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ACTIVE LISTENING
1.
Effective / Active
Listening Lis-ten-ing n. the process of receiving, constructing meaning from, and responding to spoken and / or nonverbal messages © EDG 2010
2.
Overview
I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Definitions • Barriers and Bad habits • Most people never listen. 4 Key Steps • Tips for Active listening Skills • Ernest Hemingway Methods to test understanding • Summary • © EDG 2010
3.
Communication – Why
we need to be better Listeners • We listen at 125 - 250 wpm, think at 1000-3000 wpm • 75% of the time we are distracted, preoccupied or forgetful • 20% of the time, we remember what we hear • More than 35% of businesses think listening is a top skill for success • Less than 2% of people have had formal education with listening Mode of Formal Years Percentage of Time Communication of Training Used Writing 12 years 9% Reading 6-8 years 16 % Speaking 1-2 years 30% Listening 0-few hours 45% © EDG 2010
4.
Definitions
• Effective Listening is listening to the words of the speaker and the meaning of the words. • Active Listening - the listener takes active responsibility to understand the content and feeling of what is being said and then checks with the speaker to see if he/she heard and understood what the speaker intended to communicate. “If I listen, I have the advantage; if I speak, others have it.” Arabic Proverb © EDG 2010
5.
Barriers and bad
habits to Effective/Active Listening • Physical Barriers • Not being able to hear (or see) the • Distractions / Triggers speaker • Access to Speaker – Remote Location • Language or cultural differences • Other People – speaking, questions, • Mental Barriers • Bad habits © EDG 2010
6.
Barriers and bad
habits to Effective/Active Listening • Physical Barriers • Distractions / Triggers • Electronic - phones, Blackberry, computers, TV, Radio, Music • Human – other people’s body language, • Mental Barriers conversations, questions, arrivals, departures, etc • Physical – noise, environmental • Bad habits incidents © EDG 2010
7.
Barriers and bad
habits to Effective/Active Listening • Assumptions - about the speaker, • Physical Barriers subject, debate • Personal Bias / Issues • Emotions – strong positive (enthusiasm, sympathy, desire) or negative response • Distractions / Triggers (frustration, irritation, anger, revulsion, shame) to the topic, argument, speaker, environment • Critique – of delivery, content, speaker • Mental Barriers • Processing Information – not listening • Mental Break – Daydreaming , focus on • Bad habits other issues © EDG 2010
8.
Barriers and bad
habits to Effective/Active Listening • Physical Barriers • Lack of Interest • Prejudice or Closed Mind • Criticizing the subject or the speaker • Distractions / Triggers • Listening only for facts • Not taking notes • Tolerating or creating distractions • Letting emotional or Trigger words block the message being given • Mental Barriers • Wasting time difference between speed of speech and speed of thought • Bad habits © EDG 2010
9.
4 Key Steps
in Effective/Active Listening 1. Intention: be ready and open to Listen both verbally and visually 2. Focus on the Speaker and the Discussion 3. Encourage the Speaker by using Verbal and Visual Encouragers 4. Offer Feedback to clarify and complete the Feedback Loop to ensure accuracy of understanding © EDG 2010
10.
Tips to develop
your Active Listening Skills • Focus on the person speaking instead of • Let the speaker’s argument or your own reactions. conversation come to completion. • Empathize with the Speaker – imagine • Remember only the person’s opinions you are in their shoes delivering the and perceptions are the reality of any speech trying to be heard discussion. • Silently repeat to yourself what you hear • Use Visual Encouragers - Lean forward, them saying (not aloud). or nod to offer encouragement and show your interest, facial expressions to show • Listen with all your senses (even your you are hearing. Smile, move an gut!) eyebrow, look surprised or puzzled. You have 15 muscles in your face for • Be mindful of the points the Speaker and expressions. Use them. others are making, withhold judgment and avoid making the speaker “right” or • Summarize what you hear. “wrong”. • Don’t look bored when someone else is. • If you disagree with the speaker or even Tapping fingers, humming to music, find it difficult to relate, try thinking of rolling eyes, fidgeting, are all nonverbal some common interests, values or forms of communications. reasons for the need to collaborate. • Ask clarifying questions • Get involved and engage in the discussion. • Respond to questions actively to show your interest. © EDG 2010
11.
Methods to Improve
Your Understanding 1. Listen 2. Questions 3. Reflect-Paraphrase – Parroting – Paraphrasing – Clarifying 4. Agree © EDG 2010
12.
Methods to Improve
Your Understanding 1. Listen • To the Feelings behind the words as well as the actual words Words Emotions Implications • Focus totally on the Speaker Don’t get lost in your own thoughts • Concentrate on what Is the Speaker talking about? Topic? Speaker? Listeners? Others? • Look At Speaker Use Verbal & Non-Verbal Encouragers © EDG 2010
13.
Methods to Improve
Your Understanding 2. Questions • 3 Reasons to Ask Questions Demonstrates you are listening Garner more information Clarification • Ask Open-ended Questions (5 W’s or H) How did you feel / What did that mean to you/ What do you see… ? (sensory ) Where will you…? What will happen…? © EDG 2010
14.
Methods to Improve
Your Understanding 3. Reflect-Paraphrase – Parroting – Paraphrasing – Clarifying • Reflect what has been said (by restating in your own words) • Acknowledge and Reflect Feelings displayed • Reframe the sentiment or ideas or feelings Capture the essence of the communication Remove negative framing / positioning Move toward problem solving or positive outlook © EDG 2010
15.
Methods to Improve
Your Understanding 4. Agree • Requires Closed (Yes/No) Questions • Get Speaker’s Consent and then agreement to your Understanding or Reframing of their position • Ask Speaker to acknowledge that they have been heard by you • Get Agreement on Understanding © EDG 2010
16.
Summary
Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of Definitions • listening when you'd Barriers and Bad habits • have preferred to talk. 4 Key Steps • Tips for Active listening Skills • ~Doug Larson Methods to test understanding • Summary • © EDG 2010
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