Personal power is the unique power that manifests as a person becomes more authentic himself or herself. Personal power: is not a force it is not a positional power It is the power that results from the authentic and genuine presencing of the emerging self in the moment.

2. ● Full participation is required
● Speak from personal experience, only
● No advice giving
● Track your feelings
○ Fear 😨
○ Hurt 😢
○ Anger 😠
○ Sadness 😞
○ Joy 😃
Before we begin ...

3. Power: dictionary definition
“the ability to do something or act in a particular way,
especially as a faculty or quality”
“ the capacity or ability to direct or influence the
behavior of others or the course of events”

4. Personal Power: Wright definition
“Personal power is the unique power that manifests as a
person becomes more authentic himself or herself”

5. Personal Power: Wright definition
Personal power:
❖ is not a force
❖ it is not a positional power
It is the power that results from the authentic and
genuine presencing of the emerging self in the moment.

6. Three blocks to Personal Power
Stinking
Thinking
Blame
Shame
Justification

7. (Karpman)Drama Triangle
A Block to Personal power

8. Drama Triangle: Roles
A Block to Personal power
PersecutorRescuer
Victim

9. Drama Triangle: Where can I find it ?
A Block to Personal power
PersecutorRescuer
Victim
relationships
marriage
movies
school
family
work

10. Drama Triangle: in social interactions
A Block to Personal power
VictimPersecutor
Rescuer

11. Drama Triangle: Belief System
watch your character for it becomes your destiny.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
Watch your thoughts for they become words,
watch your words for they become actions,
watch your actions, for they become habits,
watch your habits for they become your character,

12. Drama Triangle: Victim beliefs
PersecutorRescuer
Victim
❖ “I am helpless”
❖ “Circumstances have power over me”
❖ Blames others
❖ Absolves self, of responsibility
❖ Didn’t see it coming.

13. Drama Triangle: Rescuer beliefs
Persecutor
Victim
Rescuer
❖ I am a fixer, savior
❖ Avoids own work & pain
❖ Desires to feel good &
appreciated
❖ Feels little self-worth
❖ My needs are not important!
❖ You poor victims! Let me
help you to feel good about
myself

14. Drama Triangle: Persecutor beliefs
Rescuer
Victim
Persecutor
❖ Feels justified, in blaming and
shaming others
❖ Holds others, entirely
responsible for every situation
❖ Numb their own pain, by
hiding behind a facade of
pride and uncaring detachment
❖ Views world as a harsh and
unforgiving place
❖ I am always right
❖ Like to bully others
❖ Sees things as Black or White

15. Drama Triangle: Cost
PersecutorRescuer
Victim
❖ Stays dependent on others
❖ Avoids learning to take responsibility
❖ Constant complaining and whining
❖ Keeps victims stuck,
prevents their growth
❖ Ignores own work
❖ Seeking victims to
rescue
❖ Feels taken advantage
of and bitter as a result
❖ Feels lonely, looks for
connection
❖ Inability to change
❖ Dissatisfied with others
❖ Unhappy for not seen
clearly

17. Assignment : Drama Alert!
❖ Turn on the drama tracker for a Drama Alert !
❖ Identify and write down roles you and others play in relationships
❖ Actively track the role you are playing when interacting with others:
➢ Victim
➢ Persecutor
➢ Rescuer
❖ Consciously identify and record your feelings each hour:
➢ Fear
➢ Hurt
➢ Anger
➢ Sadness
➢ Joy

18. Stinking
Thinking

19. Core Mistaken Beliefs: about MySelf
I’m
❖ not enough
❖ too much
❖ no good
❖ not good enough
❖ insignificant
❖ not OK as I am
❖ not lovable
❖ not worthy
❖ not OK
❖ alone and on my own
❖ a burden
❖ I have to earn love
❖ There’s something wrong with me
❖ My feelings are bad
❖ My needs are bad
❖ I don’t matter
Personal
POWER
Zappers

20. Core Mistaken Beliefs: about World
There aren’t enough:
❖ resources
❖ time
❖ money
❖ The world is a hostile and dangerous place
❖ The world is out to get me
❖ People want the worst for me
❖ There isn’t enough love to go around

21. Blame, Shame, Justification

22. Power blocker: BSJ
Blame
Shame
Justification
… when employees responded with blame, shame, or
justification, it was 94% certain that there would be no
change in the situation and that the problem would
reoccur. If we translate this to our own lives, every time
you are a victim, rescuer, or persecutor, or justify your
behavior, you have a 94% chance of staying stuck. You
are powerless to change–and have barely 6% chance of
changing.
studies of business mistakes and successes
W. Edward Deming, Marshall Thurber

23. Engagement Continuum
Out-of-it
Asleep
Spaced- out
Kind of -
Sort of.
Autopilot
Not tied to
Yearnings
Engaged
Deep
Engagement
Transformational
Engagement
DISENGAGED MIS-ENGAGED ENGAGING
TRANSACTIONAL TRANSFORMATIONAL
Consciousness Tied to Yearning & Emotions

24. Engagement Continuum(contd.)
Avoiding
Walking
Away
Stonewallin
g
Silent
treatment,
being quiet,
smug, icy,
superior
Secrets
Zoned Out
DISENGAGED
Avoid
conflicts
Being
careful,
making nice
Don’t rock
the boat
Walking on
eggshells
Soft
Addictions
KIND
OF SORT OF
Blame,
Shame,
Justification
Drama triangle
Non-personal
conversations:
politics, sports,
weather,
opinions,
judgements
Talking about
logistics
Repetitive,
Nonproductive
fights
PSEUDO
ENGAGED
Criticism:
Attacking,
Counter
attacking,
Character
assassination
Contempt
hostile words,
tone of voice,
gestures, eye
rolling, sneers
Insulting
Name-calling,
sarcasm, hostile
Humor, mockery
Defensiveness
ACTIVE
DESTRUCTIVE
MIS-ENGAGED
PASSIVE
DESTRUCTIVE
DESTRUCTIVE
Active,
Intimate
meaningful
interactions,
accessible,
connected, open,
vulnerable,
showing affections
In touch with
yearning, heartfelt,
emotions joy
Responsible,
responsive, humor
Genuine, truthful,
real, affirming
ENGAGED
Touching
yearnings of both
feeling “felt”,
knowing and be
known, intimate
connection
Deeply heartfelt
Full emotional
involvement
Both partners
benefit
Discovery of self
and partner
Risking more fully
DEEP
ENGAGEMENT
Higher Purpose
Yearnings of both
are met
Going into the
woods:
Discovering and
transformational
encounters
Full Out
Expression
Relationship
Benefits the larger
world beyond the
two of you
TRANSFORMATIVE
ENGAEMENT
INTIMATE ENGAGEMENT
NEUTRAL/DESTRUCTIVE CONSTRUCTIVE/CREATIVE
Consciousness
Tied to
Yearning &
Emotions

25. Fixed vs Growth mindset Carol Dweck, Professor of Psychology at Stanford
Leads to a desire to look
smart and therefore a
tendency to ...
Leads to a desire to
learn and therefore a
tendency to ...
… avoids challenges … embraces challenges
… gives up easily … persists in the face
of setback
… sees effort as
fruitless or worse
… sees effort as the
path to mastery
Fixed Mind-set
Intelligence is
static
Growth Mind-set
Intelligence can be
developed

26. Fixed vs Growth mindset (continued)
...ignores useful negative
feedback
...feels threatened by the
success of others
As a result, they may plateau early
and achieve less than their full
potential.
All this confirms a deterministic view
of the world
… learn from criticism
… find lessons and
inspiration in the success of
other
As a result, they reach ever-higher
levels of achievement
All this gives them a greater sense of free will

28. Neural Pathways Constellation of Neurons in Brain
“Neurons that fire together wire together”

29. What’s next ?
Learn about:
★ Types of personal power
★ Be aware of the blocks to personal power
○ Drama Triangle
○ Stinking thinking
○ Blame, Shame, Justification
★ Individual coaching sessions

30. References:
Wright Living: http://wrightliving.com
Wright Graduate University: http://wrightgrad.edu
Three Faces of Victims: http://www.lynneforrest.com/articles/2008/06/the-faces-of-victim/
The Triangle Game: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ear2psj1WNo
Karpman Drama Triangle: http://www.karpmandramatriangle.com/
Disney’s Hercules
Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGvR_0mNpWM
TED Talk: http://www.ted.com/talks/carol_dweck_the_power_of_believing_that_you_can_improve
Matrix movie
Twent-FIve Beliefs of Victims. http://2gethelp.org/docs/doc/EQ-DocDowning-victim-beliefs.pdf
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