CMS 332 Family Collage

1. Families Are Like Twister…
A lot of fun, but some days I’m not
sure I want to play!
CMS 332 – Family Collage By Jennifer Davis-Brawn

2. From a distance it is easy to make traditional
assumptions about my family.
But up close we are really a crazy game of Twister Hoopla; a little mixed up
and a lot of fun!

3. With most games there are “house rules” to dictate how the game is played on
this turf. I have ten siblings in my family of origin. Growing up with them,
and my parents, has influenced the communication patterns and rules in my
current family.

4. My family of origin has ranged from enmeshed to
disengaged, from rigid to chaotic; hovering over
different points at different times.

5. There are many subsystems
functioning in my family of
origin.
Two of my sisters and I have
formed a coalition, of sorts, to
cope with our youngest sister’s
behavior.
We work together trying to
protect our mother from abuse
while at the same time trying to
encourage the youngest to accept
some grown-up responsibility for
her own choices.
These relationships can be very
strained.

6. In my current family we are constantly renegotiating the tensions in our
relationships; autonomy-connection with my teen age son,
openness-closedness with my adult son who still lives at home,
who’s turn it is to load the dish washer…wait, that is a different tension.

7. “Do you remember that time…” is a common refrain in our family. Stories from
our family’s past help us to feel connected to each other and help us to make
sense of who we are individually. Remember the time Clara and Max made a
time machine out of a cardboard box?

8. Over the years my family has changed and so have some of the rules of
communication. In my first marriage physical aggression was a sign of affection; we
have been happy to let that rule go. In my second marriage yelling to each other from
the bottom of the stairs was disrespectful. When the marriage ended, we did not keep
that as a permanent rule.

9. My family of origin are
practiced secret keepers – but it
is a burdensome practice.
In my current family I have
tried to keep only essential and
sweet secrets;
Like waiting until the perfect
moment to announce that we
were expecting another baby or
that the cousins are coming to
visit.

10. “Maintaining high levels of satisfaction and love in marriage is problematic.”
Kind of like keeping your right hand on red and your left hand on green while
your left foot is on blue and your right foot is on yellow. It isn’t impossible, it’s just
really challenging; and everybody has to want to play or it’s only yoga…
and you can do yoga all by yourself.

11. One prevailing theme in our communication has been family unity. We love to
talk to each other, to make time for family rituals, and to recognize the events
in each other’s lives – good and bad.

12. In my family of origin my
mother stayed home and my
father was the provider.
They divorced.
Each remarried.
Now, my step-father tries hard
to be as helpful as he can. He
likes to visit but he is happiest
when he helps me solve a
problem.
My step-mother is very busy.
She loves me but prefers not to
be too involved with me or
with my life.

13. My role in my current family has changed. With
the departure of my husband I have taken on the
role of provider in addition to my roles of
mother and student. It is difficult to keep
upright in the Twister game these days.
My children are changing roles also. My oldest
daughter has moved away from home to another
state. The next child is enacting his role and
preparing to leave. I don’t get tangled up with him
very often because our schedules are so different.

14. In my current family there is a great deal of pressure on
everyone – from everyone – to agree;
even though everyone is allowed and encouraged to
express themselves.
The thoughts and feelings of each family member are
important but our “similar values and attitudes enhance
[familial] harmony.”

15. Many factors influence decision making at our house.
It is nice when decisions are joint or reached by
consensus or even accommodation
But often de facto decisions must be made.
Usually the “de factocator” is me, but as my children
get older they make more and more decisions on their
own or in conjunction with each other.

16. “There are many ways to be a family” and “the perfect family does not exist”
Our family certainly isn’t perfect but our culture and patterns have helped us
to form what I hope are strong, lasting bonds with each other.
Our communication has
adapted with the “variety of
family experiences” we have
had. We will continue to be
fun and flexible as we adjust to
new family changes in the
future.

17.  Galvin, K. M., Bylund, C. L., & Brommel, B. J. (2012).
Family Communication Cohesion and Change.
Indianapolis: Allyn and Bacon.