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The Amazing Cucumber
1. Cucumbers contain most of the vitamins you need every day, just one cucumber contains Vitamin B1,
    Vitamin B2, Vitamin B3, Vitamin B5, Vitamin B6, Folic Acid, Vitamin C, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium,
                                        Phosphorus, Potassium and Zinc.
2. Feeling tired in the afternoon, put down the caffeinated soda and pick up a cucumber. Cucumbers are
a good source of B Vitamins and Carbohydrates that can provide that quick pick-me-up that can last for
                                                     hours.
   3. Tired of your bathroom mirror fogging up after a shower? Try rubbing a cucumber slice along the
                 mirror, it will eliminate the fog and provide a soothing, spa-like fragrance.



4. Are grubs and slugs ruining your planting beds? Place a few slices in a small pie tin and your garden
will be free of pests all season long. The chemicals in the cucumber react with the aluminum to give off a
scent undetectable to humans but drive garden pests crazy and make them flee the area.



5. Looking for a fast and easy way to remove cellulite before going out or to the pool? Try rubbing a slice
or two of cucumbers along your problem area for a few minutes, the phytochemicals in the cucumber
cause the collagen in your skin to tighten, firming up the outer layer and reducing the visibility of
cellulite. Works great on wrinkles too!!!



6. Want to avoid a hangover or terrible headache? Eat a few cucumber slices before going to bed and
wake up refreshed and headache free. Cucumbers contain enough sugar, B vitamins and electrolytes to
replenish essential nutrients the body lost, keeping everything in equilibrium, avoiding both a hangover
and headache!! Chow anyone?



7. Looking to fight off that afternoon or evening snacking binge? Cucumbers have been used for
centuries and often used by European trappers, traders and explores for quick meals to thwart off
starvation.



8. Have an important meeting or job interview and you realize that you don't have enough time to polish
your shoes? Rub a freshly cut cucumber over the shoe, its chemicals will provide a quick and durable
shine that not only looks great but also repels water.



9. Out of WD 40 and need to fix a squeaky hinge? Take a cucumber slice and rub it along the
problematic hinge, and voila, the squeak is gone!



10. Stressed out and don't have time for massage, facial or visit to the spa? Cut up an entire cucumber
and place it in a boiling pot of water, the chemicals and nutrients from the cucumber with react with the
boiling water and be released in the steam, creating a soothing, relaxing aroma that has been shown the
reduce stress in new mothers and college students during final exams.



11. Just finish a business lunch and realize you don't have gum or mints? Take a slice of cucumber and
press it to the roof of your mouth with your tongue for 30 seconds to eliminate bad breath, the
phytochemcials will kill the bacteria in your mouth responsible for causing bad breath.



12. Looking for a 'green' way to clean your faucets, sinks or stainless steel? Take a slice of cucumber and
rub it on the surface you want to clean, not only will it remove years of tarnish and bring back the shine,
but is won't leave streaks and won't harm you fingers or fingernails while you clean.



13. Using a pen and made a mistake? Take the outside of the cucumber and slowly use it to erase the
pen writing, also works great on crayons and markers that the kids have used to decorate the walls!!
Cinnamon and Honey
  ~   Bet the drug companies won't like this one getting
                        around.~
Facts on Honey and Cinnamon: It is found that a mixture of honey and
Cinnamon cures most diseases. Honey is produced in most of the countries
Of the world. Scientists of today also accept honey as a 'Ram Ban'
(very effective) medicine or all kinds of diseases.
Honey can be used without any side effects for any kind of diseases.

Today's science says that even though honey is sweet, if taken in the right dosage as a
medicine, it does not harm diabetic patients. Weekly World News, a magazine in
Canada , in its issue dated 17 January,1995 has given the following list of diseases that
can be cured by honey and cinnamon as researched by western scientists:

HEART DISEASES:
Make a paste of honey and cinnamon powder, apply on bread, instead of jelly and jam,
and eat it regularly for breakfast. It reduces the cholesterol in the arteries and saves the
patient from heart attack. Also those who have already had an attack, if they do this
process daily, they are kept miles away from the next attack. Regular use of the above
process relieves loss
of breath and strengthens the heart beat. In America and Canada, various nursing
homes have treated patients successfully and have found that as you age, the arteries
and veins lose their flexibility and get clogged; honey and cinnamon revitalize the
arteries and veins.

ARTHRITIS:
Arthritis patients may take daily, morning, and night, one cup of hot water with two
spoons of honey and one small teaspoon of cinnamon powder. If taken regularly even
chronic arthritis can be cured. In a recent research Conducted at the Copenhagen
University, it was found that when the doctors Treated their patients with a mixture of
one tablespoon Honey and half Teaspoon Cinnamon powder before breakfast, they
found that within a week, Out of the 200 people so treated, practically 73 patients were
totally Relieved of pain, and within a month, mostly all the patients w ho could not Walk
or move around because of arthritis started walking without pain.

BLADDER INFECTIONS:
Take two tablespoons of cinnamon powder and one teaspoon of honey in a Glass of
lukewarm water and drink it. It destroys the germs in the bladder.

CHOLESTEROL:
Two tablespoons of honey and three teaspoons of Cinnamon Powder mixed in 16
ounces of tea water, given to a cholesterol patient, was found to reduce the level of
cholesterol in the blood by 10 percent within two hours. As Mentioned for arthritic
patients, if taken three times a day, any chronic Cholesterol is cured. According to
information received in the said Journal, pure honey taken with food daily relieves
complaints of cholesterol.

COLDS:
Those suffering from common or severe colds should take one tablespoon Lukewarm
honey with 1/4 spoon cinnamon powder daily for three days. This Process will cure
most chronic cough, cold, and clear the sinuses.

UPSET STOMACH:
Honey taken with cinnamon powder cures stomach ache and also clears Stomach
ulcers from the root.

GAS:
According to the studies done in India and Japan, it is revealed that if Honey is taken
with cinnamon powder the stomach is relieved of gas.

IMMUNE SYSTEM:
Daily use of honey and cinnamon powder strengthens the immune system and protects
the body from bacteria and viral attacks. Scientists have found that honey has various
vitamins and iron in large amounts. Constant use of
Honey strengthens the white blood corpuscles to fight bacteria and viral Diseases.

INDIGESTION:
Cinnamon powder sprinkled on two tablespoons of honey taken before food Relieves
acidity and digests the heaviest of meals.

INFLUENZA:
A scientist in Spain has proved that honey contains a natural ingredient' which
kills the influenza germs and saves the patient from flu.

LONGEVITY:
Tea made with honey and cinnamon powder, when taken regularly, arrests the
Ravages of old age. Take four spoons of honey, one spoon of cinnamon powder
and three cups of water and boil to make like tea. Drink 1/4 cup, three to Four
times a day. It keeps the skin fresh and soft and arrests old age. Life spans also
increases and even a 100 year old, starts performing the Chores of a 20-year-old.

PIMPLES:
Three tablespoons of honey and one teaspoon of cinnamon powder paste. Apply
this paste on the pimples before sleeping and wash it next morning with Warm
water. If done daily for two weeks, it removes pimples from the root.

SKIN INFECTIONS:
Applying honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts on the affected parts Cures
eczema, ringworm and all types of skin infections.
WEIGHT LOSS:
Daily in the morning one half hour before breakfast on an empty stomach And at
night before sleeping, drink honey and cinnamon powder boiled in one Cup of
water. If taken regularly, it reduces the weight of even the most obese person.
;Also, drinking this mixture regularly does not allow the fat to accumulate in the
body even though the person may eat a high calorie diet.

CANCER:
Recent research in Japan and Australia has revealed that advanced cancer of the
stomach and bones have been cured successfully. Patients suffering from these
kinds of cancer should daily take one tablespoon of honey with one teaspoon of
cinnamon powder for one month three time s a day.

FATIGUE:
Recent studies have shown that the sugar content of honey is more helpful rather
than being detrimental to the strength of the body. Senior citizens, who take
honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts, are more alert and flexible. Dr.
Milton, who has done research, says that a half Tablespoon of honey taken in a
glass of water and sprinkled with cinnamon powder, taken daily after brushing
and in the afternoon at about 3:00 P..M. When the vitality of the body starts to
decrease increases the vitality of the body within a week.

BAD BREATH:
People of South America , first thing in the morning, gargle with one teaspoon of
honey and cinnamon powder mixed in hot water, so their breath stays fresh
throughout the day.

HEARING LOSS:
Daily morning and night honey and cinnamon powder, taken in equal parts
restore hearing. Remember when we were kids? We had toast with real butter and
cinnamon sprinkled on it!

You might want to share this information with a friend,
               kinfolks and love ones
     ~ everyone needs healthy help information
         ~ what they do with it is up to them
         ~ share with your email buddies!!!!!
Why men are never depressed...



   WHY MEN ARE NEVER
      DEPRESSED:

   Men Are Just Happier
    People-- What do you
  expect from such simple
 creatures. Your last name
stays put. The garage is all
 yours. Wedding plans take
     care of themselves.
 Chocolate is just another
      snack. You can be
President. You can never be
  pregnant. You can wear a
  white T-shirt to a water
park. You can wear NO
 shirt to a water park. Car
   mechanics tell you the
  truth. The world is your
  urinal. You never have to
    drive to another gas
 station restroom because
  this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and
think of which way to turn
a nut on a bolt. Same work,
   more pay. Wrinkles add
character. Wedding dress
 $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your
 chest when you're talking
 to them. New shoes don't
cut, blister, or mangle your
            feet.

  One mood all the time.

  Phone conversations are
over in 30 seconds flat. You
 know stuff about tanks. A
 five-day vacation requires
 only one suitcase. You can
 open all your own jars. You
  get extra credit for the
      slightest act of
thoughtfulness. If someone
forgets to invite you, he or
she can still be your friend.

 Your underwear is $8.95
for a three-pack. Three
   pairs of shoes are more
   than enough. You almost
 never have strap problems
 in public. You are unable to
     see wrinkles in your
clothes. Everything on your
face stays its original color.
  The same hairstyle lasts
 for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your
        face and neck.

 You can play with toys all
 your life. One wallet and
  one pair of shoes -- one
 color for all seasons. You
can wear shorts no matter
how your legs look. You can
   'do' your nails with a
  pocket knife. You have
    freedom of choice
   concerning growing a
        moustache.

  You can do Christmas
shopping for 25 relatives
 on December 24 in 25
        minutes.

   No wonder men are
        happier.

 Send this to the women
 who can handle it and to
the men who will enjoy
         reading it




After having dug to a depth of 20 meters last
year, English scientists found traces of copper
wire dating back over 200 years and came to
the conclusion that their ancestors already had
a telephone network 200 years ago. Amazing.


Not to be outdone by the English, in the weeks
that followed, American
scientists dug to a depth of 30 meters, and
shortly after, headlines in the
newspapers read: American archaeologists have
found traces of 300 year old copper wire and
have concluded that their ancestors already
had an advanced high-tech communications
network a hundred years earlier than the
English. Truly stupendous.


One week later, 'The Trinidad Guardian' a
Trinidad newspaper, reported the
following: 'After digging as deep as 40 meters
at Carenage,
Arnold Brathwaite, a self taught archaeologist,
reported that he found absolutely nothing.

Arnold therefore came to the very logical
conclusion that 400 years ago Trinidad had
already gone wireless. Now dis is wot we dus
be talkin bout.

Let dem damn Limeys and Yankees put dat in
dey smoke and pipe it. We over good.
Rasta dies..good one lol


Rasta dies and goes to Heaven.He is at the Pearly
Gates and is met by St. Peter himself.
But the gates are closed as Ras approaches the
gatekeeper..
St. Peter said, 'Well, You seem to be in the wrong
place as I don't seem to have you on my list, but as
there is such a crowd behind you and it would cause
such a disruption I will give you an
entrance examination if you pass it I will let you in
The test is short, but you have to pass it before you
can get into Heaven.

' fair enought sais the dread
I sure hope that the test ain't too
hard. Life was a big enough test as it was .'

              know,
St. Peter continued, 'Yes, I

but the test is only three questions. Here they are:

First:
What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
that one is easy. That would be Today and
Tomorrow.'
The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, that
is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point,
and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit
for that answer.

Second:
How many seconds are there in a year?
asked St.. Peter.
How many seconds in a year?

Now that one is harder,' replied ras, 'but I think
about that, and I guess the only answer can be
twelve.'
Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve?
how in Heaven's name could you come up with
twelve
seconds in a year?'
Well it got to be twelve he replied:
January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...
'Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter. 'I see where you are
going with this, and I see your point, though that was
not quite what I had in mind....but I will have
to give you credit for that one, too

Third:
What is God's first name?'
well'Sure,' he replied with a big grin . .
'it's Andy.'
'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St
Peter.
'Ok, I can understand how you came
up with your answers to my first two questions, but
just how in the world
did you come up with the name Andy as the first
name of God?'
'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,'
Whenever I went to church i would hear them sing
ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH
ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.'

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates,
and said: 'Run, man, run!!!'

Wherefor we pray Lord, Give me a sense of humor,
Give me the ability to understand a clean joke,
To get some humor out of life, And
to pass it on to other folks !

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Misc stuff from my emails

  • 1. The Amazing Cucumber 1. Cucumbers contain most of the vitamins you need every day, just one cucumber contains Vitamin B1, Vitamin B2, Vitamin B3, Vitamin B5, Vitamin B6, Folic Acid, Vitamin C, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium, Phosphorus, Potassium and Zinc. 2. Feeling tired in the afternoon, put down the caffeinated soda and pick up a cucumber. Cucumbers are a good source of B Vitamins and Carbohydrates that can provide that quick pick-me-up that can last for hours. 3. Tired of your bathroom mirror fogging up after a shower? Try rubbing a cucumber slice along the mirror, it will eliminate the fog and provide a soothing, spa-like fragrance. 4. Are grubs and slugs ruining your planting beds? Place a few slices in a small pie tin and your garden will be free of pests all season long. The chemicals in the cucumber react with the aluminum to give off a scent undetectable to humans but drive garden pests crazy and make them flee the area. 5. Looking for a fast and easy way to remove cellulite before going out or to the pool? Try rubbing a slice or two of cucumbers along your problem area for a few minutes, the phytochemicals in the cucumber cause the collagen in your skin to tighten, firming up the outer layer and reducing the visibility of cellulite. Works great on wrinkles too!!! 6. Want to avoid a hangover or terrible headache? Eat a few cucumber slices before going to bed and wake up refreshed and headache free. Cucumbers contain enough sugar, B vitamins and electrolytes to replenish essential nutrients the body lost, keeping everything in equilibrium, avoiding both a hangover and headache!! Chow anyone? 7. Looking to fight off that afternoon or evening snacking binge? Cucumbers have been used for centuries and often used by European trappers, traders and explores for quick meals to thwart off starvation. 8. Have an important meeting or job interview and you realize that you don't have enough time to polish your shoes? Rub a freshly cut cucumber over the shoe, its chemicals will provide a quick and durable shine that not only looks great but also repels water. 9. Out of WD 40 and need to fix a squeaky hinge? Take a cucumber slice and rub it along the problematic hinge, and voila, the squeak is gone! 10. Stressed out and don't have time for massage, facial or visit to the spa? Cut up an entire cucumber and place it in a boiling pot of water, the chemicals and nutrients from the cucumber with react with the
  • 2. boiling water and be released in the steam, creating a soothing, relaxing aroma that has been shown the reduce stress in new mothers and college students during final exams. 11. Just finish a business lunch and realize you don't have gum or mints? Take a slice of cucumber and press it to the roof of your mouth with your tongue for 30 seconds to eliminate bad breath, the phytochemcials will kill the bacteria in your mouth responsible for causing bad breath. 12. Looking for a 'green' way to clean your faucets, sinks or stainless steel? Take a slice of cucumber and rub it on the surface you want to clean, not only will it remove years of tarnish and bring back the shine, but is won't leave streaks and won't harm you fingers or fingernails while you clean. 13. Using a pen and made a mistake? Take the outside of the cucumber and slowly use it to erase the pen writing, also works great on crayons and markers that the kids have used to decorate the walls!!
  • 3. Cinnamon and Honey ~ Bet the drug companies won't like this one getting around.~ Facts on Honey and Cinnamon: It is found that a mixture of honey and Cinnamon cures most diseases. Honey is produced in most of the countries Of the world. Scientists of today also accept honey as a 'Ram Ban' (very effective) medicine or all kinds of diseases. Honey can be used without any side effects for any kind of diseases. Today's science says that even though honey is sweet, if taken in the right dosage as a medicine, it does not harm diabetic patients. Weekly World News, a magazine in Canada , in its issue dated 17 January,1995 has given the following list of diseases that can be cured by honey and cinnamon as researched by western scientists: HEART DISEASES: Make a paste of honey and cinnamon powder, apply on bread, instead of jelly and jam, and eat it regularly for breakfast. It reduces the cholesterol in the arteries and saves the patient from heart attack. Also those who have already had an attack, if they do this process daily, they are kept miles away from the next attack. Regular use of the above process relieves loss of breath and strengthens the heart beat. In America and Canada, various nursing homes have treated patients successfully and have found that as you age, the arteries and veins lose their flexibility and get clogged; honey and cinnamon revitalize the arteries and veins. ARTHRITIS: Arthritis patients may take daily, morning, and night, one cup of hot water with two spoons of honey and one small teaspoon of cinnamon powder. If taken regularly even chronic arthritis can be cured. In a recent research Conducted at the Copenhagen University, it was found that when the doctors Treated their patients with a mixture of one tablespoon Honey and half Teaspoon Cinnamon powder before breakfast, they found that within a week, Out of the 200 people so treated, practically 73 patients were totally Relieved of pain, and within a month, mostly all the patients w ho could not Walk or move around because of arthritis started walking without pain. BLADDER INFECTIONS: Take two tablespoons of cinnamon powder and one teaspoon of honey in a Glass of lukewarm water and drink it. It destroys the germs in the bladder. CHOLESTEROL: Two tablespoons of honey and three teaspoons of Cinnamon Powder mixed in 16 ounces of tea water, given to a cholesterol patient, was found to reduce the level of cholesterol in the blood by 10 percent within two hours. As Mentioned for arthritic patients, if taken three times a day, any chronic Cholesterol is cured. According to
  • 4. information received in the said Journal, pure honey taken with food daily relieves complaints of cholesterol. COLDS: Those suffering from common or severe colds should take one tablespoon Lukewarm honey with 1/4 spoon cinnamon powder daily for three days. This Process will cure most chronic cough, cold, and clear the sinuses. UPSET STOMACH: Honey taken with cinnamon powder cures stomach ache and also clears Stomach ulcers from the root. GAS: According to the studies done in India and Japan, it is revealed that if Honey is taken with cinnamon powder the stomach is relieved of gas. IMMUNE SYSTEM: Daily use of honey and cinnamon powder strengthens the immune system and protects the body from bacteria and viral attacks. Scientists have found that honey has various vitamins and iron in large amounts. Constant use of Honey strengthens the white blood corpuscles to fight bacteria and viral Diseases. INDIGESTION: Cinnamon powder sprinkled on two tablespoons of honey taken before food Relieves acidity and digests the heaviest of meals. INFLUENZA: A scientist in Spain has proved that honey contains a natural ingredient' which kills the influenza germs and saves the patient from flu. LONGEVITY: Tea made with honey and cinnamon powder, when taken regularly, arrests the Ravages of old age. Take four spoons of honey, one spoon of cinnamon powder and three cups of water and boil to make like tea. Drink 1/4 cup, three to Four times a day. It keeps the skin fresh and soft and arrests old age. Life spans also increases and even a 100 year old, starts performing the Chores of a 20-year-old. PIMPLES: Three tablespoons of honey and one teaspoon of cinnamon powder paste. Apply this paste on the pimples before sleeping and wash it next morning with Warm water. If done daily for two weeks, it removes pimples from the root. SKIN INFECTIONS: Applying honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts on the affected parts Cures eczema, ringworm and all types of skin infections.
  • 5. WEIGHT LOSS: Daily in the morning one half hour before breakfast on an empty stomach And at night before sleeping, drink honey and cinnamon powder boiled in one Cup of water. If taken regularly, it reduces the weight of even the most obese person. ;Also, drinking this mixture regularly does not allow the fat to accumulate in the body even though the person may eat a high calorie diet. CANCER: Recent research in Japan and Australia has revealed that advanced cancer of the stomach and bones have been cured successfully. Patients suffering from these kinds of cancer should daily take one tablespoon of honey with one teaspoon of cinnamon powder for one month three time s a day. FATIGUE: Recent studies have shown that the sugar content of honey is more helpful rather than being detrimental to the strength of the body. Senior citizens, who take honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts, are more alert and flexible. Dr. Milton, who has done research, says that a half Tablespoon of honey taken in a glass of water and sprinkled with cinnamon powder, taken daily after brushing and in the afternoon at about 3:00 P..M. When the vitality of the body starts to decrease increases the vitality of the body within a week. BAD BREATH: People of South America , first thing in the morning, gargle with one teaspoon of honey and cinnamon powder mixed in hot water, so their breath stays fresh throughout the day. HEARING LOSS: Daily morning and night honey and cinnamon powder, taken in equal parts restore hearing. Remember when we were kids? We had toast with real butter and cinnamon sprinkled on it! You might want to share this information with a friend, kinfolks and love ones ~ everyone needs healthy help information ~ what they do with it is up to them ~ share with your email buddies!!!!!
  • 6. Why men are never depressed... WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures. Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water
  • 7. park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't
  • 8. cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95
  • 9. for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You
  • 10. can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier. Send this to the women who can handle it and to
  • 11. the men who will enjoy reading it After having dug to a depth of 20 meters last year, English scientists found traces of copper wire dating back over 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network 200 years ago. Amazing. Not to be outdone by the English, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug to a depth of 30 meters, and shortly after, headlines in the newspapers read: American archaeologists have found traces of 300 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications
  • 12. network a hundred years earlier than the English. Truly stupendous. One week later, 'The Trinidad Guardian' a Trinidad newspaper, reported the following: 'After digging as deep as 40 meters at Carenage, Arnold Brathwaite, a self taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Arnold therefore came to the very logical conclusion that 400 years ago Trinidad had already gone wireless. Now dis is wot we dus be talkin bout. Let dem damn Limeys and Yankees put dat in dey smoke and pipe it. We over good.
  • 13. Rasta dies..good one lol Rasta dies and goes to Heaven.He is at the Pearly Gates and is met by St. Peter himself. But the gates are closed as Ras approaches the gatekeeper.. St. Peter said, 'Well, You seem to be in the wrong place as I don't seem to have you on my list, but as there is such a crowd behind you and it would cause such a disruption I will give you an entrance examination if you pass it I will let you in The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven. ' fair enought sais the dread I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was .' know, St. Peter continued, 'Yes, I but the test is only three questions. Here they are: First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T? that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.' The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit
  • 14. for that answer. Second: How many seconds are there in a year? asked St.. Peter. How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder,' replied ras, 'but I think about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.' Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve? how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?' Well it got to be twelve he replied: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... 'Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter. 'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too Third: What is God's first name?' well'Sure,' he replied with a big grin . . 'it's Andy.' 'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter. 'Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but
  • 15. just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?' 'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,' Whenever I went to church i would hear them sing ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.' St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: 'Run, man, run!!!' Wherefor we pray Lord, Give me a sense of humor, Give me the ability to understand a clean joke, To get some humor out of life, And to pass it on to other folks !