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Grace and Gratitude: Arthur Morehead and Living Well

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Grace and Gratitude: Arthur Morehead and Living Well

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These are the slides from a presentation I gave in a SC Bar CLE entitled "What Matters Most: Crafting a Well-Lived Life" on February 13, 2019 https://www.scbar.org/shop-cle/livecourse/what-matters-most-crafting-a-well-lived-life/

These are the slides from a presentation I gave in a SC Bar CLE entitled "What Matters Most: Crafting a Well-Lived Life" on February 13, 2019 https://www.scbar.org/shop-cle/livecourse/what-matters-most-crafting-a-well-lived-life/

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Grace and Gratitude: Arthur Morehead and Living Well

  1. 1. Grace and Gratitude Arthur Morehead and Living Well
  2. 2. @jjpringlesc
  3. 3. Introduction
  4. 4. Overview
  5. 5. Lens And Frame
  6. 6. Lens is Stuck “Please remove the ‘e’ in ‘judgement’ in one of your slides (towards the end).”
  7. 7. Using the Tools
  8. 8. The Tools When Things Don’t Go As “Planned”?
  9. 9. Stress and Distress (Getting Stuck)
  10. 10. Chronic Stress and the Mind/Body
  11. 11. Reactions to Distress
  12. 12. What is Missing When Distress Sticks? • The Capability to Manage Emotion • Space to Respond (Rather Than React) • Context/Awareness • Cooperation/Collaboration/Communication (Listening) • The Willingness to Change (Curiosity, Creativity)
  13. 13. You May Not See The Whole Picture
  14. 14. Blind Spots (Frame, Lens, Tuning)
  15. 15. Blind Spots
  16. 16. Sometimes We are the Tool
  17. 17. Servant Becomes Part of the Master
  18. 18. We’re Also Wired …
  19. 19. Noticing The Stories You Tell
  20. 20. Space in Your Head
  21. 21. Growth is Uncomfortable Embrace Challenges Learn from Criticism
  22. 22. Build Things That Can’t Be Taken Away
  23. 23. Create Space For Attention
  24. 24. Create Space with Computer Tools Evernote Podcasts
  25. 25. Practice Gratitude By Giving Time
  26. 26. Embrace the Paradoxes
  27. 27. Work Hard ‘Till The End of Your Shift
  28. 28. Give Yourself Space to Laugh - At Yourself
  29. 29. Where the Real Work Is …
  30. 30. Conclusion: Create Space for Solving Problems
  31. 31. Resources • Jeena Cho, The Anxious Lawyer, https://www.amazon.com/Anxious-Lawyer-Satisfying- Mindfulness-Meditation/dp/1627226249 • Baba Shiv, How Do You Find Breakthrough Ideas?, Stanford Graduate School of Business, http://www.gsb.stanford.edu/insights/baba-shiv-how-do-you-find- breakthrough-ideas • The Resilient Lawyer http://theanxiouslawyer.com/rl-23-jack-pringle/ • Farnham Street https://www.farnamstreetblog.com/ • One You Feed With Michael Taft http://www.oneyoufeed.net/michael-taft/ • Tim Ferris with Brene Brown http://fourhourworkweek.com/2015/08/28/brene-brown- on-vulnerability-and-home-run-ted-talks/ • On Being With Ellen Langer http://www.onbeing.org/program/ellen-langer-science-of- mindlessness-and-mindfulness/6332 • You Are Not So Smart http://youarenotsosmart.libsyn.com/062-naive-realism-lee-ross-0 • “How Biases, Politics and Egos Trump Good Strategy,” Chris Bradley, January 16, 2018 https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-biases-politics-egos-derail-business-decisions- chris-bradley/?kui=qdGk5TG7MixpsWIoQ-NS2Q
  32. 32. More Resources The Checklist Manifesto: How to Get Things Right, by Atul Gawande http://www.amazon.com/Checklist-Manifesto-How-Things-Right/dp/0312430000 Smarter Than You Think: How Technology is Changing Our Minds for the Better, by Clive Thompson http://www.amazon.com/Smarter-Than-You-Think-Technology/dp/1594204454 Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D http://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Psychology-Success-Carol-Dweck/dp/0345472322 Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success, by Adam Grant http://www.amazon.com/Give-Take-Helping-Others-Success/dp/0143124986 Resolve to Use Your Device as a Tool- And to Resist Being Tooled By It https://medium.com/@jjpringlesc/resolve-to- use-your-device-as-a-tool-and-resist-being-tooled-by-it-3bccb43f98ab 'Our minds can be hijacked': the tech insiders who fear a smartphone dystopia, https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/oct/05/smartphone-addiction-silicon-valley-dystopia “Art of Letting Other People Have Your Way: Negotiating Secrets with Chris Voss,” The Knowledge Project Podcast, https://www.farnamstreetblog.com/2018/01/chris-voss/

Hinweis der Redaktion

  • I didn’t come down here to change your mind about anything, but to ease my own mind about everything.
  • Law School is Different. "What do you call everyone in your office who is not you? A Non-lawyer.

    The Law is a Jealous Mistress.

    What does the law say. Bound by Precedent. BlueBook and Manual on Style
  • “A bundle of tense muscles defending our existence.”- Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche

    Extrinsic and Linear.
  • Kids and the Now

    Ever Thought Your Way out of a Painful Emotional situation?
  • Letter from ODC, Motion for Attorney’s Fees, Frivolous Claim, Partner in your Office

    Stress not equal to Distress, Shame not equal to Guilt

    Distress is Not Wanting What We Presume is Going to Happen
  • Interferes with learning and memory
    lower immune function and bone density
    increased weight gain, blood pressure, cholesterol, heart disease
    increase risk for depression, mental illness, and lower life expectancy.
    potential trigger for mental illness and decreased resilience—especially in adolescence.
  • (worry, anxiety, discomfort) Problem is the Bear isn’t always chasing you. Are you running because you are scared, or scared because you are running. William James.

    Thoughts and Sawyer- altruism project.

    Resist, React, Kill the Pain

    Work and effort. Struggle and fear. relaxing
  • We are “problem solvers”, but often
    unaware of the problem (especially when the problem is us)
    Unaware of any clue how to solve it;
    But absolutely certain that we do know or unwilling to admit otherwise.

    Most of us live mindlessly all of the time-
    Using the Tools We Have means we don't see the whole picture and miss what is right in front of us

    Not there and not there to know we are not there


    You are Not So Smart (False Consensus) – Lee Ross- believing that from situation to the next, people are more likely to do things or see the world the way we do. Ambiguity, doubt.

    we don't perceive everything that is important.
    Our brains and emotions don’t always make sense of the world


    Naïve realism
  • What to Think


    (We all got holes to fill, and them holes are all that’s real . . .)

    (Turn Off The Brain)

    A Reminder from Time to Time that Things Are Relatively Easy



    (Why Do You Need Space?- Creativity-Risk-Vulnerability)
  • Less evaluative of other people; feel unique but recognize that everyone is also unique; ability to take risks.

    Situational rather than personality-based.

    (When You notice Things about yourself, you notice things about others) (opposite of projection).

    Gets you off your back foot and in a posture of being ready to actively solve problems and create possibilities
    David Allen and the open loop.

    Hard not to be humble when you see the way your brain works.

  • (Not Presence but instead "noticing"- you can't make a decision to be "present")

    (what do you mean "without judging")

    Managing the fog of emotion
    Being aware of your patterns
    Getting space


    Without judging
    letting go of the illusion that we are in control
    Beginner's mind and the ability to listen or evaluate without preconceived notions

    One cannot learn what they already know. -Epicetus.

    If you're offended easily, you're a bad resource allocator. It's a waste of energized gy & attention; a greater sin than wasting time- @tferriss

    Train yourself to value most the things that can't be taken away. 

    Observation and perception

    Observe people having sex

    Parker J. Palmer- eustress. 

    Creativity=Curiousity > Fear (choosing Curiousity over fear).  Something only special people do. 

    Rigidity in intention, but flexibility in implementation. One You Feed, July 20th




  • (see distractions, biases, self-serving thoughts and actions)
  • Can you accept some criticism, share some credit, and allow for some mistakes?

    Courage to Change) take risks, be seen, tell your own story.
    (Best Measure of Courage is Vulnerability)- (You might as well show yourself, because people are going to form opinions of you anyway).

    Shame can’t survive emphathy: (Shame Needs Three Things: secrecy, silence, judgment)

    Be seen


    Are You Trying to Get Better from a Good Place, or Trying to Fill a Hole?
    I am really good, but I can be better v. I am flawed and I need to prove myself

    If you are enough, and want to improve, that is different from always needing affirmation from others.

    (Perfectionism is the 20-ton shield)- you can't be seen.

    Being Here or Living for the Future

    Curiosity and Being a Lifelong Learner

    Listening

  • Silence isn’t the absence of sound, it’s the absence of noise.
  • Omm Writer, Freedom, Leechblock. Email exacerbates the urgent to the exclusion of the important

    You Need Sustained Attention

    Fuel, Fallible, Finite
    Technology is a (Constant) Distraction and Saps Attention
    Minimize Your Beeps and Notifications (and your Interruptions and Meetings)
    Guard Your Attention Jealously
  • (Put Your Own Mask on) (When You notice Things about yourself, you notice things about others) (opposite of projection).

    Shame can’t survive emphathy: (Shame Needs Three Things: secrecy, silence, judgment)

    Be seen

    If I am going to fall prey to cliches, I will choose these.

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