2. Talk radio host Rush Limbaugh said Tuesday he is teaming up with St. Louis Blues owner Dave Checketts in a bid to buy the St. Louis Rams. Rush’s first run in the NFL was unsuccessful after working as an analyst on ESPN in 2003. NO Black Quarterbacks. He was fired after saying the media overhypes Donovan McNabb because he’s Black. Rush hopes this chance in the NFL will be different, and said there will be no major changes with his partial ownership—well, except:

3. STOP! Crabtree Time ! The San Francisco 49ers finally signed their top Draft choice Michael Crabtree. Crabtree and his agent, Eugene Parker met with the 49ers. Strangely, Parker also brought his close friend, former 90’s rapper, M.C Hammer to the negotiations. Crabtree will get guaranteed $17 million in gold that he has the option to trade for cash. Be referred to only as “M.C Crabtree”. While the details of the contract were not officially announced, it is reported: And, as seen in his press conference…his own uniform!

4. LeBron James called Browns receiver Braylon Edwards “childish" for allegedly punching James’ 130 lbs. friend early Monday morning outside of a Cleveland night club. Then in a shocking move, the 0-4 Cleveland Browns traded Edwards to the 3-1 New York Jets! Of course, other Browns players hoping to get traded to a better team went on an all out attack on LeBron’s small friends!

5. A video shot on last week showed Romo holding up three fingers following a fourth-down incompletion that sealed Dallas’ loss to Denver. After being heavily criticized after the loss, Romo went to former Cowboy legend QB, Troy Aikman on how to handle criticism. Romo’s next meeting was with Sesame Street legend, The Count. Okaaay, 1-2-3-FOUR! Yis’ Yis, You Big dumb idiot!

6. This past week, Baltimore coach John Harbaugh suggested Patriots quarterback Tom Brady got preferential treatment from the officiating crew over own quarterback, Joe Flacco. Linebacker Ray Lewis agreed saying they were not allowed to touch Brady without getting a penalty. The NFL felt those charges were outrageous. The NFL stated if any player could get past Brady’s Costa Rica wedding armed bodyguards, they would not be penalized.

7. Teenage girls were thrilled when news came out that Giants QB Eli Manning was injured and backup David Carr would take the helm. But girls would end up MORTIFIED when they saw Eli Manning in the game! David Carr would come into the game because of a blowout, but most networks switched coverage. Manning might be the better vampire, just not as much fun to get bitten by.

8. The Cincinnati Bengals for the 5 th consecutive week have the game decided in the final two minutes. This habit of stressing out their fans have given them the nickname— The Cardiac Cats . Let me be the first to introduce their new logo.

9. The Broncos wore their throwbacks to honor… … when they were the known as the San Diego Padres.

10. Eagles Donovan McNabb and Seahawks Matt Hasselbeck return from rib injuries and had huge games. Raiders Coach, Tom Cable thinks this may be the way to solve the his quarterback JaMarcus Russell’s horrible quarterbacking. Heeeeere’s Tommy!

12. Adrian! Broncos coach Josh McDaniels said regardless of the result, he would want to shake the hand of his mentor, Cheatriots coach Bill Belichick after the game. After the Broncos victory, they did everything to try to find each other. Rocky! Rocky! Adrian! Uhh, rocky…? Move! rocky…? BAH! F#@% IT!