SlideShare ist ein Scribd-Unternehmen logo
1 von 20
Downloaden Sie, um offline zu lesen
Love and LogicLove and Logic
Kelley PeelKelley Peel
L & L vs. FrustrationL & L vs. Frustration
► Connecting kidConnecting kid
behavior tobehavior to
consequenceconsequence
► Empathy allowsEmpathy allows
consequence to do theconsequence to do the
teaching.teaching.
► Focus is on badFocus is on bad
decisiondecision
► SeparatingSeparating
consequence andconsequence and
behavior with eitherbehavior with either
warnings, secondwarnings, second
chances, or a lot ofchances, or a lot of
anger.anger.
► Anger shifts focus fromAnger shifts focus from
behavior to parentbehavior to parent
Four Steps to ResponsibilityFour Steps to Responsibility
1.1. Give child a task he/she can handle.Give child a task he/she can handle.
2.2. Hope the child “blows” it.Hope the child “blows” it.
3.3. Let equal parts of empathy andLet equal parts of empathy and
consequence do the teaching.consequence do the teaching.
4.4. Give the same task again.Give the same task again.
Give Task Child can HandleGive Task Child can Handle
►Builds responsibilityBuilds responsibility
►Prepares children for the real worldPrepares children for the real world
►Develops self-conceptDevelops self-concept
Hope that the Child “Blows” it…Hope that the Child “Blows” it…
►…….so the child has a learning experience.so the child has a learning experience
when the price is small.when the price is small.
Let = Parts of Empathy &Let = Parts of Empathy &
Consequences do the TeachingConsequences do the Teaching
►Empathy allows learning, rather than focusEmpathy allows learning, rather than focus
on adult angeron adult anger
►Empathy builds relationshipEmpathy builds relationship
►Empathy stimulates thinkingEmpathy stimulates thinking
►Consequences allow children to “own”Consequences allow children to “own”
problemproblem
►Consequences are Real WorldConsequences are Real World
Anger:Anger:
► Child looks at adult,Child looks at adult,
instead of decisioninstead of decision
Empathy &Empathy &
Consequence:Consequence:
► Child looks at his/herChild looks at his/her
life and his/herlife and his/her
decisionsdecisions
One-Liners said with CompassionOne-Liners said with Compassion
►““Probably so.”Probably so.”
►““I know.”I know.”
►““Nice Try.”Nice Try.”
►““I’ll love you wherever you live.”I’ll love you wherever you live.”
►““I bet it feels that way.”I bet it feels that way.”
►““What do you think you’re going to do?What do you think you’re going to do?
One-Liners ContinuedOne-Liners Continued
►““I don’t know. What do you think?”I don’t know. What do you think?”
►““Bummer. How sad.”Bummer. How sad.”
►““Thanks for sharing.”Thanks for sharing.”
►““That’s an option.”That’s an option.”
►““I bet that is true.”I bet that is true.”
►““I love you too much to argue.”I love you too much to argue.”
2 Guarantees Every Day2 Guarantees Every Day
We either get ourselves into a mess orWe either get ourselves into a mess or
someone else dumps a mess into our lives.someone else dumps a mess into our lives.
We need our kids to be solid in eitherWe need our kids to be solid in either
situation.situation.
►Message: “You’re smart and I know you canMessage: “You’re smart and I know you can
learn from your mistakes.”learn from your mistakes.”
►Communicates TRUST.Communicates TRUST.
►Says: “YOU ARE CAPABLE.”Says: “YOU ARE CAPABLE.”
The Science of ControlThe Science of Control
When we share control,When we share control,
we get our share.we get our share.
When we hoard the control,When we hoard the control,
we soon lose it all.we soon lose it all.
We either give controlWe either give control
or the other personor the other person
takes it!takes it!
The Art of ControlThe Art of Control
I will always provide two alternatives, eitherI will always provide two alternatives, either
of which will make me deliriously happy!of which will make me deliriously happy!
Magic PhrasesMagic Phrases
for Stating Choicesfor Stating Choices
►What would be best for you…What would be best for you…
►Would you rather….Would you rather….
►Feel Free to…Feel Free to…
►You can either…..You can either…..
Consultant parents take good care ofConsultant parents take good care of
themselves in front of the kids…themselves in front of the kids…
► They never tell a kid what to do.They never tell a kid what to do.
► They get better results by saying whatThey get better results by saying what they’rethey’re
going to do.going to do.
► They offer choices and alternatives instead ofThey offer choices and alternatives instead of
orders.orders.
► When confronted with a problem, consultantWhen confronted with a problem, consultant
parents use meaningful actions andparents use meaningful actions and fewfew words.words.
They wrap consequences in a loving blanket ofThey wrap consequences in a loving blanket of
empathy.empathy.
Strategic Training Session: I willStrategic Training Session: I will
conduct the training session whenconduct the training session when
►Time: I have the time.Time: I have the time.
►Energy: I have the EnergyEnergy: I have the Energy
►Support: I have someone to support mySupport: I have someone to support my
actions.actions.
►Rehearsal: I have rehearsed & can’t wait toRehearsal: I have rehearsed & can’t wait to
practice my new technique.practice my new technique.
As soon as the child is ableAs soon as the child is able
to suffer the consequences,to suffer the consequences,
he/she can make thehe/she can make the
decisions.decisions.
How to Destroy the Teaching ValueHow to Destroy the Teaching Value
of a Logical Consequenceof a Logical Consequence
► Say, “This will teach you a good lesson.”Say, “This will teach you a good lesson.”
► Anger or disgustAnger or disgust
► Explain the value of the consequenceExplain the value of the consequence
► Moralize or threatenMoralize or threaten
► Talk to muchTalk to much
► Feel sorry and “give in.”Feel sorry and “give in.”
► Contrive a consequence for the purpose ofContrive a consequence for the purpose of
“getting even.”“getting even.”
Thank you!Thank you!
Kelley PeelKelley Peel
peelk@reeths-puffer.orgpeelk@reeths-puffer.org
Ext. 2165Ext. 2165

Weitere ähnliche Inhalte

Was ist angesagt?

Was ist angesagt? (7)

What are Sleep Associations?
What are Sleep  Associations?What are Sleep  Associations?
What are Sleep Associations?
 
School readiness 0-12
School readiness 0-12School readiness 0-12
School readiness 0-12
 
Log template assignment 2
Log template assignment 2Log template assignment 2
Log template assignment 2
 
Feelings idioms
Feelings idiomsFeelings idioms
Feelings idioms
 
Bethechange
BethechangeBethechange
Bethechange
 
Feelings idioms2
Feelings idioms2Feelings idioms2
Feelings idioms2
 
Logs
LogsLogs
Logs
 

Andere mochten auch

Top Ten Travel and Tourism Trends
Top Ten Travel and Tourism TrendsTop Ten Travel and Tourism Trends
Top Ten Travel and Tourism TrendsDr Jens Thraenhart
 
Hype vs. Reality: The AI Explainer
Hype vs. Reality: The AI ExplainerHype vs. Reality: The AI Explainer
Hype vs. Reality: The AI ExplainerLuminary Labs
 
Study: The Future of VR, AR and Self-Driving Cars
Study: The Future of VR, AR and Self-Driving CarsStudy: The Future of VR, AR and Self-Driving Cars
Study: The Future of VR, AR and Self-Driving CarsLinkedIn
 

Andere mochten auch (6)

P pt of tool box
P pt of tool boxP pt of tool box
P pt of tool box
 
Endurance Adventure
Endurance AdventureEndurance Adventure
Endurance Adventure
 
Eco-Tourism
Eco-Tourism Eco-Tourism
Eco-Tourism
 
Top Ten Travel and Tourism Trends
Top Ten Travel and Tourism TrendsTop Ten Travel and Tourism Trends
Top Ten Travel and Tourism Trends
 
Hype vs. Reality: The AI Explainer
Hype vs. Reality: The AI ExplainerHype vs. Reality: The AI Explainer
Hype vs. Reality: The AI Explainer
 
Study: The Future of VR, AR and Self-Driving Cars
Study: The Future of VR, AR and Self-Driving CarsStudy: The Future of VR, AR and Self-Driving Cars
Study: The Future of VR, AR and Self-Driving Cars
 

Ähnlich wie 1 hr overview

The Mystery of the Adopted Adolescent
The Mystery of the Adopted AdolescentThe Mystery of the Adopted Adolescent
The Mystery of the Adopted AdolescentJeanette Yoffe
 
De escalation skills training
De escalation skills trainingDe escalation skills training
De escalation skills trainingHouse of New Hope
 
8 Techniques Every Parent with an Anxious Child Should Try
8 Techniques Every Parent with an Anxious Child Should Try8 Techniques Every Parent with an Anxious Child Should Try
8 Techniques Every Parent with an Anxious Child Should Tryanxietyreliefforkids
 
Ids resilience-training2
Ids  resilience-training2Ids  resilience-training2
Ids resilience-training2warkmalsh
 
Ceu 3 solo parenting - victim victor
Ceu 3 solo parenting - victim victorCeu 3 solo parenting - victim victor
Ceu 3 solo parenting - victim victorGrace4Families Inc.
 
Rx15 presummit mon_200_neri
Rx15 presummit mon_200_neriRx15 presummit mon_200_neri
Rx15 presummit mon_200_neriOPUNITE
 
Unit vi transactional analysis
Unit vi   transactional analysisUnit vi   transactional analysis
Unit vi transactional analysisNabendu Maji
 
Understanding Your Child’s Behavior
Understanding Your Child’s BehaviorUnderstanding Your Child’s Behavior
Understanding Your Child’s BehaviorShari Stein Jackson
 
Conscious Discipline - Behavior and the Brain
Conscious Discipline - Behavior and the BrainConscious Discipline - Behavior and the Brain
Conscious Discipline - Behavior and the BrainTimothy Adams
 
Intergrated-Therapy "Circle of Security"
Intergrated-Therapy "Circle of Security"Intergrated-Therapy "Circle of Security"
Intergrated-Therapy "Circle of Security"Karen Cowling
 
The Unconscious Learning Lies and the Unconscious Teaching Lies
The Unconscious Learning Lies and the Unconscious Teaching LiesThe Unconscious Learning Lies and the Unconscious Teaching Lies
The Unconscious Learning Lies and the Unconscious Teaching LiesLiteracyCenter
 
Raising Responsible Children Using the Love and Logic Approach
Raising Responsible Children Using the Love and Logic ApproachRaising Responsible Children Using the Love and Logic Approach
Raising Responsible Children Using the Love and Logic ApproachThe Bear Creek School
 
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will TalkHow to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will TalkSamantha Klassen
 
Parents talk 21 april 2015
Parents talk 21 april 2015Parents talk 21 april 2015
Parents talk 21 april 2015colaistechiarain
 
Effective Fraud Prevention Through Emotional Connection
Effective Fraud Prevention Through Emotional ConnectionEffective Fraud Prevention Through Emotional Connection
Effective Fraud Prevention Through Emotional ConnectionLola Gershfeld, PsyD
 
Positve parenting the case against spanking
Positve parenting the case against spankingPositve parenting the case against spanking
Positve parenting the case against spankingSteve Vitto
 

Ähnlich wie 1 hr overview (20)

The Mystery of the Adopted Adolescent
The Mystery of the Adopted AdolescentThe Mystery of the Adopted Adolescent
The Mystery of the Adopted Adolescent
 
De escalation skills training
De escalation skills trainingDe escalation skills training
De escalation skills training
 
8 Techniques Every Parent with an Anxious Child Should Try
8 Techniques Every Parent with an Anxious Child Should Try8 Techniques Every Parent with an Anxious Child Should Try
8 Techniques Every Parent with an Anxious Child Should Try
 
Fourndations of sel
Fourndations of selFourndations of sel
Fourndations of sel
 
Ids resilience-training2
Ids  resilience-training2Ids  resilience-training2
Ids resilience-training2
 
Ceu 3 solo parenting - victim victor
Ceu 3 solo parenting - victim victorCeu 3 solo parenting - victim victor
Ceu 3 solo parenting - victim victor
 
Rx15 presummit mon_200_neri
Rx15 presummit mon_200_neriRx15 presummit mon_200_neri
Rx15 presummit mon_200_neri
 
Unit vi transactional analysis
Unit vi   transactional analysisUnit vi   transactional analysis
Unit vi transactional analysis
 
Understanding Your Child’s Behavior
Understanding Your Child’s BehaviorUnderstanding Your Child’s Behavior
Understanding Your Child’s Behavior
 
Conscious Discipline - Behavior and the Brain
Conscious Discipline - Behavior and the BrainConscious Discipline - Behavior and the Brain
Conscious Discipline - Behavior and the Brain
 
Intergrated-Therapy "Circle of Security"
Intergrated-Therapy "Circle of Security"Intergrated-Therapy "Circle of Security"
Intergrated-Therapy "Circle of Security"
 
The Unconscious Learning Lies and the Unconscious Teaching Lies
The Unconscious Learning Lies and the Unconscious Teaching LiesThe Unconscious Learning Lies and the Unconscious Teaching Lies
The Unconscious Learning Lies and the Unconscious Teaching Lies
 
Anger management
Anger managementAnger management
Anger management
 
Born to win final preso
Born to win final presoBorn to win final preso
Born to win final preso
 
Raising Responsible Children Using the Love and Logic Approach
Raising Responsible Children Using the Love and Logic ApproachRaising Responsible Children Using the Love and Logic Approach
Raising Responsible Children Using the Love and Logic Approach
 
"The Secret" Vision Board
"The Secret" Vision Board"The Secret" Vision Board
"The Secret" Vision Board
 
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will TalkHow to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk
 
Parents talk 21 april 2015
Parents talk 21 april 2015Parents talk 21 april 2015
Parents talk 21 april 2015
 
Effective Fraud Prevention Through Emotional Connection
Effective Fraud Prevention Through Emotional ConnectionEffective Fraud Prevention Through Emotional Connection
Effective Fraud Prevention Through Emotional Connection
 
Positve parenting the case against spanking
Positve parenting the case against spankingPositve parenting the case against spanking
Positve parenting the case against spanking
 

1 hr overview

  • 1. Love and LogicLove and Logic Kelley PeelKelley Peel
  • 2. L & L vs. FrustrationL & L vs. Frustration ► Connecting kidConnecting kid behavior tobehavior to consequenceconsequence ► Empathy allowsEmpathy allows consequence to do theconsequence to do the teaching.teaching. ► Focus is on badFocus is on bad decisiondecision ► SeparatingSeparating consequence andconsequence and behavior with eitherbehavior with either warnings, secondwarnings, second chances, or a lot ofchances, or a lot of anger.anger. ► Anger shifts focus fromAnger shifts focus from behavior to parentbehavior to parent
  • 3. Four Steps to ResponsibilityFour Steps to Responsibility 1.1. Give child a task he/she can handle.Give child a task he/she can handle. 2.2. Hope the child “blows” it.Hope the child “blows” it. 3.3. Let equal parts of empathy andLet equal parts of empathy and consequence do the teaching.consequence do the teaching. 4.4. Give the same task again.Give the same task again.
  • 4. Give Task Child can HandleGive Task Child can Handle ►Builds responsibilityBuilds responsibility ►Prepares children for the real worldPrepares children for the real world ►Develops self-conceptDevelops self-concept
  • 5. Hope that the Child “Blows” it…Hope that the Child “Blows” it… ►…….so the child has a learning experience.so the child has a learning experience when the price is small.when the price is small.
  • 6. Let = Parts of Empathy &Let = Parts of Empathy & Consequences do the TeachingConsequences do the Teaching ►Empathy allows learning, rather than focusEmpathy allows learning, rather than focus on adult angeron adult anger ►Empathy builds relationshipEmpathy builds relationship ►Empathy stimulates thinkingEmpathy stimulates thinking ►Consequences allow children to “own”Consequences allow children to “own” problemproblem ►Consequences are Real WorldConsequences are Real World
  • 7. Anger:Anger: ► Child looks at adult,Child looks at adult, instead of decisioninstead of decision Empathy &Empathy & Consequence:Consequence: ► Child looks at his/herChild looks at his/her life and his/herlife and his/her decisionsdecisions
  • 8. One-Liners said with CompassionOne-Liners said with Compassion ►““Probably so.”Probably so.” ►““I know.”I know.” ►““Nice Try.”Nice Try.” ►““I’ll love you wherever you live.”I’ll love you wherever you live.” ►““I bet it feels that way.”I bet it feels that way.” ►““What do you think you’re going to do?What do you think you’re going to do?
  • 9. One-Liners ContinuedOne-Liners Continued ►““I don’t know. What do you think?”I don’t know. What do you think?” ►““Bummer. How sad.”Bummer. How sad.” ►““Thanks for sharing.”Thanks for sharing.” ►““That’s an option.”That’s an option.” ►““I bet that is true.”I bet that is true.” ►““I love you too much to argue.”I love you too much to argue.”
  • 10. 2 Guarantees Every Day2 Guarantees Every Day We either get ourselves into a mess orWe either get ourselves into a mess or someone else dumps a mess into our lives.someone else dumps a mess into our lives. We need our kids to be solid in eitherWe need our kids to be solid in either situation.situation.
  • 11. ►Message: “You’re smart and I know you canMessage: “You’re smart and I know you can learn from your mistakes.”learn from your mistakes.” ►Communicates TRUST.Communicates TRUST. ►Says: “YOU ARE CAPABLE.”Says: “YOU ARE CAPABLE.”
  • 12. The Science of ControlThe Science of Control When we share control,When we share control, we get our share.we get our share. When we hoard the control,When we hoard the control, we soon lose it all.we soon lose it all.
  • 13. We either give controlWe either give control or the other personor the other person takes it!takes it!
  • 14. The Art of ControlThe Art of Control I will always provide two alternatives, eitherI will always provide two alternatives, either of which will make me deliriously happy!of which will make me deliriously happy!
  • 15. Magic PhrasesMagic Phrases for Stating Choicesfor Stating Choices ►What would be best for you…What would be best for you… ►Would you rather….Would you rather…. ►Feel Free to…Feel Free to… ►You can either…..You can either…..
  • 16. Consultant parents take good care ofConsultant parents take good care of themselves in front of the kids…themselves in front of the kids… ► They never tell a kid what to do.They never tell a kid what to do. ► They get better results by saying whatThey get better results by saying what they’rethey’re going to do.going to do. ► They offer choices and alternatives instead ofThey offer choices and alternatives instead of orders.orders. ► When confronted with a problem, consultantWhen confronted with a problem, consultant parents use meaningful actions andparents use meaningful actions and fewfew words.words. They wrap consequences in a loving blanket ofThey wrap consequences in a loving blanket of empathy.empathy.
  • 17. Strategic Training Session: I willStrategic Training Session: I will conduct the training session whenconduct the training session when ►Time: I have the time.Time: I have the time. ►Energy: I have the EnergyEnergy: I have the Energy ►Support: I have someone to support mySupport: I have someone to support my actions.actions. ►Rehearsal: I have rehearsed & can’t wait toRehearsal: I have rehearsed & can’t wait to practice my new technique.practice my new technique.
  • 18. As soon as the child is ableAs soon as the child is able to suffer the consequences,to suffer the consequences, he/she can make thehe/she can make the decisions.decisions.
  • 19. How to Destroy the Teaching ValueHow to Destroy the Teaching Value of a Logical Consequenceof a Logical Consequence ► Say, “This will teach you a good lesson.”Say, “This will teach you a good lesson.” ► Anger or disgustAnger or disgust ► Explain the value of the consequenceExplain the value of the consequence ► Moralize or threatenMoralize or threaten ► Talk to muchTalk to much ► Feel sorry and “give in.”Feel sorry and “give in.” ► Contrive a consequence for the purpose ofContrive a consequence for the purpose of “getting even.”“getting even.”
  • 20. Thank you!Thank you! Kelley PeelKelley Peel peelk@reeths-puffer.orgpeelk@reeths-puffer.org Ext. 2165Ext. 2165

Hinweis der Redaktion

  1. Turn to a partner and tell of a time in childhood when you learned from a mistake. Now think of times when you have seen other parents miss the opportunity when there was an acceptable risk. Cheryl – Lindsey drinking. vs. If you get hit by a car, I guess you’ll learn to not run in the road.
  2. Reminders: Powerful statement, “You aren’t capable of remembering and I don’t think you are strong enough to handle a setback.” Not studying in the elementary, refusing to eat, not cleaning up toys, etc.
  3. You will be amazed at what this does to your relationship with your child. Think of a neighbor lecturing you on getting reprimanded at work – mortgage on house.
  4. 2
  5. Rather than “Hurry UP!” Try, “Would you rather dress quickly now, or change in the car? You decide.” Acting like you control something you don‘t, will make you lose footing with your child.
  6. Coat situation