1. Person centred approaches
and effective conversations
Jon Ralphs

2. Choose a postcard that express how you are
feeling

3. Objectives over the two days
• To understand the importance of equality in interactions and the
factors that can inhibit this;
• To understand what makes good conversations and their role in
creating the conditions for this;
• To identify their own ‘default’ tendencies in conversation styles and
habits
• To have a greater awareness of the importance of person centred
approaches in supporting children and families
• To understand about outcomes and to be able to clearly identify and
describe these
• To have confidence in using a range of person centred planning
tools and to have used these in practice in the workshop.

4. Context

5. Context (video)

6. How are things right now about effective
conversations?

7. So what makes a effective conversation?
As well as
asking
“what’s
the matter”
we should
also focus
on
“what matters”

8. Framework: Three parts

9. Three parts

10. people lives communities
Service-speak - the words we use

11. We need to change the language:
• Referral
• Assessment
• Eligibility criteria
• Services “packages”
• Respite
• Reablement
• Ongoing support
• Care and support plan
• Review
• Placement
• signposting
• universal services
• Put in touch with
• Talk to someone about your
situation
• Arrangements / solutions
• Have a bit of a break
• Help to be as independent as
possible
• Support to help maintain your
independence
• Check how you’re getting on
• Home

12. The art of good conversations - rate yours

13. Recognising your default setting.

14. How did you do?
What are
your strengths?
How can
you grow
them?
lets share our
scores and
discuss
What sort of
conversations do
you have?

15. Person centred thinking tools
to support conversations

16. Person centred thinking tools
to support conversations

17. Warren has something really important to
tell us.

18. There’s going
to be a flood...

20. Beaumaris in Anglesey

22. There’s going
to be a flood...
you can only take three
things!

26. Matters?

27. “The most important things in this world
aren’t things.” Bear Grylls

29. Do you know
what matters
to children and young
people?

30. Do they get
what matters
to them?
Do we used this to help our
conversations?

31. What’s important

32. “The quality of our lives
depends on the presence or
absence of things
that are important to us.”
Micheal Smull

33. Important to
Important for

34. The kerfuffle of the TO / FOR sort

37. The importance of ‘contributing’
“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to
be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate,
to have it make some difference that you have
lived and lived well.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
“The mystery of human existence lies not in just
staying alive, but in finding something to live
for.” (Dostoyevsky)

38. Health and safely dictate lifestyle

39. What would be the most
serious outcome from this risk?

47. Important to… Important for….
• What keeps me healthy
and safe
• What must happen in my
day to stay well (e.g.
exercise, certain diet,
medication, how I must be
physically cared for, etc.)
• What matters to me
• Important past events and
times
• The important people in
my life and how we keep
connected
• What makes me happy
• What makes me want to
get out of bed in the
morning…

48. What’s important ‘to’ and ‘for’ you?
Think for a few minutes about
your life and/or getting up
routine and jot down a few
things that are important ‘to’ you
and a few that are important
‘for’ you.
Have a chat with the person
next to you about those you feel
comfortable sharing.

49. Relationship circle

50. What’s the purpose - how are you going to use this
tool?

52. Good day/ bad day
Guess Ask Listen Record
• Next in pairs look through the information and decide
together what this information tells us about what is
important to the you.

53. Good day - Bad day
Guess ask listen record
Best guess
Ask / do
Listen
Eyes / ears
Write it down

64. At this time
When this
happens
We think it means
We need to do
this
3
In the environment
What’s just gone on
Before / during /
after
1 (or 2)
What they said
The behaviour
What others
notice
Can be seen,
heard, and felt
by others
2 (or 1)
Meaning of what
they said or the
behaviour
The emotions and
feelings
What’s going on
inside
4
What other
people should
do in response
Or not do…..

65. Decision making profile and
agreement

66. How I like the
information
presented to
me
How to present
choices to me
How to help me
understand the
information
presented to
me.
Best time for
me to make a
decision
Worst time. For
me to make a
decision
Talk to me.
I can read a bit
but prefer to
listen.
Give me some
information that
I can look at
after you have
gone.
Let me know I
have to make a
choice.
Keep if limited
this or that
Give me time to
think about it
and then give
the information
again.
Let my best
friend tell me as
well as I trust
her
After I've been
visited by my
best friend
When I've come
back from the
shops .
When I'm talking
to you and giving
you eye
contact .
When I have my
hoody up and do
not give you eye
contact .
When I'm self
harming

67. Important decision
in my life
Who would be
involved and how
would I be
involved
What makes the
final decision
Moving to my new home
from a care setting
I would have a meeting
with my key worker and my
befriender when I'm well to
agree the move. I would
talk to my best freind
Me with my social worker
I would be told that I'm
moving three days before I
move

68. Person centred approaches
and effective conversations
Day two
Jon Ralphs

70. What do children and
young people really
want in the future?
What are their aspirations?
Hopes and dreams

71. Begin with the
end in mind
Stephen Covey
Neo's vision of the future informed his choices

74. What do you want to DO/ What do you want to BE?

76. "You can fail at what you don't want, so you
might as well take a chance on doing what you
love." Jim Carrey

77. What is an outcome?
• Is a different conversation to an aspiration
• Builds on what's going well
• Changes something that is not working
• Move you to a future you want (aspiration)

78. After an amazing days training,
you find Pugsy behind your front door.

79. Working /Not working
Keep
Maintain
Grow
Change

80. A Person Centred Outcome…..
• Is a personal goal not a service goal
• Is something you have influence/control over
• Is measurable and specific
• May have obstacles in the way of achieving it
All these make the outcome well formed

81. •Does it keep
something that is
working?
•Change something
that isn’t working?
•Does it move towards
a future you want?

82. A Solution …….
• Is there resource you need to achieve your
outcome
• It can be an item or an activity
• It can have a cost associated with it, or be free

83. Questions to test is it an outcome
or a solution
If you got your outcome…what would it...
• Give you?
• Do for you?
• Make possible for you?

86. To have a paid job, live in my own flat and have a car

87. 87

88. 88

89. To have a car
What would that:-
• Give you?
– Get me from home to where I want to go
• Do for you?
– Let me go and see my friends once a week, go into the
city shopping and get to work experience
• Make possible for you?
– I can just do it - without mum and dads help
– I have four friends
– I know the shops in MK
– I have work experience to travel to

90. To have a car
So what is the real outcome?
To go and visit my friends, once a week
Go into the city - shopping every weekend by myself
(To work five days a week) To get to work experience on
time.

91. 3 hours of speech and language therapy
What would that:
Give you?
Time with a speech therapist
Do for you?
Help them be more easily understood by their friends when they
are at school?
Make possible for you?
Friendships, taking part in things, feeling more confident
with other people.

92. 3 hours of speech and language therapy
So what is the real outcome?
" l am understood by my friends and I can play with them
every lunchtime.

93. Check it and create actions by rating scales

94. test it
Importance
Confidence
What would need to happen to take your score one point higher?

95. Importance and confidence
ConfidenceLOW
HIGH
HIGH
High Importance
Low Confidence
Less likelihood of
change
High Confidence
Low Importance
Less likelihood of
change
A
Higher Importance
Higher Confidence
Better likelihood of
change
C
B

96. Outcomes to actions - blue sky thinking
THE RULES
Don't discuss
just write.
Don't judge the ideas
All ideas are welcome - wild and wacky - sensible.
Build on others ideas.
Use all your time.

98. Positive and possible

99. I want to live in a flat

100. How does the person feel?

101. G.R.O.W.
Goals - what we aim for:
What do you want?
How will you know when you have achieved it?
When do you want to achieve it by?
Reality - Exploring the present reality:
What have you done specifically so far to achieve that goal?
What challenges have you met and overcome?
What strengths do you have which might help?
Options - stretching beyond what the person has tried or thought about
before:
What could you do?
What else...?
What if you had all the time you need?
Will/Way forward - gaining commitment from the person to talk action:
Which option would be the fastest/easiest/preferred?
What might stop you?
When will you take action?

102. G.R.O.W.
Goals
Reality
Options
Will/Way forward
What did I learn?
What surprised me?
What will I do differently?

105. Circle of influence
• Really helps with
organising information
and agreeing what
needs to be focused on
(what person can control
or influence) and what
issues are concerns that
nothing can be done
about.(use the to/for
working not working)

106. Circle of influence
I have goodinformationbut don't knowwhere to start
I'm working
with one family
that are open
to new ideas
I will...
Concern
Influence
Focus
I don't have
the time
to do this
with everyone
on my caseload
Idon'tfeelconfident
usingthese
newapproaches

109. Action Plan
First steps
Priority area
Who Will do what By when?
Who else needs to know / help this to happen? How will we get their help?
What support do we need?
From inside the organisation From outside the organisation
How will we know know we have been successful?
What will have changed? What will you see? What will you feel? What will you hear?
Notes Scribbles Doodles

110. Timed talk
• In pairs
• 3 minute turns
• Listener gives good attention
• Swap then share the thinking in the group

111. Giving good attention
• Being present - no rush, no tapping feet
• Keep you eyes on the thinking
• Your face expresses interest and respect
• Stillness
• No interruptions - letting the person finish

113. Helping people learn
Rather than teaching them
Micheal Bungay Stanier; The Coaching Habit

114. • What's on your mind?
• And What Else? (AWE reverent respect
repeated)
• What's the real challenge here for you
today?
What are you thinking about-person
centred and effective communications .