Emotional intelligence and difficult conversations

Supervisory Training Series: Communication & Self Management
Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542
February 2016
kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu
413-597-3542
Manager, Training and Development
Office of Human Resources
Presented by Kevin R. Thomas
Supervisory Training Series
Emotional Intelligence
Difficult Conversations

1. Amygdala hijack
2. Symbolic Threats
3. The fight/flight reaction
4. Reactivating your cerebral cortext
5. Stress management
Basics of Emotional Intelligence

• Brain is highly attuned to
threats
• Oxygen goes from brain to
the limbs
• We will not be at our best.
• We are likely to trigger the
other person’s “amygdala
hijack”.
The Amygdala Hijack

• Threats to sense of self:
– Losing face.
– Feeling criticized.
– Feeling dominated
or controlled.
– Survival fears
connected with fear
of loss of job.
Symbolic Threats

Fight or Flight
FightFlight
Acted out
Suppressed
Quitting
Hitting
someon
e
Sending
an angry
email
Sarcastic
comment
s
“Whatever
you say”
Fearful
silence
Angry
silence
Backbitin
g gossip
Pipe
dreams
about
leaving
Job
search
Slow
walkin
g
Chronic
lateness
Calling
in sick
Health
issues
Procrastinatio
n /
Performance
anxiety

• Postpone speeches and
emails
• Emotional labeling
• Moderating gestures and
tone
• Breathing
• Test for Physical Safety
• Ballroom to Balcony
• Ask: “What do I want?”
Reactivating Your Prefrontal Cortex
Emotional Intellignece

• High stress further
heightens the threat
response and makes it
harder to recover.
• Every supervisor should
have a stress
management plan.
• Resources are available,
more next month.
Stress Management

• Emotional Intelligence
Raymond Torrenti, Ph.D.
Thursday, April 7, 2016
9:00 a.m. – 4:30 p.m.
Griffin 3
Learn More!

1. Overview
2. Opening the conversation
3. Principles and Strategies
4. Solutions and follow up

Difficult Conversation Gone Wrong
What went wrong?
What strategies were
used?
How were emotions
handled?

Difficult Conversation Done Right
What was different?
What strategies were
used?
How did they handle
emotions?

You Write the Slide: What Kinds of
Conversations are Difficult?

You Write the Slide: Why Have them?

• Set a clearly defined goal for your conversation.
– Within your sphere of influence
– Beyond winning and losing
– Makes room for the other person’s
perspective
– Communicates support and respect.
Difficult Conversations: Know Your
Goal

• Think about your reservations about having a
certain conversation.
• Use it to create a contrasting statement.
• Format: “Not x. Instead, y.”
• Example: “I don’t want you to think this is all
your fault. I think it’s possible there were many
factors contributing to what happened.”
Contrasting Statements

Ladders of Inference
Becoming aware of
your ladder of
inference is
another way to
develop emotional
intelligence.

Ladder of Inference Example

• Share what has been going
on in your ladder of
inference.
• Guide an inquiry about their
ladder of inference.
• For now, don’t take issue
with their version.
• Get all the cards on the
table.
Shared Pool of Meaning

• Describe your current
relationship with the person.
• Describe your preferred working
relationship with the person.
• Ask how they see it.
• Work towards consensus
Preferred Working Relationship

• Make sure they know you
want them to succeed.
• Understand their path to
progress.
• Show the link between
work excellence and their
path to progress.
Communicating Support:
Understanding their Path to Progress
Difficult conversations

• Often people rush to solutions too quickly.
• Focus on small steps that could make
things a bit better.
• Ensure both parties are generating ideas.
• Make commitments clear and concrete.
• Schedule a time to check in about
progress.
Solutions focused conversations

• Role Play Exercise
Your Turn!

Emotional intelligence and difficult conversations

Empfohlen

Empfohlen

Weitere ähnliche Inhalte

Andere mochten auch

Andere mochten auch (18)

Mehr von eph-hr

Mehr von eph-hr (20)

Kürzlich hochgeladen

Kürzlich hochgeladen (20)

Emotional intelligence and difficult conversations