A recent parenting presentation by Steven Vitto on September 9th, 2015

1. Positive ParentingPositive Parenting
Bringing PBIS HomeBringing PBIS Home
PRESENTED BY STEVE VITTO,PRESENTED BY STEVE VITTO,
M.A., C.C.I.I., BTC, MAISDM.A., C.C.I.I., BTC, MAISD

2. ED 211 TONIGHTS AGENDA
Team Activity
Discipline and Parenting
Person who made a Difference
PBIS on the Playground
Behavior Terms
Team Activity-Why do you believe some kids have more
challenging behaviors at home? How might you respond to
touching your valuables or running out in the street without
spanking?

3. Positive ParentingPositive Parenting
A presentation on positive strategies for parents andA presentation on positive strategies for parents and
techniques for responding to specific behavior challengestechniques for responding to specific behavior challenges
faced by all parents. Participants will receive a book onfaced by all parents. Participants will receive a book on
Positive Parenting.Positive Parenting.
Presented by: Steven Vitto, M.A. C.C.I.I.Presented by: Steven Vitto, M.A. C.C.I.I.
Steve is has been a behavior specialist for 38 years.Steve is has been a behavior specialist for 38 years.
He is the author of “In Search of a Heart: Creating Caring,He is the author of “In Search of a Heart: Creating Caring,
Conscience, and Control In all Children”Conscience, and Control In all Children”
and co-author of “Positive Parenting Tips for Parents”and co-author of “Positive Parenting Tips for Parents”

4. Traditional Approaches to
Dealing with Difficult Behavior
Punishment
Exclusion

5. Specialized Individual
Interventions
(Individual Student
System)
Continuum of Effective Behavior
Support
Specialized Group
Interventions
(At-Risk System)
Universal Interventions
(School-Wide System
Classroom System)
Students
without
Serious
Problem
Behaviors
(80 -90%)
Students At-Risk
for Problem
Behavior
(5-15%)
Students with
Chronic/Intense
Problem Behavior
(1 - 7%)
Primary Prevention
Secondary Prevention
Tertiary Prevention
All Students in School

6. Basic Principles of PositiveBasic Principles of Positive
Behavior SupportBehavior Support
“If you know why, you can figure out
how….”
All behaviors meet needs
Positive approaches teach children a better
way to meet needs
One of the best ways of teaching desired
behaviors is by modeling them
When it comes to children, we need to
“walk the talk.”

7. TraditionalTraditional
BehaviorBehavior
ManagementManagement
Views the person as theViews the person as the
problemproblem
Attempts to “fix” theAttempts to “fix” the
personperson
Emphasizes reducing theEmphasizes reducing the
problematic behaviorproblematic behavior
Relies on punishmentRelies on punishment
““Quick fix” expectationsQuick fix” expectations
Designed by “expert”Designed by “expert”
Positive BehaviorPositive Behavior
SupportSupport
Views the system, settingsViews the system, settings
or skill deficiency as theor skill deficiency as the
problemproblem
Adjusts systems andAdjusts systems and
setting and improves skillssetting and improves skills
Identifies and teachesIdentifies and teaches
replacement skills andreplacement skills and
builds relationshipsbuilds relationships
Primarily relies on positivePrimarily relies on positive
approachesapproaches
Goal of sustained resultsGoal of sustained results
over timeover time
Developed by aDeveloped by a
collaborative teamcollaborative team

8. PBS Addresses ALL Students’
Behavior
Universal support for ALL students
Group support for those students
needing extra direction
Individual support for students
experiencing extreme difficulty
with behavior

9. CLASSROOM OUT OF
CONTROL

10. Seven Basic Components
1. Administrative Leadership
2. Team based Implementation
3. Define Behavior Expectations
4. Teach Behavior Expectation
5. Acknowledge/Reward Appropriate
Behavior
6. Monitor/Correct Behavior Errors
7. Use Information for Decision Making

11. EVIDENCED BASED
CLASSROOM MANAGEMENT

12. Awareness Components
What is Positive Behavior Supports
Why is it needed?
How is it different from traditional approaches
What does “positive” mean?
What are the schools expectation
How are they trained?
How and why are kids rewarded?
How can parents support PBS?

13. 8. Relationship, Quality Time,8. Relationship, Quality Time,
AND THE FEELING OF BEING LOVEDAND THE FEELING OF BEING LOVED

14. Behavioral Expectations
Be A JET Setter
"J" Just Care
"E" Everyone is responsible
and respectful
"T" To be safe
Our School Theme

15. Behavioral Expectations
Monfort Three Bees Expectations
Location
Expectation
Arrival at
School
Hallways
Bee
Responsible
-wait patiently until teacher lets
you in
-keep belongings to self
-go straight to your room
-neatly put your “stuff” in locker
-keep hands & feet to self
-work w/ an inside voice
-stay to right of hall
-go straight to your destination
-keep up w/ your class
Bee
Respectful
-enter bldg with quiet voice
-keep hands & feet to self
-wait quietly outside room ‘til
teacher invites you in
-always walk silently in a
straight line so others can
continue learning
-be extra quiet when passing by
classrooms or Media Center
Bee
Your Best
-greet people w/ a smile & a
happy hello!
-be on time to school & prepared
with your work
-keep hallways clutter free
-hang coat and backpack

16. The Importance of PreventionThe Importance of Prevention

17. At the grocery store…

18. Let’s begin at the end of the journey:Let’s begin at the end of the journey:
AdulthoodAdulthood
YOUR CHILDRENYOUR CHILDREN
What are your dreams for them?What are your dreams for them?
What do you want them to be like?What do you want them to be like?
What qualities to you hope they willWhat qualities to you hope they will
possess?possess?
What life skills do you believe they willWhat life skills do you believe they will
need?need?
What is the most important gift you canWhat is the most important gift you can
give them?give them?
What kind of relationship do you wantWhat kind of relationship do you want
them to have with you?them to have with you?

19. PROBLEMS WITH SPANKING
Should I spank my child?
The short answer is “no.”
• Spanking teaching child to fear you
• May be resentful and retaliate with
uncooperative or passive aggressive
behavior
• Teaches your child that violence is an
acceptable way to solve problems
• Children who are spanked are mre
likely to fight with others and hit other
children

20. Problems with Spanking
• Children who are spanked are more
likely to fight with others and hit other
children. Also more likely to become
violent adults.
• Teaches your child distrust. Spanking
teaches your child that when you
make mistakes you will punish him
rather than give him sympathetic
guidance

21. Problems with Spanking
It erodes trust and disrupts the bond
between you.
Can be dangerous if you loose self
control-e.g, leaving bruises, blood
blisters,etc.
It can result in poor self esteem.
“If I weren’t such a bad kid I wouldn’t
get hit.”

22. But I was spanked, and Im
okay!
82% of us were spanked
“My parents spanked me because
they loved me.”
If our parents knew what we know
now they likely would have spanked
us.
Study after study indicates that there
may be long term harm from
spanking
and a link between spanking and

23. Why do so many parents (in the United States) spank?
1. We tend to repeat what we know and have experienced.
2. Cultural myth that strict (authoritarian) approaches
produce a better result.
3. Some cultures strongly feel that spanking is absolutely
necessary.
4. Most people don’t really care what psychologists think.
5. Spanking provides satisfaction for the parent; release of
frustration. “I hear that psychologists say this spanking
will not help you, but by golly, it will make me feel better.”
6. Spanking does produce an immediate, short-term
suppression of the problem behavior.

24. The Case Against SpankingThe Case Against Spanking
It has been linked to many adult
problems.
Corporal punishment studies have
linked spanking during childhood to
higher levels of adult depression,
psychiatric problems, and addictions.
Another study shows that children
who were spanked have a lower IQ
when compared to children whose
parents used other methods of
discipline and control.

25. The Case Against SpankingThe Case Against Spanking
The fundamental need of American
education is to find ways of engaging
today's children in the thrill of
learning. Fear of pain has no place in
that process." The Christian Science
Monitor, 1989-MAR-21

26. The Case Against PunishmentThe Case Against Punishment
“Corporal punishment is a generational
pattern that began in slavery. It was seen
as means to end-i.e., preventing more
severe beatings from slave owners. There
is NO research to support that the African
America culture utilzed spanking prior to
experiencing slavery
Effective Black Parenting Program 2005Effective Black Parenting Program 2005

27. The Case Against Spanking
“Spare the rod and spoil the child.”

28. Modeling

29. What is Discipline?What is Discipline?
 providing training that develops self-control,
character, or orderliness and efficiency
 to instruct or educate; to prepare by instruction;
to train
 to love, guide, nurture, & support
 providing strategies that build community and
relationships
 focusing on self-control and sustained learning
 viewing behavioral occurrences as opportunities
to teach and support

30. "...subjection to rule; submissiveness to control; to keep in subjection.""...subjection to rule; submissiveness to control; to keep in subjection."
It seems there are two schools of thought on what discipline is.It seems there are two schools of thought on what discipline is.
One involves helping a person function more effectively in the world,One involves helping a person function more effectively in the world,
and the other involves keeping a person doing what someone else wantsand the other involves keeping a person doing what someone else wants
him to do--as in slavery.”him to do--as in slavery.”
B.E. Penel PhDB.E. Penel PhD
“…“…rarely have I heard the wordrarely have I heard the word disciplinediscipline used to mean helping a childused to mean helping a child
function more effectively in the world. The usual meaning involves findingfunction more effectively in the world. The usual meaning involves finding
ways to make the child do what the parents want him to do…”ways to make the child do what the parents want him to do…”
B.E. Penel PhDB.E. Penel PhD
HISTORICALLY DISCIPLINE
HAS HADTWODISTINCT
MEANINGS:

31. Positive Behavioral Support
 Is a proactive, positive approach toward
child behavior
 Focuses on developing replacement skills
 Focuses on sustained learning of
social/behavior skills over time
 Develops self control as opposed to
externally controlling children

32. For Some Discipline Has Taken
on Military Connotations
 ““He needs to do what he is told withoutHe needs to do what he is told without
questioning…”questioning…”
 ““He needs to know who is in charge.”He needs to know who is in charge.”
 ““He needs to learn that when he messesHe needs to learn that when he messes
up there are painful consequences.”up there are painful consequences.”

33. "My vision is that all children are raised lovingly"My vision is that all children are raised lovingly
and non-violently and with discipline thatand non-violently and with discipline that
motivates them through love, not through fear.”motivates them through love, not through fear.”
- Deborah Critzer, Positive Parenting- Deborah Critzer, Positive Parenting

34. What is Not Positive Discipline?
 Approaches intended to hurt or cause discomfort
 Leaving a child in the dark about natural or
logical consequences
 Consequences that humiliate, degrade, or bully
 Strategies leading to external control or “boss
management” that do not involve guiding or teaching
 Strategies based on revenge, retaliation, or “winning”
a power struggle.
 Cookbook approaches that fail to view children as
having unique learning styles and fail to focus on
investing in community and relationships
 View behavioral occurrences as an opportunity to
punish or establish external control

35. What is Missing in
“Cook Book” Approaches
 An emphasis on the uniqueness of each child
 A focus on individual assessment and need
 A focus on each child’s learning style and history
 An admission that there are no quick fixes, no miracle
cures, and no replacement for spending the time and
effort that is required in developing a loving
meaningful relationship with a child
 An admission that the “true expert” is a person that
realizes there is no one solution, no one path for all
children
 A realization that all behaviors meet needs and that
each child’s needs is a unique balance of nature vs.
nurture

36. What is the appeal of cook bookWhat is the appeal of cook book
approaches?approaches?
 Quick and easyQuick and easy
 Make us feel goodMake us feel good
 Are convenientAre convenient
 Eliminate the confusion of using multipleEliminate the confusion of using multiple
approachesapproaches
 Wrapped in a slick packageWrapped in a slick package
 Are generally sold by a dynamic speakerAre generally sold by a dynamic speaker
 Are a great deal for the moneyAre a great deal for the money

37. View of the Child
 POSITIVE NEGATIVE
- Inquisitive & Curious - Selfish and Manipulative
- Innocent and Naïve - Deceitful & Cunning
- A heart worth reaching -A “little demon” or “monster”
- Capable of self control -Need to be controlled
- Need for Autonomy -Need to be managed
-Can learn to process -Words and processing are a
and problem solve a waste of time
-Responds to love and - Responds to punishment and
relationship logical consequences
-Proactive - Reactive
“The child learns best when “ He deserves,he is winning, he is
he is lead and supported getting way with …”

38. What influences the way youWhat influences the way you
parent?parent?
The way you were parented.
What you feel is right.
How someone has told you to
parent.
What the research says
What healthy adults say
What unhealthy adults say

39. Positive Behavioral Supports for
Parents
 Recognize that behaviors meet needs
 Teach children healthy ways to meet needs
 Demonstrate, model, and practice
 Reinforce effort and celebrate
accomplishments
 Provide preventative environments
 Provide consequences that teach and
restore

40. Acknowledge Needs of Behavior
 Attention
 Escape/Avoidance
 Tangible
 Power & Control
 Anger/Frustration
 Sensory
 Love and Acceptance

41. MOTIVATION?

42. MOTIVATION

43. But surely their needs to beBut surely their needs to be
consequences, but….consequences, but….
Consequences should be viewed as anConsequences should be viewed as an
opportunity to teachopportunity to teach
Punitive Consequences are the leastPunitive Consequences are the least
effective way to change “bad” behavioreffective way to change “bad” behavior
So what changes bad behavior?So what changes bad behavior?
Teaching, loving, guiding, listening,Teaching, loving, guiding, listening,
relating, investing time, loving, andrelating, investing time, loving, and
enforcing limits that are fair and built onenforcing limits that are fair and built on
trust!!!!trust!!!!

44. Ownership (i.e., to successfully process, the child needs to
assume some ownership)
Processing the event (i.e., what happened, how could it
have avoided, etc.)
Problem solving (i.e., finding a solution, choosing a better
way, resolving conflict with a peer or staff)
Restoration (i.e., making things right with the victim, the
community, and the environment)
Letting go and moving forward (i.e., diffusing, de-
escalating and getting back under control)
Making a commitment for change (i.e., making a promise
to try to choose a different path)
Receiving support and forgiveness from the teacher and
peers
CONSEQUENCES SHOULD

45. Hopeful ResponsesHopeful Responses
CharacterCharacter
CaringCaring
ConfidentConfident
DecentDecent
Law AbidingLaw Abiding
AssertiveAssertive
TrustworthyTrustworthy
HonestHonest
HealthyHealthy
Drug FreeDrug Free
Happy and Well AdjustedHappy and Well Adjusted
SuccessfulSuccessful

46. So how do we get there????So how do we get there????
We walk the talk.We walk the talk.
We model the behavior we want to seeWe model the behavior we want to see
in them.in them.
We learn how to listen.We learn how to listen.
We learn how to forgive.We learn how to forgive.
We teach and guide rather than punishWe teach and guide rather than punish
and control.and control.
We are consistent and fairWe are consistent and fair
We are firmWe are firm
We are funWe are fun

47. Teach Social Expectations
Teach
Tell/explain
Show/model
Practice
Monitor
Active supervision
Acknowledge
Positively Reinforce

48. Seven Steps for establishingSeven Steps for establishing
PBS at homePBS at home
1.1. Get all family members on boardGet all family members on board
2.2. Hold a family meeting to introduce the ideaHold a family meeting to introduce the idea
and discussand discuss
3.3. How the family can support PBS at homeHow the family can support PBS at home
4.4. Pick three areas where the most growth isPick three areas where the most growth is
needed and decide on expectations that areneeded and decide on expectations that are
consistent with schoolsconsistent with schools
5.5. Decide how to teach these expectations atDecide how to teach these expectations at
homehome
6.6. Decide how to reinforce expected behaviorsDecide how to reinforce expected behaviors
7.7. Decide how to correct behavioral errors-what’sDecide how to correct behavioral errors-what’s
your discipline planyour discipline plan
8.8. Hold family meetings as needed to make theHold family meetings as needed to make the
Vitto,2006

49. Always show your child that theyAlways show your child that they
come first, that they are the mostcome first, that they are the most
import thing in your lifeimport thing in your life
"To the world you might be one"To the world you might be one
person, but to one person, youperson, but to one person, you
might be the world."might be the world."
-Anonymous-Anonymous

50. Do parents who hit their kidsDo parents who hit their kids
love them??? Absolutely!!!love them??? Absolutely!!!
But we have learned betters ways, andBut we have learned betters ways, and
we can change any time we want!!!we can change any time we want!!!
There is more than one way to get to theThere is more than one way to get to the
end of the journey.end of the journey.
You have to ask yourself, do I want myYou have to ask yourself, do I want my
child to fear me or care enough aboutchild to fear me or care enough about
me to want to please me?me to want to please me?
Do I want my child to approach m,eDo I want my child to approach m,e
when he has a problem?when he has a problem?

51. The Spirit of Reinforcement
Has reinforcement been used as a
means of acknowledging
approximations of desired
behavior?
Has reinforcement been used as a
means of control, leading to
resentment, and loss of
motivation?

52. Alternatives to
Punishment
Show ways to helpShow ways to help
Strongly disapproveStrongly disapprove
State expectations-teachState expectations-teach
Show how to make amendsShow how to make amends
Give a choiceGive a choice
Take actionTake action
Let child experience consequencesLet child experience consequences
RestorationRestoration
Building Strong Families – Positive Discipline Overhead #7

53. Recognize that all behaviorsRecognize that all behaviors
meet needs. The needs are:meet needs. The needs are:
To obtain or avoid:
» Attention
» Task or Activity
» Item
» Person
» Power and Control
» Sensory

54. “To build trusting relationships, we need
to communicate with the intent to learn
from others, not control them.
Trust is the glue that makes effective
collaboration and teamwork possible.
Without trust, people become
competitive or defensive, and
communication is distorted and
unreliable.”
BEING ON THE SAMEBEING ON THE SAME
PAGE WITH HOME ANDPAGE WITH HOME AND
SCHOOL!!!SCHOOL!!!

55. Parenting styles and consequent effects on children (pages 277-280)
Would you describe your own parents as strict? What does that mean?
Authoritarian parenting style – “My house, my rules.” Strict and
punitive.
Permissive-neglectful – The parents own lives are far more important
than are the children. Lets the child do whatever s/he pleases mainly
because the parent does not want to take time with the child.
Permissive-indulgent – Highly involved with the child but places very
few demands on the child; high belief in basic goodness of the child and
belief that the child does not need controls in order to grow into a good
and competent individual; “hippy” style of parenting.
Authoritative (democratic) – Controls and rules are in place, but they
are not enforced capriciously (at the whim of the parent); rules are
explained and are open to debate in the family; once decided, however,
all family members are expected to observe the rules. Parents show
warmth to children and are supportive (always “there for them”).
As you might suspect, most parents use combinations of these styles and
may vary from time-to-time and from child-to-child.

56. Consequences (from research) of the various parenting styles:
Authoritarian – strict childrearing is associated with
moderate school performance (grades of “C” and “B”)
relatively lower creativity
relatively lower involvement in problems behaviors
poorer social skills
lower self-esteem
higher levels of depression
Permissive-neglectful – children perform lowest in all categories
Permissive-indulgent – a mixed bag of results
most likely to be involved in problem behaviors
perform less well in school, but high creativity
higher self-esteem
lower levels of depression
may have good social skills, but unrealistic expectations of
peers and others
Authoritative – children perform highest in all categories

57. Parenting style research – complex interactions
positive effects of authoritative parenting on school performance is
more so in European Americans than in other ethnic groups
psychosocial benefits are true for all ethnic groups studied
demandingness is moreso for boys than for girls
the child’s personality tends to elicit different parenting approaches
for example, a particularly stubborn child may elicit a more
demanding approach
parents, like everyone else, learn from experience; they may be more
authoritarian with the first child, but ease up on the later children,
likewise, if the first child got into serious trouble, the parents may be
more strict on later children.
Other family systems factors are: divorce and custody issues,
siblings and their interaction with the child, and, very important,
consistency in the application of the discipline style.
(see John for specific references to examine these studies more closely)

58. Child abuse and neglect: Various issues of definition, statistics, etc.
1. Due to issues of definition and reporting, it is not clear if rates of child
abuse are higher today, lower, or about the same.
2. But, it is clear that there has been child abuse throughout history, and
it does continue today.
3. Which of these is “child abuse” by your definition?
a. Spanking a young child on his/her hand
b. Spanking a young child on his/her bottom
c. Slapping a young child’s face
d. Slapping a young child’s face three times in a row
e. Pinching a young child on the arm enough to make the child cry
f. Pushing the child down onto the floor from a standing position
g. Yelling at a young child, “Stop that noise right now!”
h. Telling a young child, “You are being stupid! Stop that!.”

59. Child abuse comes in different forms:
Physical abuse – where does spanking end and physical
abuse begin?
Emotional abuse – “You are stupid, I wish you had never
been born.”
Sexual abuse – even in this one, people debate the
definitions
Neglect – failure to provide for the basic needs of the child
The point is: Opinions and judgments are heavily involved in
child abuse statistics, ideas about what should be done
about “abuse,” once defined, and in the interplay between
scientific approaches and cases in courts.

60. The case of “Marie,” a girl I knew at a youth shelter when she was 13:
Marie: “My father would either be slapping me or having sex with me,
there wasn’t much of anything else.”
Me: “Did your mother know what was going on?”
Marie: “Yeah, she knew, but she pretended she didn’t. She was afraid of
my father putting her out and she had no where to go.”
Me: “Did you want to tell someone at school?”
Marie: “Finally I did tell a teacher who was a good friend to all the
students. That’s how it got turned over to Social Services.”
Me: “What happened then?”
Marie: “It took a long time and my life was hell when my father found out
that I told. Finally, I was placed in a foster home.”
Me: “Was that better for you?
Marie: “No! I wished I had never told anyone. The foster parents were
worse than my father. I was made to sleep on a cold floor for punishment
and there were three people having sex with me in that house.”

61. People are not for hitting,
And children are people too.
--John Valusek, Wichita, KS
http://www.nospank.net/valusek.htm

62. If you were abused as a child, are you doomed to be a bad parent or to
abuse your children?
The answer is no! No amount of maltreatment you received “dooms” you
to anything. Only about one-third of persons who were abused go on to
abuse their children, which is pretty close to the proportion of non-abused
persons who abuse their children by some definition of abuse.
Reminder of Burden’s rule of turn-around: If a child can have at least one
warm, caring person in their life, it can undo a great deal of abuse at the
hands of others (see page 280 in text).
If you know a child whom you believe to be maltreated,
Be a friend to the child—listen, be there for her/him
Smile warmly at children; let them know you like them
Give your time to youth activities—
be a coach, a Scout Leader, a Sunday School teacher
Be a child advocate—a trained volunteer position to help
safeguard the best interests of the child.

63. Effects of divorce on children
Time for one of John’s simple logic lessons:
If the marriage is so stressful, so terrible, and so hopeless that there is
constant strife, a lack of love in the home, and the child is constantly
upset, then, obviously divorce is better than staying together.
That having been said, divorce is not good for children. A wide variety of
ill effects are correlationally related to divorce.
It is much better to have two caregivers in a positive functional
relationship. However, the majority of children of divorce do not have
significant adjustment problems.
If divorce is unavoidable, then some things can help the child(ren):
Try to fight and discuss the impending divorce in private
Never use the child as a pawn, and do not use custody
threats as a weapon of power
Try to remain friends as, much as possible, after the divorce
Use classes and support groups for adjustment in the first
two years after the divorce

64. FOR MORE INFORMATION
http://www.slideshare.net/svittoatmuskegonisd.org/steve-vitto-positive-appro
Bridge4kids.com
PBIS.org
Casel.org
eboard.com.michiganpbs
PositiveParenting.com
Parentsuccess.com
Parenting.org
Kidinfo.com/parent_resources/Parenting_tips.html
Parentsmart.com
Kidsourcectdta.org/parenting
http://muskegonisd.org

65. Recommended Programs andRecommended Programs and
Resources for Positive ParentingResources for Positive Parenting
 Positive Discipline
 Discipline with Dignity
 positiveparenting.com
 Effective Black Parenting Program
 www.teachmorelovemore.org
 Positive Behavioral Supports
 The Boys Town Curriculum
Video Training Series

66. “If you treat an individual as he
is, he will stay as he is, but if you
treat him as if he were what he
ought to be and could be he will
become what he ought to be and
could be.”
Wolfgang Goethe

67. Albert Schweitzeronce said: "There are three ways we
teach ourchildren. The first is by example; the second is
by example; and the third is by example."

68. THE END
A 2003 PBS PROJECT