This is a guide to writing your own user manual. Cunning Minx from http://polyweekly.com/ teaches this and because I believe it is so beneficial I wrote about it: http://desire.guru/why-is-there-no-manual-for-you/. After a conversation with Minx at Catalyst Con, I decided to put this slide show together.

2. Why write your own user manual?
Self-Examination:
Who are you and who do you want to be?
What are your needs, wants and desires?
What are your patterns?
Where are you still run by paradigms from childhood and adolescence?
Where is old hurt or trauma holding parts of yourself hostage?
How do you want to be handled in situations of high intensity?
Introducing Yourself Authentically and Vulnerably
No better ways to allow someone else to see you than to be completely open, authentic and
vulnerable.
Build deep intimacy from the start
Put up warning signs on some of your emotional landmines

3. Why Is It So Hard?
We don’t know:
We are untrained in paying attention to our thoughts and feelings
We are unwilling to look at the perceived “messiness” that goes on inside of us
We don’t want to take responsibility for our own thoughts, feelings and actions and rather blame
circumstance, others or ourselves
We don’t want to share:
We fear being seen because
Sharing feelings can be seen as weak and can open us up to pain
Opening ourselves and show ourselves fully can lead to dislike or rejection

4. #1 Background And History
Where are you coming from?
Where you are coming from
Who are the people that are important to you (particularly family)
Who are you today and why?
Who are the people that influenced you the most
What experiences shaped you
Are there any big landmines in your past?
Did you experience trauma in your childhood that still affects you
Are there any strong beliefs that set your emotions off when challenged
Talk about what happened and how it affected you

5. #2 Emotional Information And Requests
How do you want to be dealt with when you are highly emotional?
What sets you or your high intensity emotions off
How do you want others to respond to you in that
How do you usually feel?
What’s the most common emotional state for you and why
When it changes suddenly, why
How do you want to feel?
If you had free choice, which 3 emotion would you like to feel most of the time
How can the people in your life support you in that
Why do you want to feels these 3 emotions most of the time

6. #3 Flirting With Me
What excites you?
What are your favorite pastimes or hobbies and why
Who do you like spending time with and why
What kind of places to you like to go and why
Where do you like to go?
Are there places you prefer and why
Is there anything else that you love?
Who are the people you admire and why
What do you like to talk / geek out / nerd out about

7. #4 My Thoughts About Sex
What are you beliefs about sex?
What is the meaning you assign to having sex
What do you consider a sexual interaction
What is good sex vs bad sex to you?
Did you ever have really good or really bad experiences and what made it so
What are your preferences in sexual interactions
Is there anything else that needs mention here?
What is your gender identity or sexual orientation
Under what circumstance (type of relationship, etc.) do you feel like having sex
Do you have any kinks or fetishes

8. #5 My Sexual Turnons
What kind of mindframe do you need to be in to have sex?
How can others support you to get to that space
What things do you need to avoid to stay in that space
What gets you all hot and bothered?
What is your main sexual fantasy and what about it gets you hot
What can someone do to get you all tingly (that works most of the time)
What are your erogenous zones and how do you like them to be stimulated
What particular kinds of interactions turn you on?
What are your verbal / kinesthetic / olfactory / gustatory sex triggers
How do you like to play with others in your kinks or fetishes

9. #6 My Turnoffs
What are your overall turnoffs?
What are your taboos and no-gos
What do people do, that has you wanting to distance yourself immediately
What are your sexual turnoffs?
What verbal / kinesthetic / olfactory / gustatory interactions turn you off
What feeling inside your body is a turnoff and how can others avoid triggering it
What interactions do you need and you are turned off when you don’t get them
What are your boundaries?
What are the boundaries that make you diconnect from others when crossed
Where will you not compromise?

10. created by:
Falk Schwiefert
http://desire.guru/
falk@desire.guru
idea: cunning minx from http://polyweekly.com/ (cunningminx@gmail.com)
pictures: random google finds