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77 Hilarious Accounting Jokes

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As summer winds down and everyone starts bracing themselves for another tax season, Email Stopwatch (http://emailstopwatch.com) has got a way to keep things fun in your firm... prepare yourself for the top 77 best accounting jokes.

Warning: this list contains 77 very NERDY jokes. Do not share this article with any non-accountants because they will roll their eyes and make fun of you…

This list includes tax jokes, accountant jokes, jokes about accounting, actuary jokes and humor that will have you rolling on the floor.

Veröffentlicht in: Unterhaltung & Humor
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77 Hilarious Accounting Jokes

  1. 1. 77 JOKES FOR ACCOUNTANTS Courtesy of Email Stopwatch www.emailstopwatch.com
  2. 2. This presentation was put together by Email Stopwatch • Go to http://emailstopwatch.com to learn more
  3. 3. To share a joke on Twitter just click the bird (on the following pages)
  4. 4. How does an accountant stay out of debt? He learns to act his wage. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  5. 5. Did you hear about the blonde Management Accountant? She went to see her fitness trainer to talk about stretch targets. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  6. 6. What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t? Depreciation. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  7. 7. Why do economists exist? So accountants have someone to laugh at. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  8. 8. There are just two rules for creating a successful accountancy business: 1. Don't tell them everything you know. 2. [Redacted] Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  9. 9. What does an accountant say when you ask him the time? It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait 13 seconds, no wait 14 seconds, no wait...... Click the bird to share these jokes on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  10. 10. Why was the accountant so excited that he completed a jigsaw puzzle in only 59 weeks? Because on the box it said 8-12 Years. Click the bird to share these jokes on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  11. 11. What's an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  12. 12. What does an accountant say when boarding a train? 'Mind the GAAP'. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  13. 13. It's 4:04. Do you know where your auditor is? Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  14. 14. What is the definition of "accountant"? Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  15. 15. How do you know when an accountant is on holiday? He doesn't wear a tie and comes in after 8am! Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  16. 16. What's grey and not there? An accountant on vacation. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  17. 17. When does a person decide to become an accountant? When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker. Click the bird to share these jokes on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  18. 18. Why do accountants make good lovers? They're great with figures Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  19. 19. Be audit you can be. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  20. 20. What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? Invite an accountant. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  21. 21. What is the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  22. 22. An accountant goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner shows him three parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left costs $500." "Why does that parrot cost so much?" asks the accountant. "Well," replies the owner, "it knows how to do complex audits." "How much does the middle parrot cost?" asks the accountant.” "That one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the first one can do, plus it knows how to prepare financial forecasts." The startled accountant asks about the third parrot, to be told it costs $4,000. Needless to say, this begs the question, "What can it do?" to which the owner replies "To be honest, I've never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner." Click the bird to share these jokes on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  23. 23. A woman went to the doctor who told her she only had 6 months to live. "Oh my God!" said the woman. "What shall I do?" "Marry an accountant," suggested the doctor. "Why?" asked the woman. "Will that make me live longer?" "No," replied the doctor. "But it will SEEM longer." Click the bird to share these jokes on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  24. 24. Why did the cannibal accountant get disciplined? For buttering up her clients. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  25. 25. Why don’t accountants read novels? Because the only numbers in them are page numbers. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  26. 26. It's accrual world. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  27. 27. What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? The accountant knows he's boring. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  28. 28. Did you hear about the fraudulent Irish Finance Director? He burned his office down trying to cook the books. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  29. 29. What's an accountant's favourite book? 50 Shades of Grey. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  30. 30. What music is played at a financial accountant's funeral? The Last Post. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  31. 31. What do you call an accountant who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? Lazy. Click the bird to share these jokes on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  32. 32. Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries? They find bookkeeping too exciting. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  33. 33. Did you hear about the cannibal CPA? She charges an arm and a leg. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  34. 34. Have you heard the joke about the interesting accountant? No. Me neither. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  35. 35. What do you call an accountant who says he's posted a one-sided journal? A liar!! Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  36. 36. Did you hear about the constipated CFO? He couldn't budget with his calculator so he had to work it out with a pencil and paper. Click the bird to share these jokes on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  37. 37. What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? Lost. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  38. 38. How do you drive an accountant completely insane? Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold a road map the wrong way. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  39. 39. Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  40. 40. Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical? They have strong internal controls. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  41. 41. Why do accountants get excited on weekends? Because they can wear casual clothes to work. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  42. 42. Why don't old accountants die? They just lose their balance! Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  43. 43. Why did the accountant stare at his glass of orange juice for three hours? Because on the box it said Concentrate. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  44. 44. What's an actuary? An accountant without the sense of humour. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  45. 45. What do accountants do for fun? Add the telephone book! Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  46. 46. If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say? "Darling, could you tell me about your work." Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  47. 47. Why was the accountant in rehab? Solvency abuse. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  48. 48. What's grey on the inside and red on the outside? An accountant turned inside out. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  49. 49. How do accountants make a bold fashion statement? Wear their dark grey socks instead of the light grey. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  50. 50. How does an accountant trash her hotel room? By refusing to fill in the Guest Comment Card. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  51. 51. There are 3 types of accountants. Those who can count and those who can't. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  52. 52. What's grey has 6 legs, 2 arms and is twenty feet tall? An accountant riding an elephant. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  53. 53. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  54. 54. What do you call an accountant without a calculator? Lonely. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  55. 55. How was copper wire invented? 2 accountants were arguing over a penny. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  56. 56. An accountancy student asks a partner to explain ethics in accountancy. The partner thinks for a moment and relates the following. 'Mr Jones, one of our clients, came to see me last week and paid me his bill of $1,000 in cash. As he left I counted the notes and they came to $1,100.’ The student said, ‘I see. The ethics question is do I tell the client?' 'Wrong answer! Click the bird to share these The question is do I tell my partner' jokes on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  57. 57. Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  58. 58. What do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone? Popular Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  59. 59. How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft? When he actually listens to marketing before saying no. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  60. 60. An economist is someone who didn't have enough personality to become an accountant. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  61. 61. Why did the auditor get run over crossing the road? Auditors never do the risk assessment well until after the accident. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  62. 62. Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two's hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, "What is this?" Accountant number one replies, "it's that $50 I owe you." Click the bird to share these jokes on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  63. 63. How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? How much money do you have? Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  64. 64. What does CPA stand for? Can't Pass Again. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  65. 65. How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh? Net Present Value. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  66. 66. What do you call a trial balance that doesn't balance? A late night. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  67. 67. An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" "That's the problem I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it." Click the bird to share these jokes on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  68. 68. A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Want to hear an accountant joke?" The guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I'm 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, and I'm an accountant. And the guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, 225 pounds, and he's an accountant. Now, do you still want to tell that joke?" The first guy says, "No, I don't want to have to explain it two times." Click the bird to share these jokes on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  69. 69. Budget: An orderly system for living beyond your means. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  70. 70. What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  71. 71. What did the accountant say when he got a blank check on pay day? My deductions have finally caught up with my salary. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  72. 72. Did you hear about the shy and retiring accountant? He’s $1 million shy and hence retiring. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  73. 73. A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an accountant. Her friend asks, "Didn't your company hire an accountant a short while ago?" The business owner replies, "That's the accountant I've been searching for." Click the bird to share these jokes on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  74. 74. Accounting for Dummies. What's the big deal? Cr. Cash Dr. Dummies. Simple. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  75. 75. Accountants don’t die, they get derecognized. Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  76. 76. Four Laws of Accounting: 1. Trial balances don't. 2. Bank reconciliations never do. 3. Working capital does not. 4. Return on investments never will. Click the bird to share these jokes on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  77. 77. An accountant is reading nursery rhymes to her young child. When she is finished, she answers her son’s question: "No, son. When Little Bo Peep lost her sheep that wouldn't be tax deductible — but I like your thinking.” Click the bird to share these jokes on Twitter
  78. 78. Why did the accountant start smoking? So he can deduct cigarettes from his income tax. Called it loss by fire. Click the bird to share these jokes on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  79. 79. A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: "Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary." When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: "Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen year old boy toy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely appreciate that l8 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18." Click the bird to share these jokes on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  80. 80. An accountant visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor: "This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old". "Where did you get this exact information?" "I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old.” Click the bird to share these jokes on Twitter http://emailstopwatch.com
  81. 81. Contact Us Email Stopwatch Laura Berthiaume 647.909.9501 laura@emailstopwatch.com Click the bird to share these jokes on Twitter

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