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RESOLVING CONFLICT IN
THE WORKPLACE
TIPSS LEADERSHIP SUMMIT
AUSTIN, TX
TUESDAY, JANUARY 24, 2012
Darby Merriman,
Director of Training & Development
CONFLICT
IS A NATURAL PART OF EVERY HUMAN INSTITUTION:
AGENCIES
ORGANIZATIONS
FAMILIES
ITS IMPACT EFFECTS EVERY MEMBER OF THE INSTITUTION.
Conflict Facts
 Conflict is a natural part of life.
 Conflict can be handled in positive or negative ways.
 Conflict must be present for growth and change.
 Conflict can result in creation or destruction.
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Is conflict positive or negative?
NEITHER!!!
It is how conflict is handled that
makes it positive or negative,
constructive or destructive
Basis of Conflict
1. Data
2. Structure
3. Interest
4. Relationships
4 p
5. Values
Data
 Lack of information
 Misinformation
 Rumor and Gossip
 Interpretation
p
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Structure
 Chain of command
 Access to Resources
 Power
 Barriers
 Time
Interest
 Property
 Territory
y
 Wants
Relationships
 Perception of relationship
 Change in relationship
 Behavior toward each other
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Values
 Ideology (political, religious, etc.)
 Goals
 Lifestyles
 Culture
Group Discussion
 Discuss conflicts that you have witnessed
 What were they about?
 How did the people involved respond?
p p p
 What was the result/impact on the
individuals involved and others?
The Beginning of Conflict…
 Poor communication
 Seeking power
 Dissatisfaction with management style
 Weak leadership
p
 Lack of openness
 Change in leadership
Source: http://www.nsba.org
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Conflict Indicators
 Body language
 Disagreements, regardless of issue
 Withholding bad news
 Surprises
 Strong public statements
 Airing disagreements through media
 Conflicts in value system
 Desire for power
 Increasing lack of respect
 Open disagreement
 Lack of candor on budget problems or other sensitive issues
 Lack of clear goals
 No discussion of progress, failure relative to goals, failure to
evaluate the superintendent fairly, thoroughly or at all.
Source: http://www.nsba.org
5 Most Common Types of Workplace Conflicts
1. Interdependence Conflicts. A person relies on
someone else's co-operation, output or input in order
for them to get their job done.
2. Differences in Style. People's preferred way for
completing a job can differ. For example, one person
may j
y just want to g the work done q
get quickly (
y (task
oriented), while another is more concerned about
making sure that everyone has a say in how the work
gets done (people oriented).
3. Differences in Background/Gender. Conflicts
can arise between people because of differences in
educational backgrounds, personal experiences,
ethnic heritage, gender and political preferences.
Source: http://www.leadership-and-motivation-training.com
5 Most Common Types of Workplace Conflicts
4. Differences in Leadership. Leaders have
different styles. Employees who change from one
leader to another can become confused and
irritated by the different leadership styles.
5. Personality Clashes. These types of conflict in
the workplace are often fueled by emotion and
perceptions about somebody else's motives and
character.
Source: http://www.leadership-and-motivation-training.com
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How Do We React to Conflict?
 FLIGHT - Avoidance/denial
 FIGHT - Competition/aggressive
confrontation
 FLOW – Problem-solving
Methods of Dealing with Conflict
1. Competing (Either you or me)
2. Accommodating (Always you not me)
3. Avoiding (It isn’t there or it’s not so bad)
4
4. Compromising (I give some y g
p g( g you give some))
5. Collaborating (We both get what we need)
Conflict
DESTRUCTIVE CONSTRUCTIVE
 Negative response  Positive response
 Combative,  Collaborative,
threatening supportive
ti
 Declining
 Improved
organizational
organizational Health
Health
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Results of Conflict
 Destructive:
 Polarizes
 Escalates Problem
 Hinders Change
 Personal attacks
 Constructive:
 Establishes Trust
 Clarifies Issues and Direction
 Promotes co-operation
Passive Aggressive Response
 Gossiping
 Sabotage
 Non-supportive
 Attack someone else to retaliate
Types of Disputes
 Family members
 Roommates
 Neighbors
 Friends
 Couples
 Teacher/Student
 Landlord/Tenant
 Consumer/Merchant
 Employer/Employee
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Mediation
 Mediation uses a neutral third party to
facilitate a process allowing the disputants
themselves to resolve their conflict and
collaborate on mutually acceptable
ll b ll bl
solutions
HOW A CONFLICT GETS TO MEDIATION
An REFERRAL
argument
Is seen. A referral form is filled
out and put into the
referral box.
Invitation
Both disputants
are asked to come
to mediation.
If they agree,
Agreement An agreement
the mediation form is written
is held. up and signed.
Role of Mediator
1. Facilitates Process
2. Empowers Disputants
3. Equalizes Power
4
4. Maintains Neutralityy
5. Maintains Confidentiality
6. Remains Non-Judgmental
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Mediation Process
 Preliminary Arrangements
 Introductory Statement
 Initial Statement
 Issue and Problem Clarification
 Assessing Needs
 Generating Options
 Agreement Writing
 Closure
 Post Mediation
The Agreement
 Specific and realistic:
Who/What/When/Where/How
 Positive and future oriented
 Objective
 Non-judgmental, no implication of guilt
 Signed by all
Mediation
 It’s a simple, logical, step by step process.
 But that doesn’t mean it’s easy.
 As with any other skill set, it takes knowledge
and practice.
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Basic Principles
 Win-win
 Desire to solve the problem
 Cooperation
 Openness and honesty
 Voluntary
 Focus on needs
 Focus on future
 Focus on positive
 Non-judgmental
Benefits of Mediation
 Affordable ($0.00-few hundred $)
 Timely (within days not months)
 Convenient (at your convenience)
 Understandable (no legal jargon)
 Pri ate (confidential not open to public)
Private
 Effective (85% or more resolve)
 Satisfying (resolution created by
disputants)
One-on-One Process
MEDIATION CAN BE USED TO
RESOLVE CONFLICTS
ONE ON ONE
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One-on-One Process
1. Introductory Statement
“There seems to be a problem between us. Do y
p you
want to see if we can work this out?”
One-on-One Process
2. Initial Statement
“Tell me what this is about.”
Restate
“May I tell you where I’m coming from?”
One-on-One
3. Issue and Problem Clarification
“So basically what the issue/s is/are…?”
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One-on-One
4 & 5 Assessing Needs and Generating Options
“What is it that you need from me?
“I would be willing to…”
g
“What I need from you is…”
“ Would you be willing to?…”
One-on-One
6. Reaching Agreement
“Do we Agree then that I will…
and you will…?”
y
One-on-One
7. Closure
“Thanks for working this out with me. I appreciate…”
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I-Statements
Purpose of I-Statements:
 To honor our feelings and values without
putting another person down
 To convey information about our feelings
without blaming the other person
 To say how we feel about someone’s actions
in a way that keeps communication going
Using I-Statements
o To make a clear statement of your experience of an
event in a non-threatening way that allows the
listener to hear with out the need to defend.
o To use in the following situations:
 When you want to tell people, in a safe way, how
their behavior is affecting you
 When you have a strong emotional feeling or
response
 When you are annoyed or irritated by another
person or something that has happened
Principle 1: A listener will be much more open to
really listening if we send feelings or perceptions
instead of solutions.
For Example:
 Statement: “Do not ever take my pen again”
 Message: “You are a thief and I do not trust
you”
 I-Statement: “I feel angry when you borrow
my pen without asking”
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Principle 2: Acknowledging feelings or perceptions as
belonging to you. Blaming, evaluating, or judging sets
up a wall of anger and defensiveness
For Example:
 Statement: “You are selfish”
 I-Statement: “I feel annoyed when you borrow my
things without asking”
Principle 3: Be open or direct with these feelings or perceptions. Instead
of addressing the issue head on, we often avoid the direct approach, and
say one thing while implying another.
 Using avoidance leads to isolation or attack/
confrontation and can create more
CONFLICT!!!
Format of I-Statements
 WHEN (neutral description of action)
 I FEEL (statement of feeling without blame)
 BECAUSE (statement of negative consequences
forseen)
 AND WHAT I WOULD LIKE IS (statement of
desired outcome)
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Final Thoughts About I-Statements…
 There are no expectations. You can not control the
behavior of others. You can only control your own
behavior.
 You can express how you would like something to
change, b t you can not d
h but t demand th t it h
d that happen.
We want our kids to be successful…
Protective/Resiliency Factors
 A relationship with a caring adult role model
 Having an opportunity to contribute and be seen as a
resource
 Effectiveness in work, play, and relationships
p y p
 Healthy expectations and positive outlook
 Self-esteem and internal locus-of-control
 Self-discipline
 Problem solving/critical thinking skills
 A sense of humor
This is universal…to achieve success in the workplace, it is important
for people in the workforce to have these same skills and opportunities!
The Teachable Moment
 We may feel uncertain about how to handle conflict
 We may respond in ways that don’t make the best
use of the moment
 We may end up promoting rather than reducing
conflict
paxUnited®
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The Bottom Line
IF YOU ARE A GOOD COMMUNICATOR
AND MODEL GOOD PROBLEM
SOLVING AND COMMUNICATION
SKILLS TO YOUR STAFF…BOTH YOU
AND YOUR ORGANIZATION HAVE A
GREATER CHANCE FOR SUCCESS!
Contact Information
Darby Merriman, ACPS
Director of Training &
Development
2155 Chenault Drive, Suite 410
Carrollton, TX 75006
800.650.5247
(v) 972.671.9550
(f) 972.671.9549
darby.merriman@paxunited.org
www.paxUnited.org
www.twitter.com/paxunited
www.facebook.com/paxunited
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