This document discusses how to meet marriage expectations by changing unreasonable expectations. It suggests couples question each other on expectations, examine where expectations came from, balance cultural influences with biblical truth, resolve expectations about personalities, work on unmet expectations one at a time, remain committed to the relationship, love each other extravagantly, and keep investing in their marriage daily. The overall message is that changing oneself and one's expectations is key to having a healthy marriage.

1. ARE YOUR
MARRIAGE
EXPECTATIONS MET?
June 28, 2013
1

2.  You must change your marriage by
changing your expectations
otherwise you will remain a
frustrated person in your marriage.
June 28, 2013
2

3.  What expectations do you have for
your marriage? Like many other
couples, you and your spouse may
expect to achieve goals ranging
from financial security to regular
sex.
June 28, 2013
3

4.  But you also may experience the
disappointment that so many other
husbands and wives encounter
when their expectations don't
become reality. The greater the
gap between what you expect and
what you actually experience in
your marriage, the more tension
will come between you and yourJune 28, 2013
4

5.  But if you learn to recognize which
expectations are unreasonable or
unhealthy - and how to change
them - you can change your
marriage for the better in the
process. Here's how:
June 28, 2013
5

6. Question each other on the
expectations you set .
 Think about the various
expectations that you and your
spouse each have for your
marriage: that you'll have children,
attend church regularly, live in a
nice house, have deep
conversations, spend time with
friends, enjoy good health, pursue
fulfilling careers, and avoidJune 28, 2013
6

7.  Others include: live free of the
pressures of debt, pray together,
cook meals for each other, present
a united front to others, enjoy
healthy relationships with in-laws,
have sex regularly, give
generously to your church, serve
others together, etc.
June 28, 2013
7

8.  After you've each listed your
expectations, think about the gaps
between what you've hoped for
and what you've actually gotten in
your marriage. Identify the areas
where the greatest gaps exist;
these are the expectations you
likely need to change the most.
June 28, 2013
8

9. Expose the roots of your
responses to each other.
 Discover where the expectations
that each of you brought to your
marriage came from, and how they
affect your current attitudes and
actions.
June 28, 2013
9

10.  Talk about your childhoods and
previous relationships, and what
your parents and others taught you
about what to expect in life and how
to respond to certain situations in
certain ways. Ask God to help you
heal from unhealthy influences and
overcome them to make better
decisions now. June 28, 2013
10

11. Balance cultural influences with
Biblical truth.
 Regularly evaluate what media
content you've been feeding your
mind and emotions - and how
that's influencing your
expectations of marriage.
June 28, 2013
11

12.  Are you watching, listening to, and
reading material that aligns with
biblical truth and helps your
marriage, or material that's
contributing to unhealthy attitudes
and harming your marriage? Don't
just accept whatever messages come
at you through the media. Filter the
world's messages through the Word's
messages. Focus on God's plan forJune 28, 2013
12

13. Resolve expectations about
each other's personalities.
 Accept the unique person that God
made your spouse to be. Realize
that personality differences
between the two of you can
strengthen your marriage when you
figure out how to use them to
compliment each other. Don't
judge or criticize each
other. Instead of looking for whatJune 28, 2013
13

14.  Ask God to help you love your
spouse as he or she actually is,
rather than who you want your
spouse to be. Listen well to each
other; be humble, gentle, kind, and
patient with each other; and forgive
each other for mistakes.
June 28, 2013
14

15.  If your spouse is struggling to
overcome some weaknesses, pray
for him or her, but understand that
God alone can empower your
spouse to change. You can't
change your spouse, so don't
waste time or energy
trying. Instead, focus on changing
yourself to live as faithfully as youJune 28, 2013
15

16. Work on your unmet
expectations one at a time.
 Answer three questions about each
unmet expectation you have: "Do I
need to change or adjust this
expectation?", "Is my expectation fear
and reasonable?", and "If I express my
expectation, will my spouse find it to be
reasonable?". Change what you can
(your own behavior) and release what
you can't change (everything else) to
God, praying for Him to intervene and
June 28, 2013
16

17.  Work with your spouse to create
new, realistic, and biblical
expectations for the
future. Recharge your lives through
rest, relaxation, and prayers on a
regular basis. Choose to enjoy life
even when some of your
expectations go unmet. And
remember that your relationship with
God through Christ should always be
your main focus. You can expect the
best in any situation when God is
June 28, 2013
17

18. Love each other
extravagantly.
 Seek God's love daily so it can
flow through your life into your
spouse's life. Ask God to
empower you to lavish your
spouse with His love, in ways such
as doing chores that need to be
done and speaking encouraging
words.
June 28, 2013
18

19.  Regularly thank God for what He
has done for you, and let that habit
of expressing gratitude motivate
you to express appreciation to
your spouse for his or her good
qualities and loving words and
actions toward you.
June 28, 2013
19

20. Remain committed.
 Remember that God's purpose for
your marriage is to teach both you
and your spouse how to love more
deeply and to grow to become more
like Jesus. In order to fulfill that
purpose, you must remain committed
to the relationship, even when it
becomes difficult. So, every day,
seek to learn something new aboutJune 28, 2013
20

21.  Be willing to help and forgive each
other. Praise and encourage each
other often with your words. Stop
blaming your spouse for problems in
your marriage; take responsibility for
your own mistakes and weaknesses,
and work on changing your own
attitudes and actions.
June 28, 2013
21

22.  Deal with unresolved hurts. Trust
God to restore your marriage to
what He intends it to be.
June 28, 2013
22

23. Keep investing in your
marriage
 Every day, work to keep your
marriage healthy. Aim to be a
constant source of hope and
encouragement to each
other. Pray for each
other. Whenever you encounter an
issue or situation that you wish
would change in your marriage, be
willing to change yourself ratherJune 28, 2013
23

24.  Ask God to empower you to make
changes in your own life to help
solve problems. Rely on God's
love and wisdom to guide you
each day.
June 28, 2013
24