329 poems and 15 short stories and fables. The true tales from the lives of the fictional nameless faceless, their hopes, their dreams, their fears, and bitter disappointment spanning from the naivete that left them alone and unprepared for a world that devours idealism and love and leaves them in broken pieces to their suicides or unlikely triumphs. As well, the tale of the transformative power of love that knows no bounds and that of a child coping with the lasting effects of divorce.
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3. Copyright 2008, 2009 by Iyan Igma
1st Edition, Condensed
Published by Iyan Igma via CreateSpace.com in Scotts Valley, California
ISBN: 144212816X
EAN13: 9781442128163
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In a nutshell, you are allowed to make copies and distribute it as long as it is not altered
or done for commercial use, and as long as you give me credit. Consult the license for
further details.
Please Note that this is a work of fiction. Any similarities to actual events or people is
coincidental, unless otherwise noted.
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4. To my mother, who gave me life, nurture, spankings, peanut
butter, plenty of air and dirt to play in, three sisters to beat me
up, trust, a name worthy to live up to, a heritage of perseverance
and overcoming, answers to a million questions, a love for the
oldies, reassurance despite my awkwardness and special toes,
love, and encouragement in my endeavours, especially writing.
I'll never really be able to tell you thank you, especially now
that you are allergic to chocolate. That lifetime supply I was
planning on giving you is out of the picture now. Thank you for
always wanting me to be happy and for encouraging me to be
the best, no matter what.
5. A General Disclaimer to Prepare You for an Encounter with
Insanity.
This was written in a transitional period of my life. One part of the work found me
going through a divorce. Another part found me coping with life and healing and evolving
emotionally. Yet another section found me experiencing the rapture of falling into love
again and discovering once more how magical it is to feel your heart race when someone
dear is near.
Some of the biggest influences on this book are A. E. Housman, whose poems I read
and reread several times (hence the ABAB rhyme scheme found in many parts,) Life,
Dreams, and my Extranjera. This was written from March 2008 to January 2009 in
bursts and spurts. Concurrent with its writing, I was finalizing Repressed Memories, a 2nd
Edition of The Dementia, and writing several children's books—in addition to working,
attending college, dating, and programming, etc.
Poems: 329
Fables & Short Stories: 15
Words: 90661
6. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Assorted Dementia
Poetry..................................................................................................16
Fantacism......................................................................................................................17
Mem'ry No Longer Avails.....................................................................................................17
Tracking Your Influences......................................................................................................19
Pummelos..............................................................................................................................21
Going to Pick My Switch......................................................................................................23
'Neath a Melancholy Moon...................................................................................................24
The Lunatic...........................................................................................................................25
Lost Perseids.........................................................................................................................26
Lagrimas................................................................................................................................27
Regar Con Lagrimas..............................................................................................................28
Ao Meditar............................................................................................................................29
March 19, 2008.....................................................................................................................31
Temperate Emotions..............................................................................................................32
Starlet Blossom.....................................................................................................................33
Where the Dawn Perspires....................................................................................................34
Little Ants............................................................................................................................35
'Neath a Shroud of Gray.......................................................................................................36
Bluebells on a Hill.................................................................................................................37
The First Sweet Grass of the Season.....................................................................................38
Primordial Rites....................................................................................................................40
Sentimental Aquifer..............................................................................................................41
to nowhere.............................................................................................................................43
Wornout Bags of Care.........................................................................................................44
Catch Me Faithfully.............................................................................................................45
DippersFull in Slavery.........................................................................................................46
Freedom.................................................................................................................................47
Blue.......................................................................................................................................48
Tiny Hands............................................................................................................................49
Sand Art With My Son.........................................................................................................51
My Nephew on Mother's Day...............................................................................................53
Memories of You...................................................................................................................54
My Next Planet....................................................................................................................56
Nepotism........................................................................................................................57
Snowy Temples......................................................................................................................57
My Hair................................................................................................................................59
Life's Unbathed Simplicity...................................................................................................60
6
7. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
A Fit Gift..............................................................................................................................61
Mother's Voice......................................................................................................................63
Honor in Ages Past...............................................................................................................64
Too GodAwful Bad..............................................................................................................65
Reprimand Sarcastic Pride....................................................................................................66
Mindless Work......................................................................................................................67
Giroscopio..............................................................................................................................68
A.S.........................................................................................................................................69
De Facto Despot...................................................................................................................71
Sobre la Amistad...................................................................................................................72
Los Estandartes Tuyos..........................................................................................................73
Of Use...................................................................................................................................74
Another Week.......................................................................................................................75
I Defy Buddha......................................................................................................................76
Vingtsix...............................................................................................................................77
Rare Perfection Among Men.................................................................................................78
SWMLFTL..........................................................................................................................79
Egonym.................................................................................................................................80
A Flummoxed Compass.........................................................................................................81
Gran Fracaso.........................................................................................................................82
Lamaphite.............................................................................................................................83
Me Volviste Puercoespinos....................................................................................................84
Small Jaunts..........................................................................................................................85
strangers as strange as me.....................................................................................................86
I watched as you died............................................................................................................87
Realism..........................................................................................................................89
The First to Go......................................................................................................................89
Puesto del Sol del Paraíso.....................................................................................................90
Enmy.....................................................................................................................................91
This World of Mimes............................................................................................................92
Modestia...............................................................................................................................93
Codependent Happiness........................................................................................................94
Drenched, Hungry, Unemployed...........................................................................................95
Like Camping, But Colder.....................................................................................................96
To Mitigate the Rub..............................................................................................................97
You'll Be a Man....................................................................................................................99
Honor Graduate..................................................................................................................100
Life's JackintheBox.........................................................................................................101
Perseverance........................................................................................................................102
Intelligence's Curse..............................................................................................................103
Another One of Those Mornings.........................................................................................105
7
8. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Paltry Reflections................................................................................................................106
Altruism Died with Christ..................................................................................................107
In Secrecy............................................................................................................................108
Despotism....................................................................................................................109
Lhasa...................................................................................................................................109
There's a Conservative Outside My Window......................................................................110
TheoTyranny......................................................................................................................112
Loony Duped Simpletons....................................................................................................113
Dear John............................................................................................................................114
Progress, They Call It..........................................................................................................115
A.B.S...................................................................................................................................116
Idealism.......................................................................................................................118
Let Wasted Years Be..........................................................................................................118
The State Within.................................................................................................................119
Integrity..............................................................................................................................120
Layers of SelfMate Importance.........................................................................................121
SoulSightsee.......................................................................................................................123
Belief...................................................................................................................................124
That I AM...........................................................................................................................126
Life's Labours Ills...............................................................................................................127
Normalcy's Untrue..............................................................................................................128
Commonality.......................................................................................................................129
Deathbed Confession...........................................................................................................130
Salutary Anarchy................................................................................................................131
Meaningless Sex..................................................................................................................132
/* Love.c......................................................................................................................133
Optimism.....................................................................................................................135
Wintry Days In Hell...........................................................................................................135
Each Crazy Woman............................................................................................................136
The Amputee.......................................................................................................................137
Exus....................................................................................................................................138
While You May...................................................................................................................139
Going Off to Dream............................................................................................................140
Who You Are.......................................................................................................................141
Worth Your Weight in Chocolate.......................................................................................142
My Lover's API..................................................................................................................143
Weight Loss........................................................................................................................144
My Comfy Placenta.............................................................................................................145
On Demolishing Alarms......................................................................................................146
The Bairn's Vast Energy.....................................................................................................147
Hermits................................................................................................................................148
8
9. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
¡Aguas!................................................................................................................................149
Lunar Cycle Love................................................................................................................150
More Worthless Tin............................................................................................................151
Pollinated Cars....................................................................................................................152
Incest's Stigma....................................................................................................................153
Esquilo Na Vida Pasada.....................................................................................................154
Neelie Kroes........................................................................................................................155
Juvenile Lobotomy..............................................................................................................156
Like the Dickens.................................................................................................................157
If Her Dentures Weren't New............................................................................................158
A Horse...............................................................................................................................159
Aaron Is So Stupid..............................................................................................................160
To Quote Bobby...................................................................................................................161
The Rapist...........................................................................................................................162
Brute Hedonism..................................................................................................................163
Every Soothing Iniquity......................................................................................................164
Your Sweetest Taboo...........................................................................................................165
Flings Before.......................................................................................................................166
Romanticism................................................................................................................167
Garden Variety Guy............................................................................................................167
Burning Beauty Across the Sky..........................................................................................169
The Sweetest Salve..............................................................................................................170
El Zancudo y Tú.................................................................................................................172
Helenic.................................................................................................................................174
Paradise Riven....................................................................................................................175
Scorching Epiphanies..........................................................................................................176
Paedomisia..........................................................................................................................177
Materialism in Perspective..................................................................................................179
Love's Martyr......................................................................................................................180
Since Your Decision Was Resolute.....................................................................................181
Gorgon Tears.......................................................................................................................182
Poetic Justice.......................................................................................................................183
Make Canis Majoris Dim....................................................................................................184
Unfettered and Unbound...................................................................................................185
better to suicide...................................................................................................................186
Not My Nothingness..........................................................................................................187
Muito Obrigado...................................................................................................................189
Grieve Not the Harvests Past.............................................................................................190
Bathsheba............................................................................................................................191
By Your Pleasured Smile.....................................................................................................192
Wenugichasum....................................................................................................................193
9
10. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
naked always.......................................................................................................................194
Feeble With Strong Rapport...............................................................................................195
El Vicio de Amor.................................................................................................................196
Just Ordinary Sers...............................................................................................................197
And For Dulcinea...............................................................................................................198
Blinks..................................................................................................................................199
Our Paths Tend to Diverge.................................................................................................200
To Coax Me from the Bush.................................................................................................201
When No One Can See........................................................................................................202
What Easy Lies..................................................................................................................203
Ficklety...............................................................................................................................204
A Meaningless Butterfly Atop............................................................................................205
Dead Joy.............................................................................................................................206
Self Mutilation...................................................................................................................207
The Lack Thereof.................................................................................................................208
Useless Reciprocation..........................................................................................................209
As Nebuchadnezzar............................................................................................................210
A Cardiologist.....................................................................................................................211
Of the Passion That Once Was Ours...................................................................................212
Having Whet Curiosity.......................................................................................................213
From Pearl to Powder.........................................................................................................214
One Precious Songbird.........................................................................................................215
Pity Other Men...................................................................................................................217
In Intimate Moments..........................................................................................................218
Never Told...........................................................................................................................220
As the Thornbirds........................................................................................................221
Obelisk at Babel..................................................................................................................222
Five and Twenty.................................................................................................................223
This Skeleton Who Wears My Clothes................................................................................225
Eviscerated Lobes...............................................................................................................226
Lo Merezco.........................................................................................................................227
Maldita Juventud...............................................................................................................228
Natural Causes....................................................................................................................229
Lake of Love's Brimstone....................................................................................................230
Dysphemism.................................................................................................................231
On Loves True Essence........................................................................................................231
This Rag..............................................................................................................................232
The Lady of Cofitachequi....................................................................................................234
The Relic of His Love..........................................................................................................236
Sailor Boy............................................................................................................................237
The Ring's Vow...................................................................................................................238
10
11. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Apple Scented Death...........................................................................................................239
Across the Thatch................................................................................................................241
A Metallic Girl....................................................................................................................242
Vibrant Life........................................................................................................................244
Yonder Hollows of Eden.....................................................................................................246
When I Loved You..............................................................................................................247
The One with Whom I Now Lay........................................................................................248
Their Anniversary................................................................................................................249
Pessimism.....................................................................................................................250
Ao Morrer............................................................................................................................250
Transient Gleam..................................................................................................................251
Omens with a Simple Touch................................................................................................252
On the Bed Where We Loved.............................................................................................253
Lonely Tree..........................................................................................................................255
A Miracle Too Soon Gone...................................................................................................258
I Walk These Lonely Hills..................................................................................................260
Sop of Saving Bread............................................................................................................262
At Yuletide..........................................................................................................................263
Merry Philia........................................................................................................................269
Licit to Live........................................................................................................................271
True Thanksgiving...............................................................................................................272
Lover's Leap........................................................................................................................274
Holocaustic Future.............................................................................................................276
The Last of the Free Roam Tigers.......................................................................................278
The Prodigal Sin..................................................................................................................280
Vigilante Justice..................................................................................................................282
Lack of Perception..............................................................................................................283
Alimentar Os Tuburőes........................................................................................................284
Safely Sepultado..................................................................................................................285
The Coopersmith..................................................................................................................286
To Look Past Your Psychopathy.........................................................................................287
Midnight Reprieve..............................................................................................................288
Guilt....................................................................................................................................289
Distant Fields of Heather...................................................................................................292
Still Space Left for Me........................................................................................................295
Enlisted Suicide...................................................................................................................296
beautiful demise..................................................................................................................297
Hands That Bless and Do No Harm...................................................................................298
Croatoan..............................................................................................................................300
Mongol Steppes...................................................................................................................303
Her Voice.............................................................................................................................311
11
12. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
La Extranjera....................................................................................328
Fresh Obsidian.............................................................................................................329
The Heart is Clairvoyant.............................................................................................330
Subtle Missteps...........................................................................................................331
Intricate Porcelain.......................................................................................................332
Em Sonhos...................................................................................................................333
My Favorite Author....................................................................................................334
Ostra............................................................................................................................335
Sensual Bites...............................................................................................................336
On Chopsticks..............................................................................................................337
Nothing is so Aesthetic................................................................................................338
With New Luster........................................................................................................339
Risonanza....................................................................................................................340
Sunset Frames.............................................................................................................341
Eliciting Electricity.....................................................................................................342
Rechristened.................................................................................................................343
Fields of Spring...........................................................................................................345
Obeisance.....................................................................................................................346
Pela Luna....................................................................................................................348
Supernoval Light.........................................................................................................349
Corozonal Jardin.........................................................................................................350
False Decency..............................................................................................................351
The Winter Beguiled....................................................................................................353
Soy Tu Girasol.............................................................................................................354
Sweet Improbabilities..................................................................................................355
Love's Germination......................................................................................................356
Perennials....................................................................................................................358
Probably Paraphilia.....................................................................................................359
From Silence and In Between.....................................................................................360
Further.........................................................................................................................361
Anjo.............................................................................................................................363
Living Feicui...............................................................................................................365
Pièce de Résistance......................................................................................................366
Mei Beautiful..............................................................................................................367
Learning Endless Wonders.........................................................................................368
i....................................................................................................................................369
The Fireflies.................................................................................................................370
12
13. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Cada Noche..................................................................................................................371
Alien to Me..................................................................................................................372
Pleasing Cascades........................................................................................................373
Movement is Relative..................................................................................................374
Femme Fatal Attraction.............................................................................................375
One Sublime Creation..................................................................................................376
The Birthday of an Angel............................................................................................377
Uma Coisa Mais..........................................................................................................379
Slumbering St. Elmo's Fire..........................................................................................380
See Your Sunlight Shine..............................................................................................381
Crafted Perfectly.........................................................................................................382
Igneous Love...............................................................................................................383
Asexual Embrace.........................................................................................................384
Doce Darme Por Vencido............................................................................................385
Your Kiln.....................................................................................................................386
V.S.O...........................................................................................................................387
Faded Epitaphs...........................................................................................................388
Highest Expression of Love........................................................................................389
Jinghism.......................................................................................................................390
Lo Que Sea...................................................................................................................392
Like Each Day Was a Gift.........................................................................................393
Lo Haré........................................................................................................................394
Sunshine in a Season of Discontent............................................................................396
The Missing Link........................................................................................................397
Unconventional, But Not Bizarre..............................................................................398
This Way.....................................................................................................................399
Without a Purpose......................................................................................................401
Mais Do Meu Ser........................................................................................................402
I Beseech Thee.............................................................................................................403
No Hope to Shine........................................................................................................404
Per Buddhist Maxims..................................................................................................405
Tradition's stronger than logic.....................................................................................407
Ne'er Separated............................................................................................................408
Heart in Return...........................................................................................................409
The Ambrosia of Blissful Moments.............................................................................410
Consecrated in Devotion.............................................................................................412
Like Atlas....................................................................................................................414
Through Matted Tresses..............................................................................................416
13
14. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Secretly Awaited.........................................................................................................417
Visage of Serenity........................................................................................................418
Meditation in an Embrace..........................................................................................419
Ever So Slightly...........................................................................................................420
Over and Anew............................................................................................................421
My Sun..............................................................................................422
A Happy Home............................................................................................................423
Lost..............................................................................................................................424
My Tears Melt.............................................................................................................425
I Blame Myself............................................................................................................426
Chin Up.......................................................................................................................427
School...........................................................................................................................428
I Stayed with Momma................................................................................................429
How Could I Not Love You?......................................................................................430
Which One...................................................................................................................431
He's Just Not Dad.......................................................................................................432
All Confused................................................................................................................433
Someone Else...............................................................................................................434
Forgiven.......................................................................................................................435
A New Family.............................................................................................................436
Stay..............................................................................................................................437
A Walk........................................................................................................................438
My Sun........................................................................................................................439
All Right......................................................................................................................440
Short Stories, Fables, and Their Ilk...................................................441
The Lamb and the Ewe...............................................................................................442
Field Mouse.................................................................................................................443
Cottontail....................................................................................................................444
The Naked Mole Rat and the Bat...............................................................................445
The Kangaroo and the Horse.......................................................................................446
Spider and Wasp.........................................................................................................448
Meerkat and Magpie...................................................................................................450
The Pouch....................................................................................................................452
Platypus.......................................................................................................................454
The Pachyderm Who Forgave.....................................................................................457
The Flamingo...............................................................................................................459
Am I Dreaming?..........................................................................................................460
14
15. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Rustic Sense.................................................................................................................462
The First Murder.........................................................................................................469
Absolution...................................................................................................................477
Author's Notes...................................................................................486
Translations.................................................................................................................506
Lo Merezco (I Deserve It)...................................................................................................506
Who You Are (Quien Eres)..................................................................................................507
About the Author........................................................................................................508
15
17. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Fantacism
Mem'ry No Longer Avails
I travel alone winding trails
That I'm certain I've trod before,
But mem'ry no longer avails1.
The past's paths are myths, legends, lore,
5 And stories I would fain2 believe
Were I not wary3 of the snare;
For confusion and fact do cleave4
Like fresh lovers watched unaware.
Now, I know not what I should trust,
10 Since man's mortal, and love is frail5.
But is it wrong to love a lie
When real history'd be a hell?
I can see how I would have crossed
Through the leaves and over the ridge
15 To see the imagined sights lost
By entering the covered bridge6.
I see myself wrapped up in bliss,
Her hair and dress flowing, twirling,
And 'neath the ridge we wait and kiss,
20 Hidden to the world that's whirling.
We separate. I'll come again
To see her, my heart's decided.
Why lose her to another man?
In deception, I'll be prided.
1
avails: works; functions
2
fain: gladly
3
wary: cautious
4
cleave: stick to one another; intertwine themselves
5
frail: weak; fragile; easily broken
6
crossed. . . bridge: He could wander from the path to see what's over the ridge, or stay on it and cross a covered bridge
17
18. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
25 Look how I am covering up
The evidence of my coming.
Surely that7 must be why I feel
So compelled8 to break out running,
Certain as a groundhog's senses
30 That spring is shortly due to be.
I run to her, but find fences.
Sorrow streams alluvially9.
Once more to the path I return,
Quite uncertain what is real.
35 Why can fantasy make me burn,
Confounding the ways that I feel?
Why can't life be hon'rable as
Fleeting dreams prematurely dead?
It fails, despite the time it has10,
40 So I'll prefer to dream instead.
I can make up my destinies,
No matter what I've been slated;
When reality mutinies11,
I can muse, like it's been fated.
45 For only safe within my dreams
Can I ever be satisfied,
For what is man? Truly, it seems,
Misery till the day he's died.
7
that: the memory of crossing the ridge, meeting the girl, and covering his tracks
8
compelled: urged
9
alluvially: referring to the alluvial plane or fan; a watershed
10
It fails. . . has: we spend so much time in a disappointing reality
11
Mutinies: rebels
18
19. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Tracking Your Influences
I can see where your paw prints lay
As lazy as sleeping cattle;
You left them in the sand one day
After the rain's recent battle.
5 By such deluges12 freshly strewn,
The sand was begging to be trod;
Its past impressions picayune13
And temp'rary will have no laud14.
You're all I see in silica15,
10 Joining a collection of tracks
In this woodland basilica16
That droppings as well scarcely lacks.
Amid desperate survival,
I can just make out the faint signs,
15 Left long ere17 the land grew nival18,
Of passers through my copse 19of pines.
By some means they have persevered
The erosive forces of time,
Perchance 'cause their impact endeared
20 Them, or their acts were much maligned20.
Regardless, they're but faint mem'ries,
Unlike the lunar footprints found
That will last through eternities,
12
deluges: floods
13
picayune: tiny; insignificant
14
laud: glory; praise
15
silica: the principal ingredient in sand
16
basilica: a grand place of worship
17
ere: before
18
nival: snowy
19
copse: group of trees; forest
20
maligned: wicked; abusive
19
21. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Pummelos
Pummelos21, with their citric smell,
Make me live in memories past
When I was still a little child
With no hopes innocence would last,
5 Nor a hope Christmas would bring
The coveted22 toys of all the rest.
A pummelo was my present then,
And I considered myself blest.
My family gathered around me and
10 The welladorned, emblazoned23 tree,
Whose twinkling lights are like the souls
Of those passing in and out of humanity.
I was hardened by poverty, death,
Friendlessness, and low selfesteem,
15 So any gifts beyond the pummelo
Would be a suspicious dream.
The surreal24 chanced as, awkwardly,
I accepted some stranger's gift
Out of the box on the doorstep
20 Left in hopes our spirits to lift.
The whatnots animated25 us,
According to our childish nature,
But proved a bit unsettling to
My pride strong and mature.
25 How dare they think us poor?
They needn't think; it was the truth.
How is it I ruined their efforts
21
Pummelos: citrus fruits from Southeast Asia that are slightly bigger than grapefruit
22
Coveted: lusted after; much desired
23
Emblazoned: garishly decorated
24
Surreal: impossible and dreamlike; (referring here to receiving more gifts)
25
Animated: excited
21
22. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
With feelings wild and uncouth26?
How is it the cherished present
30 Was one I'd resigned27 myself to,
While such trinkets as I'd wanted
Became meaningless anew28?
I sat and slowly ate my pummelo,
And its tartness has stayed with me
35 And caused me to resent29 gifts given
For sympathy of my poverty.
The years have died like many men,
But, unlike men, will not come back,
But remind me when I had naught 30
40 There was nothing that I did lack.
26
Uncouth: ungrateful; immoral; contrary to what's proper
27
Resigned: sorrowfully accepted
28
Anew: again
29
Resent: despise; hate
30
Naught: nothing
22
23. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Going to Pick My Switch
I went to the sassafras tree31;
With every step my feet were lead,
Knowing, should I not return soon,
There would be even more to dread.
5 With tears streaming down my face
Like a mountain thawing in Spring,
My moistened eyes tried to decide
Which vessel of pain I'd bring
Back for a welldeserved switching,
10 Though this32 seemed punishment plenty.
Why make a child pick their own doom?
I thought as a cognoscenti33
Of switches, which one shall I pick ?
A skinny, limber limb that stings?
15 But if it breaks, I shall return
To pick and face more swats and swings.
I don't want to get one too wide,
But which is a suitable size?
The one I picked seemed far too big;
20 I tried not to think of the cries
That I would yelp, unless I could
Find the strength to bite back the pain.
But if I masked how much it hurt,
I might have to pick one again,
25 Since it was not enough to teach
Me the ills of sin the hard way.
Maybe they thought picking switches
Was the worst torture anyway.
31
Sassafras tree: a North American tree whose roots were once used to make root beer
32
This: the mere picking of the switch
33
Cognoscenti: expert; connoisseur
23
24. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
'Neath a Melancholy Moon
I never want to see the moon
As depressed as I am tonight,
For it would but add to my gloom
To be bathed in a blue moon's light.
5 'Tis better that it hides its face,
Since I could never bear to see
The only friend who can solace34
Feeling lost and melancholy35.
For it would remind me of the tears
10 That lunar rays have only known
And the confessions of my fears
I've given to the moon alone.
Its light to others may be pale,
But it enlightens me. It's warm.
15 It's the only friend, as well,
Who's never done me any harm.
34
Solace: to comfort
35
Melancholy: sad
24
25. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
The Lunatic
The moon is calling out to me
To venture out into the night,
Leaving the comforts of my home
To dance beneath its surreal36 light.
5 The same force that crazes the tide
Pulls me out of my chair to see
The reason the night is glowing
And my emotions haunt eerily37.
I can see why brujas38 dance naked
10 To tan themselves in arcane39 rays
And soak in the tumultuous power,
Since the moon's melody plays
Immutably40 within my breast,
And I'm about to lose control.
15 My emotions are billowing,
And anxiety pounds my soul.
Surely there'd be no one to see,
Save spirits no longer entombed
By flesh as wild and brash as mine
20 That by the moon's strong tug is doomed.
Why can't I mind the things I say,
Why is my mood so sombre41 now?
The moon tells me I'll stay this way
Until I dance my feelings out.
36
Surreal: otherworldly; unnatural
37
Eerily: spookily; bizarrely
38
Brujas: witches
39
Arcane: pertaining to dark magic; witchy
40
Immutably: constantly; also a pun on mute—meaning it can't be silenced
41
Sombre: dark; melancholy
25
26. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Lost Perseids
Perseids42, you've missed me again,
One more August you've sought my face.
Disappointment distraught you, so
You painted anguish across space.
5 As for me, I arose despaired
That I'd slept through our rendezvous43.
But what are meteors compared
To tangible44 yet hitherto
Elusive dreams my heart sought out,
10 Rendering past years meaningless
Since I've nothing to show for them
Besides fret fraught45 with loneliness?
Still, the Perseids eluding me
Are like the passing streaks of hope
15 That with momentary brilliance
Hie46 into oblivion's scope.
42
Perseids: one of the most common meteor showers known to earth
43
Rendezvous: meeting
44
Tangible: touchable
45
Fraught: loaded with; full of
46
Hie: go
26
27. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Lagrimas
Sometimes I close the curtains drawn47
To shade my irritated eyes
From twilight, noonday sun, and dawn,
And the joy that the light belies48.
5 With my curtains and shutters closed,
I wash the windows of my soul;
I'd washed them not, were I exposed,
Lest hypocrites come to console49.
Indeed, no one should see just how
10 Vulnerable I am washing
Them in the darkness and shadow
With my salty buckets sloshing.
Thus I defy optimism—
The light that would have me believe
15 That to not preach idealism
Would be quite absurd and naïve,
That should I block out its bright light
E'en temporarily, 'twould be
Useless. It misconstrues50 my plight51
20 Since its very brilliance shows me
The specks and smudges and smears that
Caused me to wash in the first place.
It's time to draw the curtains back,
Since manhood can now show its face.
47
Drawn: previously opened
48
Belies: deceptively announces
49
Console: comfort
50
Misconstrues: misrepresents
51
Plight: unpleasant situation; dilemma
27
28. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Regar Con Lagrimas
I've found a purpose for my tears,
Since they have found that I have none.
They can bring drooping flowers cheers,
As leaves transpire52 beneath the sun.
5 I could water the soft blossoms
Since there's moisture enough to spare
Where my soul drowns in my bosom
Without air or the faintest prayer.
The tears are flowing warm and free,
10 And my only fear is I'll kill
Them53 because they're54 so salty
And a deluge55 on them56 would spill.
52
Transpire: leaves lose water (sweat) through small openings (stoma) on the bottom of the leaves
53
Them: the flowers
54
They're: the tears
55
Deluge: flood
56
Them: the blossoms
28
29. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Ao Meditar
I lie still and levitating57
In a spring field serene58 and mild.
The gentle breeze is quite sedating;
My head rests on a tuft of cloud.
5 Tall grasses, wheat, and rye stretch up;
They've tickled my fancy for hours.
A spattering of buttercups,
Purple pieces of wildflowers,
Bedraggled dandelion whelps59,
10 And blossomed blackberry brambles
Provide the reverence60 that helps
My mind focus as it ambles.61
No part of my body touches
Another—no pressure or pain.
15 The warm sun's eager paintbrushes
Envision my face. A refrain
Of boisterous birds is muted
Like butterfly wings flying by
And the white tails62, who are suited
20 To let meditating men lie63.
There is no sound that I can hear,
Nor the witnessing goldenrods64
That line the trees on all sides clear
To the horizon and the gods.
57
levitating: floating
58
serene: peaceful
59
whelps: children
60
reverence: respectful awe marked by silence
61
ambles: wanders about
62
white tails: white tail deer
63
To let. . . lie: a play on the adage, “let sleeping dogs lie.”
64
Nor. . . goldenrods: the onlooking goldenrods don't hear anything, either.
29
30. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
25 I've pushed allergens65 far from thought
So that they cannot afflict me.
I'm cool and tranquil, though I've fought,
As the stream tarrying to see
What's not seen in a century,
30 A wonder worthy of old Greece,
Such a peculiar oddity—
Me, finally resting in peace.
65
allergens: representing the ills of life
30
31. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
March 19, 2008
Azaleas in purples and pinks
And strange reds, grass and clover shag,
Lil' white and purple forbs66, me thinks,
Are enjoying their time to brag.
5 Dead chlorophyll leaves are bleeding
In the green yard haphazardly;
The fat squirrels themselves are treating,
Since still now occasionally
Stray pecans continue falling
10 When the wind roars; they eat haply
In between limbs that had nothing
Better to do than fall gaily67,
'Sif they were in love with any
Passing wind. To me 'tis beauty,
15 And the dogwood blossoms agree.
It's68 undisturbed, as it should be.
66
forbs: wildflowers
67
Gaily: happily; carefree
68
It's: nature is
31
32. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Temperate Emotions
There's blithe69 relief now in the air,
For the sorrow of the drought's gone.
It's been so long since the snare
Drum of rain and the woodwinds blown
5 And the melodic tuba of
Thunder have been heard in these parts.
Aye70, spring's enjoyed not just for love,
Which gladdens and deceives the hearts
Of many a spry lad and lass
10 And creatures stung by love's potions,
But moreso for the storms that pass—
The weather guides our emotions.
69
blithe: happy
70
Aye: yes
32
33. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Starlet Blossom
Why weep ye? This flower was made
So that it could be picked and die;
The starlet71 blossom's not afraid.
The same shall pass to you and I.
5 Death meets even its brethren buds
By bugs, pests, or inclement climes72,
Like those who've cast their petal duds
Early, in season, or betimes73—
Just like those that lay on the ground,
10 A pile of mush and rotten things,
And those withered74 where stems abound.
Don't you know we're all just playthings?
71
starlet: a rising star, used as a description of up and coming actresses
72
inclement climes: bad weather
73
betimes: soon
74
withered: dried up; shriveled up
33
34. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Where the Dawn Perspires
Each night the spiders craft their webs
Slinging silk through the starlit skies.
Gossamer75 glistens when night ebbs76,
And the world wakes to pursue lies.
5 The arachnids' fishing nets span
From tree limb to bush leaf through air.
As blindly as only men can,
I walk wrecking what's wrought77 with care.
You'd think I'd learn every morning
10 To watch for their sticky trip wires
That glimmer when light's adorning
Rays shine on where the dawn perspires.
You'd think they'd learn to build elsewhere,
Since I'll pass through the path each day.
15 If they built higher than my hair,
We would peaceably share the way78.
They'll build in vain till they die;
Surely their spoils must justify
What's gone in the blink of an eye.
20 We're alike, this spider and I.
Its web's a monument to me,
A frail thing which soon passes on,
Hoping to serve out its purpose
Before an instant finds it gone.
75
Gossamer: silken strands
76
When the night ebbs: fades away into day
77
Wrought: crafted; created
78
Way: path
34
35. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Little Ants
Little ants, why hustle so?
What urgency do you feel?
Do panic and stress rule you,
Or do you find life's ideal?
5 What irrationality
Do you share with humankind?
Or are you free and focused,
Keeping simple truths in mind?
Is instinct idealistic
10 And pure practicality
Uncomplicated by the
Mistruths of humanity?
35
36. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
'Neath a Shroud of Gray
With stealth the orange sight is flitting
Like a drunken angel weary
In short bursts higher on the wind
Gusting 'neath heav'ns painted eerie,
5 Was its sign their79 grim demeanor80,
For they brood overcast and grave81?
Or is it simply wary82 of
The chilly way the skies behave?
Would83 I could accompany you
10 To where you flee with good reason!
Winter's dirges84 sound while flees the
Last butterfly of the season.
79
Their: the clouds'
80
Demeanor: behavior
81
Grave: serious
82
Wary: cautious
83
Would: I wish that
84
Dirges: sad songs
36
37. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Bluebells on a Hill
A bunch of bluebells on a hill
Overlooks me where I walk
Listening to the birds and wind
As they chirp, tweet, squawk, and talk.
5 I fear that they85 once were daisies,
But I have made them depressed.
They'd curdle, were they buttercups;
Roses would bleed like my chest.
But no matter what breed they were,
10 They've taken part of my pain86.
I once thought flowers were petty87,
But 'tis I, not them, who's vain88.
85
They: the bluebells
86
Taken...pain: cheered me up
87
Petty: unimportant; trifling really
88
Vain: useless
37
38. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
The First Sweet Grass of the Season
It calls to me with tempting words,
Begging my teeth to masticate89
And feel the fibers fill my mouth
As its juice makes me salivate.
5 And all it does to bid me this
Is sunburn in a field of spring
Invoking a spell of mem'ry
Long dusty of once winnowing
The chaff90 from this abundant weed
10 That I was forbidden to chew.
I hesitate somehow restrained,
Knowing what one my age should do.
Perhaps it's just to prove a point,
But I cross to the field's red patch,
15 Pluck a stalk, clean it, and try not
To think of germs or what might hatch.
I want this moment raw and wild,
Like the millions had as a boy.
The first sweet grass of the season
20 Nonetheless fails to give me joy.
I doubt it's because its taste's changed,
Though it's nothing like in childhood.
For worry hinders91 enjoying
The simple pleasures a child would.
25 Though it's a tart92 and pulpy mess,
I chew more as a reminder
Of the times when I truly lived.
89
Masticate: although it sounds like a bad word, it means “chew”
90
Winnowing the chaff: removing the grains from the stalk
91
Hinders: interferes with; blocks
92
Tart: sour; bitter
38
39. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
The taste's sour; nostalgia's93 kinder.
93
Nostalgia: the bittersweet memories of happier times we cannot reclaim
39
40. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Primordial Rites
The torrents94 have left their mark here,
As mud puddles and ditches show.
The oils slip by past battered grass;
Debris's amazed how fast it flows.
5 I walk along admiring floods
Like others seek out Christmas lights,
Enthralled95 to see creeks overflow
In nature's primordial rites96.
When not splashing, I walk on curbs
10 As if I could relive childhood
By trying not to fall off now,
Walking whithersoe'er I would.
This past spring the pollen's gold dust
Dyed the rushing flood waters green,
15 Restoring natural colours
Back to afflicted living things.
But now 'tis fall and the brown grass
Is littered with wet clumps of snow
Where cotton's escaped from the trucks,
20 Littering the roadsides below.
94
Torrents: heavy rains
95
Enthralled: fascinated
96
Natures. . . rites: one of the earliest rites, or ceremonies, of nature was to wash itself clean
40
41. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Sentimental Aquifer
I'm pouring out my heart and soul
Like pungent97, curdled buttermilk,
Watching clabber98 splatter splutter,
Trying oblivion to bilk99,
5 Watching the final drops spill out
Like worms' newly created silk100,
As I attain catharsis 101
And its sentimental ilk102.
As transient103 wonders disappear
10 Like stealthy, paranoid does104
Through an overgrown forest,
I wonder where it all goes?
Is there some kind of aquifer105
That our emotions feed into?
15 Do they merely evaporate?
Are they teleported106 to you
By the wormhole107 of feeling
That can connect any two
Beings with basis for empathy,
20 Since their lives are déjà vu108?
97
Pungent: foulsmelling (not to be confused with fowlsmelling)
98
Clabber: the chunks in sour milk
99
Bilk: frustrate; beat
100
Worm. . . silk: silk is created from the cocoons of the Bombyx mori moth.
101
Catharsis: an emotional release
102
Ilk: kith and kin; relatives
103
Transient: passing; fleeting; momentary
104
Does: female deer
105
Aquifer: subterranean river
106
Teleported: transported instantaneously through the spacetime continuum
107
Wormhole: a shortcut through two places in the spacetime continuum; a really narrow cave
108
déjà vu: the feeling of having already experienced something that you're doing for the first time
41
42. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
What's the point of creating majesty
That's perished before it's spoken?
What's the point in having a soul
When in life it's only broken?
42
43. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
to nowhere
the steps lead off to nowhere
like a precipice to paradise
hidden because we cannot see
with our pathetic mortal eyes
5 that stepping off to nothingness
we're buoyed by paths set long before
to take us to our potential
if life's illusions we ignore
43
44. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Wornout Bags of Care
I'm leaving my bags right here and now;
I'll fly away with them behind.
And where I go I'll be nude
Without the emotional clothes of the mind.
5 The toiletries I was using
Were chemicals toxic to my wellbeing,
And the glasses doffed109 and packed away
Had prescriptions for not seeing.
As I take off lighter than air
10 Without wornout bags of care,
The world's been renewed in beauty,
And I am ready for love's affairs.
My soul's been healed, and I'll fret110 not,
For doing so stymies111 my growth.
15 I'll cherish new love and lasting peace.
How could I live without them both?
109
Doffed: taken off
110
Fret: worry
111
Stymies: hinders; stops; impedes
44
45. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Catch Me Faithfully
I am learning now how to fall,
No longer paralyzed by fear,
Which has sustained me. After all,
I had thought the ground was so drear112.
5 So I kept flapping wearily
For so long, not realizing
That to fall was just to be free,
Since I'd ne'er make the horizon.
Why set out on a senseless dream,
10 Chasing what you can never catch?
The horizon moves, water gleams,
And happiness will never hatch
Should I never incubate113 it.
To fly forever's suicide.
15 Labors should not be infinite114,
Despite our lofty goals and pride.
And so I fall with eyes wide closed,
Free at last of cumbersome115 stress;
I heal at rest, and nothing goads116—
20 Relaxing's my greatest success.
The stress had kept me in the air,
Since it had never dawned on me
That the whole time something was there
Waiting to catch me faithfully.
112
Drear: loathsome and depressing and horrible
113
Incubate: keep warm, as a bird does sitting on its eggs
114
Infinite: without an end
115
Cumbersome: bothersome
116
Goads: nags; annoys
45
46. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
DippersFull in Slavery
My wrists and ankles are still sore
From the shackles117 that ate my flesh,
But I'm not tortured anymore,
I'm not caged in wire and mesh.
5 I've run so far to chase this dream,
And should I die wearily here,
Emancipated118 like this stream,
The last moments would be so dear,
Healing all tragedies since birth,
10 All bludgeonings119 and knavery120.
A drop of water free's worth
All the dippers full in slav'ry.
117
Shackles: metal bands used to restrain hands and/or feet
118
Emancipated: freed from slavery
119
Bludgeonings: severe beatings
120
Knavery: the villainous acts that have been done to this person
46
47. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Freedom
A slight breeze on a warm spring day
Seeing several paths and going any way
Happiness and smiles across your face
To go and do most any place
47
48. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Blue
“Mommy dearest, tell me true,
Why are the sky and ocean blue? ”
“They reflect blue light,
For they're glad at the sight
5 Of smiling little you121.”
121
Reflect...you: It seemed obvious to me when I read it, but others didn't quite understand what I meant. The skies cannot
be sad when they see you, so they can't absorb blue light, which is why they are blue.
48
49. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Tiny Hands
The oaks and pines are all around.
There's humus carpeting the ground.
An autumn breeze blows on the dusk
Where serenity has been found.
5 The last calls of departing birds
Bid adieu to the cricket strings.
A tiny one is flying now
Without using feathery wings.
She burbles122, tiny hand in mine,
10 Warm and full of innocent life.
Her other hand is held fast in
The petite grasp of my sweet wife.
She is a marvel like a seed,
So small, yet what will her impact be?
15 She's the glue our marriage did need.
She loves unconditionally.
She looks up like stargazers do
Awed to see heaven watching them.
She tells me, "Daddy, I love you,"
20 And my spirit can't help but grin.
She's caught up in a whirlwind hug,
And she giggles while I squeeze.
My eyes bid her while she's held snug,
"Stay this precious forever, please."
25 Her pure soul senses what I seek;
Her eternity understands.
She reassures me as my cheek
Is caressed by angelic hands.
Such tiny hands, and yet they bless,
30 Wielding a power more profound
Than weapons forged in man's darkness,
122
Burbles: makes laughing, joyous noises
49
51. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Sand Art With My Son
The sand dunes in the sunset hues
Are discolored and interspersed123
By wild oat grasses and bushes
Who've come to quench a salty thirst
5 And sun tan in the ocean breeze,
Called by the same force as I
To gaze off a green forever
Where the Sargasso124 meets the sky.
And in the sliver of horizon,
10 Which proves to man the earth is round,
Is seen the truth man won't accept:
It's only now that life is found.
So what am I doing right now
To make use of my only one125?
15 I'm standing on these sand dunes
Creating unique sand art with my son.126
The flows are marking silica127
Where I teach him to write his name.
He's too young to know better,
20 And I am dispossessed of shame.
The sea gulls stare at our shadows
Stretching out like tentacles behind.
The crabs welcome the distraction128,
And Mother Nature does not mind.
25 And when he's old and full of years
123
Interspersed: scattered with
124
Sargasso: the Sargasso Sea is a relatively calm body of water in the middle of the North Atlantic Ocean. The Gulf
Current, et al, encircle it. It is known as a place of St. Elmo's fire and merpeople.
125
Only one: only moment, since this is the only second that counts
126
Son: for full disclosure, I do not have a son, as of this writing
127
Silica: the principal component of sand
128
Distraction: causing the seagulls to leave temporarily so that the crabs might find refuge, a hiding place.
51
52. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
And his beard's gray, and I am gone,
He'll think of making sand art here
And will fill young and not alone.
52
53. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
My Nephew on Mother's Day
I have never had a nephew129,
Though I seemed an uncle to you.
But kids are unconditional130,
And there's no hint of guile131 in you.
5 Why else would I be at dinner,
Unless I were your family?
Since I am quite a bit older,
I'm not your cousin, no sirree.
You played with me as if you had
10 Known me for both of your two years;
Maybe you recognized me from
Ere132 this life of diapers and tears.
But maybe what you recognized
Most was my ancient longing to
15 Have children, and knew I would feel
Better if I would play with you.
129
Never. . . nephew: at the time of its writing in May 2008. However in July my first nephew was born.
130
Kids. . . unconditional: children have an unconditional love, able to love and accept anyone, no matter what the
person's past. They have no expectations (at first) except to receive love in turn.
131
Guile: deception
132
Ere: before
53
54. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Memories of You
Hello again, another year's gone,
But my love for you has remained true.
Though time, winds, and rain can etch out stone,
They can't fade my memories of you.
5 The adventures we shared when we were young,
The follies133 of our innocent days,
All of the meaningless words we once sung,
Maturing together our own ways,
The problems that loomed above like clouds
10 Which we faced calling them funny shapes,
Our friendship's warmth found amidst cold crowds,
The relief of our narrow escapes134,
Departure's cruel sting burning our eyes
With all the salt from the ocean's deep
15 As we were dispersed like a dream flies
Quickly from the mind wakened from sleep,
And all of the sacred times we've known
Have given my life deeper meaning.
As years vanish more friends come along,
20 But on your shoulders I'm still leaning.
Though there may one day be a sad price
Paid in tears should one day our paths part,
You've taught me it's worth the sacrifice,
For friendship never dies in the heart.
25 I may be far away from home now,
But you have remained a part of me.
My unfailing good luck charm, my Tao135,
Is the worth of your friendship to me.
133
Follies: mistakes
134
Narrow escapes: the times we just barely managed to get out of a lot of trouble
135
Tao: ultimate meaning of the universe and existence
54
55. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
In the thoughts that strengthen me each day,
30 Gladdening my heart when I despair,
Your friendship will remain young always
Since to time and space love's unaware.
How I hope we can have the chance to
Share more memories in coming weeks.
35 But if this wish is not to come true,
Then know what my heart sincerely seeks:
May you be blessed the entire year through,
Prospered, protected, and full of cheer.
Know that I dearly love and miss you.
40 Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
55
56. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
My Next Planet
I've learned from my tragic mistakes,
As any good Deity136 should,
I'll sleep well, not testing patience;
I'm surprised how much it137 withstood.
5 As I create my next planet,
Beauty will flourish all around,
And nature will be undisturbed,
The animals all sane and sound.
No pollution will mar the sky,
10 So the stars can shine clearly through;
No poisons or radiation
Shall harm the beasts and soil anew.
No species will become extinct,
Nor shall landfills occlude138 the view.
15 Trash won't make enormous islands;
All will worship me with hearts true.
I created one world for man
Who was too ungrateful to care.
So, this one won't be corrupted,
20 Since man won't be found anywhere.
136
Deity: God
137
It: His Patience
138
Occlude: block; mar
56
57. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Nepotism
Snowy Temples
My hair is changing colors now
In the early onset of fall.
See a few leaves on yonder bough139
Don't have any pigment140 at all.
5 They're scattered here or there, so small
That a naked eye never perceives
Without a close study withal
That autumn's kiss has graced the leaves.
But just you wait, in no time flat
10 The discoloration will grow.
It will bring such certainty that
Everyone will be bound to know.
But a few strands don't bother me
With their teasing of winter's snow;
15 I could use a few more, truly,
To garner141 more respect, you know.
Everyone disdains142 my age,
Though I seldom disdain their brain;
They think I am a carte blanche143 page
20 Unmarked by fear, hurt, love, and pain.
Indeed, I could use a few more
To no longer be thought a boy;
Snowy temples144 and salt galore
139
Bough: limb
140
Pigment: color
141
garner: gain; earn
142
disdains: looks down on
143
carte blanche: completely clean and empty
144
snowy temples: white hair around my temples
57
59. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
My Hair
Brown grass windswept to the side
Wherein the saving heat can hide
Scarcely hiding the sunbaked earth.
I've been cutting it since my birth.
59
60. More Heresies from Iyan Igma
Life's Unbathed Simplicity
I grew up in other eras
That had ended centuries past,
In the days of jealous Heras
And castles that were stoned, not glassed145.
5 All the honor I've ever had
Came from King Arthur and his knights.
Without my books, the world was bad—
It's advertised by neon lights.
Contemporary music aged
10 For a decade before I heard it146;
And most of the new books I read
Weren't so eloquently147 worded.
I grew up chasing Robin Hood
That I could be a Merry Man148.
15 I knew why Ivanhoe149 would brood.
Oh, how I loved Maid Marian150!
And life's unbathed simplicity151
Known and loved from such older times
Has made me useless completely,
20 In this world full of many crimes.
145
castles. . . glassed: castles often did not have window panes
146
Contemporary. . . it: I started exploring bands like Nirvana and the Smashing Pumpkins nearly ten years after the rest
of my generation.
147
eloquently: using very pretty language
148
Merry Man: Robin Hood's band were the Merry Men.
149
Ivanhoe: a knight of AngloSaxon heritage who was disowned by his father
150
Maid Marian: Robin Hood's gal
151
Life's unbathed simplicity: in those ages, they didn't see much need for bathing and such luxuries as we now embrace
60