Smart Families Newsletter

1. Comprised by Dr. Krystal White,
THINGS EVERY PARENT HEALTHY FAMILY pediatric psychologist, Landstuhl
SHOULD KNOW BECOMING “SMART” HABITS Regional Medical Center
PLAYING makes kids SMART!
Genetics plays a large role in creating for your child’s
Interact with your kid, play with learning potential. What parents do raising a child can help
him (her), and make him feel maximize potential. This is a GUIDELINE for Helping your
loved – Scientists observed that Family LOVE learning and ACHIEVE their goals
babies who were not cuddled,
played with and loved have
stunted brain growth. They also Your baby’s brain is being shaped as she is growing up –
observed that babies who were starting from her first days of life. Her brain consists of a
not held and did not receive hundred billion brain cells called neurons. These neurons
attention failed to grow, became interconnect with one another, like roads and bridges.
depressed, and eventually
died. On the other hand, many The formation of these connections are triggered when your
studies have shown that loving, baby is exposed to an environment that is rich with colors,
hugging, interacting and playing sounds, smells, movement, as well as your touch. The simple act
with your child all have has a of talking to your baby, rocking her to sleep, wiggling her
strong effect on developing his fingers, and wrapping her in fresh-smelling clothes actually
intelligence. The loving builds your baby’s brain. Introducing your baby to a rich
connection formed between you environment that builds her brain is called infant stimulation.
and your kid and your one-on-
one interaction with him STIMULATION can continue throughout life. Parents can help
provide the foundation for his their child be STIMULATED by interacting with them, by
higher thinking skills. exposing them to activities where they inherently learn and
practice new skills (e.g. trips, social groups, exercise), and by
Play with your child---meaning helping them learn from mistakes and bad decisions.
both of you are HAVING FUN!
Together---without SCREENS, at A main goal of parenting is not just to be “smart” and get good
least 5 days a week for 20 grades, but raise a child who is SEEKING growth and LEARNING
minutes at a time. THIS BUILDS from his or her decisions.
your child’s BRAIN power!
For 0-6 months: Dance with
your baby; Baby Massage; Your model MATTERS!
Give your 3 to 6 month old
baby objects to explore by
touch: safe household objects
such as nonfuzzy clothes, School age children spend 70% of their waking hours (including
plastic cups, keys weekends and holidays) outside of school.
6 months -1 year let your baby
bang away with objects that The most consistent predictors of children’s academic
make a banging noise: pots achievement and social adjustment BESIDES PARENT
and pans, blocks; play with ACHIEVEMENT are parent expectations of the child’s academic
pop-up toys attainment and satisfaction with their child’s education at
Toddlers, Memory Games; school.
Blowing Bubbles, Make Leggo
Creations Parents of high-achieving students set higher standards for
School Age; Board Games, one their children’s educational activities than parents of low-
on one time with a parent, achieving students.
walks, hikes or bike rides.

2. We DO imitate GOOD behavior. For kids to love learning, they need to see their parents learning,
liking to read, enjoying hobbies, going to school, or valuing PERSISTENCE through challenging goals
(e.g. losing weight, training for a marathon, volunteering, giving blood). Children do better in school
when they know that their parents care what they are learning and doing.
What parents can do to maximize learning:
Families whose children are doing well in school exhibit the following characteristics:
Establish a daily family routine. Examples: Providing a SPECIFIC time and SUPERVISED place to
study (e.g. kitchen table), assigning responsibility for household chores, being firm about bedtime
and having dinner together.
Encourage your kid to exercise - Physical exercise does not only make your kid strong, but it also
makes your kid smart! Exercise increases the flow of blood to the brain and builds new brain cells.
Exercise is good for adults' mental sharpness, but it has a more long-lasting effect on your kid’s still
developing brain.
Limit your kid’s TV viewing – Your child should not be watching TV before age 2, and only 30
minutes until he or she starts school, and one hour after that. TV viewing is related to a number of
negative behaviors (inattention, sleep disruption, aggression and obesity). MOST IMPORTANTLY:
Letting your kid watch too much TV takes him away from doing activities that are more important
to his developing brain, like playing, being creative, socializing and reading books. Limit use of new
technology. When your child devotes too much time in addictive video games, social networking,
and watching TV or video, he is not engaged in learning or exercising his brains through complex
thinking.
Encourage reading, writing, and discussions among family members. For example, writing
postcards to family members, having a family reunion on a yearly basis, sending care packages.
Having a family “reading hour” once a week where the goal is to have the whole house announce
what each member is reading, and then talking about it over dinner that night. Members can read
fiction, magazines, articles, how to manuals, etc.
Clearly make GOALS for your child. Work on one goal at a time. For example: 1) to toilet train, 2) to
learn to ride a bike 3) to perform at a music recital 4) raise money for a charity 5) walk 5
volksmarches or run a mile or 5K. It is less about WHAT you make as a goal, but HOW. Make a sign
that says what your goal is, and when you hope to make it. Note and celebrate progress.
Encourage children's development/ progress in school. Examples: Showing interest in children's
progress at school, showing interest in school activities, discussing the value of a good education

3. and possible career options, staying in touch with teachers and school staff. Decades of research
show that when parents are involved in their child’s education, they have grades, test scores, and
graduation rates
1. Better school attendance
2. Increased motivation, better self-esteem
3. Lower rates of suspension
4. Decreased use of drugs and alcohol
5. Fewer instances of violent behavior
Great Ways to Help your Kids learn how to Problem Solve
If you are always giving your kids answers, they will never learn how to problem solve for
themselves. The best way to develop critical thinkers (SMART KIDS!) is to ASK QUESTIONS.
Some Ideas are:
When your child is doing something that he’s been told not to do repeatedly, ask “why would I NOT
want you to burp at the dinner table?” See if he truly understands why.
Play the Good Time/Not a Good time game. Ask her “if you want to go outside and play but it is
dark, it is a good time or not a good time?” “If you are driving is it a good time or not a good time to
read a book?” “If mom is on the phone or helping your brother with homework, is it a good time or
not a good time to ask for a snack?” Then, when she interrupts you on the phone, or wants to open a
gift right away, ask “good time? Or bad time?”
Also…the question “what can you do while you wait?” this generates kids to come up with their
OWN SOLUTIONS, and entertain themselves, and be more happy that they can’t have what they
want, when they want it. When kids simply can’t find something to do, it’s usually because:
1. They're so used to screen entertainment that they aren’t practiced at looking inside
themselves for direction.
2. Their time is always so structured that they aren’t used to finding fun things to do with their
“free time.”
3. They need some parental attention. All kids need to check in with their parents for refueling
during the course of the day.
EMOTIONAL PROBLEM SOLVING: Talk about your own life and feelings and experiences and
thoughts. “Mom is so mad when there is traffic and we are late!” Once you start labeling your
feelings, follow up on “what are some ways I can make myself feel better?” One great question is to
ask “how do you think she/he/I feels?” Point to a picture in a book, or if a child has made a mistake
(e.g. hit another child) and ask “how does this make her feel?” Another good question, for example

4. when a child does not meet a CLEAR expectation, is to say “if Dad didn’t get
up in time to be at work when he needed, what would his boss say?” “What Moms and
happens to me if you don’t do your chore?” These questions get the kid to Dads are the
consider the impact of his behaviors and decisions on others. best teachers
of their
children!
Ideas about how to have a smart toddler
Birth to 2 Years
READ TO YOUR TODDLER NIGHTLY!
Talk to your baby! Sound
Learning to read begins in early infancy. So start early! WHY? Everything
out sounds “ma,” “da,” and takes practice. When you read to your one year old, sure, he might not
“ba.” And make eye "understand" or sit still. But you are exposing him to looking at the book,
contact, and change your seeing pictures, paying attention, and learning words...all skills that TAKE
pitch and tone. PRACTICE. Reading picture books is important at this age because your
child will begin to make connections between what she's looking at and
your words. Kids with parents whom read to them tend to behave better in
Talk as you bathe, feed,
school and have an easier time communicating than those that don’t. These
and dress your baby. Talk are skills that teachers like as well!
about what you are doing,
where you are going, what HOW TO READ TO YOUR Baby/Toddler:
you will do when you
arrive, and who and what Pick Picture Books, and MAKE THEM BIG! Your baby will want to hold it,
you will see. turn the pages and the pictures are easier for baby to see.
Teach
Point out the pictures. While you read to your baby, point to the picture,
your baby to imitate your
even if it's the only thing on the page.
actions, including clapping
you hands, throwing Read with ENERGY. The more animated you are as you read, the more you
kisses, and playing finger will entice and engage your baby.
games such as pat-a-cake,
peek-a-boo, and the itsy- The best time to read to your toddler is before bed, when he is tired and more
bitsy-spider. conducive to looking at the pictures
Identify colors.
READ every night. The more you do it, the easier it will become on baby and
Count items. you and the less resistance you will find.
POINT FROM THE EXPERTS: You can tell your baby stories instead of
relying on a book as a form of entertainment. However, the act of reading —
looking at and making sense of words and pictures — is a specific skill that
requires practice. Going to the library and bookstores, and letting your child
see you read, will encourage him to explore reading as he gets older.

5. In contrast to children who Use gestures such as waving goodbye to help convey meaning.
are praised for being smart, Introduce animal sounds to associate a sound with a specific
children who are encouraged meaning: “The doggie says woof-woof.”
for their effort come to
Read to your child. Sometimes “reading” is simply describing the
believe that intelligence is a
malleable quality that can be pictures in a book without following the written words. Choose
improved through hard work. books that are sturdy and have large colorful pictures that are not
These children feel that their too detailed. Ask your child, “What’s this?” and encourage naming
success is in their control and and pointing to familiar objects in the book.
therefore they are not 2 to 4 Years
thwarted by failure. They
Use good speech that is clear and simple for your child to model.
interpret failure merely as a
signal to try harder or do Repeat what your child says indicating that you understand. Build
things differently. In fact, and expand on what was said. “Want juice? I have juice. I have
children who are encouraged apple juice. Do you want apple juice?”
for their effort often are game Use baby talk only if needed to convey the message and when
to take on demanding tasks accompanied by the adult word. “It is time for din-din. We will
and work to develop new
have dinner now.”
strategies. In short, these
children tend to go at GROUP things. (by colors, shapes, toys, fruits).
challenges eagerly, persevere Play matching games
when the going gets tough, Ask questions that require a choice. “Do you want an apple or an
and show resilience after orange?” “Do you want to wear your red or blue shirt?”
failure. Expand vocabulary. Name body parts, and identify what you do
with them. “This is my nose. I can smell flowers, brownies,
So when you tell your
popcorn, and soap.”
children they’re smart, you’re
not doing them any favors. A Place familiar objects in a container. Have your child remove the
little “you’re such a smarty” object and tell you what it is called and how to use it. “This is my
here and there likely won’t do ball. I bounce it. I play with it.”
any lasting damage, but the Use photographs of familiar people and places, and retell what
key is to praise children for happened or make up a new story.
their effort, their hard work,
4 to 6 Years
their persistence, and their
strategies. Next time your son Make sure that you have your child’s attention before you speak.
comes home with an A, Pause after speaking. This gives your child a chance to continue
instead of telling him how the conversation.
smart he is, praise him for Talk about spatial relationships (first, middle, and last; right and
trying hard, ask him how he left) and opposites (up and down; on and off).
studied, or tell him he should
Play Reasoning Games: Offer a description or clues, and have your
take a tougher class next
semester. If he comes home child identify what you are describing: “We use it to sweep the
with a lower grade than floor” (a broom). “It is cold, sweet, and good for dessert. I like
expected, be honest. Don’t tell strawberry” (ice cream).
him that he deserved a better Help your child follow two- and three-step directions: “Go to your
grade because he is smart. room, and bring me your book.”
Instead, encourage him to
Encourage your child to give directions. Follow his or her
think through ways that he
could improve. directions as he or she explains how to build a tower of blocks.
Play PRETEND games with your child such as “house.” Exchange
FROM Gabrielle Principe, Ph.D., roles in the family, with you pretending to be the child. Talk about
author of Your Brain on the different rooms and furnishings in the house.
Childhood: The Unexpected Side
A DVD can serve as a valuable tool. PAUASE it and talk about what
Effects of Classrooms, Ballparks,
Family Rooms, and the Minivan the child is watching. Have him or her guess what might happen
(Prometheus, 2011). next. Talk about the characters. Are they happy or sad? Ask your

6. child to tell you what has happened in the story. Act out a scene together, and make up a different
ending.
Take advantage of daily activities. For example, while in the kitchen, encourage your child to name
the utensils needed. Discuss the foods on the menu, their color, texture, and taste. Where does the
food come from? Which foods do you like? Which do you dislike? Who will clean up? Emphasize the
use of prepositions by asking him or her to put the napkin on the table, in your lap, or under the
spoon. Identify who the napkin belongs to: “It is my napkin.” “It is Daddy’s.” “It is John’s.”
How to have a Smart School Age kid
Don’t Correct Homework! That can say “you’re effort isn’t good enough!” When we allow kids to
make mistakes, we show them we are CONFIDENT in their ability to learn. If you are always
CORRECTING, your child is most likely going to learn that learning ISN’T fun. Be aware of the
pressure to attempt to perfect your child’s work as a way to compete with other parents. Your
child’s science project may look like 8 year olds work, when another looks like an engineer’s work.
But it will be your child’s trophy of EFFORT.
Let them have free time to play with other kids! School age kids thrive when other children their
age and gender live nearby. Informal, unstructured social time is important to help your child learn
crucial problem solving skills.
Allow them to be bored. Parents often respond to kids’ boredom by providing structured activities
or technological entertainment. Unstructured time challenges kids to engage with themselves and
the world, to imagine and invent and create. Part of the job of a school age child is to learn what
types of things she likes, and how to manage their time. If they always have something “to do” this
learning won’t occur. It is easy to become addicted to screens. That's because electronics (Ipads,
phones, computers, game boys) are designed to produce little "dopamine" rewards in our brains as
we interact with them. But kids can, and WILL find other things that make them feel good once
good limits (only 30 minutes of screens a day!) are implemented AND enforced.
Embrace the motto “we try new things”. Whether it is a new meal, a new sport, a new holiday
destination, or a new way of cleaning the house, let your children know that you want to try new
things and discover things you previously did not know much about. This allows children to
PRACTICE FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE and tolerating accommodation.
Advocate for RECCESS! Research shows that East Asian elementary-schoolers, who outperform
American children on standardized tests, are given more recess breaks than American children.
Experimental work shows that children’s attention to tasks is better, not worse, following recess.
They fidget less and focus more after free play. Playful, non-structured breaks are especially
important in maximizing children’s performance. It is the unstructured nature of playful breaks that
serves to reduce the cognitive interference built up from earlier sustained periods of structured
classroom work. This is especially the case for younger children whose developing nervous systems
makes classroom tasks cognitively taxing. Their findings are compatible with what is known about
brain functioning: that attention requires periodic novelty, that the brain needs downtime to
recycle chemicals crucial for long-term memory formation, and that attention involves 90- to 110-
minute cyclical patterns throughout the day (Jensen, 1998). Unstructured physical play reduces

7. stress. The National Association for the Education of Young Children recommends unstructured
physical play as a developmentally appropriate means of reducing stress in children’s lives – and
studies show that stress has a negative impact on learning as well as on health. Outdoors, children
can engage in behaviors (loud, messy, and boisterous) considered unacceptable and annoying
indoors. And because recess is a break from structure and expectations, children have an
opportunity to take control of their world, which is a rarity in their lives
How to have a smart teenager
Don't take it personally when teens discount your experience or advice. Enlist the help of a slightly
older sibling, one of your friends, or an aunt to uncle or coach to give good advice to the teen if
needed.
Get teens involved in discussing their behavioral rules and consequences. Teens should take a more
active role in determining how they should behave. Their advanced reasoning skills make it easier
for them to generate realistic consequences for their actions. Listen to their ideas!
Provide opportunities for teens to participate in controlled risky behavior. Get teens involved in
properly supervised extreme sports, such as parachuting, or rock climbing. Such activities will allow
teens opportunities to play out their "it can't happen to me" mentality in an environment that won't
be too risky if they fail.
Provide opportunities for teens to get involved in community service. Teens want to become active
in things that have deeper meaning. Suggest they volunteer at a homeless shelter, walk dogs for the
animal shelter, or take meals to the elderly. Talk with them about their experiences.
Talk to teens about their views and be open to discussing your own. Find out what they think about
news stories on television or in the paper; ask them about their political and spiritual beliefs. Teens
are already thinking about these things so give them a non-threatening forum for discussing them.
Encourage involvement in multiple groups or activities both within school and after-school. Realize
that teens are trying to gain a sense of achievement-a sense of being uniquely good at something.
Don't get frustrated if they frequently change their minds. At the same time, encourage them to
stick with a project or activity long enough to establish some skills---at least 10 weeks.
Praise teens for their efforts as well as their abilities. This will help teens to stick with activities
instead of giving up if they are not immediately successful.
Help teens explore career goals and options. Take teens to work so they can see what adults do. Set
up opportunities for them to "job shadow" others. Ask them questions about their future career
goals. Remember that figuring out what they don't want to do is just as important as figuring out
what they like!
Establish rituals to mark significant passages. Few rituals in our modern society mark the passage
of teens to adulthood. Have a mother-daughter luncheon when the daughter gets her first period.
Have a father-son outing when the son begins to shave. Have a family celebration when the teen
moves from junior high to high school. Celebrate the teen's first driver's license and his or her
ability to vote.

8. Be aware of who your teens' friends are and what they are doing. Such parental monitoring should
not end when youth enter their teen years. Despite teens' objections, make sure you know who
their friends are and where they are going. Meet the parents of teens' friends. Provide fun things to
do at home to encourage teens to "hang out" at your house so you'll know where they are and what
they are doing.
Continue to provide a structured environment. Teens should be allowed to have more
independence, but not enough to place them in jeopardy. Despite their complaints, teens rely on
adults to provide them with the sense of safety and structure they need to deal effectively with all
the psychosocial tasks of adolescents.
A smart kid WITH you… may NOT be so smart with Friends
Our brains respond differently when we are with others.
1) The brain likes to “win” more when we are in social settings. The part associated with
rewards—the medial prefrontal cortex—goes off when we win with peers more than if we
win alone
2) We take more risks when we are in a group. And, this is important for parents or teachers of
teenagers…our brain is MORE influenced by others in youth. In studies at Temple University,
psychologists used functional magnetic resonance imaging scans on 40 teenagers and adults
to determine if there are differences in brain activity when adolescents are alone versus with
their friends .
They all played six-minute video driving game while in a brain scanner. Participants were given
cash prizes for completing the game in a certain time, but players had to make decisions about
stopping at yellow lights, and being delayed, or racing through yellow lights, which could result in a
faster time and a bigger prize, but also meant a higher risk for crashing and an even longer delay.
The children and adults played four rounds of the game while undergoing the brain scan. Half the
time they played alone, and half the time they were told that two same-sex friends who had
accompanied them to the study were watching the play in the next room.
Among adults and college students, there were no meaningful differences in risk taking, regardless
of whether friends were watching. But the young teenagers ran about 40 percent more yellow
lights and had 60 percent more crashes when they knew their friends were watching. And
notably, the regions of the brain associated with reward showed greater activity when they
were playing in view of their friends. It was as if the presence of friends, even in the next room,
prompted the brain’s reward system to drown out any warning signals about risk, tipping the
balance toward the reward.
The study results are borne out in real-world data that show teenagers have a much higher risk of car
accidents when other teenagers are in the car.
“All of us who have very good kids know they’ve done really dumb things when they’ve been with
their friends,” Dr. Steinberg said. “The lesson is that if you have a kid whom you think of as very
mature and able to exercise good judgment, based on your observations when he or she is alone or
with you, that doesn’t necessarily generalize to how he or she will behave in a group of
friends without adults around. Parents should be aware of that.”

9. Is your parenting style IMAGE obsessed? By Jim FAY, Love and Logic author
Many of today's parents are obsessed with the desire to create a perfect image for their kids. This perfect
image, or perfect life, is one in which their kids never have to face struggle, inconvenience, discomfort, or
disappointment. It is a life in which the child can be launched into adulthood with the best of credentials.
These kids look great on paper. Their high school and college diplomas show high grades even if they were
not earned. They lead a life where their mistakes are swept under the table. I have often heard these parents
say, "It's a competitive world out there and I want my kids to have every advantage. What they do when they
are young should not hold them back later."
These parents, in their zeal to protect their young, swoop down like jet-powered, attack helicopters on any
person or agency that might hold their children accountable for their actions. Armed with verbal smart
bombs, they are quick to blast away at anyone who sets high standards for behavior, morality, or
achievement. Declaring their child a victim is a favorite tactical maneuver designed to send school personnel
diving into the trenches for protection. Teachers and school administrators become worn down by this
constant barrage. As they give in to parental demands that their children not be held accountable, standards
are eroded and teachers gradually think, "What's the use?"
It is horribly disappointing to watch kids learn to blame others for their lack of success instead of
becoming people who reach goals through effort and determination.
All this has caused me to look back thirty years ago to the time when we first wrote about Helicopter Parents.
I now realize that those parents were relatively harmless compared to the modern-day version. I daily hear
about the "turbo jet-powered models" designed for deadly attack. Some of these parents are not satisfied
with protection, but even prefer to destroy the infrastructure of the very agencies that are dedicated to
helping their children grow into educated, moral human beings.
Now you tell me. Is it possible for children who have never had to stand on their own two feet, never had to
be responsible for their own actions, or never had to face and solve the smaller problems of childhood, to
have the tools to face the rigors of adult life in America? We all know the answer to that.
Can the young adult who gets that perfect job perform well enough to keep that job if his grades from school
were the result of teacher intimidation instead of vigorous study? The company who hires this person won't
be easily intimidated by parental pressure in the face of substandard performance.
A perfect image and perfect school transcript are poor substitutes for character and the attitude that
achievement comes through struggle and perseverance.
I have worked with many parents who have fallen into this trap. They all love their children. They all want
the best for them. They talk about how they don't want their kids to struggle like they did. They are prone to
rush to blame others for any lack of achievement on their children's part. These parents are willing to hold
others responsible for their children's actions. However, they are often willing to change their parenting
style once they see the crippling effects of this parenting style. Many of these parents have said to me, "I now
realize that even if I succeed in creating a perfect life for my kid, there is little chance that he/she can
maintain it without my help." YOUR CHILD CAN RISE TO THE TOP One very astute father once said to me,
"Jim, I've got it. There is a huge group of trophy kids growing up today who won’t have the character and
resilience to compete in the labor market. If my kid grows up knowing how to get what he wants through
struggle and character, he will be the one with the true advantage. He will stand head and shoulders above
the others because he has the tools to create his own perfect life. Now that I have learned that I can discipline
my child without losing his love, I have the courage to abandon my old crippling parenting style. The Love
and Logic approach to raising my kid will give all of us the tools it takes to make this happen."