The author recounts surviving a domestic violence incident on August 27, 2011. She had been in an on-again, off-again relationship for 8 months with a man who was emotionally and physically abusive, especially when drunk. On that night, after another fight, he shoved, threw, and held her down on the bed until she was able to call 911. He was arrested and sentenced to jail time. The author developed PTSD from the trauma but has now realized her strength in leaving the relationship and no longer living in fear.

1. A Survivor, But Not A Victim By Ashley Wagstaff January 18, 2016
I am a survivor of domestic violence, but I am no longer a
victim. I played the victim for five years. I spent so much time
hating myself for being with someone whom I had allowed to harm
me. I allowed myself to live in fear. But I made a vow to no
longer be afraid of what happened to me.
I still remember it so clearly. August 27th, 2011, a date I will
never forget.
We were constantly on and off for eight months. I’m not sure why
I kept going back to him. Maybe it was fear. Maybe I believed
every single time he had changed. Maybe I just like to see the
best in people.
The day my life changed, we had been living together for about a
month. Our relationship was volatile to say the least. He was
emotionally abusive, but I was naïve and never thought he would
be physically abusive.
I was the only one to get a job. He was lazy and an alcoholic.
He was mean in every sense of the word. I had noticed that once
I had gotten my job, he spent most of his time drinking at his
friend’s house.
I was working for a call center and was on the night shift. I
worked from 2pm-11pm. When I had gotten off work that night, he

2. A Survivor, But Not A Victim By Ashley Wagstaff January 18, 2016
had asked me to take him to the liquor store. I was tired of his
drinking and we got into a big argument.
He took off, on foot, and I made my way to his friend’s house.
He had let his cell phone in the car so I had no way to contact
him. When I arrived at his friend’s house, his friend’s wife
told me had had called from a pay phone near a liquor store.
I felt bad and decided to go get him.
I picked him and his friend up and we continued to fight all the
way back to their house. We were screaming and yelling at each
other. He even tried to jump from the car while I was driving.
He continued to drink. He had drank four shooters in the parking
lot of the liquor store and then proceeded to drink two forty
ounce beers after that.
Things calmed down for about an hour and we left his friend’s
house and went home at 1:30 A.M. August 27, 2011.
When we got to the parking lot of our apartment building he got
out of the car and threw up. I helped him up the three flights
of stairs to our floor and to the bathroom. I got him a glass of
water and then laid down on the bed.
Out of nowhere he began calling me names, from the bathroom. I
went to ask what was going on. He continued to belittle me.

3. A Survivor, But Not A Victim By Ashley Wagstaff January 18, 2016
When I yelled back at him, he stood up and walked towards me.
Angrily, he had told me he was going to call the police and have
me arrested for “false imprisonment.”
I told him that he had never asked me to move.
That was when he shoved me.
I told him “Do it again and I will call the police.”
He pushed me two more times. The second one, shoved me into the
wall behind me.
I ran down the hallway, grabbed his keys off the kitchen
counter, and ran into the bedroom. I went into the closet and
removed his apartment key from his key chain.
That was when I realized he was blocking the door to the closet.
I knew it was not safe for me to be cornered.
I asked him to move and he did not. So I tried to squeeze past
him. He shoved me into the door, slamming my hipbone into the
doorknob.
As I got to the bathroom door he picked me up and threw me onto
the bed. He held me down and I started screaming for help,
hoping my screams would not go unanswered.
He put his fist up as to start punching me and I knew if he
started that he would not stop until I was very hurt or worse.

4. A Survivor, But Not A Victim By Ashley Wagstaff January 18, 2016
I remembered I had an emergency button on my cell phone’s lock
screen and I quickly hit it. I screamed “Help Me!” into the
phone over and over again. When I paused to take a breath I
could hear the operator saying “Ma’am where are you?”
He realized I was on the phone with 911 and he took off out of
the apartment. I began talking to the operator, who informed me
that police were already in the area they just could not
pinpoint my exact location.
When the police arrived I gave them my statement and the officer
asked about injuries. I had not noticed how much pain I was in
until I started assessing myself.
My hip and back hurt the worst, but I declined medical help.
The police had no idea where he had gone and said they were
going to search the area and to call them if I heard from him.
I called my mom to let her know and she was horrified. I did not
realize how alone I was until I called her. I had not even cried
over the events until I spoke to her.
After talking to my mom I called my dad to let him know what had
happened and he too, was horrified.
While I was on the phone with my dad there was a quiet knock on
the door. I knew instantly who it was. I looked through the
peephole to be sure it was him and it was covered.

5. A Survivor, But Not A Victim By Ashley Wagstaff January 18, 2016
I got off the phone with my dad and immediately called 911. The
officer who had taken my statement had not been far away and was
back at my apartment within a few minutes. Shortly after I
answered the door another officer took off toward the back
stairway.
The officer heard everything over his radio and informed me they
had him in his custody.
I had a small bruise on my arm the following day and five days
later a huge, dark bruise appeared on my hip. I had also learned
that back had been sprained which I still have issues with to
this day.
In October 2011 he was arrested for assaulting a police officer.
He was sentenced to 6 months in county jail for my case and one
year in prison for the officer assault.
After servicing just two of the 6 months in county he was taken
to the prison to serve his one-year sentence.
I developed anxiety and PTSD which plagued me for almost five
years.
After five years, I finally quit looking over my shoulder and
realized that I am strong for never going back to him again. I
want women everywhere to know that they can leave an abusive

6. A Survivor, But Not A Victim By Ashley Wagstaff January 18, 2016
relationship. They can get through the trauma and live a very
fulfilled life.
August 27, 2011, I will never forget that date, but I am no
longer fearful.