A story of recovery from personal hurts, habits, and hang-ups. Also, the journey of a codependent wife dealing with her husband's addiction to prescription painkillers. Recovering from the grief of his death.

1. My Story
Jill Broyles
Fall 2011

2. Thank you for this chance to share my story. Every time I
retrace the steps of my journey, God reveals more and more
of the truth; and with that truth, comes freedom and
healing, as well as the assurance that I have never walked
alone.
With the recent deaths of celebrities who have abused
prescription medicine and with the loss of many right here
in our community, I thought this might be a good time to tell
my story. 5 ½ years ago, I lost my husband to an addiction
that began with prescription drugs; and clearly, at many
times during my life, I’ve struggled with hurts, habits, and
hang-ups of my own. I pray that God will use our
experiences to touch lives for Jesus. Certainly, the gospel of
grace and the glorious news of the Resurrection are
proclaimed for people like us.

4. My story starts back in 1955. I grew up as a tomboy in
between two brothers. My dad, who passed away in 2007, was
my best friend, and even though I knew he loved me, I worked
hard to win his approval. My mother was a good mom who
was, sadly, in fragile health for much of her life. As I got older, I
found myself assuming the role of family caretaker at a time
when I myself longed to be nurtured and emotionally close.
Instead, I became self-reliant, emotionally detached, and
superficial in my relationships with family and friends.
Thankfully, we attended a church in Denver where I learned
about God and discovered my identity in Christ. In high school, I
attended a Billy Graham crusade and committed my life to Jesus.
I remember being so grateful for the unconditional love of a
Savior who knows everything about me and accepts me just as I
am. A few years later, we lost my mom to emphysema. Her
death exposed layers of heartache in me that only God could
heal.

5. After my mom’s death, I moved to Loveland. I gradually
became acquainted with people and made friends, but my
longing for closeness and affection led me into a number of
unhealthy relationships, and I made some poor choices and
engaged in behaviors that were clearly outside of God’s will.
The magazines that came wrapped in brown paper did little
to satisfy my longing for real intimacy. I am so grateful that
God intervened and took me out of
inappropriate, codependent relationships that I knew were
wrong, but that I felt powerless to change. During this painful
time, I was diagnosed with depression and had to take a leave
of absence from work. I did a lot of soul-searching and spent
many hours reading the Bible. I sought Christian counseling
and asked God for forgiveness. Soon, I began to sense the
confidence and peace that I had experienced when I first
accepted Christ.

6. It wasn’t long before I met my
husband, Zenon, here at LifeSpring. He was the
friendly gentleman in the white shirt and fashionable
tie who sang behind me in the choir. He was a gifted
musician with a sensitive spirit and the heart of a
servant, and his love for God was an inspiration to
many. He had a good job, he loved the Dallas
Cowboys, and he had a weakness for his mother’s
tamales. Within weeks, we began dating. As in all
relationships, there were obstacles to overcome, but
both of us had high hopes for a long and happy future
together. In June of 1993, Zenon and I got married and
were soon blessed with two wonderful sons, Samuel
(in 1994) and Jonathan (in 1996).

8. Zenon battled chronic back pain and suffered from
debilitating migraines and depression for much of his
adult life. Early on, I became concerned about his
reliance on prescription drugs for pain management, but
deluded myself into believing that as long as his doctor
was prescribing the pills, they must be safe. Zenon’s
drug use soon escalated to addiction. In 1996, he was
hospitalized after a near-fatal overdose of Vicodin and
Percocet. He spent several days in a detox facility
and, upon release, seemed committed to using his pain
medications responsibly. It didn’t take
long, however, for him to relapse. Oxycontin and
Oxycodone became his new drugs of choice.

9. I was in denial about how serious his drug habit
was and tried to overlook his self-medicating and
his rush from doctor to doctor to get pills. I
rationalized his behavior and even popped a few
pain pills myself when the stress became too
great. Reality finally kicked in when Zenon was
arrested for prescription fraud in 1997. One of his
doctors recommended an out-patient methadone
treatment program in Denver, and Zenon faithfully
made that drive down I-25 to participate in the
program every day for five years.
Unfortunately, during this time, he continued to
get prescriptions for pain pills and began using
illegal drugs as well.

10. By this time, it was difficult for me to separate the
man I married from the addiction that controlled him. I
knew in my heart that it was irresponsible for me to stay
in the marriage as it was and put our children at
risk, but denial, pride, and a fear of being alone
paralyzed me from taking any action. In my efforts to
not rock a sinking boat, I enabled Zenon in his
addiction, and we quickly became a codependent family
drowning in dysfunction. Zenon’s health issues and
drug use affected his ability to hold down a job. We
struggled financially for years, relying on my dad, family
and friends, payday loans, and pawn shop deals to help
make ends meet. The worries about money were
overwhelming to me and left me emotionally and
financially bankrupt.

11. It was then that I realized that my life had
become unmanageable and that I was
powerless over the dysfunction in my life. I
needed a recovery program. I began attending
Celebrate Recovery and joined a Christ-centered
12-step group. Being able to be open and
honest with others in a safe place was critical at
that point in my life. Deep down, I hoped that
Zenon would start attending Celebrate Recovery
as well, and that one day, we would share our
journey in recovery together. It was not to be.

12. Several months later, Zenon received a summons to
appear on another, more serious drug charge. One
night, I found him cowering in a closet when he thought
the police were at our door. Declaring that he would
rather die than spend another night in jail, he fled to his
family home in Texas. Two days later, his brother called
with the devastating news that Zenon had passed away.
He collapsed in his parents’ home and died on the way
to the hospital. The emergency room doctor told the
family that the damage was so great that there was
nothing that could have been done to save him. The
autopsy report confirmed this. Zenon died of mixed
drug intoxication and respiratory failure caused by years
of drug abuse. He was 48 years old.

13. The last year of our marriage was very difficult; days
and nights filled with anxious moments, angry
accusations, and lies. I wanted Zenon to be honest with
me about his addiction, but I was afraid to face the truth.
I watched helplessly as his health deteriorated and his
spirit faded. On several occasions, I wanted to take him to
the emergency room, but he refused to go. I probably
should have insisted that he be admitted to a court-
ordered, long-term treatment program, but I had lost
hope. Zenon had been in and out of treatment programs
for years without any lasting change; and besides, I
questioned, how does someone like Zenon cope with
legitimate pain?

14. In despair, I turned my will over to God. I believe now that
when I gave up control, admitted that I could not fix things, and
humbly asked God for help, He began a new work in us. Psalm
91 says that God will deliver us from danger, even when we are
caught in a trap of this world. I believe that in taking Zenon
home, God kept His promise to protect us and delivered Zenon
from a dark and dangerous trap that is destroying more and
more families everyday. To this day, I don’t know the details of
where Zenon went in the wee hours of the morning or from
whom he got the drugs. It is enough for me to know that God’s
love and mercy kept our family out of harm’s way and that His
angels kept watch over us. Certainly, I recognize that the
consequences of Zenon’s addiction and of my codependence
could have been far more tragic, and perhaps even violent.
Through many dangers, toils, and snares … we have already
come; t’was Grace that brought us safe thus far, and Grace will
lead us home.

16. I miss Zenon. The boys miss their dad. I can’t begin to
understand how God works, but I do know that He does
work and that He’s bringing joy and purpose in those
places in our lives where we had only pain and conflict.
Zenon was at his best when singing and playing his guitar
in praise and worship bands in local churches. Amidst
difficulties with chronic illness and addiction, he found
release in lifting his heartfelt praise to God. In doing so, he
touched thousands of lives for Jesus. Zenon’s music is a
gift to our family and a legacy to all who loved him. As a
follower of Christ, Zenon may have lost the battle, but he
didn’t lose the war. Victory is his in Jesus. I am confident
that God will use our loss for greater good in our lives and
in the lives of others, and we are at peace knowing that
Zenon is finally free.

17. I am so glad that God uses us even in our
brokenness. I thank Him for His faithfulness to me in
every aspect of life and for the freedom I’ve found in
Christ. Being involved in a Celebrate Recovery ministry
and in a small group helped me learn to take
responsibility for my role in the dysfunction of our
family and to trust God with my weaknesses and
mistakes, as well as my strengths and hopes. My
recovery, in turn, has touched the lives of our
children, and for that I am truly grateful. Thank you
for sharing in our healing by listening to my story.

19. "Cry Out To Jesus"
To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye
And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

20. There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

21. For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
They lost all of their faith in love
They've done all they can to make it right again
Still it's not enough
For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone in your shame
And your suffering

22. There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

23. When you’re lonely
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
To the widow who suffers from being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight

24. There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

25. Celebrate Recovery Meetings
Crossroads Timberline
Fridays 7:00 – 10:00 Thursdays 6:30-9:00
Contact: Dana Cramer Contact: Chad Stone
(970-481-7379) (970-482-4387)
Grace Place (Berthoud) The Landing (for teens)
Wednesdays 7:00-9:30 Mondays 6:30-8:30
Contact: Mark Johnson Bonnie Baker Clinton
(970-532-9886) (970-213-1946)
Crossroads
http://saddleback.com/aboutsaddleback/signatureministries/celebraterecovery/