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Sentence
     Fluency
How to make those sentences
 roll like a smooth-flowing
             river.
What is sentence fluency?
   Sentence structure, also known as syntax, is how a sentence
is put together, or the arrangement of the words.

  Sentence fluency then, is arranging your sentences to have a
smooth flow; they should read well aloud. In fact, that’s the
best way to check sentence fluency. If you can, read aloud the
examples in this presentation to hear how well sentences do or
do not flow.

  Sentence fluency goes hand in hand with word choice, as
you will see in some of the following examples. Better word
choice makes for better sentences; look for changes in word
choice as you read improved examples.
What to expect. . .
This presentation will take you through four
strategies for improving sentence fluency:

  1. Vary sentence beginnings.
  2. Combine sentences.
  3. Use a variety of sentence
     lengths.
  4. Use parallel structure.
Strategy 1


Vary sentence beginnings.
Try not to have too many sentences
  start the same way. It becomes
     choppy and boring to read.
Strategy 1: Varying
For example, read this repetitive sentence
construction:

I woke up feeling awful. I was groggy and I
felt like I had swallowed gravel, my throat was
so sore. I felt a dull ache all over my whole
body. I heard my mom call, but I really didn’t
want to crawl out of bed and face the day.

Notice how all the sentence begin with “I”? In fact,
there are too many “I’s” throughout this example,
even within the sentences!
Strategy 1: Varying
Now let’s look at revised version that varies the
sentence beginnings:

When I woke up, a dull ache wracked my whole body
and I felt quite groggy. My throat was so sore, it felt
like I had swallowed gravel. I heard my mom call, but
crawling out of bed and facing the day was more than
I could handle.
One sentence still begins with “I,” but the rest have been
changed. Reads better, doesn’t it? In addition to rearranging
sentences, some have been combined and new has been
wording added. The word “terrible” was eliminated altogether,
as the rest of the piece shows the idea of feeling terrible. Try
these strategies when you revise!
Strategy 1: Varying
The basic sentence structure is
  subject + verb + object
For example:
  Sandra + swam + in the polluted river.
  Danilo + thought + today would be different.
  Apples + bruise + when they fall to the ground.
You at least need a subject and a verb for a
complete sentence (in most cases): Sandra swam. Danilo
thought. Apples bruise. Some types of verbs, called transitive
verbs, do need objects, such as in the following:

  The committee + named + a new chairperson.
Strategy 1: Varying
But you don’t always have to start with your
subject (the main noun of your sentence). Here
are some other ways to start a sentence:

a. Begin with adjectives:
  -ed             Frazzled and worried, the mother searched
                  for her missing child.
  -en             Frozen for thousands of years, the corpse was
                  barely recognizable.
   -*             Black and fuzzy, pandas appeal to everyone.
The above and following information is taken from:
“Varied Sentence Beginnings.” 2006. Okemos Public Schools. Nov. 29, 2006.
    <http://okemos.k12.mi.us/users/chipp/Academics/Bloc4/Varied%20Sentences.htm>.
Strategy 1: varying
b. Begin with adverbs, clauses, and phrases:
  -ly    Wearily, the soldiers marched forward in the snow.
  -ing Humming softly to herself, the trainer fed the
       elephants.
  -*    When finished with the plants, the giraffe munched on
        the trees.

What is an adverb?
 An adverb describes a verb. Since a verb is an action (what
 did she do?), the adverb describes the nature of that action
 (how did she do it?).
What did she do?     She threw the ball. (verb = threw)
How did she do it?   She forcefully threw the ball. (adverb =
                                                     forecefully)
Strategy 1: varying
c. Begin with a prepositional phrase:
  In my backyard, many squirrels linger.
  Around the corner lives a most eccentric old man.
  At the mall yesterday, we found the best deals.

What’s a preposition?
 A preposition shows relationships between items.
 Think of the question where can an ant go? It can
 walk on the table, under the picnic blanket, inside
 the walls, through the grass, etc. All of the
 underlined words show the relationship of the ant
 to the objects listed.
Strategy 1: varying
c. List of prepositional phrases:
  aboard     below         excepting   opposite    under
  about      beneath       excluding   outside     underneath
  above      beside        following   over        unlike
  across     besides       for         past        until
  after      between       From        per         up
  against    beyond        in          plus        upon
  along      but           inside      regarding   versus
  amid       by            into        round       via
  among      concerning    like        save        with
  anti       considering   minus       since       within
  around     despite       near        than        without
  as         down          of          through
  at         during        off         to
  before     except        on          toward
  behind                   onto        towards
Strategy 1: Varying
d. Begin with a gerund:
 -ing   Living in the desert has always intrigued me.
        Playing soccer is the love of my life.
        Skating is an activity I would like to try.

What is a gerund?
 A gerund is simply a verb acting as a noun.
 They act as the subject or object of a sentence.
 They always end in “ing.”
Strategy 1: Varying
e. Begin with an infinitive phrase:
 To- To have friends, you must be a friend.

What is an infinitive phrase?
 It is simply a phrase that begin with “to” plus a verb. The
 infinite of a verb, as you may know from studying a foreign
 language, is just the base form of a verb, no changes.
     Example:
                  infinitive: bounce
                  past tense: bounced
                  present participle: bouncing
Strategy 1: Varying

f. Begin      with conjunctions:
  Because of the unusual circumstances, the court dismissed
  the case.
  Although I can’t attend, I do appreciate the invitation.
  After the parade, the club will stay to pick up trash.


What is a conjunction?
 A conjunction links words, phrases and
 clauses.
Strategy 1: Varying

f. Begin    with conjunctions:
Coordinating Conjunctions (there are seven):
          and or      but   nor    so    for   yet

Subordinating Conjunctions (these are only a few):
after       although    as          as if        as long as
because     before      even if     if           even though
once        provided    since       so that      that
though      till        unless      until        what
when        whenever    wherever    whether      while
Strategy 1: Varying
Let’s finish up the first strategy with a few examples:
                                  POOR
The puppy squirmed with glee as his new owner wrestled with him. The
puppy rolled like tumbleweed across the carpet. He slipped through the
boy’s fingers. He shot across the living room and then the puppy grabbed a
stray sock. The puppy then hid under the coffee table. He gnawed on the
cotton. He chewed on it unil it was a slimy pulp. The boy was upset at his
puppy for destroying his dad’s sock. He couldn’t stay angry at the cute
puppy.

                                BETTER
Rolling like a tumbleweed across the carpet, the puppy squirmed with glee
as his new owner wrestled with him. He slipped through the boy’s fingers,
and grabbing a stray sock along the way, shot across the living room to hide
under the coffee table and contentedly gnaw on the cotton until it was a
slimy pulp. Although upset over the destruction of his dad’s sock, the boy
found it difficult to stay angry at the cute face peering out at him.
Strategy 1: Varying
In this final one, only a good example is given. Pay
attention to the construction of the sentences
as you read.
The smell of snow, and of something less tangible, carried beyond my
nostrils to fill my whole body as I hiked on. Around me, the ebb and flow of
the snowy forest carried on in one of its most beautiful displays: snow
falling off the trees as the sun warmed and a light breeze blew.
Occasionally, a large snowball would dive out of the branches with a
whump! But mostly the snow fell as a delicate mist of tiny, shimmering
rainbows dancing through beams of sunlight – glittering blues, winking
pinks, starry whites. Several times I stood in the light shower, my face
upturned and eyes closed to let snowflakes settle on my eyelashes. The tree
braches, when parted from their snow, always waved a gentle goodbye, as if
this is the way of things – a serene acceptance of the beautiful movements
of nature.
Strategy 2


   Combine sentences.
Improve the flow of a piece by finding
  logical and creative ways to link
              sentences.
Strategy 2: Combining
Simple sentences have just the basic subject,
verb and maybe an object.
Example:
     The peanut lodged in his nostril.
           (subject)   (verb)   (object)


Simple sentences are fine, but too many in a row
become choppy to read. You can create compound
and complex sentences to help show how ideas relate
to one another. Sprinkling these in with shorter
simple sentences will improve the overall flow.
Strategy 2: Combining
A compound sentence takes two complete
sentences and connects them with a connector
word (called a coordinating conjunction), such
as “and,” “or,” and “but.”
Two simple sentences:

   I joined a gym last month. I never make the
   time to go.
One compound sentence:

  I joined a gym last month, but I never make
  the time to go.
Strategy 2: Combining
A complex sentence has one complete sentence (called
an independent clause) and another part that is not a
complete sentence (called, not surprisingly, a dependent
clause). Two simple sentences can be turned in a complex
sentence with the addition of a subordinating conjunction.
Two simple sentences:

   I joined a gym last month. I never make the
   time to go.
One compound sentence:

  Although I joined a gym last month, I never
  make the time to go.
Strategy 2: Combinging
Although I joined a gym last month, I never
make the time to go.
See how in this sentence, the part after the comma
can stand alone, but the first part of the sentence
cannot?
  Complete sentence: I joined a gym last month.
  Complete sentence: I never make time to go.
  NOT a complete sentence: Although I joined a gym
  last month. (The word “although,” the subordinating
  conjunction, sets up the idea for more information, which is
  needed.)
Strategy 2: Combinging
Because he was trained to be aggressive,
the dog bit me.
Independent clause: A complete sentence that can
stand alone. It is independent.
      Example: The dog bit me.
Dependent clause (also a subordinating conjunction):
A phrase that cannot stand alone. It is dependent on
something else.
      Example: Because he was trained to be aggressive.

NOTE: The addition of the subordinating conjunction MAKES it
dependent. Without the word “because,” the sentence is fine: He was
trained to be aggressive.
Strategy 2: Combinging
If the idea of subordinating conjunctions sounds too
technical, don’t worry. Just remember that they are
words that require two parts for a complete idea –
they show relationships between ideas.
Here’s a list of some of the most common subordinating conjunctions:
after                  if                     till
although               once                   until
as                     since                  when
because                than                   where
before                 that                   whether
how                    though                 while
Strategy 2: Combining
Here are some examples of complex sentences using
subordinating conjunctions:

After spilling coffee on his rented tux, Keiran decided to be
more careful.
Until she saw the flying hippo herself, Dr. Grossbeak would not
believe any of the reports.
Whether you plan to drive in the snow or not, it’s a good idea to
carry chains.
As the they spilled out the front doors of the school, the
graduating seniors felt a sense of accomplishment and
apprehension.
Because he had nothing better to do, Fido buried his master’s
shoe in the garden.
Strategy 2: Combining
Now let’s look at some sentence combining:
Original (Simple sentences):
Mr. T has a large mohawk. He also wears ample gold
chains. Some people say his tough guy image is just
an act.
Revised 1 (compound sentence):
Mr. T has a large mohawk and wears ample gold
chains, but some people say his tough guy image is
just an act.
Revised 2 (complex sentence):
Although Mr. T has a large mohawk and wears ample gold
chains, some people say his tough guy image is just an act.
Strategy 2: Combining
Original:
The Second Amendment of the U.S. Constitution is very controversial. It gives
citizens the right to bear arms. It was written at a time when the country had no
militia and had to fight England for its independence. Today we have a strong
military. Some people feel that the Second Amendment is no longer needed.

Revised 1:
The Second Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, which gives citizens the right to
bear arms*, is very controversial. It was written at a time when the country had no
militia and had to fight England for its independence. Yet today we have a strong
military, so some people feel that the Second Amendment is no longer needed.

   *Note how the second sentence in the original is now embedded within the first sentence.

Revised 2 (complex sentence):
The controversial** Second Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, which gives
citizens the right to bear arms, was written at a time when the country had no
militia and had to fight England for its independence. However, since today we have
a strong military, some people feel that the Second Amendment is no longer needed.

   **Note how the third sentence in the original has been reduced to just an adjective.
Strategy 2: Combining
Some people have learned to make complex sentences, but
forget the variety. Too many similar sentence structures in a
row, even if they are more complex than just subject + verb +
object, can make a reader weary. Here’s an example of this. If
you want, take a shot at revising for improved fluency!
Original:
   As he looked around, Officer Gary noticed the mobsters approaching.
   Although they didn’t see him in his cop car in the shadow of the
   warehouse, he knew they would spot the car in just a few more steps.
   Although nobody would come anyway, it was too late to call for back up.
   As he thought about what to do, he began to sweat. At the moment they
   were about to see the car, he turned the ignition, punched the
   accelerator and headed straight for them.

Hear the problem? The sentence structure, while complex, is
also repetitive. Vary those sentences!
Strategy 2: Combining
Now you try! Write out your own sentence
combinations for the following passage (#13 on your
notes). You don’t have to keep the ideas in the same
order.
Original:
  Denise held the ball lightly in her hands. She dribbled a few
  times. She liked the sound of the ball hitting the concrete.
  Denise began to run toward the basket. Her incessant
  practice made her drive toward the basket seem more like a
  glide. She lunged in the air and slam dunked the ball. She
  did it with all the power and grace of many male basketball
  players. There was no one in the deserted schoolyard to
  applaud or gasp. It was just Denise and her motivation to
  improve today.
Strategy 3


Use a variety of sentence
        lengths.
Sprinkle in some short sentences that
    pack a punch with your longer,
  compound and complex sentences.
Strategy 3
Here’s an example of a writer using a variety of sentence
lengths to the advantage of her content:
As soon as “The Screamer” took off, I knew I had made a mistake in
letting my sister talk me into stepping on the yanking and writhing
monster seemingly designed by Satan himself. Every move the
roller coaster made terrified me: its violent, headache-inducing
bumps, gut-twisting lurches, and gravity-yanking drops, and for this
reason the ride seemed as if it would last for eternity. But it didn’t.
Just as I felt able to draw my first breath, the cars swooped in to the
loading area in order to expel us and lure in more victims. Suddenly,
inexplicably, I yearned for more. I turned to my sister with eager
eyes. “Let’s go again!”

Note how the longer sentences mimic the fast, breathless
movement of the roller coater, while the shorter sentences
emphasize changes or the more important points.
Strategy 3
Let’s look at it again, counting words in each sentence (#13
in your notes:
As soon as “The Screamer” took off, I knew I had made a mistake in
letting my sister talk me into stepping on the yanking and writhing
monster seemingly designed by Satan himself (a. __ words). Every
move the roller coaster made terrified me: its violent, headache-
inducing bumps, gut-twisting lurches, and gravity-yanking drops,
and for this reason the ride seemed as if it would last for eternity (b.
 ___ words). But it didn’t (c. ___ words). Just as I felt able to draw
my first breath, the cars swooped in to the loading area in order to
expel us and lure in more victims (d. ___ words). Suddenly,
inexplicably, I yearned for more (e. ___ words). I turned to my
sister with eager eyes (f. ___ words). “Let’s go again!” (g. __ words)
Strategy 3
Check your work:
As soon as “The Screamer” took off, I knew I had made a mistake in
letting my sister talk me into stepping on the yanking and writhing
monster seemingly designed by Satan himself (33 words). Every
move the roller coaster made terrified me: its violent, headache-
inducing bumps, gut-twisting lurches, and gravity-yanking drops,
and for this reason the ride seemed as if it would last for eternity (24
words). But it didn’t (3 words). Just as I felt able to draw my first
breath, the cars swooped in to the loading area in order to expel us
and lure in more victims (28 words). Suddenly, inexplicably, I
yearned for more (6 words). I turned to my sister with eager eyes
(8 words). “Let’s go again!” (3 words)
Strategy 3
Here’s another example, this one the opening to an essay I wrote many
years ago while living in Quito, Ecuador:

         At 7:05 a.m., five minutes past the time I was supposed to be in the school
   parking lot to meet with the Excursion Club for a climb up Guagua Pichincha,
   the local volcano, I was on the phone trying to call a taxi. The line was busy. I
   brushed my teeth and tried again. Still busy. I threw my hiking gear and extra
   clothes into my backpack, put on my boots and called again. Busy.
         Time for plan B. I would have to walk – scratch that – run to the bus and
   take a cab from the Cumbaya stop. And run I did, arriving at the bus stop
   breathing heavy and sweating in too many clothes. On a weekday around
   seven, every other vehicle is a bus, packed to the roof with commuters and
   spewing out a thick stream of black exhaust. But today, on a Saturday, I had to
   wait for some time (in Quito bus life, “some time” is more than two minutes).
   When one finally came along, it, too, was brimming with humanity. I grabbed
   the bar on the outside and barely had a foot on the step, when the money-taker
   guy yelled “Vaya!” to the driver. Go!
         So that’s how I went, with two feet in the little space left on the first step,
   one hand holding on to the outside of the bus and the other just inside the door,
   trying to grasp onto something, and eventually being pinned to the wall by the
   money taker’s butt. The rest of my body hung completely outside of the moving
   bus; there was simply no room to go any further. Safe? Probably not. Fun?
   Heck yeah!
Strategy 3
Here’s the same passage, with word counts for sentences. Notice the variety?

         At 7:05 a.m., five minutes past the time I was supposed to be in the school
   parking lot to meet with the Excursion Club for a climb up Guagua Pichincha, the
   local volcano, I was on the phone trying to call a taxi (43 words). The line was
   busy (4 words). I brushed my teeth and tried again (8 words). Still busy (2 words).
   I threw my hiking gear and extra clothes into my backpack, put on my boots and
   called again (18 words). Busy (1 word).
         Time for plan B (4 words). I would have to walk – scratch that – run to the
   bus and take a cab from the Cumbaya stop (19 words). And run I did, arriving at
   the bus stop breathing heavy and sweating in too many clothes (17 words). On a
   weekday around seven, every other vehicle is a bus, packed to the roof with
   commuters and spewing out a thick stream of black exhaust (26 words). But today,
   on a Saturday, I had to wait for some time (in Quito bus life, “some time” is more
   than two minutes) (23 words). When one finally came along, it, too, was brimming
   with humanity (11 words). I grabbed the bar on the outside and barely had a foot
   on the step, when the money-taker guy yelled “Vaya!” to the driver (17 words).
   Go! (1 word)
         So that’s how I went, with two feet in the little space left on the first step, one
   hand holding on to the outside of the bus and the other just inside the door, trying to
   grasp onto something, and eventually being pinned to the wall by the money taker’s
   butt (51 words). The rest of my body hung completely outside of the moving bus;
   there was simply no room to go any further (21 words) . Safe? (1 word) Probably
   not (2 words). Fun? (1 word) Heck yeah! (2 words)
Strategy 3
“But that is creative writing,” you might be saying. “I’m writing a more
 formal essay.” You can still use sentence variety! Here’s an excerpt from a
college newspaper article I wrote on the history of the Fourth of July. (No, I
don’t love my work so much that I can’t stop sharing it with you; I’m
just trying to avoid violating copyright laws by using my own material as
examples rather than the work of others.)
         Our forefathers were very proud of their work; they bravely declared their
  independence - the words of freedom ringing in their ears. After eight years of war, that
  freedom was finally recognized. But not everyone in America had their independence – not
  by a long shot.
         Look at history. What was the Fourth of July to African-Americans, first enslaved and
  then discriminated against; to Native Americans, relocated and watching while the plentiful
  land was stripped; to women, fighting for equal rights and recognition; to Japanese-
  Americans, thrown in internment camps because of distrust; or to the countless others who
  have lived in this country, under the Declaration of Independence only to be denied of its
  freedoms? What did they have to celebrate?
         Frederick Douglas helps fill out our perspective with this view on the Fourth of July:
  "[A] day that reveals the gross injustice to which [a slave] is the constant victim. To him
  your celebration is a sham; your boasted liberty an unholy license..."
         Have we as a nation improved? Have we overcome the hypocrisy of our forefathers to
  make the Declaration of Independence universal in its implementation? Sadly, no, according
  author Laura B. Randolph, who writes, "On the Fourth of July ... take a quite moment to
  reflect on just how much things have changed - and just how much they have stayed the
  same."
Strategy 3
And finally, the same excerpt with word counts:
         Our forefathers were very proud of their work; they bravely declared their
  independence - the words of freedom ringing in their ears (21 words). After eight
  years of war, that freedom was finally recognized (10 words) . But not everyone in
  America had their independence – not by a long shot (13 words) .
         Look at history (3 words). What was the Fourth of July to African-Americans,
  first enslaved and then discriminated against; to Native Americans, relocated and
  watching while the plentiful land was stripped; to women, fighting for equal rights
  and recognition; to Japanese-Americans, thrown in internment camps because of
  distrust; or to the countless others who have lived in this country, under the
  Declaration of Independence only to be denied of its freedoms? (68 words) What
  did they have to celebrate? (6 words)
         Frederick Douglas helps fill out our perspective with this view on the Fourth
  of July: "[A] day that reveals the gross injustice to which [a slave] is the constant
  victim (30 words) . To him your celebration is a sham; your boasted liberty an
  unholy license...“(13 words)
         Have we as a nation improved? (6 words) Have we overcome the hypocrisy of
  our forefathers to make the Declaration of Independence universal in its
  implementation? (18 words) Sadly, no, according author Laura B. Randolph, who
  writes, "On the Fourth of July ... take a quite moment to reflect on just how much
  things have changed - and just how much they have stayed the same.“(36 words)
Strategy 4


 Use parallel structure.
If you use a repeated pattern in a sentence
   (a highly effective technique), make sure
    whatever you repeat is grammatically
                   consistent.
Strategy 4 – Parallel Structure
What is parallel structure?
Simply put, it’s making sure that all parts
of your sentence are grammatically
consistent. They should jive.
 Parallel: I like to go hiking, camping and cross-country
 skiing.
 Not Parallel: I like to go hiking, camping and to cross-
 country ski.

The second sentence is inconsistent and doesn’t
work.
Strategy 4
Parallelism can do so much more for a piece, however. A writer
Can repeat a word or phrase in a sentence, or within a series of
sentences to help emphasize his or her message.

Here’s an example:

"We are a people in a quandary about the present.
 We are a people in search of our future. We are a
people in search of a national community."
                          -- Barbara Jordan, 1976 Democratic
                          Convention Keynote Address
Strategy 4
The next example comes from Martin Luther King, Jr.’s “Letter
from a Birmingham Jail.”

I’m sure most of you know and respect Dr. King for his bold
and inspiring leadership during the Civil Rights Movement. In
addition to being a stirring speaker, he was a brilliant writer.

You may be tempted to skim over the next page due to it’s
length.   Don’t. Read it all – it’s excellent, knock-out
Writing that you need to see.

(As you read, remember that “lynch” means to hang.)
Strategy 4 – Parallel Structure
We have waited for more than 340 years for our constitutional and God-given rights. The nations of Asia and
Africa are moving with jetlike speed toward gaining political independence, but we stiff creep at horse-and-
buggy pace toward gaining a cup of coffee at a lunch counter. Perhaps it is easy for those who have never felt
the stinging dark of segregation to say, "Wait." But when you have seen vicious mobs lynch your mothers
and fathers at will and drown your sisters and brothers at whim; when you have seen hate-filled policemen
curse, kick and even kill your black brothers and sisters; when you see the vast majority of your twenty
million Negro brothers smothering in an airtight cage of poverty in the midst of an affluent society; when you
suddenly find your tongue twisted and your speech stammering as you seek to explain to your six-year-old
daughter why she can't go to the public amusement park that has just been advertised on television, and see
tears welling up in her eyes when she is told that Funtown is closed to colored children, and see ominous
clouds of inferiority beginning to form in her little mental sky, and see her beginning to distort her
personality by developing an unconscious bitterness toward white people; when you have to concoct an
answer for a five-year-old son who is asking: "Daddy, why do white people treat colored people so mean?";
when you take a cross-county drive and find it necessary to sleep night after night in the uncomfortable
corners of your automobile because no motel will accept you; when you are humiliated day in and day out by
nagging signs reading "white" and "colored"; when your first name becomes "nigger," your middle name
becomes "boy" (however old you are) and your last name becomes "John," and your wife and mother are
never given the respected title "Mrs."; when you are harried by day and haunted by night by the fact that you
are a Negro, living constantly at tiptoe stance, never quite knowing what to expect next, and are plagued with
inner fears and outer resentments; when you no forever fighting a degenerating sense of "nobodiness"
then you will understand why we find it difficult to wait. There comes a time when the cup of endurance
runs over, and men are no longer willing to be plunged into the abyss of despair. I hope, sirs, you can
understand our legitimate and unavoidable impatience.
Strategy 4

The next slide is the same passage, but
this time I have bolded and underlined
the repeated structures in the sentence.

Look at King’s use of the pattern – the
repeated phrase – as it builds up to his
strong point.
Strategy 4 – Parallel Structure
We have waited for more than 340 years for our constitutional and God-given rights. The nations of Asia and
Africa are moving with jetlike speed toward gaining political independence, but we stiff creep at horse-and-
buggy pace toward gaining a cup of coffee at a lunch counter. Perhaps it is easy for those who have never felt
the stinging dark of segregation to say, "Wait." But when you have seen vicious mobs lynch your mothers
and fathers at will and drown your sisters and brothers at whim; when you have seen hate-filled policemen
curse, kick and even kill your black brothers and sisters; when you see the vast majority of your twenty
million Negro brothers smothering in an airtight cage of poverty in the midst of an affluent society; when
 you suddenly find your tongue twisted and your speech stammering as you seek to explain to your six-year-
Old daughter why she can't go to the public amusement park that has just been advertised on television, and
see tears welling up in her eyes when she is told that Funtown is closed to colored children, and see ominous
clouds of inferiority beginning to form in her little mental sky, and see her beginning to distort her
personality by developing an unconscious bitterness toward white people; when you have to concoct an
answer for a five-year-old son who is asking: "Daddy, why do white people treat colored people so mean?";
when you take a cross-county drive and find it necessary to sleep night after night in the uncomfortable
corners of your automobile because no motel will accept you; when you are humiliated day in and day out
By nagging signs reading "white" and "colored"; when your first name becomes "nigger," your middle name
becomes "boy" (however old you are) and your last name becomes "John," and your wife and mother are
never given the respected title "Mrs."; when you are harried by day and haunted by night by the fact that
You are a Negro, living constantly at tiptoe stance, never quite knowing what to expect next, and are plagued
with inner fears and outer resentments; when you are forever fighting a degenerating sense of "nobodiness,“
then you will understand why we find it difficult to wait. There comes a time when the cup of endurance runs
over, and men are no longer willing to be plunged into the abyss of despair. I hope, sirs, you can understand
our legitimate and unavoidable impatience.
Some final tips
Avoid starting sentences with conversational slang, such as
“well” and “so,” especially in formal writing.

Always read a paper aloud to help check for flow and fluency.
Remember to stop at periods and pause at commas; if you’re
not reading the sentences as written, they won’t sound too good
out loud.

Speaking of punctuation, if knowing where to place commas,
periods and semi-colons is a problem for you, make sure to get
some help on this. Improper punctuation can really run
interference with your fluency. As a simple rule, though, if
when you read, you hear a natural pause, that’s a place for a
comma. If you hear a natural stop, that’s where your period
should go. Read this page aloud to test this advice.
Whew. . .
You’re finished!

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Sentence fluency

  • 1. Sentence Fluency How to make those sentences roll like a smooth-flowing river.
  • 2. What is sentence fluency? Sentence structure, also known as syntax, is how a sentence is put together, or the arrangement of the words. Sentence fluency then, is arranging your sentences to have a smooth flow; they should read well aloud. In fact, that’s the best way to check sentence fluency. If you can, read aloud the examples in this presentation to hear how well sentences do or do not flow. Sentence fluency goes hand in hand with word choice, as you will see in some of the following examples. Better word choice makes for better sentences; look for changes in word choice as you read improved examples.
  • 3. What to expect. . . This presentation will take you through four strategies for improving sentence fluency: 1. Vary sentence beginnings. 2. Combine sentences. 3. Use a variety of sentence lengths. 4. Use parallel structure.
  • 4. Strategy 1 Vary sentence beginnings. Try not to have too many sentences start the same way. It becomes choppy and boring to read.
  • 5. Strategy 1: Varying For example, read this repetitive sentence construction: I woke up feeling awful. I was groggy and I felt like I had swallowed gravel, my throat was so sore. I felt a dull ache all over my whole body. I heard my mom call, but I really didn’t want to crawl out of bed and face the day. Notice how all the sentence begin with “I”? In fact, there are too many “I’s” throughout this example, even within the sentences!
  • 6. Strategy 1: Varying Now let’s look at revised version that varies the sentence beginnings: When I woke up, a dull ache wracked my whole body and I felt quite groggy. My throat was so sore, it felt like I had swallowed gravel. I heard my mom call, but crawling out of bed and facing the day was more than I could handle. One sentence still begins with “I,” but the rest have been changed. Reads better, doesn’t it? In addition to rearranging sentences, some have been combined and new has been wording added. The word “terrible” was eliminated altogether, as the rest of the piece shows the idea of feeling terrible. Try these strategies when you revise!
  • 7. Strategy 1: Varying The basic sentence structure is subject + verb + object For example: Sandra + swam + in the polluted river. Danilo + thought + today would be different. Apples + bruise + when they fall to the ground. You at least need a subject and a verb for a complete sentence (in most cases): Sandra swam. Danilo thought. Apples bruise. Some types of verbs, called transitive verbs, do need objects, such as in the following: The committee + named + a new chairperson.
  • 8. Strategy 1: Varying But you don’t always have to start with your subject (the main noun of your sentence). Here are some other ways to start a sentence: a. Begin with adjectives: -ed Frazzled and worried, the mother searched for her missing child. -en Frozen for thousands of years, the corpse was barely recognizable. -* Black and fuzzy, pandas appeal to everyone. The above and following information is taken from: “Varied Sentence Beginnings.” 2006. Okemos Public Schools. Nov. 29, 2006. <http://okemos.k12.mi.us/users/chipp/Academics/Bloc4/Varied%20Sentences.htm>.
  • 9. Strategy 1: varying b. Begin with adverbs, clauses, and phrases: -ly Wearily, the soldiers marched forward in the snow. -ing Humming softly to herself, the trainer fed the elephants. -* When finished with the plants, the giraffe munched on the trees. What is an adverb? An adverb describes a verb. Since a verb is an action (what did she do?), the adverb describes the nature of that action (how did she do it?). What did she do? She threw the ball. (verb = threw) How did she do it? She forcefully threw the ball. (adverb = forecefully)
  • 10. Strategy 1: varying c. Begin with a prepositional phrase: In my backyard, many squirrels linger. Around the corner lives a most eccentric old man. At the mall yesterday, we found the best deals. What’s a preposition? A preposition shows relationships between items. Think of the question where can an ant go? It can walk on the table, under the picnic blanket, inside the walls, through the grass, etc. All of the underlined words show the relationship of the ant to the objects listed.
  • 11. Strategy 1: varying c. List of prepositional phrases: aboard below excepting opposite under about beneath excluding outside underneath above beside following over unlike across besides for past until after between From per up against beyond in plus upon along but inside regarding versus amid by into round via among concerning like save with anti considering minus since within around despite near than without as down of through at during off to before except on toward behind onto towards
  • 12. Strategy 1: Varying d. Begin with a gerund: -ing Living in the desert has always intrigued me. Playing soccer is the love of my life. Skating is an activity I would like to try. What is a gerund? A gerund is simply a verb acting as a noun. They act as the subject or object of a sentence. They always end in “ing.”
  • 13. Strategy 1: Varying e. Begin with an infinitive phrase: To- To have friends, you must be a friend. What is an infinitive phrase? It is simply a phrase that begin with “to” plus a verb. The infinite of a verb, as you may know from studying a foreign language, is just the base form of a verb, no changes. Example: infinitive: bounce past tense: bounced present participle: bouncing
  • 14. Strategy 1: Varying f. Begin with conjunctions: Because of the unusual circumstances, the court dismissed the case. Although I can’t attend, I do appreciate the invitation. After the parade, the club will stay to pick up trash. What is a conjunction? A conjunction links words, phrases and clauses.
  • 15. Strategy 1: Varying f. Begin with conjunctions: Coordinating Conjunctions (there are seven): and or but nor so for yet Subordinating Conjunctions (these are only a few): after although as as if as long as because before even if if even though once provided since so that that though till unless until what when whenever wherever whether while
  • 16. Strategy 1: Varying Let’s finish up the first strategy with a few examples: POOR The puppy squirmed with glee as his new owner wrestled with him. The puppy rolled like tumbleweed across the carpet. He slipped through the boy’s fingers. He shot across the living room and then the puppy grabbed a stray sock. The puppy then hid under the coffee table. He gnawed on the cotton. He chewed on it unil it was a slimy pulp. The boy was upset at his puppy for destroying his dad’s sock. He couldn’t stay angry at the cute puppy. BETTER Rolling like a tumbleweed across the carpet, the puppy squirmed with glee as his new owner wrestled with him. He slipped through the boy’s fingers, and grabbing a stray sock along the way, shot across the living room to hide under the coffee table and contentedly gnaw on the cotton until it was a slimy pulp. Although upset over the destruction of his dad’s sock, the boy found it difficult to stay angry at the cute face peering out at him.
  • 17. Strategy 1: Varying In this final one, only a good example is given. Pay attention to the construction of the sentences as you read. The smell of snow, and of something less tangible, carried beyond my nostrils to fill my whole body as I hiked on. Around me, the ebb and flow of the snowy forest carried on in one of its most beautiful displays: snow falling off the trees as the sun warmed and a light breeze blew. Occasionally, a large snowball would dive out of the branches with a whump! But mostly the snow fell as a delicate mist of tiny, shimmering rainbows dancing through beams of sunlight – glittering blues, winking pinks, starry whites. Several times I stood in the light shower, my face upturned and eyes closed to let snowflakes settle on my eyelashes. The tree braches, when parted from their snow, always waved a gentle goodbye, as if this is the way of things – a serene acceptance of the beautiful movements of nature.
  • 18. Strategy 2 Combine sentences. Improve the flow of a piece by finding logical and creative ways to link sentences.
  • 19. Strategy 2: Combining Simple sentences have just the basic subject, verb and maybe an object. Example: The peanut lodged in his nostril. (subject) (verb) (object) Simple sentences are fine, but too many in a row become choppy to read. You can create compound and complex sentences to help show how ideas relate to one another. Sprinkling these in with shorter simple sentences will improve the overall flow.
  • 20. Strategy 2: Combining A compound sentence takes two complete sentences and connects them with a connector word (called a coordinating conjunction), such as “and,” “or,” and “but.” Two simple sentences: I joined a gym last month. I never make the time to go. One compound sentence: I joined a gym last month, but I never make the time to go.
  • 21. Strategy 2: Combining A complex sentence has one complete sentence (called an independent clause) and another part that is not a complete sentence (called, not surprisingly, a dependent clause). Two simple sentences can be turned in a complex sentence with the addition of a subordinating conjunction. Two simple sentences: I joined a gym last month. I never make the time to go. One compound sentence: Although I joined a gym last month, I never make the time to go.
  • 22. Strategy 2: Combinging Although I joined a gym last month, I never make the time to go. See how in this sentence, the part after the comma can stand alone, but the first part of the sentence cannot? Complete sentence: I joined a gym last month. Complete sentence: I never make time to go. NOT a complete sentence: Although I joined a gym last month. (The word “although,” the subordinating conjunction, sets up the idea for more information, which is needed.)
  • 23. Strategy 2: Combinging Because he was trained to be aggressive, the dog bit me. Independent clause: A complete sentence that can stand alone. It is independent. Example: The dog bit me. Dependent clause (also a subordinating conjunction): A phrase that cannot stand alone. It is dependent on something else. Example: Because he was trained to be aggressive. NOTE: The addition of the subordinating conjunction MAKES it dependent. Without the word “because,” the sentence is fine: He was trained to be aggressive.
  • 24. Strategy 2: Combinging If the idea of subordinating conjunctions sounds too technical, don’t worry. Just remember that they are words that require two parts for a complete idea – they show relationships between ideas. Here’s a list of some of the most common subordinating conjunctions: after if till although once until as since when because than where before that whether how though while
  • 25. Strategy 2: Combining Here are some examples of complex sentences using subordinating conjunctions: After spilling coffee on his rented tux, Keiran decided to be more careful. Until she saw the flying hippo herself, Dr. Grossbeak would not believe any of the reports. Whether you plan to drive in the snow or not, it’s a good idea to carry chains. As the they spilled out the front doors of the school, the graduating seniors felt a sense of accomplishment and apprehension. Because he had nothing better to do, Fido buried his master’s shoe in the garden.
  • 26. Strategy 2: Combining Now let’s look at some sentence combining: Original (Simple sentences): Mr. T has a large mohawk. He also wears ample gold chains. Some people say his tough guy image is just an act. Revised 1 (compound sentence): Mr. T has a large mohawk and wears ample gold chains, but some people say his tough guy image is just an act. Revised 2 (complex sentence): Although Mr. T has a large mohawk and wears ample gold chains, some people say his tough guy image is just an act.
  • 27. Strategy 2: Combining Original: The Second Amendment of the U.S. Constitution is very controversial. It gives citizens the right to bear arms. It was written at a time when the country had no militia and had to fight England for its independence. Today we have a strong military. Some people feel that the Second Amendment is no longer needed. Revised 1: The Second Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, which gives citizens the right to bear arms*, is very controversial. It was written at a time when the country had no militia and had to fight England for its independence. Yet today we have a strong military, so some people feel that the Second Amendment is no longer needed. *Note how the second sentence in the original is now embedded within the first sentence. Revised 2 (complex sentence): The controversial** Second Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, which gives citizens the right to bear arms, was written at a time when the country had no militia and had to fight England for its independence. However, since today we have a strong military, some people feel that the Second Amendment is no longer needed. **Note how the third sentence in the original has been reduced to just an adjective.
  • 28. Strategy 2: Combining Some people have learned to make complex sentences, but forget the variety. Too many similar sentence structures in a row, even if they are more complex than just subject + verb + object, can make a reader weary. Here’s an example of this. If you want, take a shot at revising for improved fluency! Original: As he looked around, Officer Gary noticed the mobsters approaching. Although they didn’t see him in his cop car in the shadow of the warehouse, he knew they would spot the car in just a few more steps. Although nobody would come anyway, it was too late to call for back up. As he thought about what to do, he began to sweat. At the moment they were about to see the car, he turned the ignition, punched the accelerator and headed straight for them. Hear the problem? The sentence structure, while complex, is also repetitive. Vary those sentences!
  • 29. Strategy 2: Combining Now you try! Write out your own sentence combinations for the following passage (#13 on your notes). You don’t have to keep the ideas in the same order. Original: Denise held the ball lightly in her hands. She dribbled a few times. She liked the sound of the ball hitting the concrete. Denise began to run toward the basket. Her incessant practice made her drive toward the basket seem more like a glide. She lunged in the air and slam dunked the ball. She did it with all the power and grace of many male basketball players. There was no one in the deserted schoolyard to applaud or gasp. It was just Denise and her motivation to improve today.
  • 30. Strategy 3 Use a variety of sentence lengths. Sprinkle in some short sentences that pack a punch with your longer, compound and complex sentences.
  • 31. Strategy 3 Here’s an example of a writer using a variety of sentence lengths to the advantage of her content: As soon as “The Screamer” took off, I knew I had made a mistake in letting my sister talk me into stepping on the yanking and writhing monster seemingly designed by Satan himself. Every move the roller coaster made terrified me: its violent, headache-inducing bumps, gut-twisting lurches, and gravity-yanking drops, and for this reason the ride seemed as if it would last for eternity. But it didn’t. Just as I felt able to draw my first breath, the cars swooped in to the loading area in order to expel us and lure in more victims. Suddenly, inexplicably, I yearned for more. I turned to my sister with eager eyes. “Let’s go again!” Note how the longer sentences mimic the fast, breathless movement of the roller coater, while the shorter sentences emphasize changes or the more important points.
  • 32. Strategy 3 Let’s look at it again, counting words in each sentence (#13 in your notes: As soon as “The Screamer” took off, I knew I had made a mistake in letting my sister talk me into stepping on the yanking and writhing monster seemingly designed by Satan himself (a. __ words). Every move the roller coaster made terrified me: its violent, headache- inducing bumps, gut-twisting lurches, and gravity-yanking drops, and for this reason the ride seemed as if it would last for eternity (b. ___ words). But it didn’t (c. ___ words). Just as I felt able to draw my first breath, the cars swooped in to the loading area in order to expel us and lure in more victims (d. ___ words). Suddenly, inexplicably, I yearned for more (e. ___ words). I turned to my sister with eager eyes (f. ___ words). “Let’s go again!” (g. __ words)
  • 33. Strategy 3 Check your work: As soon as “The Screamer” took off, I knew I had made a mistake in letting my sister talk me into stepping on the yanking and writhing monster seemingly designed by Satan himself (33 words). Every move the roller coaster made terrified me: its violent, headache- inducing bumps, gut-twisting lurches, and gravity-yanking drops, and for this reason the ride seemed as if it would last for eternity (24 words). But it didn’t (3 words). Just as I felt able to draw my first breath, the cars swooped in to the loading area in order to expel us and lure in more victims (28 words). Suddenly, inexplicably, I yearned for more (6 words). I turned to my sister with eager eyes (8 words). “Let’s go again!” (3 words)
  • 34. Strategy 3 Here’s another example, this one the opening to an essay I wrote many years ago while living in Quito, Ecuador: At 7:05 a.m., five minutes past the time I was supposed to be in the school parking lot to meet with the Excursion Club for a climb up Guagua Pichincha, the local volcano, I was on the phone trying to call a taxi. The line was busy. I brushed my teeth and tried again. Still busy. I threw my hiking gear and extra clothes into my backpack, put on my boots and called again. Busy. Time for plan B. I would have to walk – scratch that – run to the bus and take a cab from the Cumbaya stop. And run I did, arriving at the bus stop breathing heavy and sweating in too many clothes. On a weekday around seven, every other vehicle is a bus, packed to the roof with commuters and spewing out a thick stream of black exhaust. But today, on a Saturday, I had to wait for some time (in Quito bus life, “some time” is more than two minutes). When one finally came along, it, too, was brimming with humanity. I grabbed the bar on the outside and barely had a foot on the step, when the money-taker guy yelled “Vaya!” to the driver. Go! So that’s how I went, with two feet in the little space left on the first step, one hand holding on to the outside of the bus and the other just inside the door, trying to grasp onto something, and eventually being pinned to the wall by the money taker’s butt. The rest of my body hung completely outside of the moving bus; there was simply no room to go any further. Safe? Probably not. Fun? Heck yeah!
  • 35. Strategy 3 Here’s the same passage, with word counts for sentences. Notice the variety? At 7:05 a.m., five minutes past the time I was supposed to be in the school parking lot to meet with the Excursion Club for a climb up Guagua Pichincha, the local volcano, I was on the phone trying to call a taxi (43 words). The line was busy (4 words). I brushed my teeth and tried again (8 words). Still busy (2 words). I threw my hiking gear and extra clothes into my backpack, put on my boots and called again (18 words). Busy (1 word). Time for plan B (4 words). I would have to walk – scratch that – run to the bus and take a cab from the Cumbaya stop (19 words). And run I did, arriving at the bus stop breathing heavy and sweating in too many clothes (17 words). On a weekday around seven, every other vehicle is a bus, packed to the roof with commuters and spewing out a thick stream of black exhaust (26 words). But today, on a Saturday, I had to wait for some time (in Quito bus life, “some time” is more than two minutes) (23 words). When one finally came along, it, too, was brimming with humanity (11 words). I grabbed the bar on the outside and barely had a foot on the step, when the money-taker guy yelled “Vaya!” to the driver (17 words). Go! (1 word) So that’s how I went, with two feet in the little space left on the first step, one hand holding on to the outside of the bus and the other just inside the door, trying to grasp onto something, and eventually being pinned to the wall by the money taker’s butt (51 words). The rest of my body hung completely outside of the moving bus; there was simply no room to go any further (21 words) . Safe? (1 word) Probably not (2 words). Fun? (1 word) Heck yeah! (2 words)
  • 36. Strategy 3 “But that is creative writing,” you might be saying. “I’m writing a more formal essay.” You can still use sentence variety! Here’s an excerpt from a college newspaper article I wrote on the history of the Fourth of July. (No, I don’t love my work so much that I can’t stop sharing it with you; I’m just trying to avoid violating copyright laws by using my own material as examples rather than the work of others.) Our forefathers were very proud of their work; they bravely declared their independence - the words of freedom ringing in their ears. After eight years of war, that freedom was finally recognized. But not everyone in America had their independence – not by a long shot. Look at history. What was the Fourth of July to African-Americans, first enslaved and then discriminated against; to Native Americans, relocated and watching while the plentiful land was stripped; to women, fighting for equal rights and recognition; to Japanese- Americans, thrown in internment camps because of distrust; or to the countless others who have lived in this country, under the Declaration of Independence only to be denied of its freedoms? What did they have to celebrate? Frederick Douglas helps fill out our perspective with this view on the Fourth of July: "[A] day that reveals the gross injustice to which [a slave] is the constant victim. To him your celebration is a sham; your boasted liberty an unholy license..." Have we as a nation improved? Have we overcome the hypocrisy of our forefathers to make the Declaration of Independence universal in its implementation? Sadly, no, according author Laura B. Randolph, who writes, "On the Fourth of July ... take a quite moment to reflect on just how much things have changed - and just how much they have stayed the same."
  • 37. Strategy 3 And finally, the same excerpt with word counts: Our forefathers were very proud of their work; they bravely declared their independence - the words of freedom ringing in their ears (21 words). After eight years of war, that freedom was finally recognized (10 words) . But not everyone in America had their independence – not by a long shot (13 words) . Look at history (3 words). What was the Fourth of July to African-Americans, first enslaved and then discriminated against; to Native Americans, relocated and watching while the plentiful land was stripped; to women, fighting for equal rights and recognition; to Japanese-Americans, thrown in internment camps because of distrust; or to the countless others who have lived in this country, under the Declaration of Independence only to be denied of its freedoms? (68 words) What did they have to celebrate? (6 words) Frederick Douglas helps fill out our perspective with this view on the Fourth of July: "[A] day that reveals the gross injustice to which [a slave] is the constant victim (30 words) . To him your celebration is a sham; your boasted liberty an unholy license...“(13 words) Have we as a nation improved? (6 words) Have we overcome the hypocrisy of our forefathers to make the Declaration of Independence universal in its implementation? (18 words) Sadly, no, according author Laura B. Randolph, who writes, "On the Fourth of July ... take a quite moment to reflect on just how much things have changed - and just how much they have stayed the same.“(36 words)
  • 38. Strategy 4 Use parallel structure. If you use a repeated pattern in a sentence (a highly effective technique), make sure whatever you repeat is grammatically consistent.
  • 39. Strategy 4 – Parallel Structure What is parallel structure? Simply put, it’s making sure that all parts of your sentence are grammatically consistent. They should jive. Parallel: I like to go hiking, camping and cross-country skiing. Not Parallel: I like to go hiking, camping and to cross- country ski. The second sentence is inconsistent and doesn’t work.
  • 40. Strategy 4 Parallelism can do so much more for a piece, however. A writer Can repeat a word or phrase in a sentence, or within a series of sentences to help emphasize his or her message. Here’s an example: "We are a people in a quandary about the present. We are a people in search of our future. We are a people in search of a national community." -- Barbara Jordan, 1976 Democratic Convention Keynote Address
  • 41. Strategy 4 The next example comes from Martin Luther King, Jr.’s “Letter from a Birmingham Jail.” I’m sure most of you know and respect Dr. King for his bold and inspiring leadership during the Civil Rights Movement. In addition to being a stirring speaker, he was a brilliant writer. You may be tempted to skim over the next page due to it’s length. Don’t. Read it all – it’s excellent, knock-out Writing that you need to see. (As you read, remember that “lynch” means to hang.)
  • 42. Strategy 4 – Parallel Structure We have waited for more than 340 years for our constitutional and God-given rights. The nations of Asia and Africa are moving with jetlike speed toward gaining political independence, but we stiff creep at horse-and- buggy pace toward gaining a cup of coffee at a lunch counter. Perhaps it is easy for those who have never felt the stinging dark of segregation to say, "Wait." But when you have seen vicious mobs lynch your mothers and fathers at will and drown your sisters and brothers at whim; when you have seen hate-filled policemen curse, kick and even kill your black brothers and sisters; when you see the vast majority of your twenty million Negro brothers smothering in an airtight cage of poverty in the midst of an affluent society; when you suddenly find your tongue twisted and your speech stammering as you seek to explain to your six-year-old daughter why she can't go to the public amusement park that has just been advertised on television, and see tears welling up in her eyes when she is told that Funtown is closed to colored children, and see ominous clouds of inferiority beginning to form in her little mental sky, and see her beginning to distort her personality by developing an unconscious bitterness toward white people; when you have to concoct an answer for a five-year-old son who is asking: "Daddy, why do white people treat colored people so mean?"; when you take a cross-county drive and find it necessary to sleep night after night in the uncomfortable corners of your automobile because no motel will accept you; when you are humiliated day in and day out by nagging signs reading "white" and "colored"; when your first name becomes "nigger," your middle name becomes "boy" (however old you are) and your last name becomes "John," and your wife and mother are never given the respected title "Mrs."; when you are harried by day and haunted by night by the fact that you are a Negro, living constantly at tiptoe stance, never quite knowing what to expect next, and are plagued with inner fears and outer resentments; when you no forever fighting a degenerating sense of "nobodiness" then you will understand why we find it difficult to wait. There comes a time when the cup of endurance runs over, and men are no longer willing to be plunged into the abyss of despair. I hope, sirs, you can understand our legitimate and unavoidable impatience.
  • 43. Strategy 4 The next slide is the same passage, but this time I have bolded and underlined the repeated structures in the sentence. Look at King’s use of the pattern – the repeated phrase – as it builds up to his strong point.
  • 44. Strategy 4 – Parallel Structure We have waited for more than 340 years for our constitutional and God-given rights. The nations of Asia and Africa are moving with jetlike speed toward gaining political independence, but we stiff creep at horse-and- buggy pace toward gaining a cup of coffee at a lunch counter. Perhaps it is easy for those who have never felt the stinging dark of segregation to say, "Wait." But when you have seen vicious mobs lynch your mothers and fathers at will and drown your sisters and brothers at whim; when you have seen hate-filled policemen curse, kick and even kill your black brothers and sisters; when you see the vast majority of your twenty million Negro brothers smothering in an airtight cage of poverty in the midst of an affluent society; when you suddenly find your tongue twisted and your speech stammering as you seek to explain to your six-year- Old daughter why she can't go to the public amusement park that has just been advertised on television, and see tears welling up in her eyes when she is told that Funtown is closed to colored children, and see ominous clouds of inferiority beginning to form in her little mental sky, and see her beginning to distort her personality by developing an unconscious bitterness toward white people; when you have to concoct an answer for a five-year-old son who is asking: "Daddy, why do white people treat colored people so mean?"; when you take a cross-county drive and find it necessary to sleep night after night in the uncomfortable corners of your automobile because no motel will accept you; when you are humiliated day in and day out By nagging signs reading "white" and "colored"; when your first name becomes "nigger," your middle name becomes "boy" (however old you are) and your last name becomes "John," and your wife and mother are never given the respected title "Mrs."; when you are harried by day and haunted by night by the fact that You are a Negro, living constantly at tiptoe stance, never quite knowing what to expect next, and are plagued with inner fears and outer resentments; when you are forever fighting a degenerating sense of "nobodiness,“ then you will understand why we find it difficult to wait. There comes a time when the cup of endurance runs over, and men are no longer willing to be plunged into the abyss of despair. I hope, sirs, you can understand our legitimate and unavoidable impatience.
  • 45. Some final tips Avoid starting sentences with conversational slang, such as “well” and “so,” especially in formal writing. Always read a paper aloud to help check for flow and fluency. Remember to stop at periods and pause at commas; if you’re not reading the sentences as written, they won’t sound too good out loud. Speaking of punctuation, if knowing where to place commas, periods and semi-colons is a problem for you, make sure to get some help on this. Improper punctuation can really run interference with your fluency. As a simple rule, though, if when you read, you hear a natural pause, that’s a place for a comma. If you hear a natural stop, that’s where your period should go. Read this page aloud to test this advice.
  • 46. Whew. . . You’re finished!