2. ASSERTIVENESS:
is the ability to formulate and communicate
one's own thoughts, opinions and wishes in a
clear, direct and non-aggressive way

3. MAKING THE CHANGE
Do I want to change my behavior?
Do I believe in myself, as well as others?
Am I willing to set reasonable goals and take reasonable risks?
Am I open to new ideas?
Can I accept the facts that things may not change overnight
and not everything will always go my way?
Am I willing to make the effort, practice, and have patience
while building my new skills?

4. Assertive Behavior includes:
Starting, changing, or ending conversations
Sharing feelings, opinions, and experiences with others
Making requests and asking for favors
Refusing others' requests if they are too demanding
Questioning rules or traditions that don't make sense or don't seem fair
Addressing problems or things that bother you
Being firm so that your rights are respected
Expressing positive emotions
Expressing negative emotions

5. Assertive versus Unassertive versus Aggressive
Assertive people state their opinions, while still being
respectful of others.
Aggressive people attack or ignore others' opinions in
favor of their own.
Passive people don't state their opinions at all.

6. Passive Behavior Aggressive Behavior Assertive Behavior
1. Is afraid to speak up Interrupts and 'talks over' Speaks openly
others
2. Speaks softly Speaks loudly Uses a conversational tone
3. Avoids looking at people Glares and stares at others Makes good eye contact
4. Shows little or no Intimidates others with Shows expressions that match
expression expressions the message
5. Slouches and withdraws Stands rigidly, crosses arms, Relaxes and adopts an open
invades others' personal space posture and expressions
6. Isolates self from groups Controls groups Participates in groups

7. Passive Behavior Aggressive Behavior Assertive Behavior
7. Agrees with others, despite Only considers own feelings, Speaks to the point
feelings and/or demands of others
8. Values self less than others Values self more than others Values self equal to others
9. Hurts self to avoid hurting Hurts others to avoid being Tries to hurt no one (including
others hurt self)
10. Does not reach goals and Reaches goals but hurts others Usually reaches goals without
may not know goals in the process alienating others
11. You're okay, I'm not I'm okay, you're not I'm okay, you're okay

8. Small Group Program

9. Sessions:
Six
Problem Areas
Anxiety
Difficulty speaking spontaneously
Low self-esteem
Nonassertive approach to others
Aggressive approach to others

10. Objectives:
1.To improve awareness, recognition and
expressions of feelings in an appropriate manner,
both verbally and nonverbally.
2.To enable differentiation between assertive,
aggressive and passive behavior.
3.To practice assertive rights and responsibilities in
order to increase self-respect and self-esteem as
well as to gain self respect from others.
4.To learn basic conversational skills in order to
reduce social anxieties.

11. Objectives:
5. To learn appropriate ways of making and
refusing requests.
6. To learn a problem solving approach to
clearer communication through familiarization
of the DESC system.
7. To learn coping skills in dealing with
manipulation and unfair criticism.

12. Session 1
Passive or Nonassertive Behavior
It aims to please others and to avoid conflict at any
cost.
Effect:
“You’re O.K, I’m not O.K”
“I don’t count.”
“My feelings don’t matter.”
I don’t respect myself.”
Exercise 1

13. Aggressive Behavior
it aims to achieve or maintain control over people
or situations.
Effect;
“I’m O.K, you’re not O.K.”
“This is what I want, think, or feel.
You have no right to want, think,
or feel otherwise.”
“You don’t count.”
“I don’t respect you.”
Exercise 2 & 3

14. Session 2
Assertive Behavior
it aims to leave us feeling satisfied with our
interactions.
Effect;
“I’m O.K, you’re O.K.”
“I respect both myself and you.”
“I expect you to respect me.”
Exercise 4 & 5

15. Nonverbal Component of Behaviors
Because the majority of our communication
is carried out nonverbally, it is important to be
aware of the kinds of messages we give.
Exercise 6

16. Session 3
Barrier to Being Assertive
1. Anxiety
2. Guilt
3. Fear of feeling/looking ignorant or stupid
4. Irrational belief
5. Negative self-statement
Exercise 7 & 8

17. The ABC Emotions
A B C
Situation Thought Response
Exercise 9
A B C D E
Situation Thought Response Challenge or New Response

18. Session 4
Assertive Rights and Responsibilities
The first step in learning to behave
assertively is to be aware of, and eventually feel
comfortable with, our assertiveness rights and
their accompanying responsibilities.
Exercise 10

19. Exercise 11
Principles of Assertiveness
1. Everyone has a basic personal rights.
2. We cannot change others- only ourselves.
3. We are responsible for ourselves and our behaviors.
4. If we change our behavior so that we feel more self-
respect, people will respond differently to us.
5. No one can read minds successfully. We cannot know
what others are thinking or feeling unless we ask them.
Attempting to do so makes poor communication.
6. We can learn to be assertive.

20. The DESC Script
Step 1: Describe
Describe to your partner the exact behavior
that are uncomfortable to you. Be as clear as
possible. Do not generalize or guess peoples
motives.
Step 2: Express
Say what you think and feel about the
behaviors that are uncomfortable to you.

21. Step 3: Specify
Refers to changes in what your partner is
doing, not to personality traits or attitudes. Be
prepared for the other person to make requests
for changes on your part.
Step 4: Consequences
Emphasize the positive consequences that
will follow if your request is met.
Exercise 12

22. Session 5
Broken Record
Is a skill that help us learn to persist or to
stick in what we’re saying where we stand in
matters that are important even it may cause us to
repeat our position over and over with out
becoming rude or losing control of our behaviors.
Workable Compromise
It is a skill by which one works out an
agreement with other person without either person
losing or lessening his or her self-respect.
Exercise 13

23. Session 6
Building Self-respect
One of the best ways to build up our self-respect is to
take time to identify our good qualities.
SELF-RESPECT
Sensitive
Guiding Witty
Patient Accepting Hard Working
Kind Helpful Funny Dependable
Building Self-respect

24. Coping with Criticism
Two kinds of criticism
1. Factual Criticism
 The critic is pointing out that we have made a
mistake or that the critic objects to something in
our behaviors.
2. Manipulative Criticism
 The critic’s goal is to manipulate or control
someone by trying to make him or her change in
some way.

25. Skills used to deal with criticism
a. Negative assertion
 Acknowledging our fault or error.
 Apologize once.
 Acknowledging the effect of our action on the critic-
that is, the critic’s hurt or hostile feelings or the
importance of our fault or error to him/her.
 Making amends, if possible.
b. Negative inquiry
It involves asking, clarifying questions in order to
prompt the critic to be direct.

26. c. Fogging
This skills is helpful when we are having
difficulty saying what we really want to say
because we are feeling angry. Guilty, or
anxious.
 The criticism, in principle
 Any possible truth in criticism
 The odds that the criticism is true while still
deciding yourself what your behavior will be.
Exercise 14