A brief overview of Parent Effectiveness Training (PET)

1. PARENT EFFECTIVENESS TRAINING
Randy Wilhelm

2. Communicating Effectively with your
Children
◦ Parent effectiveness training (PET) created by Dr. Thomas Gordon shows parents how to:
◦ Avoid being a permissive parent
◦ How to listen so kids will talk to you and talk so kids will listen to you
◦ How to teach your children to “own” their problems and to solve them
◦ How to use the “No-Lose” method to resolve conflicts

3. PET utilizes the behavior window
◦ The behavior window allows the parent to know when to “own” the problem and when their kids “own” the
problem
◦ The parent accepts the behavior when the parent does not react to the situation. Here, the parent gives
listening skills and the child is owning the problem.
◦ When there is a problem, the parent is to own the problem, and the parent confronts the child.
◦ When there is no problem, the situation allows for growth in the relationship.
◦ When the child is accepted, it gives them the chance to grow.

4. BEHAVIOR
WINDOW

5. When we OWN the problem
When the Child Owns the problem When the Parent Owns the problem
Child initiates communication
Parent is the listener
Parent is a counselor
Parent wants to help child
Parent is a “sounding board”
Parent facilitates child’s finding own solution
Parent accepts child’s solution
Parent is primarily interested in child’s needs
Parent is more passive
Parent initiates communication
Parent is the sender
Parent is an influencer
Parent wants to help herself
Parent wants to “sound off”
Parent has to find her own solution
Parent must be satisfied with solution herself
Parent is primarily interested in her own needs
Parent is more assertive

6. PET teaches to utilize communication
◦ Active listening
◦ Door openers
◦ Avoidance of “YOU” messages and utilization of “I” messages

7. How should you not communicate?
The 12 roadblocks often say something about the child. These ways of responding are potentially
“non-therapeutic” or “destructive.”
◦ 1.Ordering, directing, commanding.
◦ 2. Warning, admonishing, threatening.
◦ 3. Exhorting, moralizing, preaching.
◦ 4. Advising, giving solutions or suggestions.
◦ 5. Lecturing, teaching, giving logical arguments.
◦ 6. Judging, criticizing, disagreeing, blaming.
◦ 7. Praising, agreeing.
◦ 8. Name-calling, ridiculing, shaming.
◦ 9. Interpreting, analyzing, diagnosing.
◦ 10. Reassuring, sympathizing, consoling, supporting.
◦ 11. probing, questioning, interrogating.
◦ 12. Withdrawing, distracting, humoring, diverting.

8. What can happen if you use the 12
roadblocks?
The child may display:
◦ Resistance, defiance, rebellion, negativism
◦ Resentment, anger, hostility
◦ Aggression, retaliation, striking back.
◦ Lying, hiding feelings,
◦ Blaming other, tattling, cheating.
◦ Dominating, bossing, bullying.
◦ Needing to win, hating to lose.
◦ Forming alliances, organizing against parents
◦ Submission, obedience, compliance
◦ Apple-polishing, courting favor
◦ Conformity, lack of creativity, fear of trying something new, requiring prior assurance of success
◦ Withdrawing, escaping, fantasizing, regression

9. For more information….
This presentation only showed a glimpse of what Parent Effectiveness Training by Dr. Thomas Gordon
consists of. For more information, visit www.GordonTraining.com

10. References
Gordon, T. (2000). Parent effectiveness training: The proven program for raising responsible children. New York: Three
Rivers Press.