The 50-50 Rule (sm) Executive Summary: Helping Siblings Overcome Family Conflict while Caring for Aging Parents.

1. Executive Summary
United States
The 50-50 Rule
SM
SM
Helping Siblings Overcome Family Conflict
While Caring for Aging Parents
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2. Introduction
A national study of U.S. family caregivers,
sponsored by the Home Instead Senior Care®
network, shows that the dynamics of family relationships
can thrust one sibling into the role of primary caregiver
The implication is that sibling relationships and
caregiving quality suffer when there are not effective
family processes or dynamics in place to help brothers
and sisters make successful decisions, equitably divide
for an aging parent. This can create an “anything you the workload and build a caregiving team.
can do I can do better” tug and pull between brothers
and sisters who should be working together for the In response, the Home Instead Senior Care network
best interests of their senior loved ones. has developed The 50-50 RuleSM
(www.solvingfamilyconflict.com). The 50-50 Rule refers
The study, conducted by The Boomer Project, included to the average age when siblings are caring for their
711 adults ages 35-64, with living siblings or stepsiblings, parents (50) as well as the need for brothers and sisters
who said they either currently provide care for a parent to more equitably share the planning responsibility
or older relative, or did provide care in the past 18 (50/50).
months.
The stakes are high – sibling relationships and the
This inability to effectively work together often leads quality of their parents’ care are at risk. But with
to one sibling becoming responsible for the bulk of new approaches and a focus on building better family
caregiving (true in 43% of families) which can contribute relationships, caregiving can make families stronger.
to a deterioration of sibling relationships.
Three key factors, more than any others, will determine
if relationships between the adult children will
deteriorate, and whether the quality of care to the
parent will be compromised. Those factors are the adult
children’s ability to make important decisions together;
their ability to divide the caregiving workload; and their
level of teamwork. The lower the self-reported scores
on these measures, the lower the overall grade they
give themselves and their siblings in working together
to provide care to their parents.
Forty-six percent of caregivers who say their sibling
relationships have deteriorated say their brothers and
sisters are unwilling to help.
Furthermore, survey participants were much more
likely to give themselves excellent ratings for important
personal caregiving traits than they were their brothers
and sisters.

3. Sibling Caregiving
Dynamics
• Among a group of siblings, on average, the primary role. The youngest siblings surveyed are the most likely
caregiver is a sister, age 50, who has been providing care to describe themselves as the ones with the closest
for an 81-year-old mother for more than 3.5 years. relationship with their parents.
• Care is not shared equally. In 43% of • The adult child who assumes the
families, one sibling has the responsibility
for providing most or all of the care for
Primary caregivers role of primary caregiver most often
describes his or her traditional role in
Mom or Dad. In only 2% of families, the spend 19 hours the family as the “responsible one” and
siblings split the caregiving responsibilities “the organizer.”
equally between them. In all other a week providing
families, caregiving is shared based upon care, compared • Caregiving arrangements amongst
skill sets or some other criteria. siblings occur more by happenstance
with four to five than by careful consideration of what
• The sibling who is the primary family
caregiver reports putting in nearly
hours a week each is best for the siblings or the parents
receiving care: 27% say the caregiving
four times the hours of care than provided by their arrangement with their siblings is “by
their brothers and sisters (on average, default” and 25% say it is based on
primary family caregivers provide 19 other siblings. “proximity.”
hours of care per week versus four to
five hours of care provided by their other siblings). • Family caregivers with siblings are most likely to
perform tasks for their parents that include emotional
• Nearly two-thirds of youngest siblings (64%) say support; advice and guidance; companionship;
they are the primary family caregiver, while only 57% of transportation; and assistance with groceries and
oldest siblings and 49% of middle siblings say this is their errands.
How is caregiving divided between you and your siblings?
43%
One brother
18%
Two or more
16%
We participate
6%
We take turns
2%
We divide
15%
Some other
or sister does siblings share based on our with caregiving caregiving arrangement
most or all of responsibilities, skills tasks equally
the caregiving with one or
more much less
involved

4. Impact on Sibling
Relationships
• When it comes to caregiving, there is a feeling among siblings that “anything you can do I can do better.” Survey participants
were much more likely to give themselves excellent ratings for important personal caregiving traits than they were their brothers
and sisters. Following are the excellent ratings survey respondents assigned to themselves and their siblings, respectively: reliability
(73%; 27%); communication skills (57%; 24%); and empathy (51%; 23%).
• Just as the effectiveness of the caregiving team relies on three primary factors – ability to make important decisions together,
division of workload, and teamwork – so does the quality of the sibling relationships. Caregivers who rated their sibling team
highly on these three key issues are seven times more likely to say their relationships with their siblings have improved (instead of
deteriorated) as a result of caregiving.
• The overall effectiveness of the caregiving team impacts quality of sibling relationships. More than one-third of respondents
(36%) who give themselves and their siblings average or below-average overall caregiving scores report that their relationships
have deteriorated as a result of providing care. Conversely, 69% of caregivers who give themselves and their siblings above average
overall caregiving scores say their relationships with their siblings have improved as a result of caregiving.
• Among those survey participants who say their
relationships with their siblings have deteriorated as a result
of caregiving, the most common reason given (46%) is that
their “siblings are not willing to help.” Of those who said
their sibling relationships have improved, almost all said their
Caregiver Traits
communications with their brothers and sisters are better My Siblings’
Ability
now.
• Three out of four primary family caregivers say their
traditional family role has changed since becoming a caregiver
to their parent. One in five (19%) says he or she has
“become the parent now,” and about one in seven (14%) says
he or she “is more responsible.”
Financial Management
(Percentage is based on highest importance or highest ability ratings.)
SURVEY METHODOLOGY
The Boomer Project (www.boomerproject.com) conducted an online survey of 711 U.S. adults ages 35-64, with living siblings or stepsiblings, who
said they either currently provide care for a parent or older relative, or did provide care in the past 18 months. Almost 60% of the participants
identified themselves as primary caregivers; the remaining respondents said they provide care too, but not as their families’ primary caregivers.

5. Quality of Care
Influencers
• Adult children say the most important characteristics • Primary family caregivers who indicate they personally take
for a caregiver are patience, reliability, a positive attitude, on more responsibilities, including helping with errands and
empathy and good communications skills. Caregivers medication management, are the same individuals who say
surveyed give themselves the highest ratings for reliability their family is poor at making important decisions together,
and communication skills.They score themselves lowest for dividing the caregiving workload, and teamwork.
patience, financial management skills and medical skills.
• Nearly a quarter of survey participants (23%) say the one
• Four in 10 adult children (42%) give themselves and their thing they would change about how they approach the care
siblings below average grades for their ability to divide the of their parents would be to encourage their brothers and
caregiving workload. More than a quarter of caregivers (28%) sisters to help more.
say they and their siblings earn below average grades for their
teamwork in providing care to their parents.
• The overall effectiveness of the entire team of sibling
caregivers is directly proportional to three key factors:
1) Their ability to make important decisions together;
2) Their ability to divide the caregiving workload; and
3) Their level of teamwork in executing/implementing this
workload.
The higher the self-reported scores on these measures,
the higher the overall grade the caregivers typically give to
themselves and their siblings on working together to care for
their parents. Conversely, the lower these scores the more
likely caregivers are to report problems related to caregiving, Caregiver Team Ratings
including the deterioration of relationships with their siblings. How do you rate you and your siblings on each of the
following with regard to providing care to your parents?
(% reflects number giving themselves the highest possible rating.)
This direct correlation is demonstrated by these trends:
• More than two-thirds (68%) of caregivers who give
their families the highest ratings on their “ability to make 28% Our willingness to help each other
important decisions together” also give their families the 27% Our ability to make important decisions together
highest overall ratings for working together to provide care.
24% Our ability to communicate openly
• On the other hand, seven in 10 caregivers who say their 23% Our ability to work together
families fail at their “ability to make important decisions 22% Our teamwork
together” also say their families fail in their overall ability to
22% Our consideration for each other’s ability to help
work together to provide care.
16% Our ability to divide caregiving workload