A Beginners Guide to Introspection

A Beginners Guide to Introspection

Looking into Yourself: the Power of Introspection

Have you ever wondered what part you might have played in a quarrel? In a communication
breakdown? In a misunderstanding? Don’t feel bad or be surprised if you answered “no”.

Why? Why is it easier to say that the problem is the “other guy” and not us? It seems to be inherently

easier to say “I’m OK, you’re not” when considering interpersonal interactions. We naturally tend to look

outside ourselves for the reasons for problems. Less than 5% of people naturally tend to look within

themselves rather than without for answers to problems. Introspection is defined as the inspection of

one’s own thoughts and feelings; the process of self-examination.

Encyclopedia Britannica adds that introspection is the process of observing the operations of one’s own

mind with a view to discovering the laws that govern the mind. What laws govern your mind? Can you

see into your motives, your psychology, and your self-image?

Copyright © 2009 KITES Behavioral Training India | kitestraining.webs.com


Most of us don’t take time to consider how we got to be the way we are now. We “just are” and that’s as

far as it goes. The truth of the matter is we didn’t just “get that way”; we were influenced by a vast

multitude of factors: genetics, culture, family, education, social orientation, trauma, birth order - the list

goes on and on. Each of these factors was woven into the tapestry that makes us who we are - that

causes us to react to others in the ways we do.

But in an argument or misunderstanding we don’t usually think, “what is my part in this? What did I do or

say to cause this misunderstanding.” It’s much easier to look without rather than within. Taking

responsibility for ourselves means being willing enough and honest enough to question ourselves about

what drives us - and much more than that, introspection means a willingness to change what we see in

order to make changes.



FAQs

I’m having trouble even being interested in the topic. Why should I even be concerned about
introspection?

This may not be an answer you like, but you don’t need to be concerned about your inner life if you want

to continue the way you are today. However if you have even an inkling that you might be the cause of

someone else’s unhappiness or that your self-centeredness is the cause of some problems between you

and others, then introspection is a skill you might want to cultivate.

I’m okay; problems I encounter are in others. How do I convince them of that?



Most of us are “okay” with ourselves. How could we be otherwise? We are so used to living with

ourselves that it’s difficult to even conceive that we might be less than perfect. While some of the

problems might and probably are in others, this does not give us the right to excuse ourselves from

doing some inner exploration. Before you try to convince someone else that they are the problem, you

must take the time to question your own motives. If you can be honest with yourself then you will be

better able to speak about the other person’s problem.

What kinds of questions do I ask myself? What am I trying to discover about myself?

Not “why do they make me so angry?” but “why do I get angry?” is a better approach. Am I being selfish,
self-centered, or just wanting my own way? Am I trying to manipulate the other person through guilt or

bad feelings? Am I being lazy? These are only a starting place.



How do I get someone else to be introspective?

There is no sure way to get another person to be introspective. Perhaps if they see you being more
thoughtful about your motives they may question themselves. But in the long run you can’t make anyone

do anything about their inner life unless they see the benefit for themselves.

Why should I change? What does it benefit me?

My personal belief is that the self-discovery found through being introspective is a reward unto itself. But,

more practically, self-honesty can yield greater peace in life - less strife within and less strife with others.

There are things about my (spouse, boss, friend, kids) that infuriate me - how does being introspective

make a difference?



We’ve found time after time that the thing that irritates us about another is often a weakness we have in

ourselves. Seeing that weakness in another person infuriates us when actually we have the same

problem - if we would be honest with ourselves.

Introspection is not a cure-all for relationship problems. It is a valuable tool for growing up inside and

becoming a happier person.

In a country where blame has become the means to excuse one's self from responsibility, pointing a

finger at others, or even some unseen force of nature has almost become the national pastime. Rather

than be accountable for our own choices, many Americans have learned that they can conveniently find
fault elsewhere. Are you overweight? Well it must be a reaction to the pressure that society has unjustly

put on you to be model-thin. Perhaps you didn't get that puppy you wanted for your 12th birthday or you

find comfort in food because you were inappropriately touched when you were a kid. Maybe you have an

abusive spouse, or you're depressed, or maybe your planets are just out of line. To admit a willing



contribution to a spike in Hagen Das stock or that your exercise regimen consists of chewing and R.E.M.

would force people to make some difficult choices, and present options which may lay outside of our

comfort zones. More importantly, it would require honesty when we are self-evaluating. It's easier self

appease by laying blame elsewhere rather than be responsible and doing the work it takes to correct the

course. Without honesty, there can be no introspection.


Introspection is the art of understanding about yourself and how you react to events going on in the

world. Any life coach worth their salt will tell you that introspection is one of the fundamentals of self-
improvement.

The more self-aware you become, the more you're able to understand others, which helps you in many

ways. Why? Because self awareness gives you an idea of how people tick.



To take introspection to its highest possible level will benefit every aspect of your life. Through

introspection you can begin to change aspects of your behavior that don't assist you in being a success,

you can identify the specific things that make you happy. Introspection is not just about learning about

yourself for it teaches you about the world in general.

Perhaps the most significant thing of all about introspection is that it encourages you to challenge

existing beliefs and values that you may take for granted. Introspection acts as a torch into the soul that

gives us the information we need to make the necessary changes, it helps to engrain a sense of realism

counterbalanced with a optimism and self belief for the future.

Introspection requires you to spend time thinking about the things that are going well in your life, as well

as what is wrong. By shifting the focus in this way you allow yourself to see the unsavory things about

you, but you are placed in a frame of mind that will take decisive action. On a positive note you may

discover extra things you enjoy and do well in. Introspection is a great way of highlighting an area that



you have an interest or skill in. You encourage yourself to incorporate new behaviors’ and positive

thinking, but you do not dwell on the past of previous failings.

Introspection increases you levels of self awareness, but it also improves your decision making ability

because you feel more confident in the knowledge you are basing your decision making on. Limiting

decision making is any decision that decides not to proceed with something on the basis of not feeling

capable of doing it. Any decision you make that is reached by you thinking that you are too stupid or bad

is an example of this. The more limiting decisions you make in your day to day life increase the

likelihood of this type of decision making becoming habit.

Through developing your sense of introspection to its fullest extent, you will become far more honest

with yourself. There is little point in being a little bit honest or biased against your weaknesses. It is

essential that you manage to avoid looking at yourself through rose tinted glasses. The best way to do

this is by asking the right questions and answering them honestly.



You have to become self aware to the point where there are no secrets being kept from yourself. Truth,

no matter how unsavory, is the first place to start before finding solutions to your problems.

So, the best way to find stuff out about something is to ask the relevant questions. In your case the

relevant questions should include things that answer specific questions about yourself, such as 'What

are my biggest strengths?' and ' What am I weak at?' Search for the most honest appraisal possible. Do

not be afraid of confronting your weaknesses because it takes strength to do that! From learning your

weaknesses, you become aware of what to build upon and what to exclude from you future positioning.

Introspection is a highly emotive process: You need to identify the dominant emotions of your character
in order to understand who you are.

Labeling an emotion precisely is not that important. The most important thing is to be able to analyze

your thoughts and behaviors’ in a way that shows you where your attention is being focused on.



With that in mind think about looking at emotions as being either unhealthy or unhealthy rather than

searching for a precise descriptive term. Not only does this make it things simpler but it also allows you

to react in controlled and typical way. In addition it avoids confusion when you come to discussing your

feelings with other people. For instance, think about the different ways that two separate people can

describe the same thing. We may use different words to describe the same feeling.

I want to ask you something. Have you ever avoided doing something for fear of other people laughing

at you? Have you ever not gone through with something you wished have for worrying about what others

will think of you? I bet you have right? We all have.

In life one of the biggest things to hold people back is, well, other people! It seems we all have this

innate fear of making ourselves look silly in front of other people. This leads to us avoiding doing things

that in the long run could make our lives a whole lot better.



For example. Maybe you were once in a bar and saw someone of the opposite sex that was extremely

attractive, You avoided approaching them just in case they shoot you down and everyone laughs at you.

That person could have been your soul mate, the person you were meant to be with, but you avoided

approaching them for fear of what others might think.

Another example might be you've always wanted to start a business. But you were so scared of failing in

front of others that you never began. That business might have made you a millionaire! The fear of what

others think of you stopped you from taking that step forward.

The long and short of it is this. The fear of worrying about what others think of you is a very real very
powerful thing that all of us suffer from on some level. It is a fear that can be crippling and can stop you

from being the authentic and real you.

To learn more, please write to us at training@kites.org.in


A Beginners Guide to Introspection

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A Beginners Guide to Introspection