Emotional intelligence

1. EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE

3. Introduction
 Interpersonal relationship refers to a strong association between individuals sharing common
interests and goals.
 A sense of trust, loyalty and commitment is essential in a relationship.
 interpersonal relationships are formed in the context of social, cultural and other influences. The
context can vary from family relations, friendship, marriage, work, neighborhoods, etc.
 Interpersonal skills are the life skills we use every day to communicate and interact with other
people, both individually and in groups.

4.  Interpersonal relationships are
dynamic systems that change
continuously during their
existence.
 They grow and improve gradually,
as people get to know each other
and become closer emotionally, or
they gradually deteriorate as people
drift apart, move on with their
lives, and form new relationships
with others.

5. Stages of interpersonal relations
According to famous psychologist George Levinger, every relationship goes through following five stages.
I. Acquaintance
Acquaintance refers to knowing each other.
II. The Build up Stage
This is the stage when the relationship actually grows.
III. Continuation Stage
This is the stage when relationship blossoms into lasting commitments.
IV. Deterioration
Not all relationships pass through this stage. Lack of compatibility, trust, love and care often lead to misunderstandings
and serious troubles in relationship.
V. The Termination/End Stage
The fifth and the last stage is the end of a relationship.

6. types of interpersonal relations
1) Friendship
Friendship is an unconditional interpersonal relationship where individuals enter by their own sweet will and choice.
2) Love
An interpersonal relationship characterized by passion, intimacy, trust and respect is called love. Individuals in a
romantic relationship are deeply attached to each other and share a special bond.
3) Platonic Relationship
A relationship between two individuals without any feelings or sexual desire for each other is called a platonic
relationship. In such a relationship, a man and a woman are just friends and do not mix love with friendship.
4) Family Relationship
Individuals related by blood or marriage are said to form a family.
5) Professional/Work Relationship
Individuals working together for the same organization are said to share a professional relationship.

7. Uncertainty Reductions Theory
The uncertainty reductions theory is the idea given by Charles Berger and Richard Calabrese in 1975 that we try to
reduce uncertainty about others by learning about them. When we know more about someone, we can then predict their
behavior more easily.
For example, when you first meet a classmate, you don't know yet if they could become a good friend. When you go on
your first date, you probably don't know if you could have a lasting relationship with this person. Because there is so
much you don't know about them, you have to reduce the uncertainty by getting to know them better. That's what the
uncertainty reductions theory is about.
This theory posits that two strangers go through several stages in order to start forming a bond and decide whether they
want it to continue. The stages include:
• The entry stage, in which they get to know about each other's family, education and background
• The personal stage, which involves sharing attitudes and beliefs, and where both people consider if they are really
compatible
• The exit stage, where the two individuals (now in some sort of relationship) either decide to keep moving forward or
go their separate ways

8. A list of interpersonal skills
 Verbal communication – What we say and how we say it.
 Nonverbal communication – What we communicate without words, body language
is an example.
 Listening skills – How we interpret both the verbal and non-verbal messages sent by
others.
 Negotiation – Working with others to find a mutually agreeable outcome.
 Problem solving – Working with others to identify, define and solve problems.
 Decision making – Exploring and analysing options to make sound decisions.
 Assertiveness – Communicating our values, ideas, beliefs, opinions, needs and wants
freely.

9. how to improve and develop your
interpersonal skills
• Learn to Listen
• Be aware of the words you are using when talking to others
• Understand Why Communication Fails
• Relax
• When we are nervous we tend to talk more quickly and therefore less clearly
• Clarify
• Be Positive
• Empathise
• Understand Stress
• Learn to be Assertive
• Reflect and Improve
• Negotiate
• Working in Groups

10. The Behavioral Skills in
Interpersonal
Communication

11. 1. Eye Communication:
 Intimacy, Intimidation & Involvement
-it means looking at a person for 10 seconds to a minute or more.
 Five Seconds for More Effectiveness
-when you are trying to emphasize a point.
 Beware of an Eye Dart
(like a scared rabbit!)
-we tend to look away and avoid looking
at a person when we feel nervous or
awkward.
Look sincerely and steadily with another person…

12.  Beware of Slow-Blink
-Our eyelids tend to close for more than 2 seconds, saying “
really don’t want to be here!”
 Notice How TV Hosts Interview Guests
-having a role model is always the first step to take.
 Try to Look on the Nose Bridge Right in the Middle of
the Eyes
-rather than looking strait in the eye which may feel awkward on
the part of the audience, try look on the forehead area. They
will stiff feel the eye contact minus the strain.

13. 2. Posture & Movement
Lear to stand tall &b move naturally with ease….
 Stand Tall
-Poor upper body posture reflects poor self-esteem.
 Watch our Lower Body
-watch how your hip, legs and feet move when you are
talking to somebody.
 Use the “ready” position
- “ready” position means putting your
weight forward.

14. Posture & Movement (con’t…)
 Move
-move a bit while talking like
making gestures & walk around.
 Use your Own Style…
- adapt what you have learned in posture &
movement in your own personal style.
Practice in front of a mirror or a friend.

15. 3. Gestures & Facial
expressions
 Find-out your Habits
-videotape yourself while practicing a speech or lecture.
You’ll notice more habit you sub-consciously practicing like
jerking, excessive hand movements & uttering sounds.
Learn to be relaxed & natural when you speak…
 Find-out your Nervous Gestures
-list down the thing you do when you get
nervous. A close friend might help you
discover them. Don’t emphasize on the
feeling of excitement. Do you tend to arm
lock at the person you talk to? Or you
tend to give a “stop” hand sign?

16. Gestures & Facial expressions
(con’t… )
 You Can’t Over-Exagerate!
-Try to exaggerate your gesture, they surprisingly look
natural than limiting yourself.
 Smile!
-A smile give ease & acceptance to the person you are
talking with. It also relieves intimidation & sincerity.
 Remember your Personality Factor
-People will buy your ideas if they like you.

17. 4. Dress & Appearance
…to dress, to groom and appear appropriate to the environment as well as to
yourself.
 Be Appropriate
-You don’t need to but any expensive suit. Any
professional and decent clothing you own will do.
 Dress at Conscious Level
-Be conscious on what you wear. Look hard in the mirror if
it works for you. Walk around to see if it is comfortable to
wear.
 Clothes Mean a Lot to your Audience
-what you wear communicates extensively on how you feel
about yourself.

18. Dress & Appearance (Con’t…)
 Pick Five People
-Choose five people you know well and analyze the way
they dress & groom. Pick every detail (jewelry, glasses,
make-up etc). As you gain consciousness to other people,
so you do to yourself. Do some research.
 Nobody will Tell You
-Very few people will tell you what they think about your
appearance out of politeness. So plan your clothing ahead
of time.
 Pick a New Outfit, try a New Look
-you’ll never know how you will look unless you try a new one.
Consult a image/beauty expert on before trying a new haircut.
Department store have free trials on Make-up so take advantage!

19. 5. Voice & Vocal Variety
 Emphasize the Right Word
“Now is the time to change”
-emphasis is critically important depending on the word you
need to emphasize.
 Call Companies
-Call five companies and analyze how each project a
welcoming tone for business. Try to model from them.
 Record Yourself
-The best exercise to improve vocal skills is to record your
own voice. Learn breathing, pacing & enunciating while
speaking.
…use your voice as an effective tool, not a barrier in communication .

20. 6. Language, Pauses & Non-
words…use appropriate and clear language for your listeners, with planned pauses and no
“non-words”.
 Use Direct Language
- State want you ask & mean. Replace the phrases “I’ll try” with “
I will” or “ We can’t” with “You can” .
Example B
Indirect: “I’m sorry, but we can’t give you a discount
right now.”
Direct: “Discounts are currently unavailable but I’ll let
you know the moment we have one.”
Example A
Indirect: “I’ll try to submit the sales report this
afternoon, OK?”
Direct: “I will submit the report on your desk before
4PM, is that alright with you?

21. Language, Pauses & Non-
words…
 Vocabulary Increases with Use
-our effectiveness in communication id graded by our
choice of word. Increase vocabulary through
incorporation of new words.
 Beware of Jargon
-Share jargon only with people who understand the
same language.
 The Pause—A Important Tool
-Pause naturally for 3-4 seconds. I allows you to breathe
and think about your next moves. Replace you non-words
with pauses instead.

22. 7. Listener involvement
 Engage in Interaction
-Ask questions and their opinion. Limit the “I” & “me”
in the conversation. Be interested in other people.
 Enhance Your Style
-Include a dramatic opening and visual aids. Maintain
eye contact & move around more.
 Plan Content Ahead
-Always think of the benefits your conversation your
audience get from your listeners. Add a little humor.
…maintain an active interest and involvement of each person with whom you are
communicating, whether a single person or a thousand.

23. 8. Humor
 Do Tell Stories and Anecdotes
-use personal stories and funny situations to connect
with your audience.
 Don’t Tell Jokes
-Unless your really an effective teller, do not tell
jokes in formal situations.
 Be aware of Feedback
-Feedback is a good guide on making yourself improve
on humor.
…Create a bond with your listeners, enabling them to enjoy listening to you more.

24. 9. The Natural Self
 Communicating is a Lifelong Process
-Language is an ever-evolving tool just like fashion. So does
communication always get ahead with the changes.
 Learn Like a Juggler
-Learn one skill at a time & add them once they
become a habit.
…be authentic. To be yourself in all circumstances, understanding your strengths &
converting weaknesses into assets.

25. Assertiveness On
Job

32. What is Assertiveness?
An honest, direct,
and appropriate
expression of one's
feelings, thoughts,
and beliefs
Assertiveness is the ability
to communicate your
needs, feelings, opinions,
and beliefs in an open and
honest manner without
violating the rights of
others

33. Need of Assertiveness
Lack of assertiveness leads to:
Depression:
feeling helpless
with no control
over your life
Resentment:
anger at others
for taking
advantage of you
Frustration:
why did I let
that happen
Temper:
if you can't express
anger appropriately
it can build up to
temper outbursts
Anxiety:
you may avoid
certain situations
which make you
feel uncomfortable
Relationships:
when individuals
can't tell each
other what they
want
Stress:
stress can have
a negative impact
on the body

34. Benefits of Assertiveness
Propels your career
Helps have better
relations with others
Reduces stress
Minimizes
any unpleasantness
Makes you feel
better about yourself
Vaults you into leadership
position
Able to adapt to changing
social and professional
environments
Freedom from guilt
conscience as you
know that you are right

35. Skills for Assertiveness (on
Job)
Affirmations Techniques

37. Techniques for Assertiveness
TECHNIQUES
DESC (Describe, Express, Specify, Clarify)
I Statements
Assertive Communication- Body language
Broken Record
Positive Enquiry and Negative Enquiry
Workable Compromise
Fogging
Negative Assertion
Art of Saying “No”

38. DESC
S
Describe the actions
or behaviour that you
see as taking place
Express why that
behaviour is an issue
Specify the resulting
actions or change of
behaviour you would
like to effect
Clarify the consequences for
failing to change behaviour or
meet demands
E
D
C
• It is used to make an
assertive request.
• The intent is to
frame the situation,
say what's wrong ,
make your request
and predict an
outcome.

39. In ‘I’
statements
you are
affirming
who you are
and what
you want.

40. Communication through Body
language
 Voice Tone- Speak slowly, audibly, clearly and calmly
 Eye Contact- Maintain eye contact but don’t stare, look
interested
 Facial Expression- Relaxed, genuine smile, relaxed
mouth
 Gestures- Relaxing hands, casual hand movement,
hands open
 Posture- Erect and relaxed, shoulders straight, head
straight, legs together

41. Broken Record
• Repeat yourself again and again and
again, until the person gives in or
concedes to your demands.
• It is done without raising the tone of
your voice, becoming angry or irritated
It is particularly useful when:
• Dealing with those in authority
• You are not getting what you are
entitled to
• Dealing with people brighter or more
fluent than you
• The other person is likely to use put-
downs
Workable Compromise
Whenever you feel like your self
respect in not in question, offer a
workable compromise to the other
person.

42. POSITIVE ENQUIRY
Handling positive
comments with a
positive feedback.
Example:
You made an excellent
meal tonight, it was
delicious!”
“Thanks. Yes, it was
good. What did you like
about it in particular?”
NEGATIVE ENQUIRY
Negative enquiry is a
way to respond to
more negative
exchanges such as
receiving criticism.
Example:
“You're always late”
“Always? How do you
know that for a fact?”

43. • Fogging is useful when someone is
putting pressure on you to do
something. Thus your response to
the request is to put up a fog.
• Here you don’t put up an argument,
you give a calm response in a non-
defensive way.
• This method is a very polite method
of saying ‘No’.
Example-
“What time do you call this? You're
nearly half an hour late, I'm fed up with
you letting me down all the time.”
“Yes, I am later than I hoped to be and I
can see this has annoyed you.”
FOGGING
• A skill where you accept your
errors and faults without having
to apologize.
• You look at the negatives in your
own behavior or personality
without feeling defensive or
anxious.
Example-
‘If you think that, you must be
stupid’
‘I admit I’m not the brightest
person around’
NEGATIVE ASSERTION
HANDLING CRITICISM

44. The Art of saying “No”

45. Connection between Art of
Saying No and Emotional
Intelligence
 Research from the University of California in San
Francisco shows that the more difficulty you have saying
no, the more likely you are to experience stress,
burnout, and even depression
 These are all signs that hinder Emotional Intelligence

46. Why is it hard to say No?
 If I say no, they may feel hurt
 If I say no this time, they may not like me anymore
 If I say no this time,they may never ask again
 They won’t take any notice if I say no
 They would say ‘yes’ to me (and so I will feel guilty if I refuse them)
 I can’t say no, because I feel sorry for them

47. What to do before saying no?
Ask yourself these questions before you provide an answer:
Am I already working on several important assignments that
leave no time for this one?
Can I delegate some of my other work to make room for this
assignment?
Can I put some of my other assignments on the back burner
while I work on this one?
Will taking on this assignment cause harm to my other work?
Do I lack the skills or information necessary to complete this
assignment?
Am I the best person to successfully complete this
assignment?

48. Always consider the way you
say no
The troublesome ways of saying no are:
 “The project looks too difficult.”
“I'm in the middle of planning my wedding and can't
focus on anything right now.”
“I can’t be bothered.”
“I’ve done enough for you already.”
“No one else on the team is asked to do as much as I’m
asked to do.”

49. Steps of the strategy to say
no
 Find your yes
 Sleep on it
 Sandwich the no between two yeses
 Make sure you’re actually saying “no”
 Be prepared to repeat yourself

50. Top tips to say no
 Value your time
 Know your priorities
 Practice saying no
 Get back to you
 Maybe later