Who’s the jerk? Me. You. Everyone. Getting past differing opinions and competing self-interest is hard. It seems odd that it doesn’t come naturally. I learned the hard way. Interpersonal skills can make or break collaboration, and as much as we might want it to be true, stating the facts does not always win people over. We'll talk about the heavy topics of tribalism and cognitive biases in a lighthearted way. Walk with me through my missteps in common human behaviors that undermine collaboration. We’ll dive into 3 negotiation strategies to use to improve collaboration. You’ll leave with general theory, memorable examples and specific suggestions to shift your thinking and approach to working more effectively with people.

1. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
Getting
Your
Way
without
being
a jerk

2. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
What to Expect
1. Rules, not exceptions
2. Strategies, not silver bullets
3. Simple, not easy
4. Discomfort, but humor

3. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
Tribalism

6. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
By Volume By Weight

7. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
vs

9. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
Cognitive Biases

11. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
Spiced Orange Olive Oil Cake
● 3/4 cup white sugar
● 2/3 cup olive oil
● 1 1/2 cups flour
● 2 tablespoons orange
zest
● 1 teaspoon Chinese
five-spice powder

12. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
Spiced Orange Olive Oil Cake
● 6 oz white sugar
● 2/3 cup olive oil
● 7.5 oz flour
● 2 tablespoons
orange zest
● 1/2 teaspoon Chinese
five-spice powder
● 3/4 cup white sugar
● 2/3 cup olive oil
● 1 1/2 cups flour
● 2 tablespoons
orange zest
● 1 teaspoon Chinese
five-spice powder

14. https://betterhumans.coach.me/cognitive-bias-cheat-sheet-55a472476b18

15. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
facts
opinions
beliefs
values
tribal values

16. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
Those
other irrational
humans!

17. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
● Random tribe formation
● Assuming negative intent
● Avoiding contrary ideas
● Opinions not based in facts
Barriers to Collaboration

18. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
Negotiation

20. Interests > Positions

21. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
What are your
interests?

22. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
#1 Focus on Interests not Positions
Understand your interests.
● What problem does this solve?
● What is the benefit I will gain?
● Is this an implementation detail?

24. Maximize Value

25. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
Why is
that the part
that is important
to you?

26. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
#2 Value Can be Created or Destroyed
Understand the potential value.
● What are goals you can set?
● How can you build trust?
● How might you lose trust?

28. Learning > Debating

30. Learning > Debating

31. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
You’re wrong
Hostile
Fight
Ignorant
Teach
I’m right

32. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
Who thinks they
are right about
everything?

33. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
Name
one opinion
you are wrong about

34. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
#3 Learn instead of debating
Prepare for the conversation.
● What is the mystery you’re solving?
● What will you do when they push your buttons?
● What if this is something you’re wrong about?

36. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
Human Failings
1. Suspicious of behavior that doesn’t align
with our expectations
2. Seek supporting information
3. Dismiss contrary information
4. See it in others not in ourselves

37. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
Success is trying
to do it differently

40. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
facts
opinions
beliefs
values
tribal values

41. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
facts
opinions
beliefs
positions

42. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
values
tribal values
interests

43. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
facts
opinions
beliefs
zero sum

44. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
values
tribal values
maximize
value

45. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
facts
opinions
beliefs
debating

46. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
values
tribal values
learning

47. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
Negotiate!
1. Interests instead of positions
2. Maximize value
3. Learning instead of debating
4. Success is trying to do it differently

48. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
Practice!
● Saturday, Nov 2, 2019
● 10:00 - 1:00
● Bakken Museum
● https://events.vtools.ieee.org/m/201643
Getting Our Way (It’s Not All About Me)

49. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen @joelletegwen in/joelletegwen
You Are Not So Smart 122:
(Tribalism)
You Are Not So Smart 143:
(Negotiation)
David McRaney in Conversation
with Misha Glouberman
Henri Tajfel (random tribal formation)
Wikipedia: Cognitive biases
Cognitive bias codex
Interests vs Positions
Measure by Weight
https://youarenotsosmart.com/2018/02/26/
yanss-122-how-our-unchecked-tribal-psychology-
pollutes-politics-science-and-just-about-everything-else/
https://youarenotsosmart.com/2018/12/17/
yanss-143-how-to-talk-to-people-about-things/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFFvD1ajjhk&list=WL
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henri_Tajfel
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_bias
https://betterhumans.coach.me/cognitive-bias-cheat-sheet-55a472476b18
http://web.mit.edu/negotiation/www/NBivsp.html
https://www.tasteofhome.com/article/how-to-weigh-baking-ingredients