1. Why NOTTo Do a Startup ⌠because You Will FAIL, Loser. Dave McClure 500startups.com International Startup Festival Montreal â July 2011 @DaveMcClure
2. #1: Yer a WANTrepreneur. Youâre in this for all the Wrong reasons: You think itâs âSo Fucking Coolâ to do a startup You want to make LOTS of Money. You have Teh AwesomeTechnology Solution. The Right Reasons: You Live in Fear. You Canât Get Laid. Something has been PISSING you off FOREVER. YOU ARE PASSIONATEABOUT [SOLVING] A [CUSTOMER] PROBLEM
3. #2: You are a FAT and LAZY SLOB Youâve worked at Microsoft for >5 yrs. You Drive a Nice Car & Itâs Paid For. You Live in a Big House. You Donât Worry About Paying Bills. You Want to Kiss The KidsGoodnight. You Your Spouse > Your Startup. tip: Doing a Startup is a Lesson in Pain & Sacrifice.
4. #3: You Have a BUSINESS PLAN,But No Product and No Customers. Bullshit Revenue Projection -----> (up & to the right) See: âStartup Metrics for Piratesâ
5. #4: Your Idea SUCKS(and even your Mom thinks so) You Donât Have a Working Prototype. Worse: Have Prototype, But No One Uses It. It Sucks a Lot More than the Competition. See: âLean Startup (Ries) & Customer Development (Blank)â
6. #5: You Have Teh Awesome SOLUTIONâŚto a PROBLEM that does not exist. See: âYour Solution Is Not My Problemâ
7. #6: Youâre a LOSER, not a LEADER. You Procrastinate. A Lot. Youâre not Charismatic. You Get Beaten [Up] Regularly. Your Vision is usually Wrong. Youâre Scared of Change. When Other People Tell You That Youâre Wrong, You Believe Them. âŚand youâre Uglytoo, bitch. Watch: âKick-Assâ or âGleeâ
8. #7: Your Pitch Sucks & You Wonât Raise Money (or SuperAngelsCollude to Screw You Over) 50 slides in your deck Technical Jargon Demo FAIL Clueless Investors EVIL Investors See: âHow To Pitch a VCâ
9. #8: Your Team Sucks, and You Have No Idea How to Hire (or Fire). No Technical Founders / Coders No Design / UX / Usability No Internet Mktg (Search, Social) No Mobileexpertise No Enterprise Sales / Biz Dev No Recruiter, or They Suck⌠Bad.
10. #9: CoFounders& Employees =Whiners. You WILL miss a payroll. Someone WILL eat last slice of pizza. There WILL be Office Politics. People WILL discover and compare salary & stock options. Someone WILL sueyer ass: Sexual Harassment Wrongful Termination Unhappy Customer Jealous Competitor
11. #10: You Canât Sell or Market 4 Shit. You Donât Know Marketing. You Think Marketing = TechCrunch. You Donât Know What SEO stands for. You Think SEM = SEO. You Donât Know or Use Social Platforms (Facebook, Twitter, YouTube). Youâve never built Facebook or iPhone App, or a Social Game. Youâve never sent an email campaign, written a blog post, or run an affiliate marketing campaign. See: âStartup-Marketing.com (Ellis)â
12. #11: Youâd Rather Change the Channel Than Change The World. Wouldnât you rather watch GLEE or Monday Night Football? Sure you would, Loser. Just relaaaaaxxxxxx. Fuck. That. Noise.