7. All about me… Addie Nicole Bruyr The four years spent in high school were struggling, life changing, and a time of finding out who I am and who I want to be. I am not the same girl who walked across the stage at 8th grade promotion at Hesston Middle school. In that matter I am not even the same person I was back when I still went to Hesston High. The first step taken to finding my path was leaving Hesston High School at the first nine weeks of my freshman year and switching to Newton. I can honestly say, I like the newer more mature version of myself the best. As I grew older I learn more of whom I want to be seen as. Back in the days of middle school and my first year of high school, I let people choose who I was. But as I went though multiple life changing events each year, I learned to stand up for myself. Now as a senior I am more confident in who I am than I ever dreamed of becoming, and still to this day I am enduring more confidence. Freshmen year was by far the hardest year. Even though I was full of faith I sometimes believed I was a personal joke to God, nothing seemed to go right. The summer before high school I realized the girls I thought were my friends were a horrible choice of friends for the next few years was facing. Most of them party on weekend, and were known as the partiers. I did not want that name for myself, nor did I really believe that was right. Having been at a small school finding a new group would have been hard, and getting away from my friends would have been ever harder. I switching schools to save myself from that crowd. A few months after switching schools two guys from my youth group were suppose to take me home. Instead, they drove me out to the country and molested me. The feeling of lost and confusion took over my body. I knew I had to tell someone, but having to tell my mom that was truthfully the hardest thing I ever though possible, I ended up writing a note explaining what had happen. What made everything harder was one of the guys was my mom’s best friend’s son, he was also like a brother to me. Twenty days after that tragic event happen my Grandpa died. My body was still numb from all the medicine I had been given to stabilize me from the previous event. I still to this day remember being called out of seminar and seeing my youth leader waiting to take me to Hutchison, then when arriving to the hospice house and walking into his room and the nurse telling him I was there and seeing his feet kick. My mom and grandma left the room and left my granddad and I alone for a while. I got the last response from him and last hug before he turned into his vegetable state. In fact I saw him turn into that state, I was laying on his chest talking to him and hugging up and I felt him push me off and I sat down and he couldn’t even squeeze my hand. I left his side just for a few seconds to get my grandma, uncle and mom so they could be there. Even though he could do anything or talk I didn’t want to leave his side for long. I remember just sitting there letting him know grandma was taken care of. After his funeral I felt even more alone as if know one was there for me, even though everyone was but no one knew exactly how I felt. I had to learn how to take care of my problems myself, learn how to tell myself none of this was my fault. This was the year I became independent which was good for me. As being independent I had known one to tell me how to think, or how to act. I slowly became who I wanted to be and not the Addie people choose for me to be. I was amazed that summer when I looked back at the past year and I remember thinking wow maybe I have grown up. That was the summer I learned that no matter what you can not change the past, but you can make your future. The next school year I started off missing the second day of school for a court hearing. The feeling of anxiousness and sickness always took over my body, and I could never sit still for more then a few minuets. That happened more then once, in fact more then needed. Getting taken out of class for another court case was hard, my grades where lower then normal and my attitude about life in general was horrible, I at times were just ready to give up and not try anymore. A lot of the hearings keep being put off at the last minute; this went on all year and part of the following year. Each time I felt I was just in another world, just waiting to be let alone. I could not think straight or function; all I could do was just sit blankly thinking back to the night I that I got taken advantage of. What made healing hard for me to get though the past was my brother could not be there for me like I wanted him to. He had taken a job in China for a year, when I had needed him most. I could not even just give up a call whenever I wanted to, like I use to. I could not call him crying at midnight and have him rush home to help me out anymore.
8. That year I happened to grew closer to my sister not only because he was gone and I had no one else to turn to that knew me best, but also because I can trust her with all my secrets, and not feel ashamed of the past. Then close to my sixteenth birthday doctors discovered my thyroid was over 60 points off the charts, and I was in the 96th and 97th percent title of having depression and anxiety disorder. I was put on Knew medicines that were suppose to help me, but they just made me feel different, and as if something was mentally wrong with me, and an odd ball. I felt as if anyone knew I had to take medicine to keep be stable and healthy all my friends would turn against me. Once my friends found out I was surprised on how supported they were, they even reminded me to take it. I never realized until my friend Jeanne told me that without having medicine in me, I am a scary person and hard to talk to. After taking my new pills for a few months I started feeling normal again. After getting use to my medicine I was told to find my very first job. I applied at many place, and finding one took a while, but I got my first job at Dillons. Sophomore year I had to learn how to adapt to a new way of life, and learn how to live with the challenges life holds. I remembered everyday to be lucky I was alive, happy with the people around be and also having my life be lived the way I want it to be. For some reason over the summer I had separated myself from friends. Which may not seem good, but that helped me learn to be independent, and not relay on them as much. During the school year, I even changed friends multiple times. I wasn’t sure exactly who I wanted myself to be, or how I waned to be seen. I changed styles many times and change my personality of who I was almost monthly. Looking back I probably was just looking for more attention, and finding a way to make more friends. On top of finding who I wanted to be, I had my first car and I was driving back and fourth between Hesston and Newton daily. Same as changing who I was, I changed the types of guys I dated, but trusting them was hard still because of that pervious night that I will never forget. I still fell like every guy wants hurt me like the two guys had. I hardly trusted anyone and I wanted to just be loved. I was never home because I was always out with my new friend of the month and my grades had dropped to the worst they have ever been. My parents were scared I was turning into someone who they feared most, the person they did not want me to come, the person who they feared I would become if I transferred schools. The new “friends” I had a tendency to be the trouble makers, sometimes push the law. I was truly on the wrong path, and I needed to find the right one fast before it was to late, before I got into more trouble with my family, or possibly even with the law. Over the summer I went back to my old friends, who had helped me find the right path again, it was as if I was just lost on the winding roads of life. Life has many locks and many paths to take to find the right key for each lock. Sometimes finding the key is the hardest part, but that is what family and friends are for. Once the right key is found for that lock, a new lock is given for a new chapter of life. Everyone might find a key that seems to fit, but once turned realized the wrong key was picked up, then retrace te steps taken finding what went wrong. Maybe even finding the wrong winding path of life and get lost. But that happens to everyone in life at sometime, which is just a way of life, but remembers everything happens for some reason. I found out that, from the little girl I was at age fourteen to the women I am now. My personality has change tremendously and I am fully glad of the matter. I still get lost a lot on my path, or pick up the wrong key, but I am happy with who I am now, I still want to grow in life and still mature go to college and live the Addie I want to be.
18. My High School Past “Nothing is predestined: The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings” Ralph Blum once said. These high school years, I have had to leap over many hurtles to get to where I stand now. I will admit that I have slacked off and have lost a lot of focus. In addition, I have been through some big events to sidetrack me, but I have overcome them. Even though I have not always been the brightest girl in my class, I am proud to present my speech paper, an English final and a math test. Multiple Sclerosis is a chronic autoimmune disorder that effects how the human body functions. I ended receiving 412 points out of 450 points on the paper. Choosing a topic for my project was an obstacle of its own, but the deciding factor was that I wanted to learn more about a disease that runs in my dad’s side of the family. I was happy to see how well I did. My aunt and uncle who has M.S were also very proud of me. I did what I wanted to do which was informing other students about M.S. Not only did I understand more about this horrific disease, but also learned more about myself. For example if I set my mind to doing superior, and if I work hard, I can do achieve anything score I want on any project. One of my hardest topics has always been English. I rarely understand articles unless I am interested in the topic of the paper. This time with the book A Raisin in the Sun, I did not enjoy reading it, but the test was also our final, I scored a 93%. I had to go though many steps to get this done, reading the book, classroom discussions, homework, studying and slowing down and taking my time. The hardest part for me was taking my time on this project, I have always rushed though work to get it done, not caring how well I do. Mode okay that means the most frequently shown, and quartiles okay that is the sub-medians of the objects shown, I kept thinking like this to myself while taking the Data and Statistics Match test. I received a perfect score the only one in my class to do so. Not only did I just get an A plus, it was my first unit test, and I had to idea what to expect from Ms. Mitchell since it was the first test of the semester and I have never had her before. When we use to study Statistics in middle school and Algebra I, I never really understood it, until last year. During my pervious math classes, I always go odd and chance problems mixed up, along with also mixing up range, median, mode etc. Just like with my English final I learned the material, studied and went slow on the test to make sure all problems where correct and of course check all my work before handing in my test. I never though I would be able to receive a 100% on a test, let alone the math test, even if math was one of my favorite required subjects. My Grandpa who was a math teacher at Emporia would have been proud. The gateways of the past helped me become who I am today. I have had to leap over many hurtles, some at the same time, while juggling other life events. At times, I had to push hard in order to pass with a grade I was happy with because of the fact I slacked off a lot. I hated my attitude towards school my first few years with school work, but I have realized that I have to grow up. High school is my last step before going on to get my college degree. Without high school I wont of been as prepared for my ACT which is needed to get accepted into college. High school has forced me to learn not only what is required but that I need to do the work in order to survive later on in life.
20. Freshmen Year: Choir, School Musical, Youth Group, and FBLA. Sophomore Year: School Play, Youth Group, Cross Country Manger, and Track Manger. Junior Year: DECA, YEK, and Youth Group Senior Year: BPA, Choir, and Youth Group
