2. Grilled Cheese Sandwiches
You think you’re good
enough for a grilled
cheese sandwich? Do
you know what the fuck
you're getting into? Don’t
kid yourself, shit is about
to get real.
3. Grilled Cheese History
No one knows where cheese comes
from. There are rumors it has
something to do with gangs or the
Vatican, but don’t believe everything
your friends say. Your friends lie to
you ALL THE TIME. How old are you
for fucks sake?
4. Cheese
According to this picture there
are at least 3 types of
cheese. And let me tell you
something - they are all
delicious. You’re lucky you
even know what cheese IS!
Don’t forget that.
5. Don’t fuck this up
A few years ago I had a chance to
eat a grilled cheese sandwich. I
thought I was too cool for school
so I said no. You want to know
what happened? DO YOU!?!??!?!
6. Consequences of not eating a grilled
cheese sandwich.
It started me down the
path of ruin. Within 2
months I was on the
street and working as a
full time prostitute. I lost
my job, my house, even
my guns.
8. Grilled Cheese Sandwiches are loved
Everyone that has ever tried a
grilled cheese sandwich has loved
them. Even assholes. But here is
the thing. A lot of people get stuck
on only using American cheese.
Come on people are you fucking
kidding me! It’s like you are wiping
your ass with the statue of liberty.
9. So tired of your bullshit
I don’t even know why I’m wasting my time.
You obviously don’t understand what’s at stake.
10. I’ll give you another chance
Look, I get it. Life is fucked. Everyday is
like “What the fuck am I doing here? I
didn’t ask for this?” And you fuck up. It’s
part of being a human. So it’s cool.
Honestly I believe in you. I like you. I
used to be a lot like you. I know that
seems crazy but it’s true. I really just
want you to be happy.
11. Onward and upward
I’m proud that you are going to
take your grilled cheese
sandwich experience more
seriously. There are so many
cheese options, it’s just, you
know, wrong, to miss out. I just
care is all.
12. Can I get a ride?
My car got towed last month. It’s complete
bullshit and I got one of those guys that
advertises on TV to represent me. Seriously, if
this goes as he says, I could be looking at a
sweet payday. Real money. Fuck you money, if
you know what I mean. But right now I’m kind of
rideless, so if you could give me a lift, I’d totally
appreciate it. And I promise, when I get that
fucking giant settlement check, I’ll treat you to
some really fucking amazing cheese like from
England or some bullshit like that.
