family relations

1. CHILDREN AND
ADULTS OF
DIVORCED PARENTS

3. The Family
• Families form a system of interacting elements
• Parents and children influence one another
• Parents influence their children both directly and indirectly
• Children influence their parents
• Children’s behaviors, attitudes, and interests affect how
their parents behave toward them

4. Culture
School
Work
Extended
Family
Neighborhood
Religious
Organizations
Family
MotherFather
Children

5. How Can Parents Influence Their
Children?
• Direct Instruction
• Telling a child what to do, when and why
• Learning by Observing (modeling)
• Learning what to do by watching
• Learning what not to do (counterimitation)
• Feedback
• Parents indicate whether a behavior is appropriate and should continue or
should stop

6. DIVORCE
Probably the most frequently asked question over the last two decades has
been, "Is divorce harmful to
children?"

7. Divorce
• Divorce is distressing for
children because it
involves conflict between
parents and usually
separation from one of
them.
• It affects the mental state
of the children, including
development of
behavioral problems,
negative self-concept,
social problems, and
difficulties in relationships
with the parents.

8. • Among these children there is a higher
frequency of depression, violence,
learning and social deterioration, and
high risk for suicidal attempts

9. Family Life After Divorce
• Children usually live with their mothers
• About 15% of children live with their fathers after divorce
• How does life change (based on the Virginia Longitudinal Study)?
• First few months after divorce, many mothers are less affectionate toward their children
• Two years after the divorce, mother-child relationships improve, particularly for daughters
• Six years after the divorce, children in the study were adolescents
• Family life continued to improve for mothers and daughters
• Family life was problematic for mothers and sons

10. Impact of
Divorce
on
Children
• Children whose parents had
divorced fare poorly
compared to children from
intact families in:
• School achievement
• Conduct
• Adjustment
• Self-concept
• Parent-child relations
• Children adjust to divorce
more readily if their divorced
parents cooperate with each
other, especially on
disciplinary matters
• Children benefit from joint
custody if parents get
along

11. DIVORCE’S INFLUENCE ON
DEVELOPMENT
• The absence of one parent means that children lose a role model, a
source of parental help and emotional support, and a supervisor
• Single-parent families experience economic hardship
• Creates stress and often means activities once taken for granted
are no longer available
• Conflict between parents is extremely distressing to children and
adolescents
• Particularly for children who are emotionally insecure

12. Which
Children
are
Affected?
• The overall impact of divorce is
about the same for boys and girls
• However, divorce is more
harmful when it occurs during
childhood and adolescence
than during preschool or
college years
• With regard to parents’ remarriage,
young adolescents appear to be
more negatively affected than
younger children
• Young adolescents’ struggles
with issues of identity are
heightened by the presence of a
new parent who has authority
to control them and is a sexual
partner of their biological
parent

13. Basic
principles
in every
divorce
• All divorces are different, yet they
share common elements.
• We all have the right to the pursuit of
happiness, no matter what others
might say.
• Some individuals should not have
married at all, should not have
married each other, or should not
have married when they did. When
we discover this for ourselves and
accept it, we can move on.
• We cannot expect to receive
permission to divorce.
• Staying together for the sake of the
children does not work.

14. Six stages of divorce
Emotional Legal Economic
Parental Social Psychological

15. Various layers of divorce

16. INFLUENC
E OF
DIVORCE
ON
CHILDREN
• Children need the
involvement of both parents
in their lives
• Divorce affects children
differently according to their
stage of development
• During divorce, children
experience a series of
stages of grief and loss
• To make a difference in the
long-term outcomes for
children, it helps to develop
positive ways of
communicating, solving
problems and reducing
conflict

17. Stages of grief and loss

18. How children are affected by
divorce
They feel
abandoned.
They feel
powerless and
helpless.
They have a
greater need for
nurturing.
They feel angry.
They feel guilty;
they feel the
divorce is their
fault.
They think they
have to “take
care” of their
parents.
They worry that
they will be
“kicked out”
They grieve.
They experience
conflicts of
loyalty.
They “act out” in
some way.

19. AGES AND STAGES

20. Infant to 2 years
• Too young to understand what is happening
• May sense parents’ stress and feel changes in daily routine
• Task: develop trust and to bond

21. Preschooler - ages 2 to 5
• Lack mental ability to understand what is happening
• Will be confused, angry, sad, and fearful
• May believe they are at fault
• Fantasy play will reveal fears and desires of family reunited
• May regress: bed wetting or thumb sucking

22. Ages 6 to 8
• Reactions include anger, grief, and a deep yearning for the departed
parent
• Anger will express itself through tantrums
• May feel responsible for taking care of parents
• Children identify with both parents - DO NOT criticize other parent in
front of child!

23. Ages 9 to 12
• Have ability to see two points of view
• Need to talk about their feelings and acknowledge anger
• May identify “good guy”/”bad guy”; focused on what’s “right and fair”
• Puberty makes it difficult to be separated from same-sex parent
• Likely to manipulate and play games with parents

24. Adolescence - ages 13 to 18
• More developed socially and emotionally- peers are primary orientation
• Lack of consistency in discipline and control is unsettling - “growing up
too fast”
• May act out anger and frustration through delinquency, substance
abuse, sexual promiscuity
• Honest communication helps teens see both sides of issue - without
involving them in inappropriate “adult issues”

25. Emerging Adulthood - 18 to 25
• Accelerated independence - growing up faster
• Early departure from family to avoid conflict
• Involvement with alcohol, drugs or inappropriate sexual behavior to
“escape” pain
• Loss of “Home”

26. What affects a child’s
adjustment to divorce?
• The level of conflict
• A stable environment
• Maintaining relationships
• Compassionate listening

27. Changes
• Abrupt change focuses on a change that is not predictable.
• Continuous change builds on what you know.

28. Children’s Rights When Their
Parents Divorce
• Meaningful relationships with both parents
• Remain separate from parents’ differences
• Love both parents
• Receive love and support from both parents
• Be physically and emotionally safe
• Express feelings regardless of parents’ viewpoint
• Be children, independent of the adult world of divorce

29. The Range of
Post-Divorce
Parenting
Relationships
CONFLICTUAL
TOLERANT
COOPERATIVE

30. How new relationships affect
children
• They have to give up the fantasy of getting their parents back together
• They may be threatened because they fear sharing the parent with
another person
• A new relationship may undermine the security they are just beginning
to redevelop after their parents’ separation
• Children may feel guilty about liking a parent’s new friend

31. REFERENCES
Amato, P. R. (1993). Children's adjustment to divorce: Theories,
hypotheses, and empirical support.
JOURNAL OF MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY, 55, 23-38.
Amato, P.R. (1994). Life-span adjustment of children to their parents'
divorce. THE FUTURE OF
CHILDREN, 4, 143-164.

32. THANK
YOU