The 7 habits

The 7 Habits
Each chapter is dedicated to one of the habits,[2] which are represented by the following imperatives:
[edit]Independence or Self-Mastery
The First Three Habits surround moving from dependence to independence (i.e. self mastery):
 Habit 1: Be Proactive
Synopsis: Take initiative in life by realizing that your decisions (and how they align with life's principles)
are the primary determining factor for effectiveness in your life. Take responsibility for your choices and
the subsequent consequences that follow.
 Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind
Synopsis: Self-discover and clarify your deeply important character values and life goals. Envision the
ideal characteristics for each of your various roles and relationships in life.
 Habit 3: Put First Things First
Synopsis: Plan, prioritize, and execute your week's tasks based on importance rather than urgency.
Evaluate whether your efforts exemplify your desired character values, propel you toward goals, and
enrich the roles and relationships that were elaborated in Habit 2.
[edit]Interdependence
The next three have to do with Interdependence (i.e. working with others):
 Habit 4: Think Win-Win
Synopsis: Genuinely strive for mutually beneficial solutions or agreements in your relationships. Value
and respect people by understanding a "win" for all is ultimately a better long-term resolution than if only
one person in the situation had gotten his way.
 Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood
Synopsis: Use empathetic listening to be genuinely influenced by a person, which compels them to
reciprocate the listening and take an open mind to being influenced by you. This creates an atmosphere
of caring, respect, and positive problem solving.
 Habit 6: Synergize
Synopsis: Combine the strengths of people through positive teamwork, so as to achieve goals no one
person could have done alone. Get the best performance out of a group of people through encouraging
meaningful contribution, and modeling inspirational and supportive leadership.
[edit]Self Renewal
The Last habit relates to self-rejuvenation:
 Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

Synopsis: Balance and renew your resources, energy, and health to create a sustainable, long-term,
effective lifestyle.
Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective
People®
habit 1 - be proactive®
This is the ability to control one's environment, rather than have it control
you, as is so often the case. Self determination, choice, and the power to
decide response to stimulus, conditions and circumstances
habit 2 - begin with the end in mind®
Covey calls this the habit of personal leadership - leading oneself that is,
towards what you consider your aims. By developing the habit of
concentrating on relevant activities you will build a platform to avoid
distractions and become more productive and successful.
habit 3 - put first things first®
Covey calls this the habit of personal management. This is about organising
and implementing activities in line with the aims established in habit 2. Covey
says that habit 2 is the first, or mental creation; habit 3 is the second, or
physical creation. (See the section on time management.)
habit 4 - think win-win®
Covey calls this the habit of interpersonal leadership, necessary because
achievements are largely dependent on co-operative efforts with others. He
says that win-win is based on the assumption that there is plenty for
everyone, and that success follows a co-operative approach more naturally
than the confrontation of win-or-lose.
habit 5 - seek first to understand and then to be
understood®

One of the great maxims of the modern age. This is Covey's habit of
communication, and it's extremely powerful. Covey helps to explain this in his
simple analogy 'diagnose before you prescribe'. Simple and effective, and
essential for developing and maintaining positive relationships in all aspects of
life. (See the associated sections on Empathy, Transactional Analysis, and
the Johari Window.)
habit 6 - synergize®
Covey says this is the habit of creative co-operation - the principle that the
whole is greater than the sum of its parts, which implicitly lays down the
challenge to see the good and potential in the other person's contribution.
habit 7 - sharpen the saw®
This is the habit of self renewal, says Covey, and it necessarily surrounds all
the other habits, enabling and encouraging them to happen and grow. Covey
interprets the self into four parts: the spiritual, mental, physical and the
social/emotional, which all need feeding and developing.
Stephen Covey's Seven Habits are a simple set of rules for life - inter-related
and synergistic, and yet each one powerful and worthy of adopting and
following in its own right. For many people, reading Covey's work, or listening
to him speak, literally changes their lives. This is powerful stuff indeed and
highly recommended.
This 7 Habits summary is just a brief overview - the full work is fascinating,
comprehensive, and thoroughly uplifting. Read the book, or listen to the full
audio series if you can get hold of it.
In his more recent book 'The 8th Habit', Stephen Covey introduced (logically)
an the eighth habit, which deals with personal fulfilment and helping others to
achieve fulfilment too, which aligns helpfully with Maslow's notions of 'Self-
Actualization' and 'Transcendence' in the Hierarchy of Needs model, and also
with the later life-stages in Erikson's Psychosocial Life-Stage Theory. The 8th
Habit book also focuses on leadership, another distinct aspect of fulfilment

through helping others. Time will tell whether the The 8th Habit achieves
recognition and reputation close to Covey's classic original 7 Habits work.
How To Build The Seven Habits
The Seven Habits need to be developed over time. Remember thatthese are “habits” – that means you have to
pursue them consciouslyfor a while before they become partof who you are and how you interactwith other people.
To develop these Seven Habits,we strongly recommend thatyou study Dr Stephen Covey’s book in detail, and that
you make the effort needed to make them part of your life.
And as you read it and do this, bear in mind the following Mind Tools articles,tools and courses thatsupportand
reinforce the Seven Habits:
Habits 1 & 2: Be Proactive and Begin with the End in Mind
Supporting these habits,see our articles on:
 Goal setting;and
 Mission Statements
By developing a personal mission statementand proactivelysetting and managing your goals,you will have a clear
view of where you are heading.And to take this to its logical extent, see our "Life Plan Workbook" self-studycourse,
which helps you think through whatyou want to do with your life in detail.
Habit 3: Put First Things First
Managing your time is key to developing this habitand becoming more effective. Among the tools at Mind Tools that
help with this are:
 Action Priority Matrix
 Managing Interruptions
 Successful Delegation
However we also have a full-blown time management section,and our Make Time for Success course teaches the 39
essential skills you need to take full control of your time and maximize your effectiveness.
Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood
A key skill to develop is Active Listening.This will help you deepen understanding ofothers and so grow into the
interdependence stage ofpersonal development.
Habit 4 & 6: Think Win-Win & Synergize
Win-Win Negotiation and using synergyare some ofthe skills ofa good leader.There is more aboutleadership in the
Mind Tools leadershipsection,and you can learn the 48 skills needed to be a truly effective leader in our "How to
Lead" self-studycourse.
Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw
As you work on developing the Seven Habits,it’s good to keep evaluating where you are going and how you are
progressing through the stages ofpersonal development.It takes time to develop new habits,and developing new
skills will help embed your habits,so you become more ever more effective. Subscribe to our free newsletter to receive
new career skills every two weeks.
Key Points
Steven Covey's Seven Habits help you develop personallyand so become more effective in how you work and relate
with other people.Developing these habits can help you tackle your work and life challenges with new confidence.At
the core of these habits are a deeper understanding ofyourselfand an appreciation ofthe fact that you need others
in order to achieve your goals.Developing them will take time and effort. But it is worthwhile and will have a lasting
effect on your personal effectiveness.

Habit 1 - Be Proactive
first habit is very important for management. We are told, in business, that we
should be proactive; and broadly what is meant by that is to focus our efforts and
attention on the long-term and to think in terms of the long-term consequences of
our actions.
Basically there are two types of peoples
Reactive
Proactive
Reactive people are those who are prepared to accept to the truth that whatever
they do in the present can have no effect on their circumstances. For reactive
people, it really is a truth, for whatever we believe in our heart affects our
thoughts, words and actions. If we really believe that we can do nothing about our
unreasonable boss or the daily events in our lives, then we simply do not make the
effort.
On the other hand, Proactive people simply will not accept that there is nothing
that can be done about the unreasonable boss or the events of daily life - they will
point out that there are always choices. It is by the decisions we make, our
responses to people, events and circumstances that proactive people can and do
affect the future. We may have no control over what life throws at us but we
always have a choice about how we are to respond.
When we are finally prepared to accept full responsibility for the effects that are
manifest in our lives; when we have the strength of character to admit it when we
make mistakes (even big ones); when we are completely free to exercise the
options available to us in every situation; then it can be said that we have finally
internalized this habit. The other six of the habits require that we first work on our
basic character by becoming proactive and thereby transforming ourselves into
men and women of integrity.
Habit 2 - Begin with the End in Mind
Many people in the west identify with the frustration of success. Being successful at their
chosen career and committed to its progress they come to realize that it does not, in the
final analysis, bring any sense of real satisfaction. The reason for this ultimate
dissatisfaction is that they did not begin with the end in mind. For many people, it is not
just that they did not begin with the end in mind; it goes a bit deeper - they did not ever
get around to defining the end itself and so they simply could not begin with the end in
mind. So what does all this mean? The end represents the purpose of your life. Until you
can say what that purpose is, with assurance, then you just cannot direct your life in the
manner that would bring you the greatest satisfaction.
There are no short-cuts here. To engage in this habit, you need to have a dream, define
your own vision and get into the practice of setting goals which will allow you to make
measurable progress toward the dream. If you practice a faith, then you will want to

consider how this affects your purpose in life; if you do not, you will still need to get
involved in deep self-examination to find out exactly what it is that will bring you fulfilment.
To help you with this, you may wish to obtain my E-Book The Deepest Desire of Your Heart;
available from this site. The book contains some excellent self-reflection exercises you can
use to focus your mind on what is most important to you in life.
Until you have defined your vision - the big dream to which you will be working - you will be
unable to move on to habit 3 which provides a basic framework for you to re-align your
efforts so that you will ultimately achieve your heart's desire.
Habit 3 - First Things First
Be Proactive Begin With The End in Mind Put First Things First Think Win-Win Seek First To
Understand Synergize Sharpen The Saw The 8th Habit
Following the amazing popularity of his work on The 7 Habits of Highly Effective
People,Stephen Covey published a second book that deals with the 7 Habits; and the title of
that book is also First Things First. Both the book and this habit deal with subject of
managing your time effectively.
Consider the simple 2 x 2 matrix shown below. It plots the concepts
of urgency andimportance against each other; and represents where you are spending your
time. To really understand and apply this habit, you need to have first done habit 2 - that
is, you should already have defined what is important to you. Without first doing this, habit
3 has no power because you simply cannot separate what is important from what is not
important.
This representation shows four categories of demand which may be made on your time.
Quadrant 1 consists of activities which are both urgent and important - in other words,
things to which you absolutely must attend. Why must you do these things? Because they
are important - meaning that they contribute to your mission; and they are urgent -
meaning that they have some sort of deadline associated with them.
Choices about where to invest your time really are made in the other categories; and most
people - driven by the concept of urgency - get drawn into Quadrant 3; doing things that
consume their time but do not contribute to their goals. Highly Effective People (yes they all
fit together you see) understand that the high leverage activities are all Quadrant 2 -
important but not urgent. Planning, preparation, prevention, relationship-building, reading,
improving your professional knowledge and exercise are all examples of Quadrant 2 activity
- not an exhaustive list, by any means.
We all intuitively know that Quadrant 2 activities are the key to getting results; but you
need to have internalised the first two habits before you can benefit from the high leverage
this habit brings. In other words, you first need to have developed the strength of character
(proactivity) which allows you to be able to say no to demands on your time that fall into
Quadrants 2 and 3; and you also need to have defined what importance means for you -
otherwise the Quadrants do not exist.
Put habits 1,2 and 3 together and you have the ultimate success formula. Stated simply -
get your mind right; define what is important; then organise your life to maximise
yourQuadrant 2 efforts. By spending appropriate time on Quadrant 2 activities, you will gain

control over the circumstances of your life; Quadrant 1 will actually get smaller because you
will have anticipated and prepared for much Quadrant 1 activity. Concentrating on Quadrant
2 is absolutely fundamental to achieving success. You might like to take a look at the 4tm
Spreadsheet, available from this site, which can help you to make this key adjustment in
the use of your time.
Habit 4 - Think Win Win
The next of the 7 Habits is - Think Win-Win. This habit is again an attitude of mind. It
concerns fostering an attitude that is committed to always finding solutions that will truly
benefit both sides of a dispute. Solutions do not, of course, exist in themselves; they must
be created. And, even if we cannot see the solution to a particular problem, it does not
mean that no such solution exists. The win-win idea is not based upon compromise - that is
where most disputes naturally end. But compromise is the result of not properly perceiving
the possible synergy of the situation.
The more you practice this habit, the more committed you will become as you find solutions
which truly do benefit both parties, where originally it looked as if no such agreement might
be reached. Covey has amended the wording of this habit slightly in recent years to read:
Think Win-Win or No Deal. This attitude works well because it liberates the individuals
concerned from the effort of trying to persuade the opposite party to shift ground or
compromise. The effort is instead spend on trying to understand, which is where habit 5
comes in - you see, they are also sequential.

Habit 5 - Seek First to Understand
then be Understood
The fifth habit is - Seek First to Understand. What most people do, naturally, when involved
in some type of discussion, meeting or dialogue is exactly the reverse - they seek first to be
understood. And, as Stephen Covey says, when both parties are trying to be understood,
neither party is really listening; he calls such an interaction, 'the dialogue of the deaf'. This
habit is an important key to inter-personal relationships and it seems to be almost magical
in its ability to transform the course of discussions. Why? Because by making the
investment of time and effort required to understand the other party, the dynamics of the
interchange are subtly affected.
This habit is not just about letting the other person speak first; it concerns actually making
the effort to understand what is being said. It is about understanding that our natural habit
of mind is to misunderstand. When we are engaged in conversation, error is always
present.NLP tells us that we simply make our own meaning based on our own experiences
and understanding of life; and frequently we make the wrong meaning. You might like to
take a look at the answers given by school-children on history exams which illustrates this
principle - we are no different!
If however, we are prepared to invest the time and effort to really understand the other
person's position; and to get into the habit of spending the first part of the discussion doing
so; then, when it is felt by the other person that you do indeed understand, the dynamic
changes. People become more open, more teachable, more interested in what you may
have to say and with the mutual understanding that flows from this habit, you are ready to
practice habit 6; which concerns finding creative solutions.
Habit 6 - Synergize (Synergise)
The sixth of the habits is - Synergize. This habit involves you putting your head together
with the other party or parties in order to creatively brainstorm a synergistic solution to
aproblem i.e. to find a solution which contains win-win benefits. It can only be done
successfully if you have first practiced habits 4 and 5. The well-known definition of synergy
is as follows:
Synergy - When the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.
Finding a synergistic solution means finding a solution which is better than either party
might first propose. Such a solution can only be found if both parties truly understand the
other parties position - the fruit of habits 4 and 5. There have been many books written on
successful brainstorming techniques; my own favourite techniques are those proposed
byEdward DeBono - professor of thinking and perhaps most famous for Lateral Thinking.

Putting habit 4, 5 and 6 together, you have a perfect model for human interaction. Put
simply: first be mentally committed to the idea that a solution that will benefit all parties
may be constructed; next invest the necessary time and effort to really understand the
other party and do that first; finally creatively brainstorm a synergistic solution - a natural
product of mutual understanding and respect.
Habit 7 - Sharpen the Saw
The last habit of the 7 Habits is - Sharpen the Saw. In this habit, you are the saw; and
toSharpen the Saw is to become better, keener and more effective. Highly Effective
Peoplealways take time to Sharpen the Saw. What is meant by Sharpening the Saw is to
regularly engage in the exercise of the three dimensions which make up the human
condition: body, mind and spirit. Covey also adds a fourth dimension - the inter-personal.
Spiritual Exercise
Let us begin by considering Spiritual Exercise - this is the area which is perhaps the most
misunderstood. I believe that, in the west, we have become spiritually blind. The progress
of our science, education and technology has lead us to construct a view of the world and
the universe that excludes the agency of God. Freud famously said that it was man that
made God 'in the image of his father'. It is, of course, a very clever statement and not one I
wish to here challenge - whether this statement or the reverse is true is for you to decide.
However, as the west has, by and large, abandoned faith in the creator God, so it has
simultaneously abandoned the idea that life has any meaning or purpose; and it
ispurpose and direction in life that this habit refers to as Spiritual Exercise. Of course, if you
are a religious person, then there will be a tie-up here with your personal faith; however, if
you are not religious, don't also abandon the idea that life holds a special purpose for you.
To exercise spiritually, I recommend that you consider engaging in some form of
meditation. Meditation involves regularly sitting in a relaxed position and thinking about
nothing for a period of about 10 or 15 minutes. Why this practice should bring about any
material benefits is an interesting question. You might consider that you relax your mind
quite enough when you sleep, but it turns out that we don't really relax our minds when we
sleep. The brain is active during sleep - during REM sleep, the brain appears to be
processing information. Though it is not yet known exactly what it is doing, the brain is
certainly not passive and so the mind is not relaxed during sleep. Meditation is the practice
of disciplining the mind, It is difficult to do at first, but if you stick with it , positive health
benefits will follow.
Making use of Jack Black's House on the Right Bank is an excellent tool for combining what
is really guided meditation with the practice of regularly reviewing your mission, your roles
and your goals; and that is what Stephen Covey means when he talks about spiritual
exercise - the regular, review and preview of the things that are most important to you in
life. These are the first things that you must define in habit 2 - Begin with the End in Mind.

Physical Exercise
Regular aerobic, physical exercise is essential for health, energy and a feeling of well-being.
Naturally, you should always consult your doctor or physician before you embark upon any
course of physical exercise; and it should be obvious that such professional advice as may
be given, should always be taken into account.
To practice this part of Habit 7 requires that you commit to at least three sessions of at
least twenty minutes per week. If you are not already engaged in this sort of exercise, you
will find that after a period of about six weeks, you will feel much better, much healthier
and indeed your body will become more efficient at processing oxygen - which is the key to
energy.
Mental Exercise
Ask yourself these questions. What am I doing to sharpen my mind? Am I engaged in a
programme of education or learning of some kind? What am I doing to improve my
professional knowledge?
How you should go about this part of the habit is, of course, for you to decide, but you
should ensure that you are reading regularly. What should you read? Naturally you want to
put in the good stuff - so it's not a case of reading for its own sake; it is reading carefully
selected material which allows you to broaden and deepen your understanding.
You will naturally be paying particular attention to the important areas you defined in habit
2, but you should also consider reading all the great works of literature and also ancient
wisdom literature which includes books like The Psalms and Proverbs..
Interpersonal
This part is not really a discipline, as are the other three parts, it is really a commitment;
and for me, I make the commitment during the spiritual part of the habit, that is, during a
meditation. It is simply to commit to approaching inter-personal relationships by making
use of habits 4, 5 and 6.
Even if people approach me making use of language, actions, or behaviour which I
personally believe to be inappropriate, my commitment is to not react, but to use
my proactive capacity to engage in the exercise of habits 4, 5 and 6 which I believe will lead
to the best possible outcome in such circumstances
he first seven habits can be divided into two groups of three - the first group focuses on
"private victory" and the second on "public victory".
Stephen Covey says "Private Victory precedes Public Victory" which really means that we
have to master ourselves before we can enjoy success outside of ourselves and with others.
Habit number 7 is about doing the right things to maintain these habits and continue
developing.

Habit 1: Be Proactive
Being proactive is more than just taking action. In this first habit Stephen Covey tells us we
are responsible for our reactions to people or events. We are Response-able and
have Response-ability because we have the ability to consciously choose how we respond to
any situation. Stephen Covey makes the point that humans can think things through and
don't need to be caught up in simple stimulus-->response patterns like Pavlov's dogs. To be
proactive is to choose your response rather than relying on instinctive reactions.
So, what's your Response-ability like? Stephen Covey introduces the story of Viktor Frankl
to emphasise the point that we have the freedom to choose our response to whatever
happens to us. Frankl was a psychiatrist and is well known for his theory of Logotherapy
and publishing "Man's Search for Meaning". While enduring Nazi concentration camps Frankl
realised that we can always choose our response, no matter what happens to us. "Man's
Search for Meaning" is essential reading, by the way, and should be high on your list. It's an
easy powerful read.
People who do not consider their reactions are reactive and often blame others or things
outside of themselves for what happens. They don't take any responsibility. They'd say I
failed the paper because the examiner doesn't like me. Proactive people take responsibility
for their response, often looking for what they can learn from what happened. They might
sayI failed the paper...maybe I didn't spend enough time learning, or didn't plan my time.
What can I do differently next time?.
To help you develop proactivity Stephen Covey introduces the concept of the Circle of
Concern and Circle of Influence. He says proactive people focus their time and energy in the
Circle of Influence where they work on things they can do something about. This is a
powerful metaphor and I use it often in organizations involved with change. It's a tool that
helps people identify what's important and what they can do to positively influence their
future rather than feeling like a pawn on a chessboard.
Habit 2: Begin With The End In Mind
When I read The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People I was struck by the wonderful
metaphors that Stephen Covey uses to help us understand the points he makes. For
example, he talks about how easy it is to get caught up in the busy-ness of life, working
hard to climb the ladder of success, only to discover that all this time the ladder has been
leaning against the wrong wall. I find this a very simple and powerful image.
It's this metaphor that Stephen Covey uses to describe habit 2, Begin With The End In Mind.
It's a simple idea really and is about making an effort to start with a clear understanding of
your destination and where you are going. Making sure your ladder is up against the right
wall before you start climbing.
This is essentially about planning so that we know where we are going all the time instead
of being busy with day to day activities that actually take us nowhere. Taking the time to
see the bigger picture, to plan where we are heading, leads to personal effectiveness.
"“Begin with the end in mind” is based on the principle that all things are created twice.
There’s a mental or first creation, and a physical or second creation to all things.” Stephen
Covey makes the point that everything is created twice, first in the mind and then in reality.

If you're building a house you plan every detail with architects drawings, builders and
landscapers according to what you want to create. Only then does the physical work begin.
"You work with ideas. You work with your mind until you get a clear image of what you want
to build". Before you go on a holiday you've usually planned the trip very carefully before
you set foot out of your front door. If you're giving a business presentation you write it out
on paper or electronically before you give it.
The question of course is why don't we do this when it comes to our own lives? Life throws
so many things at us that keep us so busy that often we have never thought about where
we are heading and if what we are doing is taking us closer to, or further from our
destination. Stephen Covey provides many effective ways to begin this level of planning in
your personal life together with lots of examples. He also provides very useful suggestions
for applying the ideas he has presented at the end of each 'habit' chapter.
This is the last of the habits that deals with self awareness and "Private Victory". If Habit 2
is the first, or mental creation, then Habit 3 is the second creation, t he physical creation. As
we've just seen it's easy to spend a lot of our time doing stuff that just is not that important
to meeting your intentions set up in Habit 2. Stephen Covey recommends that you do first
things first. Identify what is important to do in order to keep you heading towards your
destination, and then do them.
Ok, so how do you know what's important and what is not? It's about managing our time
and what we do in that time. Now, I have always struggled with traditional time
management ideas. I resist being told that I must manage my time better, or worse, being
told how to manage my time. Stephen Covey has a 4-quadrant time management model
that actually got me interested in thinking about how I manage my time.

Covey spends a lot of time working with this model and emphasising that we need to aim to
spend our time in Quadrant II. This is where you deal with things that are important to your
values and goals, but that are not urgent. "If we don't practice Habit 2, if we don't have a
clear idea of what is important, of the results we desire in our lives, we are easily diverted
into responding to the urgent". The urgent things are often those things that keep us away
from focusing on what is important.
As with the other habits Stephen Covey provides lots of practical thoughts and examples to
help you develop and practice Habit 3 including a useful template for a weekly worksheet
(printed in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People) to help you focus your week on
what is important to you.
Habit 4: Think Win/Win
Habit 4 is the first of the Habits dealing with what Covey calls interdependence - working
effectively with other people. In describing each habit Stephen Covey shares powerful
insights and "Think Win/Win" is no exception.
Stephen Covey makes the point that the habit of effective interpersonal leadership is Think
Win/Win. This is the habit of always looking for a solution that benefits you AND the other
person or group. What's fascinating is that the solution is usually unexpected. "Win/Win is a
belief in the Third Alternative. It's not your way or my way; it's a better way, a higher way".
Most of us will say "yeah, yeah, we know this already. Win/Win's the way to go..." It's
almost as if it's the socially acceptable attitude. But in reality people are likely to act in their

own best interest and when we look we find a 'Win/Lose', 'Lose/Win', or just a plain 'Win'
scenario playing out. After all, many of us are brought up to believe that
winning is everything. I just have to watch the dad's on the side of their kids sports field to
see this! So in reality this is a habit to be learned and practiced.
Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
Stephen Covey believes this principle is the key to effective interpersonal
communication. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. This habit is about
communicating with others. It's about developing the habit of listening carefully and really
understanding the other person BEFORE giving your thoughts.
This is not easy to learn to do. In my practice I've often heard people saying that no-one
understands what they're really feeling. If you're a parent you might hear that from your
teenage son or daughter (I do!). This is because it's usually so much easier, and often really
inviting, to give your opinion or to give advice to someone in need. Couples in counselling
are often spending more time trying to get their partner to understand their position than
listening and understanding their partner's position.
I really enjoy the examples that Stephen Covey shares to demonstrate this habit, especially
the conversations between a father and his teenage son. Listening to these on the CD
version of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People really captures the humour that
becomes apparant when we realise the ways we often "listen" and respond, even when we
have good intentions.
So start practicing this right now. Have fun with it! In your next conversation with someone
put your natural and automatic responses aside and focus on genuinely understanding
them. Ask questions that invite more such as "Tell me more..." or "What happened
next...?". Spend time with your children, your partner, your colleague, or even your boss,
working to genuinely understand them before you respond. You'll find that when you 'seek
first to understand' your response might be different to what you expect, and that you start
finding the creative solutions and third alternatives described in habit 4.
Habit 6: Synergize
Dictionary definition: syn·er·gy [sin-er-jee]
1. The interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater
than the sum of their individual effects.
2. Cooperative interaction among groups, especially among the acquired subsidiaries or
merged parts of a corporation, that creates an enhanced combined effect.
The word synergy comes from the Greek synergos meaning working together.
Stephen Covey says,“Synergy is everywhere in nature. If you plant two plants close
together, the roots commingle and improve the quality of the soil so that both plants will
grow better than if they were separated. If you put two pieces of wood together, they will
hold much more than the total weight held by each separately. The whole is greater than
the sum of its parts. One plus one equals three or more.”

In Habit 6 Stephen Covey directs our attention to the power of effective relationships. As a
result of the relationship that exists between people or groups the whole becomes greater
than the sum of its parts. We can achieve so much more when we engage in effective
relationships with others than if we acted alone.
Stephen Covey notes that synergy is difficult for many of us as independence is promoted
as a strong value in the world today. Many people have been trained or have learned that
other people can't be trusted. Achieving synergy requires high trust and high cooperation
and can lead to better solutions than anyone thought of alone. You can get a sense of the
way in which habits 4, 5, and 6 work together to discover the creative solutions and third
alternatives. And synergy is possible when we have the support of all five previous habits.
If you are concerned about synergy because you know you don't trust people easily it's ok -
go back to habit 1 and Be Proactive about your response to situations or other people. You
don't have to get it all right first time. This is part of a life journey of learning and
developing. You will get there if you are willing to spend the time and effort developing new
habits.
Habit 7 is about looking after yourself. You are the greatest asset you have and we have to
learn to take time to look after ourselves. Stephen Covey suggests we pay attention to four
areas in our lives:
Physical: Exercise, Nutrition, Stress Management
Spiritual: Value Clarification and Committment, Study and Meditation
Mental: Reading, Visualizing, Planning, Writing
Social/Emotional: Service, Empathy, Synergy, Intrinsic Security.
When I work with someone who has experienced extreme stress to the point of 'breakdown'
we often find that their lives have been narrowly focused on work and home. They go to
work (often working overtime) and go home simply to eat and sleep so they can go to work
again! Is this you? The most important thing you can start doing now is looking after
yourself by focusing on the four areas above.
Stephen Covey tells the story of meeting someone who has been sawing down a tree for
more than 5 hours. When you suggest that they take a break and sharpen their saw so the
job might go faster they tell you they don't have time to sharpen the saw because they're
too busy sawing!
It's so easy to get caught up in the demands of life, or even developing the Habits, that we
forget ourselves. We can't do that. We have to be proactive and do this for ourselves. No-
one else is going to do it for you. "We are the instruments of our own performance, and to
be effective, we need to recognize the importance of taking time regularly to sharpen the
saw in all four ways".
All four dimensions of renewal are thoroughly investigated and Stephen Covey ends this
chapter with a discussion about the importance of renewal in our lives, and thinking of this
as an upward spiral of growth, change, and continuous improvement.

Find out more about work life balance.
Stephen Covey provides a useful diagram in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective
People illustrating how the seven habits fit together. You can see the progression from
Private Victory to Public Victory with Habit 7 circling all of them as Sharpening the Saw is
essential for the health of all seven habits.
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is a powerful book containing effective principles
for personal change and for leading change in organisations. Other authors and
commentators have noted that the equivalent of an entire library of success literature is
found in this one volume and that there are many more than seven good reasons to read
this book. I highly recommend this book and the practice of the principles contained in it.
You really should get a copy!
Stephen Covey published The 8th Habit in 2004 to answer the challenges presented by a
world that has significantly changed since 1989 when The Seven Habits of Highly Effective
People was published. "The 8th Habit...is not about adding one more habit to the 7 - one
that somehow got forgotten. It's about seeing and harnessing the power of a third
dimensionto the 7 Habits that meets the central challenge of the new Knowledge Worker
Age. This 8th Habit is to Find Your Voice and Inspire Others to Find Theirs".
Intrigued? More about this on another page. In the meantime get some Stephen Covey on
your bookshelf or in your CD collection. You will not be sorry.

Books
THE 7 HABITS OFHIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
HABIT 1 : BE PROACTIVE
Your life doesn't just "happen." Whether you know it or not, it is carefully designed by you.
The choices, after all, are yours. You choose happiness. You choose sadness. You choose
decisiveness. You choose ambivalence. You choose success. You choose failure. You choose
courage. You choose fear. Just remember that every moment, every situation, provides a new
choice. And in doing so, it gives you a perfect opportunity to do things differently to produce
more positive results.
Habit 1: Be Proactive is about taking responsibility for your life. You can't keep blaming
everything on your parents or grandparents. Proactive people recognize that they are "response-
able." They don't blame genetics, circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior.
They know they choose their behavior. Reactive people, on the other hand, are often affected
by their physical environment. They find external sources to blame for their behavior. If the
weather is good, they feel good. If it isn't, it affects their attitude and performance, and they
blame the weather. All of these external forces act as stimuli that we respond to. Between the
stimulus and the response is your greatest power--you have the freedom to choose your
response. One of the most important things you choose is what you say. Your language is a
good indicator of how you see yourself. A proactive person uses proactive language--I can, I
will, I prefer, etc. A reactive person uses reactive language--I can't, I have to, if only. Reactive
people believe they are not responsible for what they say and do--they have no choice.
Instead of reacting to or worrying about conditions over which they have little or no control,
proactive people focus their time and energy on things they can control. The problems,
challenges, and opportunities we face fall into two areas--Circle of Concern and Circle of
Influence.
Proactive people focus their efforts on their Circle of Influence. They work on the things they
can do something about: health, children, problems at work. Reactive people focus their efforts
in the Circle of Concern--things over which they have little or no control: the national debt,
terrorism, the weather. Gaining an awareness of the areas in which we expend our energies in is
a giant step in becoming proactive.
THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
HABIT 2: BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND
So, what do you want to be when you grow up? That question may appear a little trite, but think
about it for a moment. Are you--right now--who you want to be, what you dreamed you'd be, doing
what you always wanted to do? Be honest. Sometimes people find themselves achieving victories that
are empty--successes that have come at the expense of things that were far more valuable to them. If
your ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step you take gets you to the wrong place
faster.
Habit 2 is based on imagination--the ability to envision in your mind what you cannot at present see
with your eyes. It is based on the principle that all things are created twice. There is a mental (first)
creation, and a physical (second) creation. The physical creation follows the mental, just as a building
follows a blueprint. If you don't make a conscious effort to visualize who you are and what you want in
life, then you empower other people and circumstances to shape you and your life by default. It's
about connecting again with your own uniqueness and then defining the personal, moral, and ethical

guidelines within which you can most happily express and fulfill yourself. Begin with the End in Mind
means to begin each day, task, or project with a clear vision of your desired direction and destination,
and then continue by flexing your proactive muscles to make things happen.
One of the best ways to incorporate Habit 2 into your life is to develop a Personal Mission Statement.
It focuses on what you want to be and do. It is your plan for success. It reaffirms who you are, puts
your goals in focus, and moves your ideas into the real world. Your mission statement makes you the
leader of your own life. You create your own destiny and secure the future you envision.
HABIT 3: PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST
To live a more balanced existence, you have to recognize that not doing everything that comes along
is okay. There's no need to overextend yourself. All it takes is realizing that it's all right to say no
when necessary and then focus on your highest priorities.
Habit 1 says, "You're in charge. You're the creator." Being proactive is about choice. Habit 2 is the
first, or mental, creation. Beginning with the End in Mind is about vision. Habit 3 is the second
creation, the physical creation. This habit is where Habits 1 and 2 come together. It happens day in
and day out, moment-by-moment. It deals with many of the questions addressed in the field of time
management. But that's not all it's about. Habit 3 is about life management as well--your purpose,
values, roles, and priorities. What are "first things?" First things are those things you, personally, find
of most worth. If you put first things first, you are organizing and managing time and events
according to the personal priorities you established in Habit 2.
HABIT 4: THINK WIN-WIN
Think Win-Win isn't about being nice, nor is it a quick-fix technique. It is a character-based code for
human interaction and collaboration.
Most of us learn to base our self-worth on comparisons and competition. We think about succeeding in
terms of someone else failing--that is, if I win, you lose; or if you win, I lose. Life becomes a zero-sum
game. There is only so much pie to go around, and if you get a big piece, there is less for me; it's not
fair, and I'm going to make sure you don't get anymore. We all play the game, but how much fun is it
really?
Win-win sees life as a cooperative arena, not a competitive one. Win-win is a frame of mind and heart
that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win-win means agreements or
solutions are mutually beneficial and satisfying. We both get to eat the pie, and it tastes pretty darn
good!
A person or organization that approaches conflicts with a win-win attitude possesses three vital
character traits:
1. Integrity: sticking with your true feelings, values, and commitments
2. Maturity: expressing your ideas and feelings with courage and consideration for the ideas and
feelings of others
3. Abundance Mentality: believing there is plenty for everyone
Many people think in terms of either/or: either you're nice or you're tough. Win-win requires that you
be both. It is a balancing act between courage and consideration. To go for win-win, you not only have
to be empathic, but you also have to be confident. You not only have to be considerate and sensitive,
you also have to be brave. To do that--to achieve that balance between courage and consideration--is
the essence of real maturity and is fundamental to win-win.

HABIT 5: SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD
Communication is the most important skill in life. You spend years learning how to read and write, and
years learning how to speak. But what about listening? What training have you had that enables you
to listen so you really, deeply understand another human being? Probably none, right?
If you're like most people, you probably seek first to be understood; you want to get your point
across. And in doing so, you may ignore the other person completely, pretend that you're listening,
selectively hear only certain parts of the conversation or attentively focus on only the words being
said, but miss the meaning entirely. So why does this happen? Because most people listen with the
intent to reply, not to understand. You listen to yourself as you prepare in your mind what you are
going to say, the questions you are going to ask, etc. You filter everything you hear through your life
experiences, your frame of reference. You check what you hear against your autobiography and see
how it measures up. And consequently, you decide prematurely what the other person means before
he/she finishes communicating. Do any of the following sound familiar?
"Oh, I know just how you feel. I felt the same way." "I had that same thing happen to me." "Let me
tell you what I did in a similar situation."
Because you so often listen autobiographically, you tend to respond in one of four ways:
Evaluating: You judge and then either agree or disagree.
Probing: You ask questions from your own frame of reference.
Advising: You give counsel, advice, and solutions to problems.
Interpreting: You analyze others' motives and behaviors based on your own experiences.
You might be saying, "Hey, now wait a minute. I'm just trying to relate to the person by drawing on
my own experiences. Is that so bad?" In some situations, autobiographical responses may be
appropriate, such as when another person specifically asks for help from your point of view or when
there is already a very high level of trust in the relationship.
HABIT 6: SYNERGIZE
To put it simply, synergy means "two heads are better than one." Synergize is the habit of creative
cooperation. It is teamwork, open-mindedness, and the adventure of finding new solutions to old
problems. But it doesn't just happen on its own. It's a process, and through that process, people bring
all their personal experience and expertise to the table. Together, they can produce far better results
that they could individually. Synergy lets us discover jointly things we are much less likely to discover
by ourselves. It is the idea that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. One plus one equals
three, or six, or sixty--you name it.
When people begin to interact together genuinely, and they're open to each other's influence, they
begin to gain new insight. The capability of inventing new approaches is increased exponentially
because of differences.
Valuing differences is what really drives synergy. Do you truly value the mental, emotional, and
psychological differences among people? Or do you wish everyone would just agree with you so you

could all get along? Many people mistake uniformity for unity; sameness for oneness. One word--
boring! Differences should be seen as strengths, not weaknesses. They add zest to life.
Books
THE 7 HABITS OFHIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
HABIT 7: SHARPEN THE SAW
Sharpen the Saw means preserving and enhancing the greatest asset
you have--you. It means having a balanced program for self-renewal
in the four areas of your life: physical, social/emotional, mental, and
spiritual. Here are some examples of activities:
Physical: Beneficial eating, exercising, and resting
Social/Emotional:
Making social and meaningful connections
with others
Mental: Learning, reading, writing, and teaching
Spiritual: Spending time in nature, expanding spiritual
self through meditation, music, art, prayer, or
service
As you renew yourself in each of the four areas, you create growth and
change in your life. Sharpen the Saw keeps you fresh so you can
continue to practice the other six habits. You increase your capacity to
produce and handle the challenges around you. Without this renewal,
the body becomes weak, the mind mechanical, the emotions raw, the
spirit insensitive, and the person selfish. Not a pretty picture, is it?
Feeling good doesn't just happen. Living a life in balance means
taking the necessary time to renew yourself. It's all up to you. You can
renew yourself through relaxation. Or you can totally burn yourself
out by overdoing everything. You can pamper yourself mentally and
spiritually. Or you can go through life oblivious to your well-being.
You can experience vibrant energy. Or you can procrastinate and miss
out on the benefits of good health and exercise. You can revitalize
yourself and face a new day in peace and harmony. Or you can wake
up in the morning full of apathy because your get-up-and-go has got-
up-and-gone. Just remember that every day provides a new
opportunity for renewal--a new opportunity to recharge yourself
instead of hitting the wall. All it takes is the desire, knowledge, and
skill.

Stephen Covey's Habits of Independence:
Habit 1: Be Proactive
Covey says you must use your resourcefulness and your initiative to work toward
your personal goals. In particular, each person has both a circle of influence and a
circle of concern. Worrying endlessly about things outside of your circle of influence
isn't particularly productive. Working within your circle of influence is productive.
Further, the more effective you become, the more your circle of influence will expand.
Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind
Covey starts with the extreme example of considering your death. What do you want
people to say about you at your funeral? How will you be remembered? Note to
budding, self-help writers: Leave the funeral spiel out. It's not particularly motivating!
Covey says that many people climb the ladder of success only to find the ladder was
leaning against the wrong wall. He writes, "We may be very busy, we may be
very efficient, but we will also be truly effective only when we begin with the end in
mind."
To succeed, Covey suggests visualization. He points out many peak, athletic
performers are visualizers. Covey writes: "You can do it [visualization] in any area of
your life. Before a performance, a sales presentation, a difficult confrontation, or the
daily challenge of meeting a goal, see it clearly, vividly, relentlessly, over and over
again. Create an internal "comfort zone." Then, when you get into the situation, it isn't
foreign. It doesn't scare you."
Put First Things First is the habit that became a book. But, we'll wait for the movie.
While we strongly recommendThe Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, the
book, First Things First, didn't really seem to add any significant insight to the basic
theme. Big rocks, sand, jar. Put the big rocks in the jar first, so they will fit. Same old,
same old.
The key to putting first things first is to understand that you have many things you can
do which will have a significant, positive impact on your life. But, you probably don't
do them, because they aren't urgent. They can be delayed. Of course, so will your
success.

Covey stresses that you must balance Production (P) with Productive Capability (PC).
You must keep the engine producing, but also maintain the engine. You must allocate
time to improve your Productive Capability. You shouldn't spend time doing
unimportant things.
Covey says that all time management can be summed up by one short line: "Organize
and execute around priorities." He's correct. And, that's why you don't need to
read First Things First! The first-things-first chapter in The Seven Habits of Highly
Effective People will teach you all you need to know about time management.
Interdependence
The remaining habits in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People are habits of
interdependence. Rather than being dependent upon other people, or trying to be
totally independent, we learn how to be more effective by effectively working with
others.
Covey writes: "Independent thinking alone is not suited to interdependent reality.
Independent people who do not have the maturity to think and act interdependently
may be good individual producers, but they won't be good leaders or team players.
They're not coming from the paradigm of interdependence necessary to succeed in
marriage, family, or organizational reality."
Stephen Covey's Habits of Interdependence.
Habit 4: Think Win/Win
Thinking Win/Win means seeking mutual benefit in your human interactions. Covey
points out that many people think Win/Lose. They internally believe, "If I win, you
lose." Such people focus upon power and credentials, but have trouble building
meaningful relationships. Such people drive other people away and are seldom
extremely effective. Such Win/Lose thinking is encouraged and programmed into us
by society.
Covey writes: "[A] ...powerful programming agent is athletics, particularly for young
men in their high school or college years. Often they develop the basic paradigm that
life is a big game, a zero sum game where some win and some lose. 'Winning' is
'beating' ... ."
To be successful you should learn to leverage the strengths of others. To do this
effectively involves being able to find Win/Win deals. No deal is better than any non-
Win/Win deal.

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, then to be Understood
Covey observes that few people have training in listening. Most people don't listen.
They wait to talk. But, how can you discover Win/Win deals, if you aren't even
listening to the other party? Covey also suggests that you don't read your own
personal autobiography into the lives of other people. Listening shouldn't be selective
listening. Nor should we only pretend to listen to others.
Covey writes: "Communication experts estimate, in fact, that only 10 percent of our
communication by the words we say. Another 30 percent is represented by our sounds
[tone? Or, does he mean "sounds" like chortle, chortle, grunt, grunt ?], and 60 percent
by our body language. In empathic listening, you listen with your ears, but you also,
and more importantly, listen with your eyes and with your heart. You listen for
feeling, for meaning. You listen for behavior. You use your right brain as well as your
left. You sense, you intuit, you feel."
Habit 6: Synergize
Covey writes: "What is synergy? Simply defined, it means that the whole is greater
than the sum of its parts." Covey goes on to discuss synergy in the classroom and
synergy in business.
To be effective, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People emphasizes that we must
value the differences between people and how they view the world. That difference
can be used as a source of insight.
Covey says: "Valuing the differences is the essence of synergy-the mental, the
emotional, the psychological differences between people. And the key to valuing
those differences is to realize that all people see the world, not as it is, but as they
are."
The final habit discussed in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is "Sharpen
the Saw," which focuses upon self-renewal. There is an analogy with Habit
3: Put First Things First, where we learned that we must balance Productivity (P)
with future Productive Capability (PC). Just as a machine will wear out quickly if not
properly maintained, the same is true for your own personal productivity. You must
take care of yourself.
Covey breaks personal renewal into four dimensions:

 Physical Renewal covers topics such as exercise and stress management.
 Mental Renewal discusses the need to read, visualize, and plan.
 Social/Emotional Renewal involves interacting with others to build our own
sense of well-being.
 Spiritual Renewal involves possible religion, study, and meditation.
Seven Habits: The Industry
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People has solid advice for improving your life.
Some people might feel the lessons and suggestions are obvious. That may be true,
but the book is highly readable, and from time-to-time, we might all need to be
reminded of the obvious. Often, success and happiness hinges upon the obvious. And,
motivating oneself to do the obvious isn't always trivial. Covey does an outstanding
job of demonstrating his lessons of personal success with practical examples of real
people trying to improve their lives.
While we really like the book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, we are
less enthusiastic about Seven Habits: The Industry. At the end of the book, Covey
writes, "Seven habits products and programs provide a wide range of resources for the
empowerment of individuals, families, business and nonprofit and educational
organizations, including:
 The Seven Habits Executive Organizer
 The Seven Habits Pocket Organizer
 Seven Habits Audio Learning System (eight-tape set)
 Seven Habits Audio Tapes (four-tape set)
 Seven Habits Effectiveness Profile
(anonymous feedback on individual effectiveness)
 The Seven Habits Video-BasedLeadership Development Course
 Seven Habits Facilitator Training
 Connections Quadrant II Time Management.
 The Executive Excellence Newsletter
 Advanced Leadership Week (an [expensive] executive retreat)"
 Seven Habits Seminars
 Custom On-Site Programs and Speeches"

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