1. Creating a Resilient Staff
from the Inside/Out
Beth Kanter
August 25, 2017

2. @kanter
www.bethkanter.org
Beth Kanter: Master Trainer, Speaker, Author and
Nonprofit Thought Leader

3. • Ability to
practice these
skills at work
Topics OUTCOMES
• Mutual Support & Learning
• Going Meta
• Fun
FRAMING
Opening Circle
Icebreaker
Self-Awareness & Self-
Management
Social Styles Assessment
Break
My Owner’s Manual
Break
Listening & Asking
Empowering Questions
Closing Circlehttp://bethkanter.wikispaces.com/cchi
Agenda

4. Opening Circle: Brief Intros
• Name
• Job Title
• How long working for CCHI?
• My wish for today is …

5. Icebreaker
• Write your name on sticky
• Write your favorite Icebreaker
question on sticky
• Pair-Share, Exchange
• Pair-Share, Exchange
• Pair-Share, Exchange
• Group Share

6. Self-Awareness & Self-Management Skills

7. Self-awareness/management is your ability to
accurately recognize your emotions as they happen
and to understand your general tendencies for
responding to different people and situations.
Seeing ourselves as others see us
Knowing what pushes our buttons
Using our self-awareness of our emotions to
actively choose what you say and do

9. Ways to Cultivate Self-Awareness
Test Yourself Watch Yourself Reflect/Learn
• Use frameworks for
understanding
• Identify strengths and
weaknesses
• Facilitates self-reflection
• Lean into your discomfort
• Know your buttons
• Look at situations from above
• Check your outward
appearance in situations
• Get to know yourself under
stress
• Observe the ripple effect on
others
• Forming new good habits
• Writing it down helps you
change
• Treat yourself to a new
pen and notebook

10. Social Styles
• Social styles is leading behavior styles framework
• Behavioral styles are observable ways that you
interact with other people
• Growth Areas: Helps you identify where you need to
improve your communication/behavior with others
• Versatility: Knowing your behavior style and how to
“flex” has a direct impact on your ability to coach,
facilitate, or lead teams
• There are four different styles: Analytical, Driving,
Amiable, and Expressive
• Uses a diagnostic or survey to determine where you
fall on ask/tells and controls/emotes

11. Introduction To Social Styles

12. Social Styles
Analytical
Need to Be
Right
Thinking
Withdraws
Driving
Results
Action
Takes Charge
Amiable
Personal
Security
Relationships
Goes Along
Expressive
Approval
Spontaneity
Confronts
Asks Tells
Controls
Emotes

13. Take Assessment

14. You need $5,000 in your budget
for program for next fiscal year.
Your only hurdle is that you must
convince executive to approve the
line item. You have 5 minutes to
convince them.
Reflection: What was the
experience like doing this role
play using social styles?
Social Style Scenario
1. Find a partner and
decide who is the
executive director
and who team leader
2. Initiate the
conversation in your
own style
3. Figure out the
executive director’s
style and flex
4. Executive Directors:
Don’t be agreeable
until they start
reaching you with
your style.

15. Social Style Reflection
Now that you know your social style and have some
options for “flexing,” what might you do in this
situation now?
What would you like other people who may be a
different social style about how to best work with
you?

16. Source: www.socialstyles.com

17. In the Moment Strategies
• Listen to other person
• Breathe
• Count to 10
• Hit pause button
• Make it a movie
• Sleep on it
• Smile and laugh more
• Take control of your self-talk
Longer Term Strategies
• Create an emotion vs
reason list
• Talk to a skilled self-
manager
• Talk to someone not
emotionally invested
• Learn a valuable lesson
• More reflection time
Self-Management Techniques to Practice

18. Break

20. Create Your Personal User Manual
• What is your social style?
• When do you like people to
approach you and how?
• What do you value?
• How do you like people to
communicate with you?
• How do you make
decisions?
• How can people help you?
• What will you not tolerate
in others?

21. Your Personal User Manual: Share Pair

22. Share with Group

23. Break
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24. What is good listening?

25. Reflective Listening Exercise

26. Listening
• Pair up with another person.
• Person A will talk for 2 minutes
straight about something he/she
finds exciting or challenging.
• Person B will listen for the full 2
minutes without interruption. No
talking, no commenting, no
questions. Just listen in silence. You
can use non-verbal communication
limitedly. Mostly be present and
listen.
• Switch roles.

27. Debrief
• How was it for each of you?
• What was your experience?
• What was hard?
• What came naturally?

28. The Process of Reflective Listening
Full Attention
LoopingDipping
The Process of Reflective Listening

29. Listening Role Play
We will do two role plays that illustrate good and
bad listening techniques
Role Play 1
Role Play 2
What did you notice?
What was different between the two role plays?

30. Basic Reflective Listening Techniques to Master
Paraphrase: Repeating back in your own words what someone has said, often using
phrasing such as “Let me see if I’m understanding you.” This builds trust and
establishes your objectivity. You end your paraphrase with “Did I get it?”
Draw Out: After you listen and paraphrase, you ask open-ended or empowering
questions to draw people out. “Tell me more …” A simple hmm…. often works
Intentional Silence: Leaving space for quiet, an essential reflective listening skill. It is
basically a pause. It helps people process complex thoughts.
Acknowledge Feelings: People communicate their feelings, sometimes not
directly. This is a three-step process: observe body language, pose a question that
names the feelings, and paraphrase their responses.
Meta Listen: Listen for what the other person cares about, the value being created
in the conversation, for what you appreciate about the person, or for what is not
being said.

31. Practice
• Pair up with different person.
• Person A will talk for 2 minutes
straight about something he/she
finds exciting or challenging.
• Person B will practice paraphrase,
drawing out, intentional silence,
acknowledge feelings, and meta
listening
• Switch roles.

32. Debrief
• What was it like to use reflective listening when having a
conversation with a work colleague?

33. The Power of Empowering Questions
Empowering questions help a
person reflect, deepen
learning, imagine the
possibilities, create clarity,
challenge assumptions, think
differently about a problem or
take ownership
No blame, bias, leading
questions or close-ended
questions
It causes silence

34. Examples of Empowering Questions
• What’s most important?
• Which values are you honoring?
• What makes this challenging?
• How might others view this situation?
• What impact is this having?
• What did you learn from this?
• What would like to see happen?
• What would success look like?
• What would you try, if you knew you couldn’t
fail?
• Who are your allies in this?
• What might get in the way?
• What would you like to change?

35. Examples of Disempowering Questions
Blame
Why are you behind schedule?
What’s the problem with this
project?
Who isn’t keeping up?
Don’t you know any better
than that?
Leading Questions
You wanted to do it by yourself,
didn’t you?
Don’t you agree that John is
the problem here?
Everyone else on the team
thinks John is the problem.
What about you?
Closed Questions
Is this a good time to talk?
What time is the meeting?
How many people are coming?
Who else will be there?
When will the report be ready?

36. Group Coaching on Empowering Questions
• Volunteer to share a challenge or problem
they are working on two minutes
• Participants practice asking empowering
questions

37. Coaching Exercise: Asking Powerful Questions
• Pair up with another person.
• Person A will talk for 2 minutes about something
he/she finds exciting or challenging.
• Person B will listen and practice asking
empowering questions.
• Switch roles.

38. • Be genuinely curious
• Don’t make assumptions
• Ask open-ended questions
• “What” and “How” are great. “When”, “Who”, and
“Where” can be good too. Try to avoid “Why”
• Make sure they are not leading questions
• Ask one at a time
• Keep it simple. Even dumb.
• Be comfortable with silence
Tips

39. Putting It All Together: Peer Coaching
• Listening with full attention and not talking
• Using techniques: paraphrase, draw out, intentional
silence, acknowledge feelings, and meta
• Asking empowering questions

40. Exercise
• Work in Triads
• Roles
• Person A: Talks about Problem/Challenge for 3
minutes
• Person B: Coaches for 3 minutes
• Person C: Witness – Shares observations

41. Coaching Exercise: Full Group Debrief
• What was the experience like doing the
exercise?
• How might these skills be useful in your
work with other staff or members?

42. What mindsets and
skillsets does a
good peer coach
and facilitator have?

43. “Practice isn’t the thing you do
once you’re good. It’s the thing
you do that makes you good.”
Malcolm Gladwell

44. 44

45. Closing Circle: Reflection
• What insight did you gain about your communications
style and working with others?
• What will you commit to practicing in the coming months?

46. Next Steps
• Journal
• Practice these skills in work
situations
• Refer to your social styles and
owner’s manual
• Add 10 minutes to agenda of staff
meeting for reflection
• Check-In Call, Next Session

47. Meta Reflection
Change
Keep
Delete