2. What tends to be your goals or desires in parenting?
• Goals: _____________________
• Desires: ____________________
3. What are your greatest struggles in parenting?
Answers:
• ___________________________
• ___________________________
4. It is generally agreed that the impact of
parenting is felt throughout one’s lifetime
and for succeeding generations. No other
form of human interaction can boast such
power and longevity
(Bavolek 1990)
5. Health Commission of Australia
has found in 2004:
• 56 children under 4 on anti‐depressants
• 728 children aged between 5‐9 on anti ‐
depressants
• 4,689 aged between 10‐14 on anti‐depressants
• Nationally prescriptions for people under 19
topped more than 250,000
6. In the UK some 65,000 women and their
partners embark on their first pregnancy,
but only 16% of women and 6% of men
will receive any formal training to prepare
them for parenthood. (Pippin)
7. Need to support parents
• 3 % of all 3 year old have
severe tantrums
• 10 % of all parents of children
2-5 years ask for help with
behavior problems
• Anti-social behavior accounts
for 30-40% of referrals to child
mental health services
8. What has changed?
Fast paced lives, consumerism and social change.....
• Pressure to buy “stuff”
• Parenting competition
• Social alienation
• Less home time
• Less human interaction
• More virtual worlds
• More curriculum driven education
9. What has disappeared?
• Gentle touch and games
• Story time
• Being “present” not just in the room
• Playing real hands on games
• Games in the car
• Human conversation with real people
• Simple toys that don’t cost money
• Less parent direction
10. What mothers want?
A) To know how to parent C) Support without stigma
B) Help earlier & at key D) To know they are not alone
stages
11. Terrifying Truth
• I am the decisive element in the life of a child.
• I create so many souls like me.
• I have tremendous power to make a child’s life joyous or
miserable.
• I can be an agent of change.
• Pakistan can become a better or worse place because of
me.
• My Mission Correlates with that of the PROPHETS.
17. Parenting Styles and Outcomes
We know that the way children are
parented when they are young
influences the type of people they
become.
How?
Why?
18. Authoritarian:
Limits without Freedom
Definition:
Parents’ word is law, parents have absolute
control.
• Misconduct is punished
• Affection and praise are rarely give
• Parents try to control children's’ behavior and attitudes
• They value unquestioned obedience
• Children are told what to do, how to do it, and where to
do it, and when to do it.
19. Outcomes of Authoritarian Style
َ ِ َ
ولو كنت فظا غليظ القلب لنفضوا منْ حوْلك
ِ ّ َ ْ َ ِ َْ ْ َ َِ ّ َ َ ُْ ْ ََ
•Obedient
•Distrustful
فاعف عنهم واستغفر لهم وشاورهم في
ِ ْ ُ ْ ِ َ َ ْ ُ َ ْ ِ ْ َْ َ ْ ُ َْ ُ ْ َ
•Discontent
ِ ال َمر
ْ ْ
•Withdrawn (Ale-Imran: 109)
•Children are often prevented
•Unhappy
from making a conscious
•Hostile choice about particular
•Not High Achievers behavior because they are
•Often Rebel overly concerned about what
their parents will do.
20. Permissive:
Freedom without limits
Definition:
Parents allow their children to do their own
thing.
• Little respect for order and routine.
• Parents make few demands on children.
• Impatience is hidden.
• Discipline is lax
• Parents are resources rather than standard makers
• Rarely punish
• Non controlling, non-demanding
• Usually warm
• Children walk all over the parents
21. Outcome of Permissive Parenting
•Aggressive •Children from permissive
homes receive so little
•Least self— guidance that they often
reliant become uncertain and
anxious about whether
•Least self- they are doing the right
controlled thing.
•Least
exploratory
•Most unhappy
22. Authoritative:
Freedom within limits.
Definition:
Middle ground between the two above
• Stress freedom along with rights of others and responsibilities of
all
• Parents set limits and enforce rules
• Willing to listen receptively to child’s requests and questions.
• Both loves and limits
• Children contribute to discussion of issues and make some of
their own decisions
• Exert firm control when necessary, but explain reasoning behind
it.
• Respect children’s interest, opinions, unique personalities.
• Loving, consistent, demanding
• Combine control with encouragement
• Reasonable expectations and realistic standards.
23. Outcomes of Authoritative Style
) ا د ع إِ ل ى س بي ل ر ب ك با ل ح ك مَ ة وا ل م و ع ظَ ة ا ل ح س نةal-Nahl: 125(ِ
ََ َ ْ ِ ِ ْ َ ْ َ ِ ْ ِ ْ ِ َ َّ ِ َِ ٰ َ ُ ْ
•Happy
•Mostly self-reliant
•Mostly self-
controlled •Children, learn how to
•Content, friendly, formulate goals. They also
generous experience the satisfaction
that comes from meeting
•Cooperative responsibilities and achieving
•High-achiever‘ success.
24. What influences a parent’s choice of parenting
style?
1. The way their parents raised them.
2. The family structure, whether it’s a nuclear family, step-
family, single-parent family, extended family, one or
both parents work outside the home, etc.
3. Ethnic background
4. Individual parenting skills and knowledge
25. Parenting styles……
Fathers: Mothers:
Gentle with children; plays
Roughhouses with children; plays
quieter
louder
Encourage equity
Encourage competition
Simplifies words and talks on
Do not modify language for the
child’s level
child’s sake
Talk is more descriptive,
Talk is brief, direct, and to the point,
personal, expressive of feelings,
with subtle body language and facial
and verbally encouraging
expressions
Help protect children from the
Help children prepare for harshness
real world
and reality of the real world
26. Parenting styles……
Fathers: Mothers:
Model traits of men and how to treat Model traits of women and
women how to treat men
Encourage children to take chances, Encourages caution and
push limits protection of self
Stress justice, fairness, and duty Stress sympathy, care, and
Encourages independence from help
family Encourages security in the
Teaches a sense of right and wrong family
with discipline Teaches a sense of
hopefulness with discipline
27. 1. Children learn about our values through daily
interactions with us.
2. Children learn through our example.
3. Children learn through the values we strive toward.
4. Children learn values through the way we do things as
a class team.
5. Children learn values and beliefs through their
exposure to the larger world.
6. Children learn values through our explanations of the
world.
28. Understand your child
• Need to belong
• Seek Attention
• Sharp Observation
• Reaction to obstacles
There is a mass of research to demonstrate
that the more touch a child gets in
childhood, the calmer and less fearful he is
likely to be in adulthood....
29. Link child to Allah Ta’ala
ٌ ُ َ َ ْ
و إِذ قال لقمان لبْنه وهو يعظه يا بني ل تشركْ ِ ۖه إِن الشّرك لظلْم
ّ ِ َ ْ َ َ ُ ْ َ ُ ِ ِ ِ َ ُ َ َ ِ ُ ُ َ ُ َ ّ َ ُ ْ ِ بالل
ّ
ٌعَظيم
ِ
(Luqman: 13)
• Raise according to Quran and Sunnah
• Be right role model
• Provide Islamic environment
• Paint right picture of Allah Ta’ala
• Stories of Rasulillah (SAW) and Sahabah
• Ultimate Authority is Allah Ta’ala
30. Family time…..Each day
•Dads spend 8 minutes,
•Working mothers spend 11 minutes,
•Stay-at-home moms spend less than 30 minutes
Nearly 20 percent of students in grades 6 through 12
report that they have not had a 10-minute conversation
with at least one of their parents in more than a month.
31. Teach them respect
‘The one who does not have mercy on our younger ones,
and does not show respect to elders is not from among
us. ‘ (Bukhari)
• Respect vs Disrespect
• Role Model respect
• Polite manners
32. Activity
• In groups of three or four discuss the story
that you face the most.
• Write Solutions for them.
• Pass them to other group and read each
others solutions.
33. Some Situations?
1. Ahmed is throwing a ball in the living room and knocks over a
lamp.
1. Amna is throwing sand at the other kids in the playland.
2. Your three children are bickering in the backseat while you are
driving to Lahore on Motorway.
3. Hassan, creates disturbance while praying and humiliates his
sister by giggling loudly.
4. Fatima keeps forgetting to take her lunch money to school. You
are always having to remind her to do it or take it to her at
school.
34. More Situations?
6. Fahad won’t come in the house when you call him for dinner.
6. Sadia takes her brother’s money and lies to you.
7. Your teenager keeps the car out past the agreed time.
8. Bilal refuses to do his homework.
9. Saad leaves his dirty clothes on the floor instead of putting
them in the hamper where they are supposed to go.
