There's a funny paradox that everyone on a path to greater self awareness encounters. We learn that we create our own suffering, and that our "aversions" are one of the causes of that suffering. The paradox part: we form an aversion to aversion itself. I discovered this blind spot myself, when I recently pronounced that "I have no attachment or aversion". Even as I said it, I wondered if it could be true. Fortunately, as I spend my days cycling from one city in China to another, I have a lot of time to delve into what I might be hiding from myself…

1. EVEN THOUGH THOMAS AND
I SPEND ALL DAY CYCLING
TOGETHER, DINNER IS
OFTEN THE BEST CHANCE TO
TALK IN DEPTH.
JIANGSU, CHINA – AUGUST 2016
WHAT WERE
YOU THINKING ABOUT
ON TODAY’S RIDE?
UNCONSCIOUS
and theaversion to
AVERSION
an
AVERSION
aversion to
UNCONSCIOUSan
JIANGSU, CHINA – AUGUST 2016

2. WELL…REMEMBER
YESTERDAY YOU ASKED
ME WHY I NEVER GET
FRUSTRATED?

3. YEAH — YOU SAID
IT WAS BECAUSE YOU
HAD NO ATTACHMENT
AND NO AVERSION.

4. SO TODAY I ASKED
MYSELF IF THAT WAS
REALLY TRUE.
UH HUH.
AND … ?

5. I DIDN’T WANT TO TELL
YOU THIS, BUT I DON’T WANT
TO KEEP ANYTHING FROM YOU …
SO: IT’S AN AVERSION TO CYCLING
AT THE PACE YOU SLOW TO
AS WE GET TO THE END
OF EACH DAY.
WELL, I FIGURED
OUT THAT I DO HAVE
AN AVERSION.

6. YEAH? WHAT’S
THAT ABOUT?
ONE OF THE THINGS I ADMIRE
ABOUT THOMAS IS THAT HE
DOESN’T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
FOR MY ISSUES, MAKE ME FEEL
WRONG TO HAVE THEM, OR TRY
TO MAKE THEM ABOUT HIM.

7. HONESTLY, I FIND IT
BORING — BUT THAT’S NOT
THE ISSUE. TODAY I WORKED
OUT THAT IT’S ABOUT FOUR
DIFFERENT THINGS.

8. MM-HMM.

9. ] 1253qa
ONE IS WORRY
THAT WE WON’T REACH
BALI IN THE TIME WE
NEED TO.
ONE IS THAT I’M NOT
GETTING THE RIGOR I
NEED TO BE READY FOR
MOUNTAIN RIDING…
…AND THE LAST IS THAT
BY THAT TIME OF THE DAY MY ASS
IS SORE! THE SLOWER WE GO
THE LONGER I’M IN PAIN.
ANOTHER IS A FEAR
OF “NOT LOOKING GOOD”
SINCE WE’RE PUBLISHING
OUR PROGRESS…

10. AND Y’KNOW, FULLY
EXPLORING THE NATURE
OF THAT AVERSION MADE ME
QUESTION MYSELF ABOUT
WHAT’S IMPORTANT
TO ME.

11. AND IT’S SO
CLEAR: THE WHOLE POINT
OF THIS ADVENTURE, FOR ME,
IS GETTING TO SHARE
IT WITH YOU.

12. SO THEN I LOOKED AT MY
CHOICES FOR DEALING WITH
THE AVERSION. I COULD SPEED
UP TO A PACE THAT WOULD “FIX”
THOSE ISSUES — AND BE
RIDING ON MY OWN … … OR I COULD PUT YOU
UNDER PRESSURE TO SPEED
UP, WHICH WOULD LEAD TO
FRUSTRATION FOR AT LEAST
ONE OF US …

13. … OR I COULD RELAX,
AND FULLY APPRECIATE
HOW FORTUNATE I AM
TO BE HAVING THIS
EXPERIENCE WITH YOU.

14. I GUESS YOU KNOW
WHICH ONE I CHOOSE.

15. THAT’S REAL COOL, DAN.
AND I’M GLAD, BECAUSE
IT JUST DOESN’T WORK FOR
ME TO ALWAYS BE GOING
AT YOUR PACE.

16. I’M GLAD TOO — ON
ONE HAND IT WAS GREAT TO
DISCOVER THAT I WAS HIDING AN
AVERSION FROM MYSELF, AND
GET TO LOOK AT IT HONESTLY…

17. … AND ON THE OTHER
I WAS HESITANT TO TELL YOU
ABOUT ANY OF THIS, IN CASE
YOU FELT YOU HAD TO CHANGE
ANYTHING YOU DO
BECAUSE OF ME.

18. BUT I DID KNOW
GOING INTO THIS THAT, IF
MY LIFE WAS THE MATRIX,
YOU’RE NEO AND I’M
TRINITY.
OH, YOU
KNOW I WOULDN’T
DO THAT.
TO BE CONTINUED…