wait, listen…
walk in the other person’s shoes…see their pointwalk in the other person’s shoes…see their point
of view the best you can.of view the best you can.

Welcome HomeWelcome Home
A New DayA New Day

Chuck Dean’s CompleteChuck Dean’s Complete
Book CollectionBook Collection
Can be Found at:Can be Found at:
www.amazon.com/author/chuckdeanbookswww.amazon.com/author/chuckdeanbooks

After Action

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